TEACHING CHILDREN ABOUT FREE WILL

TEACHING CHILDREN ABOUT FREE WILL

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TEACHING CHILDREN ABOUT FREE WILL

Here is an excellent way to teach children the truth about our powerful God and free will.

Call a family meeting and together read Deuteronomy 30:15, “Look at what I’ve done for you today: I’ve placed in front of you life and good, death and evil.” Talk about some actions, words, or attitudes that cause life and blessing, and then talk about ways we can partner with death and evil. 

Ask for a volunteer to grab a spoon from the kitchen. Chances are he will jump up and do it gladly. Ask them why they jumped up and obeyed your instruction. Highlight to them that you were not forcing, controlling, or walking them to the kitchen, but that they did it out of their own choice.

Now role-play and talk about what would happen if you started yelling and threatening them that if they didn’t get the spoon, you would remove their toys, make them sleep in the garage, or punish them. They might ‘obey,’ but it would be out of fear and intimidation, not because they wanted to do it.

This is so important – explain to them that God gave each of us the GIFT of being able to choose things on our own. He puts before us life and death, and WE get to choose. He never controls us because tools like fear, rage, control, intimidation, manipulation, and threats are the devil’s tools and are a form of witchcraft. God never uses the devil’s tools to get His children to obey. He is good and wants us to trust Him.

A typical question around free will is WHY did God allow something? When we know His heart for giving us a choice, the question becomes HOW can God possibly contain the heartbreak of watching His creation reject His love and His plans to bless, provide, and protect us?

Doing this activity with your children not only applies to the current events but sets the stage for a lifetime.

In the days ahead, when you see your child choosing words and actions that are not life-giving, gently come alongside them and remind them of this exercise and ask, “Are you choosing blessings or curses, life or death right now?” You are helping them see their free will in action in practical settings.

GOD SEES YOU

Encounter as a family with fear: Resolving Fear – YouTube

God has been speaking to me a lot lately about Him being our help in our time of need. Psalm 46:1 – “God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in times of trouble.”

He reminded me of a situation that happened when we first moved to Redding. I fell asleep the moment my head hit the pillow only to be woken suddenly a few minutes later by the sound of talking outside my window. I was annoyed that people would carry on a conversation so loud at midnight. I rose to look out and found what appeared to be a girl in an intoxicated state trying to refuse the advances of a male inside a car. My spirit was now wide awake as I watched. I didn’t know if I should call the police, run out there and bang on the window or what. Suddenly I realized I was to pray. I began to pray for her like she was my own child in danger. She went with him into this condo across the street. I could tell she was trying to resist but was too drunk to be firm. My prayers only increased, and this fire came over me to defend and cover her in the spirit. About five minutes later she ran out of the house and safely got into her car.

I have thought about this countless times over the years. That girl never knew I was praying for her, but God woke me to stand with her in the spirit realm and be her covering. I wonder just how many times God has awoken others to pray and cover me over the years. We will never know this side of heaven just how much God is at work in our lives through others.

What would this generation look like if they were taught (by you) to stand on Psalms 46:1 with great faith? Read the verse, talk about it, unpack it, act it out, role-play, talk about real life situations, remind them as they walk out the door… just make sure you DO IT so that they can grab a hold of it.

GET YOUR UNDERWEAR ON!

Gather the family in the family room and talk about underwear! It is rather personal, isn’t it? But many would argue that it’s absolutely essential.

Have everyone take out a piece of paper and draw some fancy pants (underwear). Color it as you please. Wad the paper up in a ball and tell everyone to hide it somewhere outside – between the rocks, in the tree, by the bush, under the trash cans.

Come back in and read together Jeremiah 13: 1-14. I like to read The Message Bible as it often explains it in a language children can grasp easier.

Go after the heart of the passage. There is one thing God is wanting from us – to LISTEN!

In a day or so, gather everyone in the family room and remind them of this activity. Go on a tour outside to find the wadded-up underwear drawing and talk about how the paper got ruined, damaged, or destroyed.

We should be so close to God, as close as our underwear is to our body, and listen to whatever He tells us to do.

TAKING CARE OF WHAT’S ENTRUSTED TO US

At most home stores, they have a plant section where you can buy tiny house plants. I encourage you to buy one for each of your children. You can turn it into a fun field trip, letting them pick out their own (although they don’t know why just yet), or you can purchase them on your own until your family meeting.

Talk about how to care for a plant. It needs some sun, water, and attention. Allow the children to manage it on their own. Give them little instruction about how much or when to water it. Let them place it wherever they desire. 

Some will thrive and even grow. Perhaps not all will survive; maybe some were sun-scorched, while others were overwatered or even underwatered, causing it to wilt greatly. Let the natural process of caring for their plants occur, letting them make whatever choice regarding the plant.

Wait a week and then gather the family and ask them to grab their plant. Take an honest look at the condition of each plant. 

Talk about the difference between living (humans, plants, animals, etc.) and non-living (furniture, homework, clothing, etc.) things. Whatever we have been given requires us to steward and manage well. 

Ask, “What would happen if we never again managed our dirty clothes?” 

“What would happen if we no longer took care of our family dog?”

“What if Dad simply stopped paying all of the bills?”

You are helping them see that whatever we have been given requires some intentional taking care of, just like the plant. 

How do we do that? We tend to the people and things around us by making sure they are thriving in their environment and not doing anything that would harm, hurt or hinder them with our words or actions. 

When we see our brother’s heart wilted (deflated, struggling, enduring hardship, or feeling lonely), we can water it with our time, love, words of affirmation, and kindness. 

When we have been given things like a nice room, clothing, toys, etc., we can tend to them by making sure they are picked up, well cared for, and treated gently. 

When we are disappointed with Mom and Dad’s choice, we can express our hearts and use our voices without butchering them with our words. 

Teaching children of all ages how to care for the things we have been entrusted with is a life skill that will always need attention. Set them up for great success in life by teaching them to be active gardeners tending and caring for the people and things around them. 

SPANKING

I was a part of an amazing single group in my 20s. One of the guys talked about spanking his (future) children and how his parents modeled it in such an honoring way. I argued that it was wrong, and we had an hour-long debate. He opened me up to a world where parents can actually spank in love without losing their temper. It wasn’t to harm the child; it was to help guide them. I want to take a moment and talk to those who were like me and argued that it was wrong. When someone brings up spanking, what is happening in your heart? Are you anxious? Nervous? Scared? I want to circle that place and zoom in on it. My goal isn’t to get you to spank. My goal is for you to see the unrest in your heart because it will affect your ability to walk in the authority you are given. For me, it wasn’t about the actual act of spanking as much as it was the fear of hurting my child and fear that my child would resent me like I did my parents for their harsh parenting. Unless and until that is resolved, I will be unbalanced in my ability to parent my children well. I would be parenting them out of fear rather than authority. When children learn they are the ones with the power, it leaves them feeling insecure, which only increases their need to be strong. It does not matter how strong they appear; they are not orphans. The safest place for their mind, body, and spirit is under your authority and covering. Yes, many of you have strong-willed children. It is your responsibility as a parent to help them submit their will to your authority, but if you have an ongoing fear about using authority, you will only lead your family to the other side of the pendulum. Let’s find Jesus in the middle and walk in alignment with Him.

HeartWork – Go back to the place of anxiety and unrest and ask, “Jesus, will You please show me what I am afraid of in disciplining my child?” Sit with Him for a moment and allow Him to minister to that part of your heart.

THE BITTER TASTE OF SIN

Take a tiny pinch of coffee grounds and spread them over the kitchen floor. Invite your children to join you in the kitchen and ask them to help you find the coffee grounds on the floor. “Hey guys, I dropped my coffee grounds. Can you help me find them?” It won’t be easy to find them all spread out. Then ask them to close their eyes and quickly dump a visual amount on the ground. This time ask them to pick up the coffee grounds… but one little grain at a time. Spend a few moments attempting to do this impossible task. You might want to lie down on your tummy and get serious, “One, two, three. Sarah, how many did you get? Four, five?” When they lament that it is impossible, take a broom and sweep up the coffee. Sit the kids down and talk about the kitchen floor representing the whole wide world – there are no separate regions or countries – just one big piece of land. Explain that the tiny grain of coffee represents sin in the world. What is sin? Sin is anything we do that goes against what God has planned for us. Sin is when we break God’s household rules. He isn’t mad at us when we sin, but it makes Him sad because He designed us to be loved, blessed, protected, and full of joy, and sin robs us of that. Help them see that God knows every grain of coffee, even those they couldn’t find or see with their eyes. Explain to them that there are many coffee grounds (sin) in the world right now for others to see. Every family will have a different grid regarding what your children know about the world’s affairs, but you can filter it through the coffee grounds analogy when they see, hear or feel things.

Example: You are driving and see vandalism, graffiti, or broken windows. Mom – “That is sad that someone broke that window.” Child – “Who broke it?” Mom – “I don’t know.” Child – “If you don’t know who broke it, how can the police arrest them?” Mom – “Remember the grains of coffee on the kitchen floor? Breaking things is a sin; even if he gets away with it and never gets caught by the police, God saw it, and God knows.”

Example: The kids see or hear something on the news and ask you about it. You can give them human wisdom and intellectual understanding or anchor them to the truth that God sees, knows, and is aware. A GREAT response is, “Wow, that is a great question. I have some thoughts, but let’s ask Jesus what He thinks.” I did this once about something I was so assured of the response, and He showed me something different, which created a powerful family discussion. 

The God who sees, hears, and knows all has made Himself available to us through Jesus to come and talk to Him – ASK HIM! Jeremiah 33:3 – “Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.” 

Bitter Cup – We want to help our children understand that we ALL sin. Each of us has a grain of coffee (sin) with our name on it. Make some strong coffee and let your children take a sip. None of us are blameless before Him. Share something you did recently that was a sin. Ask them to remember something they did. Explain that sin is like strong coffee that tastes bitter. HERE IS THE KEY: While we ALL sin, God has given us provision for how to clean it up. How? By confessing (whoops – Jesus, I blew it) and by asking for HIS forgiveness (He took the spanking for us on the Cross). When we do that, He removes the grain of coffee with our name on it. 

In the days ahead, when they violate your household rules, you can lovingly remind them of the bitter coffee and say, “Sweetheart, when you _____, it was a sin. Do you want to hold onto that bitter cup or come give it to Jesus?” 

Cream & Sugar – He does not want us to pour some cream and sugar on the coffee (sin) to make it taste better. Sin is bitter, and He wants to remove it from us. Teach your children that when they sin and cover it up, keep it a secret, blame someone else or deny it; it is like pouring a pound of sugar in the coffee cup. You can do this as a visual for the children. Instead, He wants us to offer up the coffee cup to Him and hand it over, never to drink from it again. 

Injustice of No Discipline – Organically speaking, sin does not feel good. When we fail to discipline our children, we rob them of a way out of their sins, which only teaches them to ignore the guilt. By addressing sin, even at a young age, we allow them to make it right and remove the guilt. Guilt that is piled up can lead to shame. God knows we have flesh and live in a fallen world and has not left us in condemnation. Confessing sin is an acknowledgment of wrongdoing and the opportunity to make it right with God and others. 

Sin is bitter. Forgiveness is sweet. It’s time to brew some coffee!

MOM’S REPORT CARD

Every once in a while, the Lord nudges me to be a student of my children’s evaluation of me as a mom. I have authority in the home, but that doesn’t mean I can’t learn from my children. I called a family meeting and reminded each of them of a recent event where they made a mess. I asked them to come up with a list together on #1. What could I have done better (in that situation), and #2. What did their heart need from me? They went to the back room and began to create a list of answers. While I already knew the areas I could improve in as a parent, what was highlighted was their deepest desire for me to HELP them in their mess. It is so easy for a parent to focus on the fruit of their choices, but I was given yet another reminder to stay focused on empowering them with tools and solutions to not only clean up the mess but also prevent them in the future. This is a profound way to let their voices be heard now, in childhood, about the things their heart needs.

OUR FAMILY IS CONNECTED

Call a family meeting and tell everyone they need to put on pants or shorts with a belt loop.

Bring a rope or ball of yarn and have each family member sit in a circle close together. Remind them how you are all connected by God’s design. We have a job description to figure out how to not only get along but to love each other well.

I tell my children that the sibling who causes their heart frustration is providing a training ground for their future roommates, employer, or even their spouse. It is okay that there is a journey of becoming more like Jesus.

Begin to loop one end of the rope through the belt loop of your pants and then pass it onto the next person. Give a little wiggle room between persons (about two feet). After the last person is roped in, tell them that God sees your family roped together and there is no beginning or end. Regardless of your life journey in the years ahead, you will always be called family with the people sitting before you.

Tell them that you are going to spend the next hour together – literally! Set the alarm on your phone and begin by standing up, and where one goes, you all go. Does anyone need a snack? Try walking in the kitchen together and whip up something to eat. What’s next? How about trying to sit and play a game together. Does the mail need to be brought in? Give it a try (together, of course).  

There will be laughter along the way, and there may also be some frustrations. That’s okay. Keep going. After an hour, wiggle your way to the family room and cut everyone loose but talk about how it is impossible to be separated from each other in God’s eyes. When one part of the family endures something, it affects the whole family. While we want to learn how to manage ourselves, we also take care of the family unit God has entrusted to us.

In the days ahead, when you are witnessing sharp tones, disrespect towards each other, or selfishness, lovingly come to that child and remind them of this exercise. Ask if there is a way they could respond that communicates care for THEIR family.

THE SMILE GAME

We played the greatest game when the kids were younger, called the Smile Game!

Before we got out of the van at the grocery store, Wal-Mart, or a restaurant, we all talked about the game and would remind everyone how to play it. Then, when we got out of the van, each of us had to give as many people as possible direct eye contact and smile really big, each keeping score of how many smiles we would get in return.

The game was hilarious, and joy always broke out. The kids would often be up to 50 returned smiles, reminding them that releasing the Kingdom is about JOY. It also showed them how to flip the atmosphere where most people do not acknowledge a single person in front of them.

TEACHING FAMILY UNITY

Give each family member a glass jar and put a yummy ingredient in it (marshmallows, popcorn, peanuts and M&Ms). I explained to my children how all of the ingredients are good – they’re yummy and pretty good on their own, but if we put them together, they make popcorn balls, which are even better! Each ingredient is so important – and if we didn’t have one of them, sadly the recipe wouldn’t be complete.

The Scripture that came to me was Psalm 133:1 (MSG) – “How wonderful, how beautiful, when brothers (and sisters) get along!” 

One mom shared, “My goal with this exercise will be to teach my son that his little brother is important and valuable and adds to the family just like he does. That’s what makes us a family, and family is GOOD and BEAUTIFUL, and being in unity makes God happy.”

ENCOUNTERING THE FATHER

God longs for His children to experience Him, not just know Him mentally. I am convinced that one of the biggest reasons why so many children grow up and leave the church is not because they never knew or loved God, but because they failed to EXPERIENCE Him. 

ENCOUNTERING THE FATHER is a resource tool we created for parents, friends, and leaders to help usher others into an encounter with the Father. There are over 100 encounter questions, along with instructions on how to guide anyone into an encounter, host your own ‘encounter the Father’ event, or use them in a corporate setting.

We have provided you with two formats including a running list of all of the encounter questions, as well as a printable card format.

Jesus has a lot to say to a child walking through the ups and downs of life. Sometimes, despite our wisdom, they need to hear from the One who knit them together. This tool will teach you how to lead them into an encounter.

Could you imagine what would happen to your family if you were able to lead them to encounter Him in their time of need? You will discover key questions to ask your loved ones so that they can experience Him.

Encountering the Father EBook – Let the Children Fly