STILL BELONG

STILL BELONG

  • Family Circle, Kingdom Parenting

STILL BELONG

There is an area my son lacks. As a mom, I have noticed this, and together we have gone after increasing his capacity for quite some time. However, he seems to be in a season where his faithfulness is less and less. It is frustrating (like UBER frustrating). As a leader/mom, God has spoken deeply to me about what he needs during this season. Is it to be harder on him? Greater consequences? Remind him often of his failure? Let it go and hope he grows out of it? It happened again one morning, despite talking about it the night before. He came to me and said, “Mom, I know I messed up again.” We talked about it for a moment but had to keep going to get ready. About five minutes later, I went to him while he was tying his shoes and sat at his feet. I put my hands on his knees, and the anointing flowed as I blessed his journey into manhood. I told him I was okay with the process because I knew where he was headed. I assured him I would sit with him for as long as it took because that is what mothers do. I told him there was still a spot for him in our family and that mistakes do not mean being sent to the end of the line. Tears began to flow. I blessed his brain trying to manage responsibility and hormones. I blessed his value and worth that are anchored in Him, not his performance. I blessed his messes because God is using them for his growth and refinement. 

I speak that over YOU today. There is still room for you at the table. Your messes are part of the growth process. There is still room for you. God has not weakened His gaze or affection over you. You have permission to be on your journey and learn as you grow! We live in a performance-based culture that values your A+ and rejects you for getting a C. God values your process and journey of becoming the full expression of who you were created to be. Break agreement with any voice telling you otherwise!

BE THAT MOM

When my children were little, I remember reading a book by a mom saying that she wanted her kids to wake up and find her spending time with Jesus every morning. It struck me so profoundly, and I wanted my kids to witness my love for Jesus in such a real and tangible way. My heart melted when my son gave me a prophetic drawing of the Father and I sitting together. .

PUT YOUR STAKES IN THE GROUND

Put your stakes in the ground. I kept hearing this phrase over and over. I finally sat down to explore what God was telling me about it. After doing some research on it, I discovered that authority is exercised when we put our stakes in the territory God has given us.

One example I found explained that when Native Americans learned they were going to lose their land, they would put a stake in the ground and tie a rope to someone’s foot making them defend their territory to their death. Their belief was that it was better to die defending your territory than be chased away. I camped out with God for a while on this concept of putting your stake in the ground and felt like our family needed to grab ahold of it more.

We went on a family outing and picked out our stakes from the local home improvement store and then came home and wrote down the things that we will not be moved in. The areas, principles, or convictions that we will not settle for less in. God has given us land to occupy, and we will not shrink back, be moved, or be bullied in this space. We wrote them on our stakes and drove them into the ground (if you can’t find stakes, popsicle sticks or wooden sticks from the craft store work well, too). We put them in the front yard so that each time we leave the house, we are reminded of our territory and not to shrink back from it. 

LIFE WITH LITTLES

I often hear moms of little ones lamenting that all they do is change diapers, feed, clean, do laundry, and repeat. They feel insignificant as their world revolves around caring for their demanding and helpless child. To which I reply, “YOU ARE KIDDING YOURSELF. You are in the biggest season of your life. You get to be the gateway between the generations deciding what you do and do not want to pass on to the next generation who will carry the baton of your family line. You are deciding what parenting style is best for raising healthy whole children. You are deciding what holiday traditions are worthy of introducing your children to. You are discerning what triggers you and what needs to be brought into wholeness. You are building a foundation with their Father that will be the foundation in which they are raised. You are the one who gets to gaze in their eyes and communicate love to their souls. You are teaching them that they are safe and wanted. Oh, Mama, you are in the most incredible season of your life as you take the helm and sail the next generation into the Father’s arms.”

TEACHING FAMILY UNITY

Give each family member a glass jar and put a yummy ingredient in it (marshmallows, popcorn, peanuts and M&Ms). I explained to my children how all of the ingredients are good – they’re yummy and pretty good on their own, but if we put them together, they make popcorn balls, which are even better! Each ingredient is so important – and if we didn’t have one of them, sadly the recipe wouldn’t be complete.

The Scripture that came to me was Psalm 133:1 (MSG) – “How wonderful, how beautiful, when brothers (and sisters) get along!” 

One mom shared, “My goal with this exercise will be to teach my son that his little brother is important and valuable and adds to the family just like he does. That’s what makes us a family, and family is GOOD and BEAUTIFUL, and being in unity makes God happy.”

DO NOT ABDICATE YOUR THRONE

 In January 1936, the King of England died. Following royal protocol, his eldest son assumed the throne, becoming King Edward the Eighth. But in December of that same year, only months into his reign, King Edward stunned the nation when he formally abdicated the country’s throne and the many benefits of royalty. What is especially alarming is the phrasing of the official decree, which ended in these haunting words: “I, Edward the Eighth … renounce the Throne for Myself and for My descendants.” Imagine. With one stroke of the pen, this man sealed his fate and the fate of his children and grandchildren for generations into the future.

As parents, we, too, occupy a throne in the sense that God has given us a position of authority in our kids’ lives. We mustn’t renounce that influence. Children don’t need us to be their friends – someone telling them what they want to hear. They need a parent – an authority figure willing to speak the truth into their lives. Of course, we should listen to our children and consider their views carefully, but our kids should not be allowed to run the home. That’s our God-given responsibility. So, take the lesson of King Edward to heart. Abdicating your authority could risk your kids’ future for generations to come. 

FOLLOW MY VOICE

God not only wants us to obey, but He wants us to obey right away (and with a joyful heart). He wants our obedience to not be out of fear but out of trusting that He is for us, and He is good. 

Buy a package of small, sweet treats and place them around the house. Call a family meeting and tell them you are going to play a game. Ask for a volunteer, blindfold them, and then give them short, easy instructions on how to find the first hidden treat. Allow them to enjoy the treat and ask for another volunteer. Do this until all of the treats are found. 

Gather the children and explain to them that God is a good Father and knows how to lead us to His blessings, but we have to listen AND follow His instructions. Highlight that if you said to go left and they went right they would not have found the treat. Obedience is what leads us to His best. 

Ask for a volunteer to read Exodus 20:12 – “Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you.”

To honor means to respect and hold in high regard (like a prized toy, not a cheap broken one). 

Remind them that your role as the head of your home is to lead your children to safety and help them become all that God created them to be, and that hearing your voice and obeying not only immediately, but joyfully, is KEY to a blessed life. 

In the days to come, when you give instructions and your child is not responding with honor and respect, lovingly come alongside them and say, “Hey buddy, do you remember when you found the sweet treats because you followed my voice? I need for you to honor what I am instructing you to do now.”

IT’S A RELATIONSHIP, NOT A FORMULA

Years ago, someone told me I should write a book about all of the ways you could release the Kingdom through children. Something didn’t sit right with me, and days later, the comment was grinding in my heart. I had to ask God why because if that is what I do, why then writing a book about it was so upsetting to me? I heard Him so clearly when He said that if I were to write a 1, 2, 3 step parenting book about the fruit in MY family, people would attempt to do the steps in their family, hoping for the same fruit, but it wouldn’t work — #1. Their family is different than mine and #2. You can’t bear Kingdom fruit by accomplishing steps. It is a relationship, not a formula. It is a lifestyle, not an event. And so, with that, God gave me a strategy with Let the Children Fly. Instead of attempting to get parents to model their family after MINE. My heart, goal, and passion are to connect YOU to HIM so that you can begin living a lifestyle of Kingdom fruit. I am convinced of one thing – I have found a river of heaven in parenting, and from it has sprung a massive river of life in multiple families across the globe. Families are awakening. My online class, JOURNEY, is designed to lead you to the same river we have found so that your family can bear the fruit it was intended to do as a lifestyle with Him. When you are ready, we are here to help you! Your family is worth investing in.

Journey – ONLINE CLASS – Let the Children Fly

HUMILITY INCREASES RESPECT

When God says be HUMBLE, He means for us to be humble, always, and that includes in our parenting. Often parents fear that if they are humble with their children, they will somehow lose their parental authority. That is not accurate. You will gain their respect because you are modeling for them the Kingdom and connecting with their hearts. It is okay to learn from your children and hear what may need to be improved upon. I often check in with my kids and ask them, “What is something Mom has done well?” “What is something you wish Mom would improve upon to make your heart feel loved and seen?” The answers always surprise me and motivate me to become more like Jesus in my parenting. The truth is, either way, you are going to hear it – either now or when they are older and dealing with the fruit. I would much rather listen to their hearts while they are still children and deal with it in childhood, where I can grow and make a positive difference in their lives. Don’t be afraid of feedback. Allow God to parent you in your parenting journey.

GRACE AS A PARENTING TOOL

When my kiddos were younger, I was learning about God’s grace. That sweet, love-filled gift of grace. I was so moved by His grace towards me that I decided I would give my children grace when they acted out… and all hell broke loose. I was perplexed that my kindness and goodness were being met with utter chaos. God showed me that grace without authority is nothing but entitlement. My children did not know how to handle the grace given because they had not yet fully been established under my authority. Let me say it this way – if you give grace to your children as a parenting tool BEFORE you have established your authority, you are not giving grace but empowering their flesh. Grace can only be received in the backdrop of understanding what they are given grace for. This is why character training is so important. It establishes for the child right living and positions them under your authority and covering. Do not mistake ignoring, avoidance, or checking out as giving them grace. That is laying down your God-given role to teach your children about His Kingdom structure. Justice is getting what you deserve. Mercy is not getting what you deserve. Grace is getting what you absolutely don’t deserve.

FILLED HEARTS

Jesus says in Mark 12:30-31, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.” 

Call a family meeting and give each person, including Mom and Dad, a piece of paper. Have them draw a large heart. Then, ask them to write or draw the important things to their heart, such as their family, their dog, Grandma, ice cream. When everyone has finished, take some time to share. Take a different color and write GOD in the center of their heart. Begin to ask them if they love God more than ice cream? What about video games? How about loving God more than Mom and Dad? That’s a big one, but that is how big God wants us to love Him. Even though Mom and Dad are the most incredible people on earth, God loves them even more! Call it out in the days ahead when you see God’s faithfulness, love, and protection over them. “Sweetie, that was God. He loves you so much”. “Buddy, that was God watching out for you.” “WOW, I love how God takes care of you by _____.”