Before your child leaves for school, have them ask, “Jesus, how do You feel about me?” This helps them enter the building with the TRUTH about their identity. When they come home from school, and you notice them being off but aren’t sure why, have them ask again. Sometimes they just need help realigning themselves after being surrounded by spiritual orphans all day.
Seen, Heard & Valued
I was in a season where I was aware that the words coming out of my mouth were critical and sharp. I am not typically one to hold a grudge or offense for very long, but it was like I was constantly calling out the bad. Little things like the man who cut me off, or the person who didn’t use their blinker, or the lady who didn’t return her shopping cart. Once I said it, I let it go but it bothered me that I even had the eyes to see it. They were things that should not be requiring my energy or time.
I became so aware of it that I told the kids I would pay them $1 every time they caught me being critical. But it only seemed to increase.
I finally met with my friend who is a professional counselor and asked her what in the world was the problem that I could not control my critical words. She said something to me that not only changed my life and set me free but became a KEY that I have used with others for their freedom.
She said, “Shame HAS to blame” and began to introduce me to the profound effects that shame has on our mind, body, and soul. Shame is so toxic to our existence that it kills, shuts down and robs of us of our God-given abilities. Shame is like acid. By blaming others (my critical words) it was releasing some of the toxicity. It was survival to manage the shame. I HAD to blame. The goal, therefore, was not to manage the release of the shame but to resolve the shame once and for all.
Thus began a several month-long journey of discovering the root of the shame and how to release it GOD’S WAY.
I created a ten-day online experience for others to join me on the journey of loving yourself deeper, wider and more passionately than you have been loved before.
This is a self-guided class at your own convenience. You will watch a video teaching and for the rest of the days, I provide activities and exercises to do based on the video teaching. The second week focuses on how to raise children to be proactive so they never have to find themselves again down the road.
As an ASCEND member you can enroll in this self-guided class at no additional charge.
Some of you need to repeat this out loud until your mind and heart believe it.
I AM GOING TO BE OKAY! I AM GOING TO BE OKAY! I AM GOING TO BE OKAY! I AM GOING TO BE OKAY! I AM GOING TO BE OKAY! I AM GOING TO BE OKAY! I AM GOING TO BE OKAY!
Because I am a Daughter/Son to the Creator of the universe. He cares about me, knows how to protect me, and leads me to still waters. I am under His wing, which shelters me from all that comes my way.
One of the greatest tools I have as a parent against the sex industry is to teach my children that it isn’t about laws, rules, or legalism but rather identity. People who do not know who they are will use their bodies for their worth and value. We aren’t just guarding our eyes but guarding the person who doesn’t know who they are. I often will say, “That is someone’s daughter,” or “No one taught him who he is,” and the kids have learned over time that sexual choices are rooted more in identity than in sexual behavior. Spiritual orphans use their flesh to feel worth and value. A Son and Daughter know their worth and value and can therefore manage their flesh accordingly. Don’t just read this and say AMEN. Go teach your children about it.
Ellie came to me one night with a nervous smile and tears in her eyes. I asked what was going on, and she said that she needed to come clean about an email she got from the school saying she BOMBED a math test. I said, “Okay, thanks for letting me know,” and her lip began to quiver. I asked what was wrong, and she said, “I need you to pray for me. I know it is okay that I didn’t do well, but I feel so slimed with shame right now (tears).” Can I just say how HAPPY it made me that at 13, she can catch the shame slime and be so articulate about it? We asked Jesus what lie she was believing, and she said, “Something is wrong with me (aka shame).” We broke agreement with it, and I just held her. She KNOWS it is okay not to get straight A’s every single time, and she KNOWS I would not be upset with her. But the enemy tried nonetheless to throw a blanket of shame. She wasn’t coming under it. She just needed help throwing it off. Not today, Satan.
As a new believer, I was a part of a church that I loved. I loved the leadership, community, and movement. But when we began to worship, I would be plagued with thoughts of how the pastor didn’t want me there. I battled it in my mind thinking I had some hidden insecurity. It was so bad one week that I went to ask a mentor for prayer. In the middle of worship, she brought me to the head pastor and said, “Lisa is struggling with thoughts that you don’t want her here.” I felt a little exposed and silly as he assured me there was room for me. I was able to receive that, but I had to work hard to maintain it. I began to associate going to that church with the incredible challenge it was just to feel ‘fine.’ Years later, I endured the same thing nearly every single week at another church. I hated those thoughts as that was not how I felt as I walked in, yet the moment the worship started, so did my thoughts of not being wanted in that house. I felt like I was a wedding crasher showing up at a church not knowing the bride or groom and like I had no right to be there. It wasn’t until years later I discovered that this is a real demonic spirit called ‘imposter syndrome’ which whispers to you that you are phony, do not belong where you are, and, at any moment, someone is going to call you out for not really belonging there. It tells you that you have no right to be called, included, or seen. It is hard to feel connected, safe, and secure with this lying spirit. Why did I battle this at these two locations and not others? Because the spirit was present in that church. Someone needed to discern it, and then someone in authority needed to deal with it. Yes, I had authority over it speaking to me, but it had a legal right in the house to speak to those present and needed to be dealt with on a corporate level. While it was not ‘in’ me, but rather around me, due to my lack of understanding, I was plagued with wondering what was wrong with me. And all be it, so did scores of others.
If you are plagued with these thoughts in your community, check how you are feeling before you walk in. If you walk in feeling like you don’t belong, it could be a soul issue that needs some additional healing from your previous experiences. However, if you are fine walking in and then suddenly attacked with these thoughts, I suggest you find someone who understands the spiritual realm, and you share with them what you are discerning. Your church leadership has authority over this and can pray against it.
Is there an area that you burn with jealousy? A spiritual orphan sees what others have and sees lack. They believe that there isn’t enough for them and, therefore, can’t celebrate the blessings of someone else. A Son/Daughter sees what God has done in someone else’s life, and it gives them hope and excitement for what is possible.
You can’t fix fatherlessness with fathers or mentors who are spiritual orphans.
I wholeheartedly agree with what this mom in class has to share about speaking identity over her child.
“I just love all the ideas for teachable moments! My parents, probably my mom mostly, would always say positive things to me, but it never came back to God. When you think it’s just your mom’s opinion, it’s easy to dismiss the validity, but knowing who we are to God is breathtaking. Having that strong foundation of being able to call out the lies so easily because I know the truth would have dramatically changed my life. I spent too much time believing those lies, and my identity has been weak. I pray that God will lead me to be the parent that can call out the good as beautiful gifts from Jesus and also call out the lies from the enemy so we can throw them out!”
For years I have engaged in a battle with my son about waking up. Consistently he is late for family devotions and brings chaos to the breakfast table as he scrambles around late and flustered. We have purchased more alarm clocks that I can count, tag team going in his room to turn on the light and snap at him to wake but to no avail. It happened again and I issued strong consequences letting him know that taking responsibility for getting himself up on his own at his age is a MUST! But then I walked out the door for meetings and something gnawed at my heart all day. Finally, I asked Jesus to show me what He saw with my son, and I gasped. All these years I have treated Hudson as if it were a character/lazy issue. Jesus showed me it was not ill character at all but that his body literally needed more help moving from deep sleep to awake. My eyes open between 3-4AM and I jump out of bed ready for the day. God showed me that my son is physically wired differently. My mama’s heart was crushed that I had accused him for years of being lazy when it was in fact that he physically could not help it. It made my heart so sad that he was so misunderstood for so long and how lonely that can feel. I had a big mess to clean up.
I stopped to get his favorite wings and texted him asking for a mom/son date. As I sat down, he said, “What the occasion?” And I began to tell him how I missed it, was wrong and how sorry I was for not understanding him better. I asked him, “Does love to you look like spending more time helping you wake up?” He welled up with tears (from years of being misunderstood) and got a massive smile on his face and said, “Yep!”
Parents, we were never supposed to know it all and have it all figured out. We love our children fiercely but are NOT the ones who created them. Parenting was always supposed to be a partnership with Him, not for Him.
I am so excited to wake him up!!!!!
