WATERING A WILTED HEART

WATERING A WILTED HEART

  • Connection, Love Tanks

WATERING A WILTED HEART

Have you ever seen a plant that just desperately needs a drink? My daughter looked that way to me, so I told the others to find something to do for 30 minutes while I had an in-home date with her. I told her to meet me in the rec room in 5 minutes. She had no idea what was happening but was waiting for me. I walked in, handed her a drink, and told her I just wanted her all to myself for a few moments. Then, I asked her about her heart, life, friends, and school. When we were done 15 minutes later, her comment was, “I feel so alive.”

Just because we are with our kids ALL the time doesn’t mean we have their hearts. Ask Holy Spirit how you can creatively water their heart today in a unique and meaningful way.

LOVE WORKS

Testimony from a mom taking our online Kingdom parenting class: “Parenting with the Father works. I’ve spent 5-10 mins extra in the morning connecting with my three-year-old son to fill his love tank. Our transition to daycare in the morning has been seamless. He struggled with that transition in the past and would scream, cry, and cling to us as we tried to leave. Now he gives us a hug and a kiss goodbye and is excited to play with his friends.”

PURSUING YOUR SON’S HEART

How have I pursued his heart over the years? Teaching him godly character, explaining on his level what connection looks like, allowing him space but not isolation, never letting the sun go down in anger or conflict, speaking his love language daily, calling out tones and attitudes, intentionally restoring the joy chemicals in his brain, hugging him, telling him I love him in words other than “I love you”, speaking over him who he is called to be, prophesying over his future, not tolerating slammed doors or storming off, teaching him how to respect me in actions and speech, limiting the number of video games, not allowing violence to entertain him, role-playing how to interact with his sisters when he is upset, fighting in the spirit realm over him, speaking over his future success – “You are going to be…”, being aware when there are emotional or relational walls, telling him the fruit he will bear with his choices (good or bad), helping him see how good connection feels and how it is worth the work it takes!

LANGUAGE OF LOVE

Sibling connection is important, yet without tools, language, or empowerment to create a peaceful environment, sibling conflict can be a great source of chaos in many homes.

EMPOWER OUTINGS

Face it, errands are a child’s least favorite ‘activity.’ Look for ways to engage them vs. just having them follow you around. Who can push the cart? Who can find the can of beans first? Who can open the door? Who can guess how long the line will take? Use the wait times to fill up their love tank and connect with their hearts (not check your phone). For older kids, empower them to help plan the menu and pick out the groceries. They can get out and wash your window while you pump the gas (I also have a child gather the trash from the car while I get gas). Make it fun and look for ways they can own part of the outing.

A CHILD’S HEART

A child’s heart is smaller, so they leak quickly. But the good news is that they fill fast! An encouraging word, positive declaration, 60-second back rub, eye contact with a huge smile, notes in their lunch box, message on the mirror, helping them with homework or chores. It can also look like a balloon at the breakfast table, sitting together, helping them with their hair or outfit, eating together, etc., are all simple, quick ways that communicate love.

NOTHING WITHOUT LOVE

The Word says if you have EVERYTHING (money, fame, status, awards, a big house, a perfect-looking family, IG followers, Pinterest-worthy snacks, A+ students, fancy cars, leadership titles, etc.), but have no love, you have NOTHING! Love matters because God designed our heart, mind, and soul to need it. I have seen the messiest of situations, exasperated parents, and the most challenging children MELT with the ointment of love.

I WAS WRONG

For years I have engaged in a battle with my son about waking up. Consistently he is late for family devotions and brings chaos to the breakfast table as he scrambles around late and flustered. We have purchased more alarm clocks that I can count, tag team going in his room to turn on the light and snap at him to wake but to no avail. It happened again and I issued strong consequences letting him know that taking responsibility for getting himself up on his own at his age is a MUST! But then I walked out the door for meetings and something gnawed at my heart all day. Finally, I asked Jesus to show me what He saw with my son, and I gasped. All these years I have treated Hudson as if it were a character/lazy issue. Jesus showed me it was not ill character at all but that his body literally needed more help moving from deep sleep to awake. My eyes open between 3-4AM and I jump out of bed ready for the day. God showed me that my son is physically wired differently. My mama’s heart was crushed that I had accused him for years of being lazy when it was in fact that he physically could not help it. It made my heart so sad that he was so misunderstood for so long and how lonely that can feel. I had a big mess to clean up.

I stopped to get his favorite wings and texted him asking for a mom/son date. As I sat down, he said, “What the occasion?” And I began to tell him how I missed it, was wrong and how sorry I was for not understanding him better. I asked him, “Does love to you look like spending more time helping you wake up?” He welled up with tears (from years of being misunderstood) and got a massive smile on his face and said, “Yep!”

Parents, we were never supposed to know it all and have it all figured out. We love our children fiercely but are NOT the ones who created them. Parenting was always supposed to be a partnership with Him, not for Him. 

I am so excited to wake him up!!!!!

TELL THEM!

Your child is hungry to learn and hear your personal stories. Your journey will shape them significantly, and your story’s chapters will be valuable to them. Share with them your experiences as it relates to their world. Tell them about a time you dealt with or struggled with the same thing they are walking through. Share with them what you have learned through your own mistakes. Tell them about your God encounters and what Jesus has said to you. You are not their royal emperor dictating from a throne. You are their parent – empowering, equipping, and leading them face-to-face.

PEACE VS. FREEDOM

Our goal as church leaders and parents should not be peace. Instead, our goal as believers has to be FREEDOM from what causes the patterns of chaos in the first place. It is the freedom that naturally produces peace. But to go after peace without freedom is nothing short of behavior modification, legalism, and denying the power of the Cross.

TECHNOLOGY

I realize we are all first-generation parents stewarding the world of technology with our children. We will hit some home runs, and we will make some mistakes along the way. One day my son asked if he could take his phone with him on our family outing. I usually have them leave them at home because it is our time to connect, but I allowed it. He was playing a Spanish app and engrossed in it and barely said a word. I had to run to Walmart, and he asked if he could keep playing on it while I was shopping. I agreed to make an exception. The trip was chaotic. He was always a few feet behind us and not paying attention as he bumped into others due to looking down on his phone. I was in a bit of a hurry and was trying to find something for Ellie. I asked him to stay by the cart while I ran down the other aisle, and he absent-mindedly walked away, leaving my cart and purse unattended. I asked him to go back to the cart. A few moments later, Ellie came to me upset because Hudson was snapping at her. He was attempting to push the cart but ran into something because his eyes were on his phone. A few minutes later, I asked him to help me with something, and he had an attitude with me for ‘interrupting’ him. It was so chaotic and stressful. I went to him and held out my hand, asking for his phone. We finished and when we got into the car, I reminded him that I had raised him to be a helper, to see others, to be kind, to jump in where needed, to be a gentleman, to serve, be aware of his surroundings and to be a blessing. I did not raise a son whose eyes were locked looking down on a screen, walking around aimlessly without seeing a single person or contributing to the task. Every parent needs to make their own choice about technology, but for me, when they were younger, going to the store was our training ground for character, and I was not going to let a phone undo all that work. I care more about his development than his entertainment. I care more about the man he is becoming than his comfort. I care more about him seeing others than what he is watching for himself. The phone is not your friend if it is breaking connection with those around you.