PROCESSING YOUR HEART IN A HEALTHY WAY

PROCESSING YOUR HEART IN A HEALTHY WAY

  • Heart Splinters, Kingdom Parenting

PROCESSING YOUR HEART IN A HEALTHY WAY

Our children have been walking through so much, and I want to share this in confidence that it will help someone else reach their own child. 

While sitting at dinner, I noticed a mark on my child’s hand. It was unusual, and I asked about it. They immediately started telling me how no one had done it to them. I have a strong core value about siblings not using their strength to communicate, and they were trying to protect their siblings from getting in trouble, but something felt off. We were laughing on my bed the following day, and I noticed it again. I asked, and their response was almost pleading with me that it was nothing. I let it go, but about ten minutes later, I sensed God highlighting it again. I asked them to show me how it happened as their story didn’t line up. They acted out how the mark happened, and it was almost comical how impossible it would have been to create a mark like that. I knew something deeper was going on. I could discern two things: #1. They were covering up something, and #2. They were worried they would be in trouble. I told them I was not mad and that it wasn’t about getting in trouble but being free from whatever it was. I asked them to get their journal and process the story with Jesus (because they know they can tell Him anything and that He is their safe advocate). I was in my room praying that Holy Spirit would lead them and convict their heart (because we partner together to raise my children). They returned, holding back tears, and told me they made the mark themselves. Since cutting is a serious issue, I was most alarmed. They began to tell me that the other day they felt alone and wanted someone to SEE them (yes, kids can feel unseen when you are together 24/7 in a household of 7). This is a child in pain and not having the maturity yet to fully walk it out. 

Children often make messes in their pain. When we only focus on the ‘mark’ or mess, we will miss the pain that is underneath. If we are not alert, we will push the pain further, causing them to want to self-protect, which only traps the pain. I knew they had just experienced adult-sized rejection and radical injustice and asked how they felt about it, and they burst into tears sobbing. The injustice done to them would cripple most adults, and their pain was valid. My heart bled for them, but it allowed me to help them process the pain and bring it to Jesus. They needed to know that Jesus saw their heart (not just their immature way of communicating). Here is the sad part of the story. They got what they wanted – for someone to see them, but with it came shame and embarrassment for what they did. It gave me a priceless opportunity to sit all of the kids down and talk about healthy ways to process our hearts without the price tag of shame. Things like porn, alcohol, shopping, swearing, lying, self-harming, etc., are just flags being waved, saying, “I am in pain and need help.” Our children are also learning how to deal with their pain as sons and daughters.

EXPOSING FEAR 3/3

Fear is a tool the enemy uses to paralyze us and stop us from moving forward. Fear always comes with a LIE. Lies are not true and are almost always in the tune of God being powerless, small, or absent. We are created to crave God, but FEAR is the number one thing stopping us. We fear that if we surrender entirely to Him, He will send us to a remote area, take our children away, or require something of us we don’t feel equipped to do. Would it shock you to know that the same fear tactic the enemy uses on you, he uses on your neighbors? What if the fear you are fearing is just a LIE to get YOU to partner with the shore so that you never go after the GOODNESS of God? To fear God in the above way reveals that we do not really know our Father. The fear reduces you to being powerless, which is the whole point. To know Him is to trust Him, and to trust Him is to experience His radical goodness. Draw a line in the sand and tell fear it is time to GO!

WHAT IS PARENT COACHING?

Parent coaching involves me coming alongside you and helping you become the parent God designed you to be. Sometimes we remove things that were never supposed to be there, such as lies or a wrong belief system. Other times we encounter Him to heal those places that were hurt when you were younger. Sometimes, we increase your parenting tool belt and arm you with resources, creative solutions, and activities to help empower your children. 

You can schedule a PARENT COACHING session here: Coaching – Let the Children Fly

MINISTRY LEADERS

I want to plant a seed for you to ponder with the Lord. Does your ministry or area of influence reflect that of mothers and fathers caring for God’s family, or is it set up to function more like managers running a business? The latter will never produce the kind of fruit God wants His family to bear. If we are managers running a business, we will only promote those who make us look good, are excellent at what they do, and make little messes. We will choose people just like us who cause little friction. We will have success and image as the goal, not the journey. We will raise successful spiritual orphans who have learned that performance matters above character and capacity development. Sadly, this promotes rockstars of the hour, but they are not equipped to deal with the long-term weight of what God wants to do through them because they have never dealt with the issues in their foundation. If we lead from the position of mothers and fathers, we will allow God to bring to us whoever He feels best, even if that means a development process for both parties. We will judge our success by the fruit of a life transformed, even if it means there were messes made. We will value what He values, not the world. We will give those under us the gifts of a mother and father, such as being seen, heard, valued, instructed, etc., because a person can only really be their best when healthy mothers and fathers cover them. Managers may win awards and achieve success, but only mothers and fathers gain eternal rewards. Ask Jesus to show you if there is an area of your leadership and authority where you have functioned as a manager rather than a mother and father. Repent. Ask Jesus to show you how to model your leadership/influence after His. Enjoy the fruit He wants to grow and develop through your eternal legacy! 

IT WORKED!

I cannot get enough of these testimonies of moms learning how to partner with God in their parenting! 

“We were sitting on the couch, snuggling together before bed, and my daughter, all of a sudden, looked towards the playroom and said, ‘Mommy, I feel scared.’ I asked her why she felt scared, and she said she was scared of the dark over there. I asked her what she saw, and she said, ‘bad guys.’ I wasn’t sure what to do, so I asked the Holy Spirit to help me, and I felt led to ask Jesus to shine his flashlight on her heart to show her where the fear was coming from. She didn’t even seem like she was listening, but I asked her, ‘What did Jesus show you?’ She said she saw us in the camper, and we were snuggling on the couch, and the bad guys came to life. IT WORKED! She just turned four, and Jesus took her back to a memory over six months ago! I was so excited Jesus spoke to her! I felt led to ask her if we were watching a movie (because fear often enters through our eye gates with movies), and she said yes, but she covered her eyes when the scary part came. I’m not sure what movie we were watching, but we are very careful that we don’t watch anything scary, so I’m guessing that the spirit of fear twisted something, and she felt afraid. We repented and said sorry to Jesus for not protecting our eye gates, and we asked Him to forgive us for watching that movie, and He said, ‘Yes, I forgive you.’ Then we took the fear out of her heart and threw it at Jesus’ feet, and asked Jesus what He wanted to give her. She said peace. We asked Jesus and the angels to come and make the bad guys leave our house, and she said she saw 20 angels! I don’t know if she actually saw 20 angels, but she definitely saw something angelic come and make the bad guys leave because the fear was gone, and I got my joyful little girl back!”

Friends, get your copy of our Heart Splinters book and become empowered how to teach your children how to defeat the works of the enemy and usher them to Jesus! 

Heart Splinters BOOK – Let the Children Fly

LIES, LIES, LIES

This is going to be one of the simplest, yet most profound tools I give you.

The LIES we believe because of an event is what brings lasting pain and heartbreak, not the event itself.

Rape is a horrible, horrible event that deeply affects a person. But long after the actual event is over, the LIE they believe about the event is what triggers the event over and over and over again as if it is happening to them again and again. In that moment their system is shocked (reasonably so), and the enemy comes and whispers, “You are powerless”, “No one cares”, “You are all alone” and because the events serve as evidence that the lie FEELS true, we grab a hold of them and embrace them. It is the lie that is tormenting us, not the event.

So this very simple, yet profound exercise is to ask, “Jesus, what lies am I believing about my situation?” and allow Him to show you.

When you are ready and if you are willing pray this out loud:

Confess – “Jesus, I confess I have been partnering with the lie that _____. Will You please forgive me?”

Break Agreement – “I break agreement with the lie that _____.”

Declare the Truth – “Jesus, what is Your truth about this situation?”

Just watch and listen to whatever He wants to show you and then take a moment and RECEIVE it.

This exercise should be used anytime your heart is losing peace and you are feeling unsettled. There is one thing the enemy cannot counterfeit and that is PEACE, because peace is His presence, and the enemy isn’t God.

SELF-HATRED

JOURNEY isn’t about a moment, a one-time fix, or a parenting program. This is about a journey of going deeper with Him. This precious mama changes her children’s lives simply by being willing to go further in her journey with Him.

“This lesson really revealed a heart splinter of my own that has been festering for two decades. As a child, I had a strong desire to go to the Air Force Academy. Looking back, I know this idea was planted by my father, a pro-military man. Being the youngest of seven kids, I also think there was some pressure to perform for the financial gain as well as sort of the ‘last-ditch effort’ from my dad. I had always been closer to my dad and felt I didn’t measure up to the perfect daughter ideal that my mother had. I would rather be in the barn with Dad than shop for the latest styles at the mall. I wholeheartedly partnered with the lie that I could achieve favor with my earthly father IF I could just get into the Academy. I worked on every piece of my life to make the Air Force Academy a reality. I pushed and pushed to be the best at all things – school, sports, standardized tests, volunteering… anything that would get me ahead and get me in. The irony is I didn’t get in, and my dad never forgave me. This year on my birthday, he mocked and ridiculed me for it again in front of my closest friends. I finally realized it wasn’t about me – my Heavenly Father was carrying me and loving me through a whole decade of self-hatred after that event. I felt abandoned by my family and was in a real state of self-defeat. I tried relationships, alcohol, and eating disorders and all those lies created more hurt and heart splinters. I prayed daily for relief from the sadness, and in hindsight, I saw God was carrying me and protecting me from myself through all those years. As I surrendered my experience, I vowed not to do that to my children. They will know God’s peace, His enduring love for them, and the truth that their worth is from Him and nothing I put upon them. I also see now that I am worthy of His love and that nothing I have done has separated me from His love.”

Parents, I invite you to join the JOURNEY. Your children will thank you for it! Journey – ONLINE CLASS – Let the Children Fly

 

CAN’T SLEEP

I have been mentoring a young mom walking through drug addiction. Each time we meet, I can see this beautiful transformation happening in her physically. I told her she has this soft and joyful look about her. It was precious to see. As we talked, she mentioned that her therapist put her on antidepressants for depression. I cannot explain other than to say it was as foreign to me as if she had told me she had purple hair. Not only did she not appear depressed to me, but she was becoming more and more filled with JOY and peace. I asked why her therapist felt she was depressed, and she began to tell me how she has difficulty falling asleep each night, but once she is asleep, she never wants to get out of bed. She has struggled with that sleep pattern her whole life. I asked her if the medication had been helping her, and she said, “Not at all.” I knew instantly in my spirit; she was not depressed but a spiritual issue that needed to be resolved around her ability to sleep and rest well. I asked her what it was like as a little girl waking up each morning, and she began to weep. She said she hated waking up in the morning because she would have to leave her mama, and every time she left her, she did not know if it would be the last time she would see her. She wasn’t depressed! She had a spirit of trauma that had attached itself to her sleep and was robbing her of rest. We are mind, body, and spirit, and each part of us is affected by trauma. We cannot assume that everything that bears negative fruit is rooted in the body. Yes, depression is real when chemicals are off in the brain, and medication is required to help balance them. However, sometimes the issue lies in our mind (lies) and other times in the spiritual realm. The event can be long over, and we can even heal emotionally, but sometimes we have to be aware that things need to be resolved spiritually. In this case, a spirit had a legal right to harass her each night. The moment we used our authority, she could physically feel something shift. Sleep well, my friend, and know that you do not need to put up with that spirit harassing and stealing your sweet rest. 

**Disclaimer: I did not instruct her to go off her meds but to go back and discuss it with her therapist.

LOOK BEYOND BEHAVIOR

I have strived hard through the Let the Children Fly message to get parents to see beyond the behavior. Yes, train children to manage themselves better, but if we only focus on managing behavior, we will enter legalism and move away from the Father’s heart. We must be willing to endure discomfort with their behavior to explore with Holy Spirit WHY. If we can partner with Him, we will discover what is going on inside their hearts, and we can parent them in that place. This is where real transformation and growth occur. When we experience someone acting immature, wounded, and reckless, we have two choices: #1 Increase our power by using intimidation and fear to control them so that we feel comfortable or #2 come alongside their pain and usher them to Jesus. If all we are doing is managing triggers and outward behavior, we are actually separating ourselves from their heart. If we want to draw closer, we must become students of what is going on in their world.