TRUTH-BASED PARENTING

TRUTH-BASED PARENTING

  • Activities/Teachings, Heart Splinters

TRUTH-BASED PARENTING

Ask, “Jesus, what lies am I believing about my parenting?” I am fairly certain I know your response. No, I am not a mind reader, but I do know that the enemy throws out these seeds to all parents, hoping to get us to partner with them because it may feel or sound true. The lie you believe about your parenting most likely sounds something like the following: I am ruining my children. I am not enough. My child will grow up to hate me. I do not have what it takes.

Friends, the enemy is a liar, and you ARE enough. Not because of you, but because GOD gave you your child, and He trusts Himself to work all things out (even your shortcomings, wounds, and messes). When a parent partners with this lie, he is taking out two generations in one because a parent who believes they aren’t enough will act like they aren’t enough. If you struggle with the lie that you aren’t enough, are ruining your child, or don’t have what it takes, write the lie out and destroy it (burn it, trash it, shred it, stomp on it, flush it or rip it). THEN ask, “Jesus, what is Your truth about my parenting?” The next time the enemy throws that lie at you, counter it with what Jesus said.

TRAIN THEM

I was at the mall one day and witnessed something that I wanted to speak into. A child was given a toy by her grandma while the adults shopped in a store. The child was happy and content. A few minutes later, the four-year-old wandered over to the table with perfume bottles and began to play with them. Grandma came and yanked the girl’s arm away, and the girl resisted. She went back to the perfume bottles again and was playing with them. Grandma returned only to scold the girl sharply. A power struggle broke out. I 100% agree that it is not wise for a four-year-old to be playing with perfume bottles BUT can we take a small tour into the world of a four-year-old? She was given a toy and that is okay, but finds something else to play with quietly and is yanked, scolded and reprimanded. How is she supposed to know at four what is and what is not okay to touch unless someone teaches her? What would it have looked like if Grandma understood she was just touching and playing because it was there and on her level of reach and in her mind she honestly did not know the value of the bottles or what could happen if they fell on the floor or worse yet sprayed in her face? How do you think the girl would have responded if Grandma got down on her level, gently held her hand, looked in her eyes, and said firmly, “No, no touch,” and began to train the little girl to honor her voice? Grabbing, yanking, scolding, and yelling, do nothing to teach a child what is and is not okay. It breaks connection and confuses a child. TRAIN them in self-control and responding to your verbal command.

DISEMPOWERED

The definition of empowerment is to give (someone) the authority or power to do something. This means you can’t empower yourself. It is something that is given or denied by someone else. This is why God puts us in families and churches with mothers and fathers who have authority over us, see the value in us, and champion what God has placed inside of us. I am not talking about when people are using their God-given authority in a healthy way. There is an appropriate time for a parent, leader, teacher, or pastor to protect those in their care by not allowing them to do something. This is healthy and a protective covering. Nor am I talking about entitlement and that people should just be able to do whatever they want when they want it and that no one can tell them “No.” I am talking about when people in authority use the tool of disempowerment to protect something in them that needs to come into alignment. I hope to bring perspective to the dynamics of what happens when parents/leaders use disempowerment as a tool to control those under them.

ORPHAN – Disempowerment removes parents/leaders from being true mothers and fathers the way God intended homes and churches to operate and therefore opens them up to the demonic simply by creating a culture that isn’t in alignment with His Kingdom. Being disempowered pulls them back into an orphan mentality.

HeartWork – Declare over yourself that you are not an orphan but a child of God. Receive it as His truth. Ask God to teach you about your identity as a Son/Daughter and make the intentional choice to embrace it.

DOUBLE-MINDEDNESS – Disempowerment can throw a person into double-mindedness. They want to honor it, but it doesn’t feel right. They talk their mind out of their emotions and their emotions out of their mind. It creates a cycle that is so inner focus that it consumes them. “I love them,” “I can’t understand why they don’t believe in me,” “I see how powerful they are,” “What’s wrong with me?” They have a very hard time reconciling their mind and heart because they are both screaming two different things. The Bible says a double-minded man is unstable in all his ways. It is hard for someone to be confident and full of courage when your mind and heart are not in alignment with each other.

HeartWork – Put your hand on your heart and declare out loud, “I am not crazy. I am not unloving. There is nothing wrong with me. I command my mind to align right now with the mind of Christ, in Jesus’ name.”

COVERING – Disempowering someone puts the wrong kingdom covering over that child/person. The nature of empowerment is authority. When someone (falsely) takes it from you, it leaves you vulnerable to the enemy because it is by Christ’s work on the Cross that we are all empowered with authority to walk who He has called us to be.

HeartWork – Picture heavy football shoulder pads that were placed on you as a covering to keep you inoperable. Instead of trying to lift the heavy weight off, you just come from under it. Prophetically you might want to physically move your body out from under the weight of the wrong covering and align yourself with the covering of Jesus. 

STUNTS GROWTH – Being disempowerment removes the protective covering that allows for mistakes and messes while maturing. There is no learning curve and without it, children/people are crippled in making choices because they know they can’t do it perfectly, so they shy away from trying.

HeartWork – Picture a measuring stick that was placed next to you and told you that you do not measure up. Ask Jesus what tool He wants you to use to break the measuring stick. Go ahead and do that with Him. Then ask Him to show you His measuring stick and ask Holy Spirit to convict you when you are returning to the old measuring stick of man. 

SHAME – Disempowerment isn’t God’s tool so it will never make sense to the human mind and heart, but they attempt to reconcile the question “what is wrong with me?” (When in fact, there is nothing wrong with them). Some can spend a lifetime attempting to answer this question.

HeartWork – The greatest way to overcome shame is self-compassion. When I am feeling slimed by shame, I put my hand on my heart and say, “Lisa, I am right here. I am not leaving you. Let’s do this together.” I turn into a puddle of love because I am accepting myself. Ask yourself, “What do I need to hear?” and then speak it over yourself often. 

INTROSPECTION – Disempowerment hands the person a mirror and forces them to be critical of themselves, not knowing where they went wrong or how to make it better. An awkward awareness of self follows you around unsure if you will make the same mistake again with others, yet you aren’t fully aware of what mistake you made in the first place.

HeartWork – Go to the thrift store and buy a mirror. Place a tarp or sheet on the ground and smash the mirror, declaring that you no longer have the job of constantly staring in the mirror, wondering if and where you are wrong. Hand over the job to Jesus, and trust He can lead you. Years ago, God showed me a picture of Jesus and me dancing on the dance floor. He told me that it was His job to watch when I was too close to the edge, not mine. My job was to enjoy the dance with Him and trust He knows how to lead me. 

REJECTION – The greatest form of rejection is when someone dismisses the gifts inside of you because it is the very reason why you were created.

HeartWork – This may sound insensitive to some, and that is not my heart. We never figure out what God is doing by what we see the devil doing, but can we, just for a moment, laugh at how utterly hard the enemy tries to disqualify your voice and gifts? Why would he be so afraid and intimidated by what you carry inside of you? You may feel like a fragile baby bird, but the truth is you are made in the image of God, are related to Jesus Christ, and have the Holy Spirit of God inside of you. That makes you a force to be reckoned with, and it is time you start to see yourself the way your Creator sees you, not the way the enemy has tried to devour you. 

IDOL – Disempowerment puts the focus on the one in authority in an idol state and is always unhealthy for all parties. It makes their stamp of approval the goal rather than what God is doing and saying in that person’s life. The more it is withheld, the more the person craves it, and the idol grows. It is a vicious cycle and trap of the enemy to get one’s eyes off Jesus. Idol worship is empty and lacks the ability to produce fruit.

HeartWork – Picture yourself entangled in a ball of yarn wrapped all around you. The more you wiggle to get free, the more entangled you become. Ask Jesus to come with His scissors to cut you free from the spider web of pleasing man and the emptiness of not getting it. Step out from the pile of yarn, and do not re-wrap yourself back where Jesus has just cut you free. 

JUDGEMENT – I found this part very interesting. When there is idol worship there will be a lack of peace. The enemy often hands a person the tool of judgment to fight it off with. I have seen this countless times as people have battled disempowerment and then become seduced with judgment. Their minds try hard to slap it back into honor and love, but eventually, they give away and push back the disempowerment with judgment. The very person they so deeply wanted to know who believed in them suddenly becomes the worst person on earth, and judgments are made about who they are, their intentions, and credibility. This is so sad because they move from being disempowered to judgmental, which continues to hinder them.

HeartWork – Forgive the parent/leader who told you they didn’t believe in you, who didn’t value your gifts, and didn’t find you worth investing in. For many, there is great grief and sadness as the person in authority is generally someone you cared a great deal about (parent/leader). 

You can’t steward the position of disempowerment well enough because it is not your identity or God-given place. There is only ONE way out of disempowerment. Forgiveness. Forgive the parent/leader who told you they didn’t believe in you, who didn’t value your gifts, and who didn’t find you worth investing in. For many, there is great grief and sadness as the person in authority is generally someone you care a great deal about (parent/leader). Give your heart a voice in walking this out and allowing God to restore your authority!

SEEDS PLANTED

Testimony from a mom who took our online Kingdom parenting class years ago. What I love about this is that God was putting seeds deep inside of her when her children were so little and grew them in His timing for her time of need. 

She shared: “In the middle of taking your class, I didn’t know how I could use the tools you taught at the time, as they were just two and three years old. But now that they are four and five, I am starting to see the breakthroughs happen, and it’s such a blessing to be able to touch the heart splinters and have Jesus take care of them now than years from now. Lisa, thank you for choosing Jesus when it felt like all hope was lost many years ago!!!! I am a work in progress, but I am so grateful for your ministry!!!”

HEALING THE ROOT

HEALING THE SICK

God made our mind, body, and spirit in perfect harmony, working together. When parts of our body are out of alignment, it will affect other areas. If the foot is broken, the opposite leg has to work harder. God designed them to work together. When we are not processing our emotions fully for whatever reason, it can affect our physical bodies. Disease is a breakdown of our physical bodies, but long before there is a disease, there is a lack of EASE (harmony). The medical community states that 80-85% of all medical issues (tooth issues, back pain, heart failure, cancers, asthma, etc.) are rooted in something emotional or spiritual. Meaning you can ‘cure’ the symptoms, but if the ROOT is not addressed, it will just come out again somewhere else. 

Unprocessed emotions can generally stem from three areas: #1. Their experience was not validated or was downplayed as no big deal when it was a big deal, and their heart needed a voice. #2. They do not feel like they have permission to STOP and process because the demands on them keep going. #3. There is a pre-existing condition of the heart not being at ease and new experiences are touching on unprocessed or trapped emotions. All of these scenarios can make the body out of harmony and not at ease. Many are reporting brand new physical symptoms since the virus broke out, and I want to provide you with an opportunity to process some of your emotions that may be a contributing factor. Not everyone will fit into this category, but I believe this will be a lifeline for many. What a blessing you are being given an opportunity to experience greater breakthrough and freedom in this hour. While it may be uncomfortable to process the emotional aspect of this storm, it is necessary for our bodies to be in harmony and at ease. 

Other things that help in the process are: Searching the Word to see what it has to say about that subject, praying, playing worship music, crying, talking to God, journaling, going for a walk, putting your hand on your heart and speaking kindly to yourself, calling a friend, searching online for resources, declaring truth statements, laughing and finding pockets of joy, intentional deep breathing, repenting. Let the Children Fly has many tools to help you resolve the inner conflict. Be at peace. Be healed. Be whole. Be free.

IF YOU ARE EXPERIENCING LOWER BACK PAIN:

Is there anger that has not been dealt with? Either from the current situation or a previous situation where you are holding onto anger that needs to be validated and released? Please note that anger is a secondary emotion that serves to self-protect when we are generally feeling scared, lonely, or sad about something. The goal is not to treat the back pain but to deal with the underlying emotions that you have had to carry.

IF YOU ARE EXPERIENCING STOMACH ISSUES:

Is there fear that has not been dealt with? Either from the current events or a previous event that left you battling fear? If the door to fear was already opened, any new fearful encounter would only magnify the existing fear. The goal is not just to treat the stomach issues but to close the door to fear using authority. 2 Timothy 1:7.

IF YOU ARE EXPERIENCING HEART/CHEST PAIN:

Is there emotional pain that has not been fully addressed that has hurt your heart? God wants you to experience healing in this area to free you from the ongoing hurt.

IF YOU ARE EXPERIENCING HEADACHES:

Is there a sense of losing control? God never designed us to be out of control. He designed us to be anchored to Him and His ability to provide, protect and cover us in the midst of a storm. If you feel powerless and out of control in this hour, press into the Scriptures on what He has to say about His ability to provide, protect and shelter His children. Release the need to control and hand the job back to Him.

IF YOU ARE EXPERIENCING NECK/SHOULDER PAIN:

Similar to a headache, are you feeling intense feelings of being burdened and having more responsibility than you can bear and carry? While God designed us to be highly functioning and fruitful, there are some things He has not called us to take responsibility for. Spend some time asking Him if you have taken on the responsibility that needs to be put back on Him. The aftermath of this shaking season is not on you to fix or carry.

IF YOU ARE EXPERIENCING FATIGUE:

If there are feelings of resentment, either from current events or something prior, it will suck the life out of you. Resentment acts like a heavy blanket on our souls, making us feel worn out and exhausted, even by doing nothing. Resentment is the deep-seated feeling that you have been treated poorly. While that may be the case, holding onto it will not create the justice you desire. Only God can use what the enemy meant for evil and turn it into something good. Release the events to Him and ask Him to vindicate and repay what was stolen from you.

IF YOU ARE EXPERIENCING BREATHING ISSUES (that are not life threatening):

Anxiety is a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome (Google). All of us feel anxious at some point but what we do with it is the difference between staying in anxiety or moving to faith and peace. Philippians 4:7. 

IF YOU ARE EXPERIENCING THROAT ISSUES:

Oppression and depression can look and feel the same. Depression is rooted in a chemical imbalance and is resolved with medication, while oppression is rooted in the spirit and goes away with authority. You use your authority by speaking and commanding the heaviness to go in Jesus’ name. I encourage you to spend time inviting the presence of God, His peace, power, and love to invade your mind, body, spirit, family, home, and connections. Use your voice.

IF YOU ARE EXPERIENCING NUMBNESS:

If any of the above emotions have been carried around undealt with for some time, and then you add the trauma of the current events, it can cause our bodies to go on overload, which can cause numbness because our system simply can NOT carry it anymore. You may be surprised at your inability to cope, and perhaps it is not just from the current events but from the current situations being the tipping point to what you have already been carrying. Holding out your arm carrying four quarters is easy, but if you do that day in, day out, for years, your arm will get fatigued and eventually become numb. It isn’t often the size of the weight, but that you have been carrying it for the length of time.

While this may be uncomfortable to process the emotional aspect of this storm, it is necessary so that our bodies can be in harmony and at ease. Other things that help in the process are: Search the Word to see what it has to say about that subject, praying, playing worship music, crying, talking to God, journaling, going for a walk, putting your hand on your heart and speaking kindly to yourself, calling a friend, searching online for resources, declaring truth statements, laughing and finding pockets of joy, intentional deep breathing, repenting. Let the Children Fly has many tools to help you resolve the inner conflict.

Be at peace. Be healed. Be whole. Be free.

PERFECT FATHER

There was a time when I wasn’t fully engaged with my daughter, grossly misunderstood something, and reacted strongly. Later, when it all came out, I realized how hurt she was that she didn’t feel validated or heard. When I asked her for forgiveness, I sensed the Holy Spirit saying to add, “Father God is never too busy; He always hears your heart and knows everything about you.”

Oftentimes for children, it isn’t the event that causes lasting wounds but the lies about the godhead attached to their experiences. It is okay that my children know I am human. Still, they need to know Father God is rock solid, never loses His cool, is always available, always alert, never sleeps, and never makes a mistake. He isn’t overwhelmed, unsure of what to do, isn’t mad/upset, and is never too busy. As a parent, I can take my weakest moments with my children and use them as opportunities to teach them about their Perfect Father!

KINDNESS

Ponder for a moment why God would say there is incredible power in blessings and kindness. The reality is it has the ability to transform the worst of situations. So how can you be an agent of ‘doing good’ today?

MEAN GIRL

My daughter was so excited to meet a sweet girl on the first day of school. It made her transition moving out to CA so much easier knowing she had made a friend, but as the days rolled on, another girl seemed to have a real problem with her and was making life difficult. She would come home and talk about what the ‘mean girl’ was doing to her. Finally, I asked Lauren if she was willing to forgive the girl for not being loving. After she let go of the offense, Jesus showed her the girl was scared my daughter would take away her friend and that she would be left alone. Then I had her ask Jesus what HE wanted her to do about it. Instantly, she heard she was to ‘kill her with kindness’ (which is a verse in the Bible that she has never read). The next day, Lauren pulled her aside, apologized for any way she may have made her mad or upset, and then blessed her with a sweet treat. It broke that girl’s wall down, and she immediately began accepting her. The following day, she presented my daughter with a handmade thank-you note for being so kind to her. THAT is how we teach our children to be the head and not the tail, how to flip situations for God’s glory and how to release heaven in worldly situations on earth.

GET UP AND FIGHT – JOY

Finding pockets of joy is a deal-breaker in the midst of the battle because it increases a chemical in our brain that gives us the will to endure hard things. Laughing when you are heavy is hard, but it is one of the greatest muscles you can utilize in the midst of a battle. Make a list of 3-5 things that would bring your heart a smile – DO IT!

I AM THEIR TEACHER

Teaching children to walk in character is a VERB, and it is best done in the home by loving parents.