One of the greatest tools I have as a parent against the sex industry is to teach my children that it isn’t about laws, rules, or legalism but rather identity. People who do not know who they are will use their bodies for their worth and value. We aren’t just guarding our eyes but guarding the person who doesn’t know who they are. I often will say, “That is someone’s daughter,” or “No one taught him who he is,” and the kids have learned over time that sexual choices are rooted more in identity than in sexual behavior. Spiritual orphans use their flesh to feel worth and value. A Son and Daughter know their worth and value and can therefore manage their flesh accordingly. Don’t just read this and say AMEN. Go teach your children about it.


We are not called to manage God’s house. We are not managers. When leaders operate like managers, they will treat God’s house like a modern-day business. This breeds a confusing hurt more than anything. God wants His house to be stewarded by mothers and fathers who know His heart for His children. Orphan leadership – when leaders do not know who they are – causes leaders to operate out of the wrong kingdom. When a leader is leading through those orphan places, God often allows someone who has more freedom in that area to walk into their church or join their team. There will be a natural tension between the leader that needs growth and the other person walking in freedom. The leader has two choices. They either exercise their authority through the fire hose of fear, shame, intimidation, and control to shut the person down so that the leader can feel safe and comfortable or go low with God about their lack and need for Him in that area. The choice will either strengthen or weaken the family. It will either bring increased growth or welcome hurt and pain for all parties involved.


Is there an area that you burn with jealousy? A spiritual orphan sees what others have and sees lack. They believe that there isn’t enough for them and, therefore, can’t celebrate the blessings of someone else. A Son/Daughter sees what God has done in someone else’s life, and it gives them hope and excitement for what is possible.


You can’t fix fatherlessness with fathers or mentors who are spiritual orphans.


This should break our hearts as it does His. A mom lost her parents at a very early age and was walking through her son battling a terminal illness. Her husband left her in the middle of it, and she was left traumatized by debilitating grief. No church leader came to pray for her son or rally around her; instead, she received an official church letter stating she needed to be removed because she had not met the membership requirements of attendance. Picture yourself in her shoes getting the mail that day. 

A young man who came from a very troubled home found a youth group where he met Jesus for the first time. He attempted suicide and was released from the hospital weeks later. All he wanted to do was find a ride so he could get back to his group. When he finally arrived, he was greeted by the leader, who told him there was a meeting with the senior leadership and elders, who all decided it was wise for him not to be a part of that group since he was a bad influence on the other children. Picture yourself in his shoes, walking away from the building that day. 

This generation is so tired of the prideful leaders who build their own platforms and houses. If the church doesn’t look like a hospital for the wounded, a welcome place for sinners, and a school for those learning, then it is not the gospel of Jesus Christ and mocks the power of His blood to transform orphans into Sons and Daughters. Lord, let our heart break for what breaks Yours. Jesus, shake our churches until they look like You again.


The enemy has seduced many to believe that anyone who goes against their grain is a wolf in sheep’s clothing and believes it is their heavenly duty to disempower them and protect against them. While it is true that the Bible talks about those who pretend to be God’s children when they have evil intent, I believe the majority of people in our homes and churches are sheep in wolf’s clothing. A wolf in sheep’s clothing is a heart/motive issue. A sheep in wolf’s clothing is an identity issue. One requires protection and exposure. The other requires mothers and fathers to call out their real identity. The way to help rid someone of wolf’s clothing (fleshly or sinful behavior) is to call out who they are and believe in them. As you call them higher, their old nature falls off of them. Be careful what you judge to be a wolf when, in fact, it is God’s little lamb.


When the twins were in 8th grade, one began to ask me if I would host a group of peers, including a boy’s name I hadn’t heard before. I said no. She asked me again if I would take a group out for pizza. Something didn’t sit right. Again, she begged me if I would gather the group. Finally, I asked why it was so important to her. She said, “I want a boyfriend.” While the door was bound to open eventually and can be a beautiful thing, something didn’t sit right with me. I asked her, “WHY do you want a boyfriend so bad?” and she said, “Because I want to be special to someone.” It was a painful discussion, but I told her no. No way would I allow that door to be open for her unless and until that part of her heart was filled by Jesus first because no boy would be able to fill it. Not now and not later. I explained it would open the door for an appetite that no human could fill. Of course, she was upset and stormed off to her room, where she remained for the better portion of three days. She came out for meals but fumed. I encouraged her to grab her journal and use the tools I have taught her as a daughter of the King. She journaled her heart out page after page of pain seeping through the pages of her deepest desire to be seen and significant. I began to hear worship music from her room, and when she emerged, she thanked me for saying no. I learned such a valuable lesson that we must filter our choices through the question, “Am I doing this as a daughter secure in who I am and therefore can enjoy this, OR am I operating as a spiritual orphan who needs this to feel good about myself?” There is a world of difference. One leads to life and joy, and the other to heartbreak and greater pain.


Think of a recent mess you made. Maybe it was with how you reacted to something, or a parenting moment, or maybe with a friend or spouse. Think about it for a moment and then ask yourself this question, “When that happened, did I run TO His love or AWAY from it?” Your answer will determine much in your life. Spiritual orphans hide in shame when they mess up, while spiritual Sons and Daughters run to His love knowing that He is not only capable but willing to help us. They find acceptance and rest in His loving arms even when they are messy.


The revelation this mom had taking our online parenting JOURNEY class is breathtaking.

“I am no longer an orphan. I have had a taste of not being an orphan, but I seem to always go back to the dump. I want to try to interact with others who God showed me are not only orphans but walking corpses… sounds horrific. And it is. But I see how I gave up my joy in the Lord to try and connect with the dead. I am so sick and sad by this… not only for me but for others. How do you show others a new dance move with Jesus when you are trying to do the lack of dance that you see? And then I am showing my boys to try and fit into a culture that is dead. No more.”


The orphan spirit has anger and fits of rage, which makes sense when the weight of the world rests on your shoulders. However, for many people, it isn’t an anger issue – it is an orphan issue. They have not yet had the full revelation that Christ died to rescue us from the orphanage and bring us into the Father’s palace. We don’t need to operate as spiritual orphans anymore and can truly rest while He manages the world around us for our good.