Identity

NOT MY MAIL

This is an excellent post from my friend Michelle.

“In the last week, I have heard the following come from the mouth of children: ‘I have anger issues,’ ‘I am emotionally unstable,’ ‘I am stupid,’ ‘I am not valuable,’ and ‘I hate myself.’ A mailman delivers mail based on a label with your name and address on it. You would never accept mail with someone else’s name and address. So, why are kids accepting labels/mail that isn’t theirs??? BECAUSE THEY HAVEN’T BEEN TAUGHT WHO THEY ARE!!! Welcome to the ‘NOT MY MAIL’ tool… The kids decorated their own little mailboxes (I purchased these from Michaels Craft store for $1). They decorated their mailboxes while I wrote things on little pieces of paper to act as ‘mail.’ I allowed them to ‘practice’ accepting or declining a mail delivery. I wrote things such as ‘I am a world changer,’ ‘I am loved,’ ‘I am ugly,’ ‘I am stupid,’ ‘I am not popular,’ etc. They would take the ‘mail’ and stick it in their mailbox or say, ‘No thanks, that’s not my mail,’ and not accept it from me. Too many kids are taking on labels and identities that do not line up with the way Heaven sees them!!!! ‘NOT MY MAIL’ helps to teach the kids what to accept and claim over themselves. Listen to all the ‘I have…’ and ‘I am…’ and ‘I can’t…’ statements that come out of your mouth. Take some time to flush false identities/labels and receive your true identity and move forward into your true identity! No more accepting mail that isn’t yours!!!!”

GOOD ENOUGH

Do you find your worth attached to your performance? During one of the teachings from the online JOURNEY class, I asked if they had parents who called out the good in them as a child. Many did not, but for those who did, the response is always something along these lines, “Yeah, they called out the good, but it always seemed to be the good about what I DID, not who I was.” When we dish out praise based on behavior/performance, we are teaching children that their performance pleases us and dictates their value. That is not what God says or how He operates with us. He LOVES us because of who we are, not what we do! So why not try it today? Ask, “Jesus, when You look at my child, what do You see?” Write it out on their mirror, on a piece of paper. Be creative and have fun; you have permission to connect with them!

PERFECTIONISM

Do you struggle with wanting to do things perfectly? Some personalities are wired towards this bent, while others have been taught only perfect counts. If you can stay in the lane of being HUNGRY instead of perfect, it will bear the fruit you desire because it is about His ability, not yours.

ANGER

Nothing turns a sweet mama into an angry grizzly bear faster than partnering with the orphan spirit. The spiritual orphan believes lies such as, “I am all alone,” “No one cares,” “No one sees me,” “No one listens to me,” “Nothing I do matters,” “I am insignificant”… While your child may be doing something to trigger you, they aren’t the real source of your anger – your thoughts are! Next time you are ready to blow, try this, “GOD! I am really angry right now. Would You please reveal to me what LIES I am believing?” Then ask, “Father, what is Your truth?” He loves showing up in our mess and isn’t mad at our anger!

BLACK SHEEP OF THE FAMILY

Black Sheep – a family member who stands out for being odd and different. They go against the flow of the family, often causing issues. The term has to do with sheep having white wool, and the one that has black wool not only stands out but typically has less value. They have been judged to have ‘less value’ alone, which tells us this term is not the right kingdom. Typically, the child who rebels against the family’s operating system does so with anger, resistance, attitudes, and conflict because they are young and immature and do not yet have the communication or skill sets to address the issues they are coming up against. But just because their delivery is flawed doesn’t mean WHAT they are trying to say is wrong. Countless times in coaching sessions, parents will come to me with the one child who brings so much chaos into the home. After we explore the situation with Holy Spirit, we learn that the child is rebelling against something in the parent that needs to come into alignment. God knits our children in HIS image, but with us in mind. Let’s not be so quick to label a child as the black sheep when God is using the purity of their heart to align something in us. Maybe they aren’t the ‘black sheep’ but the HERO of your story! 

ORPHAN LEADERSHIP

Orphan parenting is the number one reason for hurt in the family. Orphan leadership is the number one reason for hurt in the church. When those in authority do not know who they are, they will operate out of the wrong kingdom.

Hurt in the Church – YouTube

WHAT SETS US FREE

A child grows up with parents who do not know who they are, so they aren’t able to teach the child who they are. There are heart splinters left to be resolved, and the child grows up bitter, judgemental, and blaming their parents for their failures and mistakes. Obviously, this is not a path we want to choose. But another group of people with the same experiences have concluded, “Well, they did the best they could.” It sounds mature and full of grace to say that, but the adult child is still struggling profoundly. Our minds need to have answers, and we begin to draw conclusions to help us feel empowered, even in hurt and pain. To say, “Well, they did the best they could,” is a coping mechanism to make us feel better about the hurt and lack we have endured. God says the truth sets us free, and I believe He wants us to walk in the middle of both of these responses. You can’t heal what you can’t acknowledge. Honor covers the offender, knowing that they are on their journey, but it doesn’t look like silence. You can’t change what you don’t want to see. Freedom doesn’t come from blaming your parents. Freedom comes from acknowledging that something was out of alignment and partnering with God to restore it.

REJECTING LIES

My daughter woke up early with me, so we went on a date to grab drive-thru coffee and ended up at the bookstore. I noticed a book about the lies young girls believe and handed it to her. She spent a great deal of time browsing the contents and finally put the book down. I asked her why, and she said, “Because I don’t believe lies.” There was such an anointing on what she said. She was not saying she has never believed a lie, nor was she saying she is 100% lie-free, but she was right to say she doesn’t believe lies. I have taught my kids what lies feel like, and they have begun to self-govern when lies are being entertained in their minds. Lies always remove your peace, make your mind spin like crazy, and create feelings of anxiety, worry, and stress in your heart. When my children are feeling this, they know how to ask, “Jesus, what lies am I believing?” and they know how to ask Him for His truth. Can you imagine what this generation would look like if they knew how to stomp on the lies that come to steal, kill and destroy?

DIRTY SECRET

Anger, even rage, is a common ‘dirty little secret’ of many parents. Anger is actually an appropriate response for an orphan who has the weight of the world on their shoulders, has to protect themselves, and strive to meet their needs. The answer isn’t anger management; it is experiencing the Father’s love at that moment. He isn’t mad at your anger and wants you to know His love even in those messy places.