Have you been hurt in the church (or elsewhere) and feel like you are on a repeat cycle of forgiving them repeatedly, and you can’t quite seem to be free from it? I keep seeing this pattern and believe this will bring FREEDOM to many of you. When people get hurt in the church because of orphan leadership, the person on the receiving end knows they need to forgive. They walk that out intimately with the Lord but then see the person again, hear of someone else’s pain from them, or are reminded of their experience, and it kicks it back up again for them. They leave determined to forgive… again. For some, this pattern can go on for years. It becomes a tormenting experience of “What is wrong with me?” and “Why can’t I let this go?” When we are hurt, offended, or wronged, we have a responsibility as believers to take it to the Cross and to walk in forgiving the debt they owe us (and turning it over to Jesus’ courtroom to be judged accordingly). Leaders are human, and each person is on their own journey; however, when a leader has a pattern of hurting people, it stems from their own orphanhood and leading from that place. It is no different than a parent parenting from a place of brokenness or woundedness. This is what I want you to hear. If you have actively forgiven them and the issue still seems to rile you up, it may be because it is NOT a heart/soul issue anymore. It is a spiritual issue. You encountered the spirit in which they are operating out of, which caused the original hurt/pain/offense. We need to forgive for the ‘fruit’ of that spirit, but we do not resolve spirit issues with forgiveness; we use our authority over it. You are not a victim to that spirit (or the leader partnering with it). You are a child of God who has been set apart to discern the spirit in operation and destroy the devil’s works, even in the church.

HeartWork – If this describes your cycle of forgiveness and not being fully free, #1. Ask God to show you the spirit that is in operation. #2. Break agreement with that spirit. “Spirit of _____, I see you and no longer partner with you. I command you to go in Jesus’ name. Holy Spirit, I welcome Your power, love, and clear mind.” #3. Ask God to show you what He wants you to do about it.

**While you cannot resolve someone else’s spiritual conflict or partnership with the wrong kingdom, you can bind that spirit from influencing you in their presence.


I feel a strong stirring in my spirit that we all need to do our part to ‘clear the air’ in the spiritual realm. Who do you need to forgive? Make things right with? Let go of offense? Believe the best? Ask for forgiveness? Repent of judgments? Confess slander? Call a family meeting and walk this out together.

In doing this, we begin to clear the spiritual air and allow ourselves to get the fresh air our spirit needs to be healthy.


My friend told me about a story with her son, and I think it is GLORIOUS. Her adopted son had a rough year with his dad moving out and his big sister moving away. He recently spent time at his dad’s house while his parents were in town. The young boy returned to his mom’s house and was OUT OF CONTROL! Yelling, kicking, hitting, screaming – unglued. She shared how she normally would have exercised some serious authority over his behavior and would have dealt firmly with him for his outburst. But she could see he was hurting and said, “Buddy, can Mommy hold you for a moment?” He was hesitant but eventually came to her, put his face in her neck, and just wept. He woke up the next morning back to himself again. There is a time and place to discipline a child for negative behavior, and there is a time and place to partner with Holy Spirit and move in the opposite spirit. This boy was simply trying to express the BIG emotions going on inside of his heart. He needed the security of a mother’s love, and whatever was causing his heart so much agitation was released through her affection.


Mamas, are you cursing your body? It is hard to raise daughters with healthy self-esteem when you model cursing your own body. My mom had four kids close in age and didn’t like the way it affected her body. I was secure and confident growing up with my body; however, the moment I had kids (also four close in age, including twins), I immediately turned against my body and felt like it was ‘ruined.’ I was intentional about building up my daughters and their self-image. God began to show me that what my mom taught me, by cursing her own body, is that motherhood ‘ruins’ your body. I was simply modeling that belief onto my children. I entered a season of greater self-love and acceptance for my body, which has miraculously produced life. I want my daughters to feel beautiful now AND after they become a mom. It isn’t about praising them but modeling acceptance for myself.

**This isn’t just for daughters. When moms curse their own bodies in front of their sons, they are teaching them that there is something wrong with a woman’s body, which we surely don’t want him to transfer to his wife someday.


I feel a bit like a broken record, but when I wake up, God often tells me what to post and lays a theme or words on my heart to share. He has brought this up over and over and over. So, I share once again out of obedience to Him. I once talked about the black sheep of the family and how it is normally the child who resists the family’s operating system that God is using to bring generational things back into alignment with Him. I think the same goes for the church. God sends people – perhaps unrefined and immature – who carry something that the church needs to come into alignment with to reflect Him better. Leaders can embrace the mess and let God move in a new way, OR they can walk in power and control and reject the person in an effort to ‘protect’ the flock, missing the purpose altogether.

If you have been rejected as the BLACK SHEEP OF THE CHURCH, I encourage you to please watch this!!! Process your heart well and allow the wounds to heal BECAUSE YOU ARE NEEDED FOR THIS HOUR! You carry what the Body needs. While others may have misunderstood you, God has not. You might not be responsible for the actions of others, but you are responsible for how you respond. Do not let orphans in leadership roles rob you (or us) of what God wants to do through you. If you do not have time to watch this entire video, listen to it while driving or making dinner. I have also broken up the segments listed on our YouTube channel.

Hurt in the Church #1 – YouTube


This is going to sound really odd, but what if the intimacy we are all craving is found in conflict? I am not saying we should host a create-your-own-conflict party and see how messy everyone can be. I am saying that the conflict is already there, and it is what we do with it that becomes the issue. What if instead of just having an inner healing team that helped people with their issues, we had a CONFLICT RESOLUTION MINISTRY that helped the choir director with their issues with the youth group leader? Or the children’s pastor and the mother? Or the head pastor’s wife and the janitor? What if those places of conflict became the greatest places of intimacy-producing healing? What if instead of walking around pretending to get along, we actually did get along because our relationships, even our conflict, sharpened us, refined us, and made us more like Him? I was connecting with a friend starting a church plant, and I asked him, “What are you going to do with the conflict?” He replied that he knew it would be there, BUT… At this point, I interrupted him and suggested maybe it was time the church did conflict as the main event instead of preaching a good talk but never learning how to walk it out in reality. No one has to tell a church leader about conflict any more than a parent is aware of sibling conflict. In conflict, there are two healthy solutions – allow the pain and discomfort of the present situation to reveal what inside you needs to be healed and aligned with Him OR allow the pain and discomfort of the present situation to make you more like Jesus as you learn to love people who are challenging, messy and wounded. The people who have hurt me the most are the ones God has used to bring greater healing. They aren’t the enemy, the devil is, but as promised, God uses it for good.


Does your child have an increased issue using hurtful tones and snapping words? If so, it could be GRIEF! Children are grieving. They have lost the world known to them. They have lost what was important to them. They have lost what is familiar. They have lost connection. They have lost their sense of belonging (which comes from peers). Managing their behavior is only helpful if their behavior is rooted in their flesh or ill character. If their behavior is because of grief, we must help them process their pain. Pain is messy, and we must be willing to see what is really going on in their hearts if we want them to overcome this very challenging season. How? Children respond well to VERBS to help process their hearts. Ask them to draw a picture of how their heart feels. Set up daily phone calls with someone outside of the family. Create a zoom call with their favorite classmates. Let them email or text their teacher. Buy them a special stuffed animal to cuddle with when they are sad. Let them see their friends! Create a special party for someone they haven’t seen in a while. Buy them a journal to write how they feel. Set up a time for them to spend the night elsewhere. Ask Holy Spirit what their heart needs!!


Testimony from our JOURNEY class: “This class is so valuable. This key lesson on heart splinters alone is worth it all! This was where I got lost as a child and was walking in darkness as a teenager. I needed someone to see the inflamed and infected splinter in my heart and help me pull it out. I am working on not partnering with shame or condemnation for my own parenting mistakes, as well as seeing my parents as humans who were also scared and hurting when they parented me.”


Our bodies profit from an occasional detox from the build-up of toxins. It just helps make the rest of the body parts function better. Our family is a body, and it, too, could benefit from a spiritual detox from the hurts, lies, and offenses that have been built up among family members. It never ceases to amaze me when we do this as a family. Everyone is more helpful, joyful, and drawn to connection. Send them to school this year with the slate clean between family members. Have a listen!

Video – Family Detox – YouTube

Podcast – Family Detox by Lisa Max – Let the Children Fly! ( 


The need for inner healing is the space between God’s truth and our reality. The enemy seeks to separate us from our BELIEF in God’s goodness. He can’t touch that reality as the Cross is a finished work, but he can mess with our thoughts about it. We live in a fallen world, and all have experienced hurts and offenses, some more than others. Not everyone is walking wounded – many are free and healed. Christ said to Satan while fasting, “You have nothing in Me – no hooks.” He had no emotional wounds, He and His Father were good, and He carried no lies or shame that the enemy could use against Him. Lies typically enter during an event where something happens that produces negative feelings, and at that moment, the enemy tries to whisper lies to us about God, ourselves, and others. We all know of examples where someone gets bad news and overreacts. Most likely, they agreed with a lie, only to realize later that it wasn’t true. If the lie remains, something will be ‘off’ with God, ourselves, or others. Things like peace, love, and unity go out the window quickly when lies are present. Why? Because that is the purpose of a lie: to steal, kill, and destroy. Steal, kill and destroy what? Our connection with the truth about God, ourselves, and others. Simple, isn’t it? When our soul gets so heavy and wounded with hurts, lies, and offenses, we begin to medicate ourselves with band-aids. Some ways are more harmful than others, but they can include: running away, putting walls up, partnering with fear, becoming angry, lying, turning to drugs, sex or porn, drinking, withdrawing, yelling, swearing, isolating ourselves, etc. While these serve to protect us (otherwise, people wouldn’t use them), the band-aids create a whole new set of issues since getting close to a protected heart can be challenging. You won’t find band-aids in the Bible, Jesus’ ministry, or heaven. They are inferior coping mechanisms that help us to manage the pain of an offense or wound.

So, what is the solution? Allow Jesus to heal that inner part of you that got hurt SO THAT you can be aligned with His truth and walk in wholeness.