Character

Character

CHARACTER TRAINING

We created our parenting magazine, SOAR, to come alongside parents to help mentor, encourage and empower their parenting journey. We dedicated an entire SPECIAL EDITION issue on CHARACTER TRAINING. This mom set up a parent coaching session to get some help. She immediately embraced the teaching and began rising up in her authority. You cannot argue with this testimony and the immediate fruit she is seeing in her home. Why? Because parents walking in their authority is God’s design and children feel safe and secure when moms and dads take their rightful place. 

“Lisa, since we have started character training since I saw you Monday, I am in complete awe at the restoration God has done in my children!!!!! Something broke off and it’s soooo good!!!!!! I love how God honors us when we use the authority He has given us! Thank you so much for all you have created for parents and for hearing God so intently on our behalf. I have been diving into your SOAR magazine and we have been doing teachings and I am enjoying being a mom again!!! It’s so fun and my children’s joy has been restored they are also so happy to be obedient!!!! Praise the Lord!!! Thank you!!”

Get your copy today! Character Training SOAR Magazine – Let the Children Fly

TEACH IN THE TIME OF PEACE

May I encourage you to see something?

Think of the last thing you disciplined or got frustrated with your child over. Now ask yourself what you have done to proactively teach your child in that area. Parenting equals being a teacher, not just a disciplinarian. Set your child up for success by teaching them what you DO want, not just reacting to what you don’t want.

CONNECTION IS NOT MY GOAL

Some of you are deeply conflicted in your parenting because you have gone from authoritative control-based parenting to heart connection-based parenting, and I dare say BOTH are out of alignment. If connection is your GOAL, then you will lay down your God-given authority over the fear of breaking connection with your child. Say Johnny wants a cookie before dinner, and you say no, and he throws himself into a fit on the floor. Your NO isn’t breaking the connection; his flesh and lack of self-control are breaking the connection. You do not give in just to keep the connection going. You parent him with your authority by standing firm in your no, give him compassion for his devastation that he can’t have what he wants when he wants it, then connect to his heart and TEACH him how to have more self-control (and the right responses when you tell him no). But if your only goal is connection, you will forgo the character training EVERY CHILD needs because you are terrified of breaking connection.

Connection is not my goal – raising strong, healthy children is, and that requires character training of their flesh. I use connection as the vehicle to get to their heart (rather than control and fear), but it is not my #1 goal. Can you see the difference?

TODDLER CHARACTER TRAINING

Teaching character in the earlier years is so important because you will spend the rest of your parenting years building upon it. When your child is around 7-9ish and fails to complete a task that you asked of them, change your language from “I asked you to do _____” to “Is there something I asked of you that you have not completed yet?” It makes their mind think on their own, which is a muscle that needs to be exercised and used. I would say things like, “Oh, I don’t think you are ready to eat dinner with us,” and it would make them stop in their tracks and remember. It is amazing how quickly their minds can recall it when forced to think for themselves. This takes the pressure off of you to be their mind and eliminates the frustration of a child who is not being faithful with responsibility.

FAMILY MEETING

I have a family of five people. That means we have five different journeys, opinions, and experiences. My goal is not to have my children look, act, and talk just like me but to figure out how to do life together in unity because I trust God put us all together for a unifying purpose. I need them as much as they need me. Marrying our differences to make us better people. I do not tolerate things like slamming doors, screaming “I hate you,” or a child feeling isolated in my home. I have core values for unity, connection, and peace. Not superficial peace that suppresses one’s heart but actually processing things so that peace is the organic fruit. I believe my heart for my family comes from the Father’s heart for His family.

NEVER TOO LATE

We can teach our children about good character to set them up for fruitful lives. If they do not learn it at home, they will learn it from conflict with their peers. If they fail to learn it from peers, they will learn it on the job with their boss. If they miss the lessons, they will learn them when they become married and have areas of conflict with their spouse. If they fail to learn it in their marriage, God allows them to learn it from their children. If they do not learn it from seasons of parenting, they will learn it from grandparenting their children’s children. Save your child a world of heartbreak and trouble by teaching them godly character, such as self-control, patience, and caring for others when they are younger! Not sure how? Character training is not an event, it is a lifestyle. In this magazine, I will empower you with fun activities to engage your child and equip them with godly character.

Character Training SOAR Magazine – Let the Children Fly

WHINE OR WINE?

When a child makes a mess, we are called by God to HELP THEM. Oftentimes parents are limited in their understanding of their call to lead and believe that every time a child makes a mess, their only role is to discipline or punish in response to the mess. While there is indeed a time and place for healthy discipline, a parent’s role should always be to help INCREASE THE CHILD’S CAPACITY. As if to say, “Hmm, that didn’t work out so well for you; let me give you some additional tools and training so that next time you can experience greater success.” 

The child has two choices: Whine and complain OR allow the experience to increase their wineskins to hold onto more. HERE’S YOUR KEY! The tools of control, fear, dominance, punishment, judgment, shame, and isolation rarely, if ever, reap growth. The tools of correction, connection, teaching, equipping, training, believing in, championing, and encouragement create an environment of growth and increase their capacity to do better next time. 

You pick – do you want a family of whiners or new wineskins? You will reap the fruit of your leadership.

THE DIFFICULTY OF BAD CHARACTER

The Word says in 2 Timothy 3:1-5: “But understand this, that in the last days there will come times of difficulty. For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power. Avoid such people.”

If this is what our children are up against, how can we stand against this force of reckless rebellion? By intentionally teaching and training character at an early age! What is good character? How can we teach our young children? How do we go after character without introducing legalism? How can we empower them through connection? How can we expect more out of our children?

I invite you to check out our CHARACTER COUNTS Magazine – Character Training SOAR Magazine – Let the Children Fly

ME TIME

Children, like you, need downtime to recharge and regroup. Schedule daily time for each person to have time alone by themselves. Establish the rules ahead of time for what is and isn’t acceptable and the consequences for not honoring the time (perhaps double time the following day). I strongly encourage you to explain this during a family meeting, so everyone knows what to expect. Start with just 15 minutes and keep adding minutes each day until you have reached an hour. I suggest starting out with everyone on their beds. It helps establish a clear boundary. Once they have honored the time and can manage themselves, perhaps, you will allow them to play in their room. Make sure they all go to the bathroom ahead of time and have a water bottle, so there is no need to come out. They can use this time to take a nap, read a book, or play with Barbies or Legos quietly on their beds. Have them gather a bin or basket of items they can choose from. The key is not to make this feel like they are in a time-out or being disciplined. It is a time of relaxation and refreshment for everyone.

Trust me, some kids will be so grateful to have siblings to play with when the hour is over!

**If your child simply cannot comply with this activity, and there are no other obvious reasons, it could be that they sincerely need help growing in self-control. This is something that is taught and a life skill that transfers to all other areas. The worst thing you can do is give up and conclude, “My child just can’t spend 15 minutes alone in their room.” It is okay if you need to go after this and really work with them.

DADS ALIVE

Moms, do you want your husbands to come alive in the home? Then teach your children to HONOR and OBEY his instruction. Picture a general in an army making a big decision, seeing the bigger picture, and having soldiers who are constantly resisting and denying his authority. It creates chaos, frustration, and hinders his ability to lead the army where it needs to go. Children need to be TAUGHT about honor, respect, and authority. Their selfish nature and ‘me, me, me’ flesh need to be trained to acknowledge that Mom and Dad are the generals in the family and are accountable to God for their job. Your husband will naturally soar higher as the leader of the family when those in his care learn to honor and respect his leadership.

Need some help learning how to teach your children? Check out our CHARACTER MATTERS resource: Character Training SOAR Magazine – Let the Children Fly