THERE IS MORE!

THERE IS MORE!

  • Kingdom Parenting, RE-VIVE

THERE IS MORE!

Take a moment and picture how incredible it would be to be in Hawaii. No, seriously. Stop right now and think about a trip to paradise. The mere thought of the ocean mist, bright sun, and warm sand – sounds like heaven. Now, picture yourself on the balcony of the high-rise hotel on the beach. Pretty cool, huh? What if you were to walk down to the sandy beach with a relaxing book and sit under the sun umbrella? How about strolling up and down the shoreline, flirting with the cool waves against your warm toes? Better yet, picture yourself knee-deep and enjoying the waves splashing against your body. Swimming out deeper and jumping in the waves is an experience like no other. If you venture out just a little further, you can snorkel and see some of the most fantastic fish swimming. Still, does the wonder of the ocean end there? No! There is even more! When you learn how to surrender to the mercy of an oxygen tank, you can stay immersed under the water for quite some time and enjoy the outstanding, breathtaking beauty that is not available for those seated in the safety of their hotel balcony. While the mere thought of being in Hawaii right now is a good one, God wants us to know that there is MORE of Himself waiting to be discovered, and these depths in God far outweigh any beauty we may find on earthly soil. The only person to ever reach the vast depth of the Father was Jesus. For the rest of us, we can stay on the beautiful yet comfortable, confined balcony or allow the Spirit to draw us deeper and deeper. No matter where you are at right now, know there is MORE! The goal isn’t to be air-dropped into the middle of the sea and claim that we have arrived. Doing so ill-equipped would be not only dangerous but also foolish. The goal is the JOURNEY! God finishes and completes our faith, and it is our job to allow Him to lead us one step at a time. Philippians 1:6 is your anchor! 

Now, link this analogy to parenting: Can you picture how drastically different our parenting will be based on where we position ourselves? Those on the balcony will have a different parenting mindset than those who parent from the ocean’s depth. 

Through the different seasons of your life. Are you gradually moving deeper and deeper, or are you having continued visits between the same few safe and familiar locations?

LEGALISM DOESN’T WORK

It is impossible for a child to feel like they have significance when they are raised in a legalistic household because they never measure up.

KINGDOM OF GOD

If your busyness does not include peace, joy, laughter, and connection, you may be idling on busyness.

REAPING AND SOWING

I am getting better and better at letting my kids feel the aftermath of their choices instead of taking it on myself. The other day, I asked one of the kids to take out the trash, and as we pulled out of the driveway to go to school, I noticed two fully loaded trash bags sitting against the fence. I immediately pulled back into the driveway and put the trash in the bin myself in a bit of a huff. In the process, I stepped in the mud with my new shoes on, and it was not a fun ride to school. I sensed Holy Spirit saying to me, “Why did you do that?” and I began to think of what would happen if I hadn’t put the trash in the bin myself. Oh my – it would have been a disaster. Surely the neighbor dogs would have found the chicken bones, and there would have been trash all over the yard. And gee, the neighbors would probably think less of me if my yard was littered with trash. Then I heard it again, “Why did YOU do that?” and I began to picture my son coming home from school to find trash – the trash HE left out – all over the place and how uncomfortable HE would have been in cleaning it all up. While it would have cost me embarrassment with my neighbors, it would have been a price to pay for my child to learn ownership of completing tasks fully. God has set before us a Kingdom principle of reaping and sowing. Our children need to learn how to reap what they are sowing and not always have a parent who steps in to reap what they have sown. 

DOES GOD STILL SPEAK TODAY?

Before you can teach your children how to hear their Father, you will need to align your thinking with heaven. First, you have to resolve the following question in your heart – does Father God speak to His children? If He does, you must stand in faith that it will happen. If you don’t believe His voice is for today, then you are walking in doubt, and that alone is an earmuff that blocks your hearing. If you do not believe that He wants to speak to you as a parent, then you will have a tough time acknowledging when He is speaking to your children. Often, we expect God to get our attention by screaming at us, and THEN we will believe He speaks. While He can do anything, typically, it is our faith that allows us to experience the Kingdom. John 11:40. 

Let me give you an example: A child learns in Sunday school that Jesus wants to speak to him, and he BELIEVES it. He goes to bed that night and asks Jesus to speak to him in his dreams. He wakes up the following day and runs downstairs to tell his mom that Jesus took him all over the world and showed him that he would go before a king and tell him about Jesus. The mom says, “Ha, that is a wild dream, all right, but you can’t really go around the world like that.” The child declares, “No, Jesus took me. I saw Him, and He told me I would tell kings about Him.” Mom smiles and assures Junior that kids aren’t allowed to see kings for they are too important. No matter how much Junior insists it is real, Mom teaches him about reality. The child walks away, partnering with his all-knowing mother, and pushes the silly dream aside. These are generally the kids who are most hardened to the Christian faith down the road because they tried it and felt burned. Guess who the enemy uses the most to put earmuffs on a child? Yep, the unbelieving Christian parent. What if Mom responded, “WOW, Buddy, that is amazing. I believe Jesus speaks to us and can do it while we sleep because He never sleeps. I believe He created you to be a powerful mouthpiece for Him and that He has plans for your future far above your wildest dreams. How about you draw me a picture of your dream?” 

Which parent do you want to be? Go ahead and spend a moment honestly processing your belief. Does God speak to His children today? 

A – Absolutely! 

B – I believe but haven’t experienced it.

C – I haven’t seen it, so I don’t believe it.

D – I was taught He doesn’t speak.

SUMMER

Words are important. God said let there be light and there was light.

Stop for a moment and dream about your ideal summer. What does it look like with connection and activities? How do you want to feel at the end of every day?

This is not a “name it -claim it” teaching, but a model of following our Father and speaking into existence that which is already available into the spirit realm.

Have a family meeting and together make declarations about what you want your summer to be about. Such as, “We will release joy everywhere we go.” “Our summer will be filled with joy.” “We will connect deeply as a family.” “We will love ourselves and others well.” “We will laugh daily.” “We will take responsibility for what is ours.” “We will grow as a family this summer.”

What we are declaring over our families becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. When our children hear us communicating that we are dreading the summer or we are so glad school is starting again, it communicates to them the wrong worth and value. Ask Holy Spirit to highlight any false declarations that you have been declaring over yourself, your parenting or your children for the summer months. Ask for forgiveness, if needed.

Flipping Mindsets – Summer is when you get to regroup and get a new vision for your family. You get to shake off all of the events of last year, re-calibrate as a family, go after character growth, learn new skills for life, grow deeper in your connections, and build memories.

Family Rules – 3 big things were lost in the Garden; our sense of BELONGING, our WORTH and our SECURITY. Whatever our household rules, boundaries, limits, or ‘no’s are with children, it must be done in a loving way that still intentionally communicates that they have a place where they belong, that they are incredibly valuable and important and that they are secure and safe. Things like disunity, arguments between parents, ongoing sibling conflict, atmosphere of worry and stress, anger, belittling, disrespect, and lack of intentional family time can all inflict the orphan spirit. I am not talking about a one-time deal like you had a bad day and yelled once. I am talking about lifestyles and norms. Our goal in parenting should be to model heaven.

Rules – Review your household core values and rules as a family. If your children cannot tell you what the rules are, then it will be hard to expect them to govern themselves by them. Play a round of charades acting out what honor, respect, kindness, etc. looks like.

Vision – What is the vision you have for your family? If you do not know what you are aiming for then you will parent inconsistently, which will produce inconsistent and frustrating results for the whole family.

HOLY SPIRIT, WASH MY MOUTH!

Somewhere along the lines of parenting, advice became the concept of putting soap in a child’s mouth when they spoke unedifying words. As someone who spoke my mind often, I was one of them. It was common in our household to see bars of Dial soap with teeth marks in them. Lord have mercy was this parenting tool from the pit of hell. It did little to ‘clean my mouth’ and instead built up resentment and offense. But the principle of cleaning our mouths is Biblical.

Ephesians 4:29 – “Let no unwholesome word come out of your mouth, but if there is any good word for edification according to the need of the moment, say that, so that it will give grace to those who hear.”

Some of us have become so foul in our speech towards ourselves, our children, and strangers that it has left a stench in the nose of the Father. We need to grab the bubble of Jesus’ blood and ask Him to cleanse our mouths of all unrighteousness. Gather the family and have a fun time washing your hands, seeing who can make the most bubbles. Have fun, let joy break out. Then have them sit in the family room and read Ephesians 4:29. Talk about what it means and what unwholesome speech looks like (which includes tones and attitudes). Together ask, “Jesus, would You please show me when I have allowed unwholesome words to leave my lips?” Share what He reveals, and then as a family, ask Him for forgiveness, “Jesus, I confess that I _____. Will You please forgive me?” and then wait for His reply.

In the days ahead, be sensitive to the leading of the Holy Spirit to be quick to clean up any unwholesome speech. Your children may need to role-play certain situations in learning how to be upset, mad, or disappointed and yet not sin with their words.

I MISS MY DAD

Years ago, Hudson was playing with his Legos in his room, and one by one, his sisters joined in the fun. There was so much joy breaking out in his room that I stopped doing my work to join them. I laid on his bed while they all played together, and it was heaven. All of a sudden, out of nowhere, Hudson began kicking everyone out of his room. I called him up on the bed and asked what was going on. He wasn’t sure but felt overwhelmed that he had had a sudden flip-of-the-switch in his emotions. I asked if he wanted Jesus to shine His flashlight in his heart to show him what was going on, and he did. The tears began to flow, and he said, “I miss my dad.” All of the fun with Legos with not just one but four other girls triggered that he missed his dad. We were able to walk through forgiving his dad for not being there and asked Jesus how He felt about him. The saddest part of the story is that in the past, I would have normally disciplined him for his outburst against his sisters because he WAS rude, mean, and disrespectful! But his outward outburst was NOT the real issue. His heart was hurting. Do we really want to shut down, spank, time out, and discipline our children when they are grieving their dad? Do they need to grow in maturity with how to handle the hurt? YES! That is called growing up. But we are missing the mark when we place obeying perfectly over connecting with their hearts!

I am asked often with this testimony if I went back and disciplined him for being so rude. NO, not at all. His flesh was immature in getting his hurt out, but once the real issue was resolved, there was no need for discipline. AS discipline isn’t punishment (an eye for an eye) but TO GET to the heart, which God so clearly did. I did ask him to go back and apologize to his sisters for being rude, and it was easy for him to do as he KNEW he was wrong and could do it with ease since his heart was fully seen and heard. Then as a family, we talked about what just happened. Everyone was filled with compassion and kindness for him, and connection was deepened. There is a time for discipline, of course, but the goal should always be to get their heart (otherwise, it is nothing more than legalism, which focuses on outward performance). 

ARE YOU PARENTING FROM THE PALACE OR THE DUMP?

This sums up Kingdom parenting. We can’t usher them into the palace while we are living in the dump. God wants US to experience His goodness so that we can parent from that place for our children.

“To be completely transparent, this lesson made me realize that I honestly do not know my own identity in God. I’m not sure how I could ever hope or expect to teach my daughter or for her to understand her identity in God if I don’t even know it for myself.”