When you partner with the pressure of perfection, you will reap anxiety, worry, and lack of joy. On the other hand, when you partner with His perfection, you will reap peace, joy, abundance, clarity, movement, and solutions in your parenting.
WHICH ONE ARE YOU PARTNERING WITH?
One of the biggest reasons why people don’t care for the things of Holy Spirit (Charismatic movement) isn’t that they don’t want the Spirit of God, but they had mothers who didn’t manage their emotions well and were afraid Holy Spirit would make them feel out of control and unsafe as they did with their moms growing up. Moms, it is okay to be on a journey of becoming who you are as a Daughter. One of the greatest things you can say to your child when you make an emotional mess is, “I am sorry that Mom reacted/yelled/got impatient/didn’t listen to your heart. Do you know Holy Spirit would never ______?” Restore them to the TRUTH about who Holy Spirit is, despite your weakness, so they don’t transfer their earthly experiences onto the godhead. The goal is not to become perfect parents but to bridge our children to the One who always will be perfect.
Do you ever hear of a great testimony and say, “I want that?” While the heart of sharing testimonies is the confidence God wants to do it again in your life, the focus has to be on HIM, not the fruit. We can’t just say, “I want that fruit”; it has to be, “I want HIM.” So, when you see God move mountains in someone’s life, let it encourage you that He is able, but ask Him for the keys in your own life and follow whatever He tells you in your situation.
The kids wanted to go somewhere alone, and I had mixed feelings about it. As I processed my thoughts, I told them, “You can go, but only if you listen to your babysitter.” They looked at me like I had three heads. Surely they were too old for a babysitter. I told them Holy Spirit was their babysitter, and if they agreed to listen to whatever He instructed them to do, I was fine with them going. They agreed, and I was able to hand them over to their sitter just like I did when they were younger, leaving them for the first time. I love how I can actively give my children the freedom to grow up yet trust Him to guide and protect them.
When the twins were in 8th grade, one began to ask me if I would host a group of peers, including a boy’s name I hadn’t heard before. I said no. She asked me again if I would take a group out for pizza. Something didn’t sit right. Again, she begged me if I would gather the group. Finally, I asked why it was so important to her. She said, “I want a boyfriend.” While the door was bound to open eventually and can be a beautiful thing, something didn’t sit right with me. I asked her, “WHY do you want a boyfriend so bad?” and she said, “Because I want to be special to someone.” It was a painful discussion, but I told her no. No way would I allow that door to be open for her unless and until that part of her heart was filled by Jesus first because no boy would be able to fill it. Not now and not later. I explained it would open the door for an appetite that no human could fill. Of course, she was upset and stormed off to her room, where she remained for the better portion of three days. She came out for meals but fumed. I encouraged her to grab her journal and use the tools I have taught her as a daughter of the King. She journaled her heart out page after page of pain seeping through the pages of her deepest desire to be seen and significant. I began to hear worship music from her room, and when she emerged, she thanked me for saying no. I learned such a valuable lesson that we must filter our choices through the question, “Am I doing this as a daughter secure in who I am and therefore can enjoy this, OR am I operating as a spiritual orphan who needs this to feel good about myself?” There is a world of difference. One leads to life and joy, and the other to heartbreak and greater pain.
I was invited to speak in L.A. and checked THREE times to ensure my flight left AFTER my girls flew to Mexico. In my mind, they left at 1 am, and I left at 4 am. A few days before the trip, Emma told me that I was incorrect and that they were leaving after me. I burst into tears when I realized I had made a big error. I pondered canceling the event, and my heart raced to find a suitable solution. I was mortified that I would not be there to send my girls off. After many tears and good counsel, I had peace about moving forward, but I had to grieve it many times. As I sat in the San Francisco airport, I felt deep regret of my error when I heard the Lord say, “I don’t make mistakes.” I agreed but reminded Him that I did. He then said the most tender words that still make my eyes fill up with tears. He said, “Lisa, you DO go before your children. You are returning to one of the largest cities in the U.S. for the eighth time and starting a fire with the Let the Children Fly message. But your girls are going further, carrying the FRUIT of the Let the Children Fly message.” They are the living fruit of what I preach, and it is time to surrender them on a whole new level. This new season feels scary to me as a mom, yet I trust their Father and know that Let the Children Fly was never all about me but rather about them. Go fly, my dear children, fly high!
Yes, there is a better way to parent our children than yelling but you do not need more of God so that you stop yelling. You need more of God so that He can comfort and heal those places in your heart so that you do not need to yell anymore.
Solo parenting has been one of the greatest challenges I have faced in life and the area where I have reaped the most. I have never felt like a ‘single mom’ because it was through our loss that I discovered a side of God as my Husband, Provider, and Protector. We parent together, and it has been my greatest joy in life to see Him reveal Himself to my children and what concerns them. It is so important that solo parents learn how to connect with God so that they don’t attempt to be both roles. When a parent attempts to be both mom and dad, the child loses the absent part and part of the present parent because they are so exhausted trying to be both. It is better to have one fully present parent than an exhausted, burnt out one.
I have always wanted my twin daughters to share a room, but God told me to separate them and give them their own space. We had so much fun talking about designing their new spaces. Lauren turned her closet into a desk area, and it was gorgeous. Emma walked into Lauren’s room and saw the hours of work, and said, “Oh man, your room looks better than mine,” She went back to her room and undid all of her work, trying to copy what Lauren did with her space. It didn’t work! She was frustrated and struggling a bit. I realized that was such a prophetic word for what God is doing in them. I told her that Lauren’s space was perfect for her, but that Emma needed to own hers and that copying or comparing herself to her twin would only leave her feeling short, frustrated, and defeated. She quickly turned her room back the way she first had it and LOVED it. Isn’t that true in life? We can’t slap someone else’s success on us and assume it fits. Thank You, Jesus, for the way You are parenting with me and aligning their hearts daily to the path YOU have for them.
I told God, lying on my hospital bed, that I wanted to be a poster child of His power. A week later, I was supernaturally healed of both my kidney and liver failure. Twenty-seven years later, He continues to display His power throughout my life. When I am going through something, I seem to REALLY go through things. I feel, embrace, endure, process, and ponder. I just have this knowing that what God is doing IN me, He will eventually want to do THROUGH me. I sometimes laugh at the depth in which God takes me when He seems to take others faster. Part of it is through my process; He is allowing me to give language for it, along with powerful tools of heaven, knowing that I will share it with others. My life is not my own, but His for His use for His purposes.
Treat yourself to a few minutes of rest while you listen to worship. Don’t have time? That’s a LIE. Seek Him first, and the rest of your day lines up. You do have time. Put a movie on for the kids, listen in the car after dropping them off at school, while in the tub, or getting ready, and pop your earbuds in while working out or cleaning. You have time for Him, trust me!