You can’t fully explain to a single person what married life is like. They have to experience it for themselves. Nor can you fully explain what childbirth is like, as one has to experience it to understand it. You also can’t fully describe to a spiritual orphan the deep PEACE, JOY, and HOPE available to Sons and Daughters, for they have to experience it themselves. It isn’t to be experienced by what one does but by who they believe in. Faith activates the experience!
Sometimes life just HURTS. I always tell my spiritual daughters, “If you are going to walk as a Daughter, you are going to have to learn how to feel hard emotions.” Orphans run to things that numb their hearts like a shot of novocaine (porn, shopping, anger, social media, gossip, busyness, checking out, denial, eating, rage, etc.) As Daughters, we need to learn that pain is okay. It reflects our hearts and how we experience life. We need to practice feeling the pain and, in the midst of it, running into HIS arms, crying out to Him. We can tell Him: “It hurts,” “I am sad,” “I feel lonely,” “I am disappointed,” “I am scared,” “I feel anxious,” “I need help,” and then WAIT and rest in His ability to not only care for your heart and wipe your tears but to move on your behalf.
Psalm 56:8 (MSG) – “You’ve kept track of my every toss and turn through the sleepless nights. Each tear entered in your ledger, each ache written in your book.”
I recently hosted a series of parenting classes at the local rescue mission for moms in crisis with drugs and alcohol. In all honesty, I said yes fully expecting it not to work. I told the manager I would do it once and then we could regroup. I was actually expecting to fail thinking there was no way these keys would work for them in their situation, but I was excited to get in there and pull on heaven for the keys and strategy for them. To my surprise, not only did the parenting classes work (ha!), but it began to transform not only the women but the whole house. God highlighted five women to pull in further and mentor them. We met every week and the most glorious thing happened in our last meeting. I began to prophesy over each person and this powerful presence came into the room. Every single person (even staff) began to weep as we all realized *I* was not the one who He was going to give the keys to, but them!!! These women are learning how to be a Daughter, change the atmosphere around them and pull on heaven for the keys for others in their shoes. I am not sure I have ever witnessed the tangible move of the Holy Spirit like that before. These women are the heroes of their family line, they are the ones chosen, called and anointed to change the direction and lead the way for others to follow!
Nothing turns a sweet mama into an angry grizzly bear faster than partnering with the orphan spirit. The spiritual orphan believes lies such as, “I am all alone,” “No one cares,” “No one sees me,” “No one listens to me,” “Nothing I do matters,” “I am insignificant”… While your child may be doing something to trigger you, they aren’t the real source of your anger – your thoughts are! Next time you are ready to blow, try this, “GOD! I am really angry right now. Would You please reveal to me what LIES I am believing?” Then ask, “Father, what is Your truth?” He loves showing up in our mess and isn’t mad at our anger!
Do you like the girl in the mirror? Do you wish you had a mentor who could cheer you on? Do you feel alone in a room full of people? Do you always feel this distance in your heart? Do you often feel like something is wrong? If yes, I invite you to join the two-week online adventure of being seen, heard, and valued.
You can register here: Moms & Dads – ONLINE CLASS – Let the Children Fly
Do you find your worth attached to your performance? During one of the teachings from the online JOURNEY class, I asked if they had parents who called out the good in them as a child. Many did not, but for those who did, the response is always something along these lines, “Yeah, they called out the good, but it always seemed to be the good about what I DID, not who I was.” When we dish out praise based on behavior/performance, we are teaching children that their performance pleases us and dictates their value. That is not what God says or how He operates with us. He LOVES us because of who we are, not what we do! So why not try it today? Ask, “Jesus, when You look at my child, what do You see?” Write it out on their mirror, on a piece of paper. Be creative and have fun; you have permission to connect with them!
I have said all along that God parents us as we parent our children. Here is another excellent example of that. My daughter is wired to need one best friend with whom she can connect deeply (just like her mama). We have known this for years, and she hasn’t quite broken out of her comfort zone yet to help foster that kind of friendship. She met someone she saw great value in and attempted to reach out to her. The person’s response was nothing short of rude and unkind. When she told me about it, I took a deep breath and began to ask Jesus for the strategy to help her walk through this. I invited her to talk to me and began asking questions. She was able to see the lack of kindness and that it could have been said better. I asked if it hurt her heart, and she said these powerful words, “Mom, how can I be hurt by someone I don’t even know? Her rudeness isn’t a reflection of my heart to reach out to her.” And then instantly, I heard God say, “Lisa, this is YOUR issue, not hers.” I hugged her, went to my room, shut the door, and processed it with the Lord. He began to show me that while I don’t feel that rejection today, that is how I felt at her age as a young 13-year-old (not so much from peers, but from family, which shaded my view of my sense of belonging anywhere I went). I don’t have the capacity to know what it feels like to be 13, endure a hard interaction and keep my identity intact. While seeing my daughter whole and rather unaffected, it ministered deeply to my own heart. I asked God to highlight and reveal to me in the days to come any time I project my teenage heart onto them and their experiences. There is going to be so much goodness coming out of these high school years, both for them and myself.
Note to parents of younger children: Going after their identity, discerning lies about their worth and value, and calling out good character when they are little PAYS OFF! All of your sowing will reap a harvest in due time.
The enemy has seduced many to believe that anyone who goes against their grain is a wolf in sheep’s clothing and believes it is their heavenly duty to disempower them and protect against them. While it is true that the Bible talks about those who pretend to be God’s children when they have evil intent, I believe the majority of people in our homes and churches are sheep in wolf’s clothing. A wolf in sheep’s clothing is a heart/motive issue. A sheep in wolf’s clothing is an identity issue. One requires protection and exposure. The other requires mothers and fathers to call out their real identity. The way to help rid someone of wolf’s clothing (fleshly or sinful behavior) is to call out who they are and believe in them. As you call them higher, their old nature falls off of them. Be careful what you judge to be a wolf when, in fact, it is God’s little lamb.
Orphan parents cannot raise children in the palace. They must know who they are first, and God is always eager to welcome us.
A gal shared this in class: “Wow, Lisa! God is indeed using this mentoring class to uproot some lies and hurts that were hidden in my heart that I wasn’t even aware of. Your words are so powerful, and Holy Spirit is using them to do an extreme makeover in my heart. I read your post while waiting for my daughter during her gymnastic class. Holy Spirit grabbed my heart so strongly that I had to leave the room and go outside for a good cry. I realized I had an orphan spirit because I lacked my earthly father’s affirmation. I was trying so hard to earn my Heavenly Father’s approval with my performance and constantly striving for excellence. I couldn’t contain my tears; I was crying out to Abba Father, for I knew He wanted to heal my heart and fill me with His love and grace to the overflow. I asked Father how He would do it because I saw a big giant hole in my heart, and it felt impossible to be cured. But Papa whispered the word ‘beautiful’ over and over to me. ‘I am making something beautiful in your heart.’ I may not understand it, but I believe that today He started a process of healing in my heart. And I say ‘YES’ and ‘AMEN’ to what He is doing in me.”
One of the greatest tools I have as a parent against the sex industry is to teach my children that it isn’t about laws, rules, or legalism but rather identity. People who do not know who they are will use their bodies for their worth and value. We aren’t just guarding our eyes but guarding the person who doesn’t know who they are. I often will say, “That is someone’s daughter,” or “No one taught him who he is,” and the kids have learned over time that sexual choices are rooted more in identity than in sexual behavior. Spiritual orphans use their flesh to feel worth and value. A Son and Daughter know their worth and value and can therefore manage their flesh accordingly. Don’t just read this and say AMEN. Go teach your children about it.
Christians can often see/feel the spirit behind things yet are so ill-equipped in discernment (the ability to judge well), they respond negatively to the person instead of the spirit realm. To expect acceptance would mean to violate what they are seeing. People often attack the behavior, but what they are really standing up against is the spirit that their spirit knows is not right. We hurt people when we attack them instead of helping them.
Those who have walked in isolation and believe the enemy’s whispers about their identity are fed up with believers who were powerless to help them, failed to validate the deep isolation and then demanded outward performance. If it is a spirit issue then the church should be ones to HELP and instead, we have been the ones to accuse, blame and shame.
Let me use this word picture. If a child is being tormented by a spirit of fear and reacts to it with yelling and crying the parent will FEEL the spirit in fear in operation yet they don’t always have eyes to discern (the ability to judge well), but they can feel it (and without discernment it normally riles up the parent too). Getting mad at the child, disciplining, isolating, scolding them or telling them to ‘stop’ is pointless because it isn’t just about their less than pleasant behavior, as in bad character. It is about something going on in the spirit realm that is influencing them. They need HELP to resolve the issue in the spirit realm before their behavior will change.
The enemy’s goal is outlined in John 10:10 – “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy.” He comes to STEAL community (isolation), oftentimes in our own homes, he then whispers lies to KILL their identity (who they were created to be) and then DESTROYS the thing that we all long for – community and connection.
The church should be a safe place to resolve spiritual issues, but because they have been so ill-equipped to discern the spirit and have focused solely on behavior modification, we have actually furthered the agenda of tolerance and acceptance. We have forced the world to accept what we have not been able to respond to well and help resolve. There is a time to rise up as parents and leaders in our authority, not against the child/person but the spirit behind it.
Parents need to be equipped with tools to walk in discernment when this spirit is in operation in their homes. Children who are being influenced by this spirit need HELP to resolve it. While it can surely include professional or traded help, Jesus died to give that authority and power to every believer, including parents.
