TENDER HEART

TENDER HEART

  • Encouragement, Single Parenting

TENDER HEART

I want to talk about compassion – for yourself. Compassion simply means having tenderness towards the areas that cause our hearts concern. Compassion is a balm to our hurting hearts. While it would be fabulous if everyone around us ministered this ingredient to our hearts daily, it doesn’t often work that way. In reality, when we aren’t able to be compassionate to our own heart, it makes it even harder to receive it from others.

When was the last time you sat and intentionally championed your own heart?

Many of us feel traces (or bucket fulls) of shame during the day – shame over our looks, belonging, parenting or relationships. The only antidote to shame is compassion. Shame can’t be rebuked, ignored or fixed. It only leaves when compassion is smeared all over it.

I encourage you to print the following list out or write a few of them on a sticky note and place them on your mirror. Speak them over yourself at LEAST once a day but allow them to be your go-to when your own heart needs tenderness.

It feels silly, I know. But trust me when I say that applying compassion to your own heart is a key to connecting with His heart because we can’t receive (from Him and others) what we don’t give ourselves. This is quite simple, yet deeply profound.

  • I see you trying so hard
  • I am proud of you
  • I am sorry you feel sad
  • I am sorry you feel alone
  • I am sorry you feel scared
  • I can tell you care so much
  • Take all the time you need
  • You are going to be ok
  • I will sit with you until you feel safe
  • I accept you
  • I value you
  • I am sorry you feel trapped
  • I think you’re brave
  • I don’t want to get rid of you
  • I don’t see you as broken
  • I see you
  • I enjoy you

How does this make you feel?

What was it like reading the list?

What kind of parent/person would you be if you were a pro at being tender to your own heart?

FOLLOW HIM

I once made a list of all of the ‘bad’ things that happened to me and could find a Scripture that specially gave a command against what happened. It etched something so deep inside of me that when God says to do or don’t do something, He is doing so to cover and protect us. If we want healthy families, we need to have a value to honor and obey what He is telling us. Following His ways is the only way to bring life and fruit to our homes.

WHAT IS PARENT COACHING?

Parent coaching involves me coming alongside you and helping you become the parent God designed you to be. Sometimes we remove things that were never supposed to be there, such as lies or a wrong belief system. Other times we encounter Him to heal those places that were hurt when you were younger. Sometimes, we increase your parenting tool belt and arm you with resources, creative solutions, and activities to help empower your children. 

You can schedule a PARENT COACHING session here: Coaching – Let the Children Fly

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN THROUGH A BRUTAL SEASON?

I do not mean a bad day, but a season where you weren’t sure you would make it? A season where pain, words, betrayal, disappointment, and discouragement knocked you down so low, you weren’t sure you would ever rise again? Yeah, that season. We must must must forgive the people who are on their journey and say and do things out of an orphan place, but after true forgiveness comes a season of rebuilding what was lost or stolen in the previous season. Sometimes we get thrown into the pit and bound up. Not because of something we have done but what was done to us. It may not be our fault, but it is our responsibility to get back up. So many of you have walked through brutal chapters in your story, and your hearts have found peace again, but in the midst of the battle, you have lost your voice, confidence, and empowerment. There is nothing wrong with you being in this season, as long as you are owning your journey and not allowing it as an excuse to stay down or quiet. The world needs YOU at your fullest, and you owe it to yourself to keep fighting, climbing, believing, and clinging to Him. You will find your voice, confidence, and empowerment again, but with a renewed sense of resolve because you have overcome great odds!

MOM GUILT

Mom guilt is the feeling of guilt, doubt, anxiousness, or uncertainty experienced by mothers when they worry they are failing or falling short of expectations in some way. Mom guilt is the tool of the enemy to render you hopeless. Faith is God’s tool to render you HOPEFUL because of His power! How would you fill in the blank? “I am guilty of feeling guilt about _____?”

Declare out loud: “I choose to break agreement with the guilt and hand it over to God because I trust in who He says He is.”

DON’T GIVE UP HOPE!

I received this from a mom who took our online class: “DON’T GIVE UP HOPE!!! If you’d have told me two days ago, that my teen daughter would talk to me till 1 am in the morning, I’d have said it was impossible. If you’d told me that my defiant, self-harming, oppositional girl would also hold me tight and hug me for almost a full minute, I’d have cried, longing for you to be right. If you’d told me that this self-proclaimed atheist girl would tell me that she is ‘giving God another shot,’ I’d have wept, thinking that day would never come. YES… all those things happened last night. I was the hopeless person on this FB page all the time. Some of you have supported me so much through this hard journey and remember my girl. I just HAD to take time to write here that THIS ACTUALLY HAPPENED!!! She is still proceeding with caution, and I am parenting her with SOOO much grace and mercy, and love. DON’T GIVE UP HOPE!!!”

PROUD OF YOU

Has anyone told you lately how proud they are of you? Seriously, many of you are first-generation Christians trying to raise godly children while building a solid foundation for yourself. You are not able to pull on your childhood experiences and what was modeled for you and are pioneering your way. You ARE doing it, and you are doing a good job. Keep going. He is so very proud of you.

VINE AND THE BRANCH

I was talking to a friend about an area in my life that is causing a lot of stress and worry. She brought me to John 15’s story about the vine and the branch, which gives us the key to bearing fruit (which I was not having in this area). Together, we asked Jesus to show us the separation, and I heard “tourniquet,” a device that cuts off the blood flow. Hmmm. That is kind of what it felt like. I asked Jesus what the key to removing the tourniquet was, and I kept hearing “turn, turn, turn, turn,” but it sounded like the word tourniquet was stuck on a broken record, and it didn’t make sense to me at first. I asked Jesus to clarify, and He said, “You keep turning and turning and turning, and the more you move, the more it is cutting off the life-giving flow between us. Stop moving and REMAIN in me.” 

The Vine and the Branches – John 15:1-8 – “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. If you do not remain in me, you are like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.” 

Sometimes the best thing to do is to do nothing and hand over the reins back to Him.

GOD-GIVEN AUTHORITY

So many issues with children can be resolved with parents using their God-given authority both in the natural and spiritual realm. You have lost half the battle if you fear the devil or your child’s response. RISE UP and use your God-given authority over that sickness, fear, conflict, disunity, tension, strife, anxiety, stress, etc. Satan is defeated, not you, your situation, or your child.

SERVING MY CHILDREN

I often remind my children that I am NOT their maid, butler, driver, waitress, bank, etc. It may be what I chose to do because I love them, but it is not my sole purpose on earth.

When the demands on me overwhelm my sense of peace, it is MY flag that I need to #1. Take care of me #2. Solicit ways to empower my children to help out more #3. Remind them that while they are important, so am I. I encourage you to grab a cup of coffee and your journal and write out 15 things that you could do for 5-10 minutes that would recharge YOU (quiet time, a good book, bubble bath, finishing a cup of coffee while it is still hot, chat on the phone with a friend). Then make sure you are proactively scheduling those things in your day (yes, your day, not once a month). The greatest way to bring peace into your home is by making sure you are not just pouring out but getting filled back up too!

LET’S CELEBRATE!

You are a great mama and doing the best you can. You care for your children daily. Let’s take a moment and celebrate the revelations, ‘ah-ah’ moments, victories, fruit, and convictions. What is one thing you can celebrate that God has done this past week in your family?