WITH THEM, NOT FOR THEM

WITH THEM, NOT FOR THEM

  • Children & Ministry, Kingdom Parenting

WITH THEM, NOT FOR THEM

The thing I value the most about being in ministry is that I am doing it WITH my children, not for them. Years ago, I struggled with balancing full-time ministry, young children, and flying solo. I always felt like something had to give, yet I didn’t want to choose between my passion and my children. Then, I was at church one morning when a gal who did not know my story began to prophesy. She said I was struggling with not being the one to play the instrument, but that God wants me to become the conductor of the orchestra, and I knew immediately that meant don’t do it FOR my children but learn how to do it WITH them. Years later, I am so so so blessed by the way our ministry has operated as a family. It is so fun to see the kids step out more and more and use their voices. I love ministering, traveling, and speaking together. 

BE THAT MOM

When my children were little, I remember reading a book by a mom saying that she wanted her kids to wake up and find her spending time with Jesus every morning. It struck me so profoundly, and I wanted my kids to witness my love for Jesus in such a real and tangible way. My heart melted when my son gave me a prophetic drawing of the Father and I sitting together. .

FAMILY IS A CIRCLE

Many of us were taught that the Biblical picture of the family is God, father, mother, and child, in that order of authority and rank. That is not the full view of God’s purpose for FAMILY. God should always be the center of all we do, including marriage and parenting. Yes, parents hold authority, covering, and wisdom above the child, but the part that is missing is that God knits together a child and sends them into your family to BLESS you. We receive from them just as much as they receive from us. As parents, we diligently teach and train our children. God uses our children to teach and train the parts of us that are out of alignment (generally from our own lack in childhood). Just like a child who is told to honor and obey their parents, we must receive the teaching and training God is giving us through our children. A better picture of how God intended family to operate would be a circle. Parents empower children using their wisdom, knowledge, and maturity. Children reveal what is in a parent that needs to come into alignment to increase capacity, abundance, and fruit.

A mom wrote: “I’ve realized this year just how much having children pushes on and exposes my childhood trauma. I have been facing brokenness I never knew existed until kids. It is HARD!! I so wish I could have gotten healing before I had kids! I hate that they are the victims of my process!”

My response to all parents – Oh, sweet friend. No, no, no, they are not victims of your process. God knew before He knit them together what you did/didn’t receive. He knit them together in HIS image, but with you in mind. It is God’s love for you that your children carry something that touches that part in you that needs healing and alignment. This is called FAMILY by God’s design. If you make a mess, you need to make it right with them, but there is nothing but grace in the process. Staying that way long term and hardening yourself to growth is how we pass it on to the next generation. But seeing our messy places AND doing something about it is GLORIOUS. You are allowing Him to crash in those places. Your children lack nothing because God is working this out. Your breakthrough is their inheritance. He is covering you today, sweet one!

CAN I HOLD YOU?

My friend told me about a story with her son, and I think it is GLORIOUS. Her adopted son had a rough year with his dad moving out and his big sister moving away. He recently spent time at his dad’s house while his parents were in town. The young boy returned to his mom’s house and was OUT OF CONTROL! Yelling, kicking, hitting, screaming – unglued. She shared how she normally would have exercised some serious authority over his behavior and would have dealt firmly with him for his outburst. But she could see he was hurting and said, “Buddy, can Mommy hold you for a moment?” He was hesitant but eventually came to her, put his face in her neck, and just wept. He woke up the next morning back to himself again. There is a time and place to discipline a child for negative behavior, and there is a time and place to partner with Holy Spirit and move in the opposite spirit. This boy was simply trying to express the BIG emotions going on inside of his heart. He needed the security of a mother’s love, and whatever was causing his heart so much agitation was released through her affection.

RESERVED SEATING

Your child has a role in the Kingdom that YOU can’t fulfill. YOU have a role in the Kingdom that no one else can fulfill.

FULLY AND COMPLETELY

Empowering children to obey fully and completely the first time (Deuteronomy 28:1). Expose your child to horses, whether that be taking a field trip to a horse farm, simply pulling off the side of the road near one, getting a video from the library, or finding them on the Internet. They are so beautiful and powerful. Talk about how a horse is powerful on their own, but when the bridle is in its mouth, they are trained to obey the rider right away. All the rider needs to do is gently move the reigns to the left or right, and the horse automatically goes in that direction. They are not stubborn or demanding of their own way; they simply follow the rider’s commands. Explain to your child that God wants us to respond this way to His instructions. He doesn’t just want us to obey in the end but wants us to do so fully and completely right away.

In the days ahead, when you need your child to follow your instructions, remind them of the character of a horse. Often when my children were younger and not following the instructions I had given them, I would simply say, “Mama needs you to be a horse right now,” and they all knew that meant they were behaving in a way that was the opposite of what I had instructed. It was an excellent tool for when we were in public as it spared them the embarrassment of being called out in front of others.

IT’S A RELATIONSHIP, NOT A FORMULA

Years ago, someone told me I should write a book about all of the ways you could release the Kingdom through children. Something didn’t sit right with me, and days later, the comment was grinding in my heart. I had to ask God why because if that is what I do, why then writing a book about it was so upsetting to me? I heard Him so clearly when He said that if I were to write a 1, 2, 3 step parenting book about the fruit in MY family, people would attempt to do the steps in their family, hoping for the same fruit, but it wouldn’t work — #1. Their family is different than mine and #2. You can’t bear Kingdom fruit by accomplishing steps. It is a relationship, not a formula. It is a lifestyle, not an event. And so, with that, God gave me a strategy with Let the Children Fly. Instead of attempting to get parents to model their family after MINE. My heart, goal, and passion are to connect YOU to HIM so that you can begin living a lifestyle of Kingdom fruit. I am convinced of one thing – I have found a river of heaven in parenting, and from it has sprung a massive river of life in multiple families across the globe. Families are awakening. My online class, JOURNEY, is designed to lead you to the same river we have found so that your family can bear the fruit it was intended to do as a lifestyle with Him. When you are ready, we are here to help you! Your family is worth investing in.

Journey – ONLINE CLASS – Let the Children Fly

TWO CORE VALUES IN PARENTING

When my children were little, I was so overwhelmed by the parenting philosophies out there. Co-sleeping, crying it out, bottle-feeding, breastfeeding, playing in the dirt, keeping them germ-free, organic, etc. Like any good leader, I needed direction and had none. I was supposed to do something for eighteen years but had no clear vision of what I was doing.

Do you know if you stacked up all of the books available to parents today, it would reach over two miles high? That is a lot of parenting advice. I have come to the conclusion that I have two driving core values in my parenting. #1. Teach my children how to go to their Father and LISTEN to what He has to say. #2. Give my children tools to deal with the hurts, lies, and offenses that come their way. Being connected to Him and being empowered to deal with the enemy’s darts sets them up to handle any and all circumstances life brings their way.  If I can lead them into a lifestyle of knowing their Father and identity, I will have given them the necessary tools to not only survive but FLY.

LOOK BEYOND BEHAVIOR

I have strived hard through the Let the Children Fly message to get parents to see beyond the behavior. Yes, train children to manage themselves better, but if we only focus on managing behavior, we will enter legalism and move away from the Father’s heart. We must be willing to endure discomfort with their behavior to explore with Holy Spirit WHY. If we can partner with Him, we will discover what is going on inside their hearts, and we can parent them in that place. This is where real transformation and growth occur. When we experience someone acting immature, wounded, and reckless, we have two choices: #1 Increase our power by using intimidation and fear to control them so that we feel comfortable or #2 come alongside their pain and usher them to Jesus. If all we are doing is managing triggers and outward behavior, we are actually separating ourselves from their heart. If we want to draw closer, we must become students of what is going on in their world.

KINGDOM OF GOD

If your busyness does not include peace, joy, laughter, and connection, you may be idling on busyness.