REDEFINING QUIET TIMES

REDEFINING QUIET TIMES

  • Encouragement, Godhead Parenting

REDEFINING QUIET TIMES

I hear this ALL the time – a person falls radically in love with Jesus and has excellent ‘quiet times.’ They get up early and spend tons of undivided time with Him, and they have a close relationship. The kids come, and soon those quiet moments together give way to sleepless nights and the demands of their new addition. As time passes, the relationship suffers, and they begin to feel exhausted, dry, and burned out. They begin to feel guilty for not investing hours into their relationship with God, which only makes them feel worse. The time we spend with our children in this season is 24/7, but there is a Biblical command to let them leave and cleave to their future mates, meaning our 24/7 relationship will transition into a new way of connecting and relating, yet the love and relationship are still there!

Could it be God intended all along for our time with Him to be transitioned, as well, when the baby comes? Do we not think that God KNEW that our relationship with Him would change when He gave us the gift of our child? Instead of feeling guilty that your former way of relating to Jesus isn’t working, ask Him to show you what the NEW looks like.

“Jesus, I miss our times together. I miss knowing You and feeling Your presence. I miss our deep connection. Will You please show me what our relationship and time together look like in this season?”

Be blessed with the fact that your relationship is growing, changing, and being transformed into something NEW!

SOLO PARENTING

When I was walking out becoming a SOLO PARENT, my heart felt like the scene in Titanic where the water was filling the cabin, and they were sucking the last bit of air out of the corner. Except I had four children attached to me. They say walking through a divorce takes as much out of you physically as going through open heart surgery. The effects on one’s mind, body, and spirit are profound. I have a natural built-in ability to overcome, persevere and bounce back, but this one almost took me out. I longed for keys, answers, and solutions and fought with everything within me to find Jesus amid the mess. Looking back, I can see that He gave me some golden keys that not only helped me navigate the tsunami of emotions for myself but my children. We didn’t just endure but overcame. We didn’t just survive but began to thrive. In fact, it was in my season of becoming a solo parent that my destiny began to open and unfold before me. God is a master who takes our messes, mistakes, and hurts and turns it into something so beautiful and life-giving. I want to share the tools, keys, and perils of wisdom I learned along the way with others.

One mom shared: “I have been a single mom for roughly 12 years, and this class brought healing to my heart and new perspectives even after so long. I truly thank you for sharing your wisdom. It has been so helpful and encouraging in my life.”

PERFECT PRESSURE

In four different parent coaching sessions, the theme was moms partnering with profound pressure to do things correctly and yet being in situations where they could not possibly achieve perfection. Jesus showed up in a similar way with each of them. When children are raised with the bar so high, they learn directly or indirectly that messes and mistakes are not acceptable. They develop a mindset that says, “God is only pleased with me when I do it right,” and while it profits them in life to be overachievers, they are missing out on HIS truth. Messes, weaknesses, and failures do not separate you from God. His truth is that when we come to Him, our weakness and lack bring intimacy and closeness. A loving parent knows that a 2-year-old will make messes, and they see it as an opportunity to offer comfort, reassurance, and help them grow in their capacity to do better next time. They do not see the child failing but rather as maturing and are honored to be a part of the process. If we only have closeness with Jesus when we are getting A’s and doing things perfectly, there will be a level of fear preventing deeper closeness because, deep down, you believe it is only because of your ‘good’ performance. There is a satisfying closeness with someone that only comes when they love you despite your failures and weakness, which is real vulnerability and closeness. If you experience this in your parenting, I encourage you to spend time with Him.

**Ask, “Jesus, will You please show me who I need to forgive for introducing me to the need to be perfect?”

**Forgive that person for directly or indirectly teaching you about perfectionism and pressure. 

**Ask, “Jesus, what lies have I believed because of the pressure to be perfect?”

**Renounce/break up with the lie. “I renounce the lie that _____.”

**Ask, “Jesus, what is Your truth?” Declare His truth over yourself daily!

HUNGER FOR MORE

The next generation is screaming for moms and dads who truly see them and have the tools to help them. If you have been feeling a stir that there is MORE for your family than what you are experiencing, I invite you to join our JOURNEY class. You will learn new parenting tools, how to resolve (and dissolve) sibling conflict, increase peace in your homes and go deep with your connection with God.

You can register here: Journey – ONLINE CLASS – Let the Children Fly

YOU ARE ON A JOURNEY

God wants you walking in wholeness because you will naturally parent out of that place of hurt or freedom. God is not mad at your anger. God understands why you need to use control to feel safe. He understands the frustration you feel. Jesus has not left you in your mess. You have not ruined your children. You are a on JOURNEY! Your triggers are your road signs revealing what is going on inside of you. 

Having a hard time believing that? Read Hebrews 12:2 and position yourself on His truth that it is HIS job to write your story and finish it.

PROUD OF YOU

Has anyone told you lately how proud they are of you? Seriously, many of you are first-generation Christians trying to raise godly children while building a solid foundation for yourself. You are not able to pull on your childhood experiences and what was modeled for you and are pioneering your way. You ARE doing it, and you are doing a good job. Keep going. He is so very proud of you.

HE IS HERE

God is not standing over you, watching you parent, or keeping track of your every wrong move. He is geared up, ready to jump in the moment you invite Him. So, give it a try today. Having a hard mommy moment? Frustrated over a child’s behavior? Hit with big news? Invite Him in and watch and see how He encounters you IN the moment.

CONTROL-BASED PARENTING

I was talking with a mom about others using the tools of control and disempowerment in parenting, and she burst into tears. She realized she was guilty of using them with one of her children and her heart ached, realizing how she had been negatively affecting her child. This is my WHOLE point in doing these posts on disempowerment. The issue rarely lies with the one being disempowered but the one doing it. Parents/leaders use these tools because something else is going on inside of them that makes them feel like they need to protect themselves. Nothing controls and pushes back someone further than disempowering them because it renders them powerless. It is a faulty coping mechanism for something greater going on. Here is the deal – God isn’t mad at the parent/leader who uses these tools because He understands WHY they do it. He sees their fear, anxiety, and insecurity that causes them to feel the need to self-protect. God doesn’t want them to stay that way, but He isn’t mad at them.

JOURNEY NOT DESTINATION

On the first day of our JOURNEY class, I explain that there is always more and we can always go deeper with God. The goal is not to be airdropped in the middle of the ocean just to be able to say, “I have arrived,” but to enjoy the JOURNEY with Him every step of the way. I ask parents if they can see God’s invitation to come out deeper with Him, and the #1 response I get from parents reflects fear that He will ask something of them (like sell everything and move away) or make them do something their heart doesn’t want to. This reflects areas of our heart where we have yet to discover that He is indeed a GOOD Father. He knows the desires He has placed inside of us, and they are to prosper us and give us hope, not shut us down. It is like parents crave and hunger for more but at the same time do not want it because they fear what He will require of them. If this is you, I want you to know that this is not God’s heart or voice speaking but the enemy to try and get YOU to shrink back from His goodness.