SHY IS A LIE

SHY IS A LIE

  • Heart Splinters, Testimonies

SHY IS A LIE

Testimony from a mom: “One morning, our six-year-old was being funny when we asked her to pray about something. Her head was hanging down, and her hair was in her face. She said she doesn’t want to because she is shy (she has said she is shy before but is my bold adventurer!). We asked her what Father was saying to her. It took a while, but she finally whispered, ‘I’m powerful.’ So we asked if it was true or a lie that she was shy and spoke a few other things God has said to her. She knew it was a lie but was cowering in fear. I knew she could see in the spirit realm, so something was obviously going on. I remembered a story you had shared about Hudson kicking a lie out the door. So I shared it with her, and she thought it was funny. I asked her if she wanted to kick out the lie that she was shy. Still acting timid, we went to the door and together said, ‘I am not shy,’ and kicked it out the door. She shut the door and began to have this tiny smile. Then, she whispers, ‘Mommy, it’s like we kicked all the sneaky, snaky things that aren’t God’s friends out the door.’ Oh, my word. Our daughter has gotten so many words about being bold, powerful, and filled with God’s light. Blessings on our children’s destinies and callings! Thank you for sharing testimonies; they are powerful!”

HONORING OTHERS

When I was in my 20’s, I was a part of a solid, healthy young adults ministry. We were away at our annual singles conference, where one of my friends played Jesus in a skit. Afterward, a small group of us were hanging out in the lodge with our pastor talking. The friend who played Jesus ordered a beer and came to tell us that someone had made a big deal about ‘Jesus’ drinking a beer. It seemed silly to many of us, but then our pastor asked him if that beer was something he would die for. He said, “No, it’s just a beer,” and the pastor encouraged him to lay it down because it was causing someone else to struggle. I was so moved by that, and it hasn’t left me all these years. I may have a right to do something, but I have the privilege and honor of loving those around me, and sometimes that means giving up, laying down, or sacrificing for their gain. This isn’t about the approval of others; it is about being winsome with our choices, words, actions, and character. I have taught this principle to my children – you don’t have to be doing something ‘wrong’ to affect someone.

I MISS MY DAD

Years ago, Hudson was playing with his Legos in his room, and one by one, his sisters joined in the fun. There was so much joy breaking out in his room that I stopped doing my work to join them. I laid on his bed while they all played together, and it was heaven. All of a sudden, out of nowhere, Hudson began kicking everyone out of his room. I called him up on the bed and asked what was going on. He wasn’t sure but felt overwhelmed that he had had a sudden flip-of-the-switch in his emotions. I asked if he wanted Jesus to shine His flashlight in his heart to show him what was going on, and he did. The tears began to flow, and he said, “I miss my dad.” All of the fun with Legos with not just one but four other girls triggered that he missed his dad. We were able to walk through forgiving his dad for not being there and asked Jesus how He felt about him. The saddest part of the story is that in the past, I would have normally disciplined him for his outburst against his sisters because he WAS rude, mean, and disrespectful! But his outward outburst was NOT the real issue. His heart was hurting. Do we really want to shut down, spank, time out, and discipline our children when they are grieving their dad? Do they need to grow in maturity with how to handle the hurt? YES! That is called growing up. But we are missing the mark when we place obeying perfectly over connecting with their hearts!

I am asked often with this testimony if I went back and disciplined him for being so rude. NO, not at all. His flesh was immature in getting his hurt out, but once the real issue was resolved, there was no need for discipline. AS discipline isn’t punishment (an eye for an eye) but TO GET to the heart, which God so clearly did. I did ask him to go back and apologize to his sisters for being rude, and it was easy for him to do as he KNEW he was wrong and could do it with ease since his heart was fully seen and heard. Then as a family, we talked about what just happened. Everyone was filled with compassion and kindness for him, and connection was deepened. There is a time for discipline, of course, but the goal should always be to get their heart (otherwise, it is nothing more than legalism, which focuses on outward performance). 

NOT ALONE

When I first began life as a single mom, I would wake in the middle of the night, totally paralyzed by anxiety. The best way to describe how I felt is to recall the scene from the movie Titanic when they were in the bottom cabin, and water began filling the room. They only had a tiny pocket of air left and were gasping for that last bit of air before they were fully submerged. That is how I felt, except I had four kids holding onto me, and none of them could swim. It was horrifying to consider which one I had to let go of because I couldn’t carry them all. Talk about horrible! One day, I couldn’t take the stress of being stressed any longer and faced my fear head-on. I realized that the verse in Jeremiah about His plans for a future and hope was my life verse (Jeremiah 29:11), but it also applied to the kids. At that moment, I realized I got five doses of that promise because my kids were minors and under my watch. I finally surrendered all of the panic, worry, and anxiety. I declared, “Father, if it is Your best will and plan for us to be homeless, then we will be the cutest homeless family standing on the corner with our signs.” I was quite serious at the time, and all I can say is that you would not believe the financial testimonies God has produced through our family. They are nothing short of miracles. Supernatural living was birthed through striving to rest in His goodness.

HE FORGIVES ME

“I asked my daughter to ask Jesus what lie she was partnering with tonight after she was caught lying and sneaking (which is something she has struggled with for a while). She said, ‘God is angry. He is nervous that I will lie and be sneaky again.’ So I asked her which kingdom partners with anger – she answered the enemy. Which kingdom partners with nervousness? – the enemy. I told her to close her eyes again and ask again. This time she smiled wide and said, ‘He forgives me and is happy and wants to help me not to lie and be sneaky.’ The weight I saw lift from her was undeniable. She was later dancing joyfully to worship music my husband had been playing in the kitchen.”

EXPOSING FEAR 3/3

Fear is a tool the enemy uses to paralyze us and stop us from moving forward. Fear always comes with a LIE. Lies are not true and are almost always in the tune of God being powerless, small, or absent. We are created to crave God, but FEAR is the number one thing stopping us. We fear that if we surrender entirely to Him, He will send us to a remote area, take our children away, or require something of us we don’t feel equipped to do. Would it shock you to know that the same fear tactic the enemy uses on you, he uses on your neighbors? What if the fear you are fearing is just a LIE to get YOU to partner with the shore so that you never go after the GOODNESS of God? To fear God in the above way reveals that we do not really know our Father. The fear reduces you to being powerless, which is the whole point. To know Him is to trust Him, and to trust Him is to experience His radical goodness. Draw a line in the sand and tell fear it is time to GO!

WORN OUT MOM

I was chatting with a mom the other night about her son getting out of bed 101 times. She went through the list and said, “Spanking doesn’t work,” “timeouts don’t work,” “withholding toys don’t work,” “getting mad doesn’t work,” and after the fifth example of what doesn’t work, I realized that SHE is the one who wasn’t working. I asked her why she thought it wasn’t working, and she said that her son kept doing the behavior despite her dealing with him. I asked how long she went after it, and she responded that she didn’t want to be the mean parent as she grew up with a lot of fear and intimidation. BAM! That was the key right there. She hasn’t yet fully reconciled her own experience, which was influencing her ability to parent her strong-willed son. She realized she didn’t want to use fear and intimidation, which is good, but she needed to keep going in her process. Does being firm mean intimidation? Is exercising parental authority going to induce fear over the child? If we don’t reconcile our parent’s parenting, we will swing so far to the other side, making both generations out of balance. We need to come into alignment with how God runs His family. No to fear and intimidation, yes to parental authority, and being firm.

SUPERNATURAL BECOMES NATURAL

I sat in a room with 80 young kids one night. Oh, my word, the world hasn’t yet seen what God can do with a group of children who are hungry for him. One girl said to her friends that her knee was hurting, and they immediately laid hands on her, and was healed. Her response? “Cool.” At first, I wasn’t sure how to process the flippant response, but I heard Holy Spirit say, “Because the supernatural is natural to her.” So powerful!

WHAT DOES JESUS SEE?

When I was in my early 20s, I was roommates with a gal who was younger than me but more mature in every way. I would describe her as having Jesus in one hand and my hand in the other, and she would constantly introduce us in new ways. I learned so much from her. One day I had an appointment to get my car worked on, and she agreed to pick me up. I got my car checked in and was waiting outside for her. She was late – like really late. I wandered the sidewalk for over 30 minutes, growing more and more agitated. When she finally appeared, she found me in my car, speeding off without having the work done. I was mad. VERY mad. I punished her with the silent treatment and refused to talk to her. Over the years, I felt bad for how I treated her and gained some maturity in realizing that it was pretty lame of me to be so upset when she was going out of her way to help me. The memory always told the story of my bad behavior and being so rude, but I heard God say, “Ask Me to show you what I saw,” and I saw this picture in my mind of a little girl shaking; she was so scared by being left alone at night outside. She was surrounded by fear and intimidation as she was utterly unprotected and vulnerable. I realized at that moment my reaction to her had little to do with a friend who was late to pick me up and more about it triggering my memory of being vulnerable, alone, and left behind. My strong reaction was not about being impatient but about trying to feel protected and safe again. Over the years, I have learned about these splinters in our hearts that cause big reactions when touched. God does not want us to manage them but be FREE from them.

How about you? Do you have a memory that pops up often in your mind that tells the story of how ‘bad’ or wrong you behaved? Ask Jesus to show you what He sees.

COMMUNION

Look at this precious testimony from a mom embracing taking communion together as a family.

“We had out-of-town company get to our house last night, and we didn’t do our normal evening family devotions and communion. My kids went to bed, and I was up talking with company when, an hour later, my 7-year-old daughter came out of her room, didn’t say a word but went to pour herself juice and break bread for Communion. She sat at the table like this and prayed while she partook. Then she came and hugged me and simply said, ‘I felt like I needed to do this.’ And went to bed. My mama’s heart burst.”

DISEMPOWERED

The definition of empowerment is to give (someone) the authority or power to do something. This means you can’t empower yourself. It is something that is given or denied by someone else. This is why God puts us in families and churches with mothers and fathers who have authority over us, see the value in us, and champion what God has placed inside of us. I am not talking about when people are using their God-given authority in a healthy way. There is an appropriate time for a parent, leader, teacher, or pastor to protect those in their care by not allowing them to do something. This is healthy and a protective covering. Nor am I talking about entitlement and that people should just be able to do whatever they want when they want it and that no one can tell them “No.” I am talking about when people in authority use the tool of disempowerment to protect something in them that needs to come into alignment. I hope to bring perspective to the dynamics of what happens when parents/leaders use disempowerment as a tool to control those under them.

ORPHAN – Disempowerment removes parents/leaders from being true mothers and fathers the way God intended homes and churches to operate and therefore opens them up to the demonic simply by creating a culture that isn’t in alignment with His Kingdom. Being disempowered pulls them back into an orphan mentality.

HeartWork – Declare over yourself that you are not an orphan but a child of God. Receive it as His truth. Ask God to teach you about your identity as a Son/Daughter and make the intentional choice to embrace it.

DOUBLE-MINDEDNESS – Disempowerment can throw a person into double-mindedness. They want to honor it, but it doesn’t feel right. They talk their mind out of their emotions and their emotions out of their mind. It creates a cycle that is so inner focus that it consumes them. “I love them,” “I can’t understand why they don’t believe in me,” “I see how powerful they are,” “What’s wrong with me?” They have a very hard time reconciling their mind and heart because they are both screaming two different things. The Bible says a double-minded man is unstable in all his ways. It is hard for someone to be confident and full of courage when your mind and heart are not in alignment with each other.

HeartWork – Put your hand on your heart and declare out loud, “I am not crazy. I am not unloving. There is nothing wrong with me. I command my mind to align right now with the mind of Christ, in Jesus’ name.”

COVERING – Disempowering someone puts the wrong kingdom covering over that child/person. The nature of empowerment is authority. When someone (falsely) takes it from you, it leaves you vulnerable to the enemy because it is by Christ’s work on the Cross that we are all empowered with authority to walk who He has called us to be.

HeartWork – Picture heavy football shoulder pads that were placed on you as a covering to keep you inoperable. Instead of trying to lift the heavy weight off, you just come from under it. Prophetically you might want to physically move your body out from under the weight of the wrong covering and align yourself with the covering of Jesus. 

STUNTS GROWTH – Being disempowerment removes the protective covering that allows for mistakes and messes while maturing. There is no learning curve and without it, children/people are crippled in making choices because they know they can’t do it perfectly, so they shy away from trying.

HeartWork – Picture a measuring stick that was placed next to you and told you that you do not measure up. Ask Jesus what tool He wants you to use to break the measuring stick. Go ahead and do that with Him. Then ask Him to show you His measuring stick and ask Holy Spirit to convict you when you are returning to the old measuring stick of man. 

SHAME – Disempowerment isn’t God’s tool so it will never make sense to the human mind and heart, but they attempt to reconcile the question “what is wrong with me?” (When in fact, there is nothing wrong with them). Some can spend a lifetime attempting to answer this question.

HeartWork – The greatest way to overcome shame is self-compassion. When I am feeling slimed by shame, I put my hand on my heart and say, “Lisa, I am right here. I am not leaving you. Let’s do this together.” I turn into a puddle of love because I am accepting myself. Ask yourself, “What do I need to hear?” and then speak it over yourself often. 

INTROSPECTION – Disempowerment hands the person a mirror and forces them to be critical of themselves, not knowing where they went wrong or how to make it better. An awkward awareness of self follows you around unsure if you will make the same mistake again with others, yet you aren’t fully aware of what mistake you made in the first place.

HeartWork – Go to the thrift store and buy a mirror. Place a tarp or sheet on the ground and smash the mirror, declaring that you no longer have the job of constantly staring in the mirror, wondering if and where you are wrong. Hand over the job to Jesus, and trust He can lead you. Years ago, God showed me a picture of Jesus and me dancing on the dance floor. He told me that it was His job to watch when I was too close to the edge, not mine. My job was to enjoy the dance with Him and trust He knows how to lead me. 

REJECTION – The greatest form of rejection is when someone dismisses the gifts inside of you because it is the very reason why you were created.

HeartWork – This may sound insensitive to some, and that is not my heart. We never figure out what God is doing by what we see the devil doing, but can we, just for a moment, laugh at how utterly hard the enemy tries to disqualify your voice and gifts? Why would he be so afraid and intimidated by what you carry inside of you? You may feel like a fragile baby bird, but the truth is you are made in the image of God, are related to Jesus Christ, and have the Holy Spirit of God inside of you. That makes you a force to be reckoned with, and it is time you start to see yourself the way your Creator sees you, not the way the enemy has tried to devour you. 

IDOL – Disempowerment puts the focus on the one in authority in an idol state and is always unhealthy for all parties. It makes their stamp of approval the goal rather than what God is doing and saying in that person’s life. The more it is withheld, the more the person craves it, and the idol grows. It is a vicious cycle and trap of the enemy to get one’s eyes off Jesus. Idol worship is empty and lacks the ability to produce fruit.

HeartWork – Picture yourself entangled in a ball of yarn wrapped all around you. The more you wiggle to get free, the more entangled you become. Ask Jesus to come with His scissors to cut you free from the spider web of pleasing man and the emptiness of not getting it. Step out from the pile of yarn, and do not re-wrap yourself back where Jesus has just cut you free. 

JUDGEMENT – I found this part very interesting. When there is idol worship there will be a lack of peace. The enemy often hands a person the tool of judgment to fight it off with. I have seen this countless times as people have battled disempowerment and then become seduced with judgment. Their minds try hard to slap it back into honor and love, but eventually, they give away and push back the disempowerment with judgment. The very person they so deeply wanted to know who believed in them suddenly becomes the worst person on earth, and judgments are made about who they are, their intentions, and credibility. This is so sad because they move from being disempowered to judgmental, which continues to hinder them.

HeartWork – Forgive the parent/leader who told you they didn’t believe in you, who didn’t value your gifts, and didn’t find you worth investing in. For many, there is great grief and sadness as the person in authority is generally someone you cared a great deal about (parent/leader). 

You can’t steward the position of disempowerment well enough because it is not your identity or God-given place. There is only ONE way out of disempowerment. Forgiveness. Forgive the parent/leader who told you they didn’t believe in you, who didn’t value your gifts, and who didn’t find you worth investing in. For many, there is great grief and sadness as the person in authority is generally someone you care a great deal about (parent/leader). Give your heart a voice in walking this out and allowing God to restore your authority!