WHAT DOES JESUS SEE?

WHAT DOES JESUS SEE?

  • Encountering the Father, Fear, Heart Splinters

WHAT DOES JESUS SEE?

When I was in my early 20s, I was roommates with a gal who was younger than me but more mature in every way. I would describe her as having Jesus in one hand and my hand in the other, and she would constantly introduce us in new ways. I learned so much from her. One day I had an appointment to get my car worked on, and she agreed to pick me up. I got my car checked in and was waiting outside for her. She was late – like really late. I wandered the sidewalk for over 30 minutes, growing more and more agitated. When she finally appeared, she found me in my car, speeding off without having the work done. I was mad. VERY mad. I punished her with the silent treatment and refused to talk to her. Over the years, I felt bad for how I treated her and gained some maturity in realizing that it was pretty lame of me to be so upset when she was going out of her way to help me. The memory always told the story of my bad behavior and being so rude, but I heard God say, “Ask Me to show you what I saw,” and I saw this picture in my mind of a little girl shaking; she was so scared by being left alone at night outside. She was surrounded by fear and intimidation as she was utterly unprotected and vulnerable. I realized at that moment my reaction to her had little to do with a friend who was late to pick me up and more about it triggering my memory of being vulnerable, alone, and left behind. My strong reaction was not about being impatient but about trying to feel protected and safe again. Over the years, I have learned about these splinters in our hearts that cause big reactions when touched. God does not want us to manage them but be FREE from them.

How about you? Do you have a memory that pops up often in your mind that tells the story of how ‘bad’ or wrong you behaved? Ask Jesus to show you what He sees.

WORKING THROUGH HEART SPLINTERS TOGETHER

“Hi Lisa! I have newly discovered your presence and am loving your posts and the way you approach parenting. We’ve had this in our hearts and have purposes to parent this way, but it can feel overwhelming without extra help. I love the prompts you give and the practical, real-life examples. Thank you! I just bought Heart Splinters and am slowly working through it. I have three beautiful boys. Our oldest was diagnosed with arthritis when he was 3. He lost the ability to walk and was in therapy for a year, along with multiple shots per week. He is 10 now and is completely fine! We know the Lord healed him (and blessed us with good doctors), but I can see some heart splinters regarding God and feeling like everything bad happens to him. Yesterday, he said something about this, and I said, ‘You know, I have this book called Heart Splinters. Maybe we can look at it together? I think you may have some heart splinters.’ He looked at me and said, ‘I think I do. We should do that.’ Sorry for the long message, but I’m just really excited to have found a tool to touch those places I wasn’t sure how to get to but knew they were there.”

Heart Splinters BOOK – Let the Children Fly

CONTROL-BASED PARENTING

I was talking with a mom about others using the tools of control and disempowerment in parenting, and she burst into tears. She realized she was guilty of using them with one of her children and her heart ached, realizing how she had been negatively affecting her child. This is my WHOLE point in doing these posts on disempowerment. The issue rarely lies with the one being disempowered but the one doing it. Parents/leaders use these tools because something else is going on inside of them that makes them feel like they need to protect themselves. Nothing controls and pushes back someone further than disempowering them because it renders them powerless. It is a faulty coping mechanism for something greater going on. Here is the deal – God isn’t mad at the parent/leader who uses these tools because He understands WHY they do it. He sees their fear, anxiety, and insecurity that causes them to feel the need to self-protect. God doesn’t want them to stay that way, but He isn’t mad at them.

DOES GOD WANT TO SPEAK TO ME?

This question is crucial for your walk with Jesus. Now that we have established through Scripture that God DOES communicate, we have to settle this question, “Does God want to speak to ME?”

We can have all the right theology we want, but if we can’t receive it, then it becomes head knowledge and not our experience. I believe this is where many people are stuck. They believe He speaks and long to have deeper intimacy yet are frustrated by the lack of personal experience. I call this ‘Holy dissatisfaction’ when you KNOW there is more but aren’t there yet. It is a genuinely challenging season to steward as this is where many quit and conclude He isn’t real, powerful, or cares about them.

People have an easy time believing that God loves the whole wide world; the red, yellow, the black, and white as the childhood song goes, but don’t grasp the depth in which He loves THEM until they begin to hear what He has to say to them personally.

Our experiences on earth teach us that we aren’t good enough, special or worthy enough to have His attention or affection. We have experienced unloving situations with people who were supposed to love and engage with our hearts. It is easy to believe that God loves the people around you, but a harder thing to have the faith and confidence you are included in that group.

God knew when He knit our children together that they would project their early experiences onto Him. He hands His creation over to imperfect people because He trusts Himself to work out the kinks in our heart and view of Him. My dad was good at providing and was the life of the party yet liked to keep things simple. I longed to connect deeper. I transferred that belief to Father God. He was good, and provided for me, but didn’t want to embrace me, hold me or be too involved in my life. My mom was great at creating special touches around the home and celebrating others yet was irrational with her emotional responses at times. I transferred that to Holy Spirit, fearing that He would be out of control and unpredictable.

I think one of the reasons people fear the ‘charismatic’ movement isn’t because they are against the Spirit of God, but because they had moms who didn’t know how to manage their emotions and are afraid Holy Spirit will suddenly become unpredictable, too.

Stop for a moment and write out three words to describe your dad and then for your mom (warm, cold, loving, giving, removed, happy, giving, unavailable). Now ask yourself if that summarizes your experience with God, Jesus or Holy Spirit. We know it isn’t the truth about God’s heart or character but is that your belief about Him based on experience?

The goal is never to blame our parents but to make sure we aren’t operating out of unhealthy belief systems that were transferred to God, Jesus or Holy Spirit out of our experiences with them. Freedom never comes from blame; it comes from TRUTH. John 8:32 – “And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”

Let’s face it. I mess up at times as a mother. I blow it, miss it and flub it. When I go back to the kids and confess my sin, I add, “Do you know that Holy Spirit would never overreact like that? He never gets impatient with you or fails to understand your heart. Holy Spirit is so trustworthy and kind; He sees and knows every part about you.” I do this so that my humanness doesn’t become the view that they attach to Holy Spirit.

Why is this a big deal? Because when a child goes through a hard event at the hands of their parent or family, it hurts, but what creates lasting wounds is that they believe their Creator is the same way. It is hard to have hope, feel loved and secure when you have a belief that you are unlovable and unworthy even to the One who created you.

Ask:

“Jesus, what lie do I believe about Your Father’s heart toward me?”

“Father God, will You please show me a picture of how much You love me?”

SWEET DREAMS

I got up early to finish some computer work, and Ellie came to me. She said she had a really bad nightmare. I held her for a moment, but it was too early for her to stay up. As I tucked her back in bed, I whispered to her, “Sweetie, ask Jesus where He is right now.” Still half asleep, she smiled ear to ear and said, “He’s right here with me.”

WHAT HAS HE DONE?

This season has been hard. Does anyone relate? It feels like we are waiting and stewarding everything new without our normal joys and connections. I felt the Lord inviting me to find JOY. I gathered the kids, and we made a list of all the things the Lord IS DOING or HAS DONE for us in this season. WOW. We cried when we realized that God’s hand had been so near and active. It shifted our perspective and lightened our hearts.

How about you? Why not gather the family and make a list of all the ways you have seen, heard, experienced, witnessed, or encountered God’s hand IN this season?

LIFE WITH LITTLES

I often hear moms of little ones lamenting that all they do is change diapers, feed, clean, do laundry, and repeat. They feel insignificant as their world revolves around caring for their demanding and helpless child. To which I reply, “YOU ARE KIDDING YOURSELF. You are in the biggest season of your life. You get to be the gateway between the generations deciding what you do and do not want to pass on to the next generation who will carry the baton of your family line. You are deciding what parenting style is best for raising healthy whole children. You are deciding what holiday traditions are worthy of introducing your children to. You are discerning what triggers you and what needs to be brought into wholeness. You are building a foundation with their Father that will be the foundation in which they are raised. You are the one who gets to gaze in their eyes and communicate love to their souls. You are teaching them that they are safe and wanted. Oh, Mama, you are in the most incredible season of your life as you take the helm and sail the next generation into the Father’s arms.”

TEACHING CHILDREN TO OVERCOME FEAR WITH THEIR AUTHORITY

“I had been wondering if what I was teaching my 18-month-old was even working. Over the last month, I have noticed he walks into the room when the light is off and starts to cry. He runs to me and says, ‘Momma, it’s dark. I am scared.’ As he was running away, something rose up within me, and I told him to go back in there and tell the dark, ‘I AM NOT AFRAID,’ and I stomped my foot down. We did this for a whole month. He would cry, and I would remind him, and then he would tell the dark he wasn’t afraid and walk in and grab a toy. Finally, I turned the lights on for him after he walked through the door. But this morning, he walked into the dark living room, and I heard him say all on his own and stomp his feet, ‘I AM NOT AFRAID!’ He came to me so proud, stomping his feet, and said, ‘I am not afraid.’ Needless to say, we had a party in the kitchen when he told me this. Lisa, I thought you should hear this… What you do for parents even when their kids are too young to comprehend. They do, and I’m so grateful to see my son stomp on the floor to say he is not afraid!”

LOOK BEYOND THEIR FLESH

Picture a toddler screaming and crying in the middle of the grocery store. No matter what you say, he turns a deaf ear to you. He is kicking and flapping his arms hysterically – a total and complete meltdown. Everyone is looking at you in the checkout lane, wondering why you can’t control your child. You feel the piercing stares of judgment. How would you respond? 

How about this scene? Picture sitting in a country club – the kind where they eat lunch in diamonds and pearls – and in walks an elderly man and four children. The children are all nicely dressed but unruly, bouncing all over the chairs and disrupting the people around them. The youngest won’t stop crying and the eldest are bickering. The guests are getting more and more agitated at this appalling site. Judgment and stern looks are being thrown towards the man allowing such disgrace to intrude on their well-to-do luncheon. 

What would you say if I told you the young toddler above was dealing with a double ear infection, and his eardrum just popped? Is the issue the meltdown or bacteria in his eustachian tubes? I am sure the words ‘eustachian tube’ were the last thing on your mind, but that area of his body is raging with pain, and nothing else matters to him at that moment. What would you say if I told you the rest of the story of the kids at the country club? Finally, the affluent guests couldn’t take it any longer and called the manager over to request the immediate removal of such nonsense. The manager replies, “Oh, I am so sorry. That is their grandfather, and they just came from their parent’s funeral. They both died in a car accident last week.” 

I share this to make a strong point – we have to look beyond their flesh and have to discover what is REALLY going on inside of them. Spanking, time outs, discipline, removing toys, withholding dessert, doubling chores, yelling, ignoring, giving them an electronic or bribing them with a sugary treat is as foolish at that moment as treating a broken leg by doing laundry. When we are empowered with the truth of what we are dealing with, we will be so much better and help them overcome and win the battle.

SETTIG CAPTIVES FREE

I am seriously high-fiving Jesus right now. A mom called and shared that she sensed something was going on with her TWO-YEAR-OLD. Yes, she’s young. Yes, she is learning self-control. Yes, she has a strong personality, but the mom could tell there was something else spiritually happening. She couldn’t see it, but she could feel it. The mom had a tragic pregnancy loss before her being pregnant with her daughter. The doctors told her the chances were high that this pregnancy would not end well either. The mom had a ton of grief (rightfully so) and fear with her pregnancy. While the mom wasn’t doing anything ‘wrong,’ she was parenting with fear and anxiety, and her daughter came under the fear (yes, it is possible even from the womb). I led her in asking for forgiveness for letting fear scream at her and for partnering with it, and then we prayed, telling it to leave her daughter. GUYS!!! This mama dealt with the spirit of fear with her *2* year old, and it was RESOLVED. Many adults are still battling with fear and anxiety because they didn’t have a parent who had eyes to see. This isn’t about blame but a serious testimony of, “This is what it looks like when you parent with HIM.” Jesus is my HERO!

BREAK AGREEMENT WITH FEAR

I am sharing a dialogue between myself and a mom in our JOURNEY class. 

A mom shared: “I definitely desire to have a deeper relationship with the Lord; however, I sense fear as a barrier. Fear of losing my children. I almost lost my daughter when she was an infant. I remember standing in that hospital room telling Him I’m ok with what He decides to do (heal or take her). He healed her, and she was considered a miracle! But ever since, I have had a fear of losing her again.”

My response: Thank you for your real and vulnerable post. I am so sorry you had to walk through that as a mom. I want to expose the fear in operation and then help you resolve it. When you walked through that experience with your daughter, it happened to you physically, emotionally, and spiritually (mind, body, spirit). God healed her, and she lived so that the immediate trauma was physically over. I am sure there is a vast amount of emotions that you had to process and are still processing ongoing due to her needs. However, I want you to see that experience also happened to you spiritually. It WAS a scary event for you, as it would be for any mother. There was a real threat of loss, and that was horrifying. Your fear of losing your children is a lingering spirit of fear from that event. The event is over, and your daughter lived, but the spirit of fear has remained. We could say it this way – that event opened the door to the spirit of fear, and the door is still open. We need to close the door and renounce partnering with it. We want to resolve it because in the spiritual realm, we welcome and invite in what we fear, and fear has no hold on you as a Daughter. It is there specifically to steal, kill, and destroy your peace and trust in God. I encourage you to spend some intentional time walking through this. 

Here are some steps to coach you, but let Holy Spirit guide you. Pray out loud, “Fear, I see you. You are exposed. I no longer partner with you over the fear of losing a child. You are a liar and not my friend, companion, or guide. I break agreement with the lie that torments my mama’s heart. I break the agreement that God is not in control. I break the agreement that I need to live in worry and fear over their physical well-being. Fear, I command you to leave now in Jesus’ name. You may not speak to my mind, the things I see, the things I hear, my nervous system, or my memories. Holy Spirit, I invite You to come and fill my mind, eyes, body, and memories with Your presence and Your peace, in Jesus’ name.” 

I also encourage you to picture taking each child in your hands and handing them over to God. He is their Father and needs to be the head of their lives as any other way will put pressure and worry on you as their mom that you are not wired to carry. Surrender their well-being, number of days, and safety to Him. As you do this with each child, then ask, “Father God, if keeping them alive and safe is Your job responsibility, then what is my responsibility?” Let Him teach you how to parent your children together, each knowing what you are responsible for and what you aren’t responsible for.