WHITE BUCKET DREAM

WHITE BUCKET DREAM

  • Heart Splinters, Hurt In The Church

WHITE BUCKET DREAM

I had a dream in 2018 that altered something deep within me. I woke up one morning hearing I was to share it. 

My dream – We were sitting in a large church, getting ready to worship. The pastor called his leadership team up to the front, and they all stood spaced evenly apart on the platform standing at the congregation. They stood tall, were powerful and anointed, and stood tall way above the crowd. They were deeply honored, respected, and loved. The music came on that queued everyone we would begin offering time. As everyone went to grab their money, the ushers came and put white buckets in front of each leader. Something seemed out of place about that because we do not tithe our offering to a person but to Him. Suddenly the father of the house got up and said, “If any of my children (leadership team) have hurt, offended, or caused you harm, I want you to write that on a piece of paper and place it in the bucket in front of them.” There was a corporate mindset that honoring leaders meant being silent, and everyone froze. Fear came into the room. No one dared move. I sat there conflicted. There was no way I was going to get up and put my hurt in the bucket, yet to not get up meant I would be lying to myself. I felt this empowering boldness come over me – the courage you know is not from within yourself – and I stood to my feet. Everyone in the room stared at me, and it was painful to walk alone to the front of the room and put my piece of paper in the bucket of the immature leader who did not know how to lead from the Father’s heart. As I sat back down, I had a tangible peace fall over me. Soon someone else wrestled with being the only one standing and putting their paper in the bucket, and soon another, and then another person got up. It took 45 minutes for everyone to be honest with themselves and give their heart a voice. It was painful for the leaders on the stage to see their buckets overflowing with hurts, offenses, and mistakes. They went from being strong and confident to having eyes to see the very people they wanted to serve and love ended up being the people they had caused deep hardship. We, the people, had spoken, and it closed the gap between ‘us and them.’ The elite and the crowd. The powerful and the disempowered. The old and young. The mature and immature. The most amazing thing happened next. The father of the house got back up and released his children (the leadership team) off the stage to gather WITH the people, who immediately began to embrace, hug, and weep with them. The hurts melted away in love as they connected again, just like siblings. There was a real sense of missing each other and being reunited again. This went on for hours in my dream as we were restored to FAMILY! I woke up, and this has been the position of prayer ever since. God, realign Your family back to Your original design. Remove the stage, platform, idol worship, and ‘us and them’ from Your family. Restore us to a circle – all needing each other to move on earth powerfully – together!

I want to encourage you that there is a great invitation to give your heart a voice. Honoring someone does not mean ignoring or being silent. Write down your hurt and hand it over to God. Let Him heal, restore, and align your heart to His. God is dealing with His family right now, and your heartfelt prayers are essential, powerful, and pivotal. 

POOL JOY

We were enjoying a day at the swimming pool. Hudson asked for a sip of my pop, and I felt led to lavish him with the whole thing. Lauren came over and robbed him of his joy by being bossy, controlling, and ‘self-focused.’ I decided to treat the girls to one, too (it is a treat and not something I usually do). I gave it to Lauren to share, but she was being mean-spirited and controlling about it with her sisters, too. I called her over and pointed it out to her. She was frustrated with herself for being like that but didn’t know why. We asked Jesus to shine His flashlight in her heart and show us what was going on. She began to cry and say that the other girls would move away from her whenever she joined them. Bingo! Hurts, lies, offense. She was hurt and offended that her sisters were working on a skit together and were not including her. I explained that she was partnering with control and meanness to make herself feel better and listening to the lie that she couldn’t be weak and show tears (something she struggles with) and that in doing so, she was releasing the wrong kingdom. I asked if that was what she wanted (because she does have a free will, and I would rather parent with her will than try to control her against it). She didn’t want that and agreed to let her sisters know how she felt. She learned that it is safe in God’s Kingdom to show tears and weaknesses, which she revealed to her sisters. I declared over them that they were powerful and incredible world-changers who could devise a plan to resolve the conflict and then left them to figure it out, and the joy returned! Can you see how spanking, time outs, removing the treat, etc., would not have even come close to addressing the real issue of her hurt heart?

MY YES

I knew God wanted me to write the book HEART SPLINTERS – Resolving Childhood Issues in Childhood. But I was walking through a season of deep discouragement and feeling disempowered. It is super hard to feel confident in your calling and put your voice out there when feeling disempowered. The manuscript was always a work in progress on my desk, but I was dragging my feet. I saw a Facebook post about a well-loved husband who had committed suicide leaving behind a precious family. While I had not met them, we had many mutual friends, and it rocked our community deeply. His wife shared her raw experience on social media, and it came across my news feed countless times.

One day, I saw it pop up again, but I kept scrolling since I had already read it. I so clearly heard God tell me to go back and reread it. I did, unsure of what He wanted me to see. I heard Him tell me to print the picture of this family. It was so strong that even though my printer was out of ink, I went to the local drug store to obey. I felt a little odd holding a picture of a family I had never met and who was going through so much tragedy, but I held the picture in my hand and asked, “God, what do You want to tell me about this family?” and He said, “This is your YES – this is why I want you to write HEART SPLINTERS. People are perishing without this information.” The tears were instant as I fell out of my chair on my face, and wept for hours. “Oh, Jesus, forgive me for partnering with being disempowered. Forgive me for walking small. Forgive me for not opening my mouth. Forgive me for laying down what You have called me to pick up. JESUS! Use me to tell Your sheep there is hope. Let what You did in my life, and the lives of my four children serve as a testimony of what You can do. Light and life always trump death and darkness.”

And with that encounter, the manuscript was finished.

DO WHAT IT TAKES

Parents, do what it takes so your children don’t reap the fruit of your wounds and hurts.

WHAT IS UNDER THE ANGER?

My daughter came to me crying, saying that her sister came into her room demanding she takes out the bathroom garbage. When she told her she would do it later, her sister got upset and began to intimidate her. When I inquired, she said she had taken the garbage out last week, and it was her sister’s turn. I asked if she was faithful with her week, then why did she care if her sister was faithful with hers? Why did that agitate and upset her so much? I felt like something deeper was going on. I asked her to sit on her bed and ask Jesus to show her why she cared so much about her sister’s chores to the point she would use force and intimidation to attempt to control her sister, which her mind knew was not okay. I have taught my children behind every big emotion (anger, rage, intimidation) is what we call SSL – the softer emotion of being SCARED, SAD, OR LONELY. I asked her which one she was feeling under the intimation. She identified she felt scared. She was agitated in the process and kept saying, “I just don’t like it (when they don’t do their chores).” Holy Spirit had me ask this, “…. because what will happen if they don’t do their chores?” She said, “You will be mad at me.” I asked, “And if Mom is mad at you what will happen?” And she broke down in tears and said, “We won’t be connected.” This is where we have to have some tough skin and allow our children to process our parenting, even when we feel misunderstood or falsely accused. It doesn’t matter what MY truth is; she is revealing HER truth at this moment which was driving her behavior. One week she was on dish duty and failed to do it. I went to make breakfast in a hurry and didn’t have any clean dishes, and I got upset. I returned to her a few minutes later and asked for forgiveness, telling her that while she was in the wrong for not managing her chores, I didn’t manage my heart well (I was stressed about something else, and she got the brunt of it). While I thought we worked it out, we didn’t have the opportunity to reconnect before she left for school and went the whole day feeling the space between us. It left a message in her heart that if the chores weren’t done, we would lose our connection, which scared her. I asked for forgiveness again for not managing my emotions well that day and reminded her that she was not responsible for my emotions. That’s my job. I also told her that it is not her job to control her siblings so that she and I remain connected. She melted in my arms and wept. And then humbly apologized to her sister for being so mean.

This is where partnering with Holy Spirit in our parenting gets exciting. We get to give Him space to minister to our children above our capabilities. There is a time for character training and discipline, but in this case, she was feeling a threat to our connection, and that is what needed to be restored.

WORKING THROUGH HEART SPLINTERS TOGETHER

“Hi Lisa! I have newly discovered your presence and am loving your posts and the way you approach parenting. We’ve had this in our hearts and have purposes to parent this way, but it can feel overwhelming without extra help. I love the prompts you give and the practical, real-life examples. Thank you! I just bought Heart Splinters and am slowly working through it. I have three beautiful boys. Our oldest was diagnosed with arthritis when he was 3. He lost the ability to walk and was in therapy for a year, along with multiple shots per week. He is 10 now and is completely fine! We know the Lord healed him (and blessed us with good doctors), but I can see some heart splinters regarding God and feeling like everything bad happens to him. Yesterday, he said something about this, and I said, ‘You know, I have this book called Heart Splinters. Maybe we can look at it together? I think you may have some heart splinters.’ He looked at me and said, ‘I think I do. We should do that.’ Sorry for the long message, but I’m just really excited to have found a tool to touch those places I wasn’t sure how to get to but knew they were there.”

Heart Splinters BOOK – Let the Children Fly

SELF-HATRED

JOURNEY isn’t about a moment, a one-time fix, or a parenting program. This is about a journey of going deeper with Him. This precious mama changes her children’s lives simply by being willing to go further in her journey with Him.

“This lesson really revealed a heart splinter of my own that has been festering for two decades. As a child, I had a strong desire to go to the Air Force Academy. Looking back, I know this idea was planted by my father, a pro-military man. Being the youngest of seven kids, I also think there was some pressure to perform for the financial gain as well as sort of the ‘last-ditch effort’ from my dad. I had always been closer to my dad and felt I didn’t measure up to the perfect daughter ideal that my mother had. I would rather be in the barn with Dad than shop for the latest styles at the mall. I wholeheartedly partnered with the lie that I could achieve favor with my earthly father IF I could just get into the Academy. I worked on every piece of my life to make the Air Force Academy a reality. I pushed and pushed to be the best at all things – school, sports, standardized tests, volunteering… anything that would get me ahead and get me in. The irony is I didn’t get in, and my dad never forgave me. This year on my birthday, he mocked and ridiculed me for it again in front of my closest friends. I finally realized it wasn’t about me – my Heavenly Father was carrying me and loving me through a whole decade of self-hatred after that event. I felt abandoned by my family and was in a real state of self-defeat. I tried relationships, alcohol, and eating disorders and all those lies created more hurt and heart splinters. I prayed daily for relief from the sadness, and in hindsight, I saw God was carrying me and protecting me from myself through all those years. As I surrendered my experience, I vowed not to do that to my children. They will know God’s peace, His enduring love for them, and the truth that their worth is from Him and nothing I put upon them. I also see now that I am worthy of His love and that nothing I have done has separated me from His love.”

Parents, I invite you to join the JOURNEY. Your children will thank you for it! Journey – ONLINE CLASS – Let the Children Fly

 

DO NOT PLAY THE GAME

As a parent, how does this story make you feel? Johnny walks up to his younger sister, minding her own business, punches her, and then tells her she doesn’t belong in the family. OUCH! What if mom walked in and got all the other siblings against Johnny, making him feel like the outsider, as if his bad attitude meant he no longer belonged? This is the recipe for some serious family dysfunction and pain. Johnny’s behavior clearly needs to be addressed because it is not in alignment with God’s heart, but he is operating out of being an orphan and needs the love of a Father, not rejection. This would not be okay in our family and should not be okay in God’s family. Can’t you see? It is not a gay/straight, John/Beth, He said/She said, Kanye/Church, Pastor/Flock issue. This is a dividing issue from the enemy bent on destroying God’s family. DO NOT PLAY THE GAME. Do not pick sides. Do not pick a winner because if there is a winner, there must be a loser, and we do not treat family that way. 

There are only two camps of people – those who are Sons/Daughters and those who are still operating as orphans (even Christians can be orphans). If Johnny does not have eyes to see his sister’s worth, then he needs a revelation from God. The Bible says people cannot see because they have scales on their eyes. Isaiah 44:18 reads, “They know nothing, they understand nothing; their eyes are plastered over so they cannot see, and their minds closed so they cannot understand.” Your prayers that the scales from a brother’s eyes be removed will be more effective than your social media posts against him. If you are taking sides and have not prayed for the scales to be removed from his eyes, then you could very well be just as guilty of participating in dividing God’s family. We are ONE family. ONE Body. If a brother and sister argue, they need love, not sides. I ache over the words spoken against family members, but I want to be an agent of restoration (through prayer), not further division. Which side are you on? Neither! We are on the same side, serving the same God as ONE Body.

THE EMPTY PRESENT

How many of you will be with family for Christmas? How many will be giving gifts? Why not give the gift that will impact your children’s children and last into eternity?

Many people will be with loved ones for Christmas yet still harbor judgements, bitterness, and unforgiveness towards them. Most often than not, from legitimate hurts and pains done to them. But nonetheless, we wrap presents of material possessions that will fade away and fail to give the gift of the true meaning of Christmas.

There is a bit of irony that in honor of the Savior of the world, the One who came as a man, took our spanking and gave us every benefit of the Father and called us His own, we celebrate His gift by giving gifts that will eventually find their way to trash or local thrift store, but fail to cash in on the true Gift and give the ultimate gift of being released from accusations, judgments and unforgiveness.

I am inviting you to wrap up the greatest gift you could give your parents, sister, brother, in laws – forgiveness for being human, their shortcomings, lack of being able to give you His best. Forgive them for not knowing who they are so they could treat you according to who you are. Release them from the debt owed that they could never repay on their own. Cancel the word curses you have attached to their backs. Pull out the knives of judgement.

When you do this, it frees them up in the spiritual realm to be dealt with by God and come into greater alignment. They fell short because they didn’t have the greater revelation – few parents intentionally do things to harm and hurt their children. If the eyes of your heart have been opened, you can’t keep holding the blind in judgement for being blind. They couldn’t give you what you needed (and deserved), because they aren’t able to see. They didn’t because they didn’t know. They failed, because they didn’t understand.

Part of freedom is realizing God has redeemed you and from that place of gratitude we extend forgiveness for those who are still in the redemption process.

When I am processing big things like this, I like to make a ceremony of sorts out of it. Grab an empty box and sit by the Christmas tree. Begin to write out the things that you are holding onto against your mother and place them in the box. Do it for any family member that brings you unrest and inner chaos. Wrap up the box, like you would any other present, and place it under the tree as an act of surrender. The swaddled baby came to receive the gift of your heart; He desires to hold the aches, bruises and tenderness. Offer it to Him.

And then prophetically wrap up an empty box for your loved one as a symbol that you are giving them the gift of dealing with the accusations, judgements, unforgiveness and word curses. You are no longer going to feed your heart because Jesus now carries that part of your heart.

They may never know the gift – and all that it has cost you – of laying down what was your rightful inheritance as a child and coming humbly to the One who gave it all up so that He could adopt you as His own.

SEEDS PLANTED

You never know how God is going to use something He asks you to do. I have had people buy our HEART SPLINTERS book for their childhood teachers, grandparents, their mom who is still hurting from her childhood, their neighbor, their brother walking through addiction, as a wedding gift (could you imagine the pain and conflict spared getting heart splinters resolved early on?), single moms going through a divorce, young children, teens, youth group leaders, pastors (what a gift), as baby shower gifts (what a legacy). 

Jesus, I thank You that You gave Your life to defeat the enemy so that we can walk in freedom and wholeness from hurts, lies, and offenses.

Heart Splinters BOOK – Let the Children Fly