There is only ONE perfect Parent, and His name is Father God. He created parenting and is the original Father. Everyone all falls short but is invited to PARTNER with Him. This really is excellent news. You don’t need to walk under the pressure of perfection, which means you can enjoy your parenting journey.
I have intentionally stayed away from sitting in front of the news as I don’t feel I gain anything other than a lack of peace. I began to think of how radio has only been around for 115 years and TV for less than 100 years. What did people do before technology and non-stop news feeds? God began to speak to me about the profound need for DISCERNMENT and HEARING HIM in this hour. Holy Spirit is more than sufficient to lead, cover, protect, direct and help us. Our spiritual muscles of listening and honoring His voice are vital.
Christians can often see/feel the spirit behind things yet are so ill-equipped in discernment (the ability to judge well), they respond negatively to the person instead of the spirit realm. To expect acceptance would mean to violate what they are seeing. People often attack the behavior, but what they are really standing up against is the spirit that their spirit knows is not right. We hurt people when we attack them instead of helping them.
Those who have walked in isolation and believe the enemy’s whispers about their identity are fed up with believers who were powerless to help them, failed to validate the deep isolation and then demanded outward performance. If it is a spirit issue then the church should be ones to HELP and instead, we have been the ones to accuse, blame and shame.
Let me use this word picture. If a child is being tormented by a spirit of fear and reacts to it with yelling and crying the parent will FEEL the spirit in fear in operation yet they don’t always have eyes to discern (the ability to judge well), but they can feel it (and without discernment it normally riles up the parent too). Getting mad at the child, disciplining, isolating, scolding them or telling them to ‘stop’ is pointless because it isn’t just about their less than pleasant behavior, as in bad character. It is about something going on in the spirit realm that is influencing them. They need HELP to resolve the issue in the spirit realm before their behavior will change.
The enemy’s goal is outlined in John 10:10 – “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy.” He comes to STEAL community (isolation), oftentimes in our own homes, he then whispers lies to KILL their identity (who they were created to be) and then DESTROYS the thing that we all long for – community and connection.
The church should be a safe place to resolve spiritual issues, but because they have been so ill-equipped to discern the spirit and have focused solely on behavior modification, we have actually furthered the agenda of tolerance and acceptance. We have forced the world to accept what we have not been able to respond to well and help resolve. There is a time to rise up as parents and leaders in our authority, not against the child/person but the spirit behind it.
Parents need to be equipped with tools to walk in discernment when this spirit is in operation in their homes. Children who are being influenced by this spirit need HELP to resolve it. While it can surely include professional or traded help, Jesus died to give that authority and power to every believer, including parents.
Many parents ask me what the best resources for raising children in the faith are. While there are a lot of things we can do to nurture their relationship with God, I firmly believe one of the most significant ways to impact them is merely sharing your own journey with them. I often tell the kids what God is doing in my heart, revealing the things He has spoken to me, or how verses have come alive for me. I am taking what is inside of me and getting it out for them to see, hear, and feel. It is one thing to talk about it; it is another to witness and experience it. This is one of the glorious things about family and living with such a deep connection to those around us. If we get hit with something hard, I make sure the children aren’t just seeing the struggle but also the journey of God showing up in the process. Have you shared your childhood stories about life with/without Jesus and how it has impacted you? Have you told them when and how you first met Jesus? Do they know about your recent revelations and encounters? Your journey with Jesus is powerful – share it!
When a child (of any age) is having an emotional meltdown, they need either compassion or comfort. We have to find their rhythm of receiving compassion and comfort as some like to be touched, others like to be verbally comforted, and others feel comforted by being alone. AFTER they have calmed down and we have connected with their hearts, THEN we can teach, train, and equip them how to increase their capacity and do it differently next time. When the child is upset, teaching and training is like teaching a dog where to poop when he is in the middle of it. He won’t be able to hear you. Teach and train in the time of PEACE so that you can cash in on it in your time of need. Parents end up breaking connection because they want to be teachers when their child needs a comforter.
I had the privilege of ministering to a group of moms in an 18-month rehab program for drugs and alcohol. I wasn’t sure exactly how it would go when I said yes, but I have to say these mamas have stolen my heart, and I have fallen in love with them. They are so hungry for change and transformation. One precious mom sobbed the week before telling me of her daughter’s outbursts and anger. She would get so triggered by her daughter she would have to leave the room. I gave her tools and taught her how to partner with Holy Spirit in her parenting. The next week, she was so excited to tell me that her daughter had another meltdown, and while she was leaving the room, she could see her daughter NEEDING her (before all she could see was the anger), so she went back to her and just held her. She said out loud, “Spirit of rejection, I command you to leave my daughter,” and her daughter went limp and said, “Mommy, what did you just do to me?” OH my goodness! She walked in her God-given authority over the spirit tormenting her daughter and got free. Jesus!
Hudson was asked to empty the trash in the bathroom and left the trash can in the middle of the room. I went to him and said, “Hudson, you are a man of great honor. Could you please go back in the bathroom and see how you could be more honoring?” Instantly, he saw the trash can and completed his task. When a mom acts like a child’s mind, she goes crazy, and the child gets lazy! We can use nearly all corrective situations to empower them (and stay sane!). It is interesting how much of our natural parental correction focuses on what they didn’t do or makes them feel like a failure, but when we learn to flip it to empower them, everyone wins.
As I have learned to partner with the Holy Spirit in my parenting, I have become more solution-focused and less problem-focused. I have empowered my children to discover the answers for themselves rather than me thinking for them and telling them what to do and constantly feeling frustrated by their behavior.
I am confident of God’s leading me as my Husband, and He has been so faithful over the years. We entered the home stretch of the election war and really wanted to hear His heart and strategy for our family. We spent time just being quiet and enjoying His presence while listening to a worship song. Then I asked the question, “Jesus, is there anything specifically You want us to do to prepare for the season we are in?” The children each heard similar things regarding strategy, and it was very confirming, but Emma said, “I heard Him say that we are to stock up in our hearts, especially with JOY, because joy gives us the will to fight hard things.”
It would be impossible to be fully prepared for whatever could come our way. But stocking up on the ingredients that will help us weather any storm is essential right now. Joy releases a chemical in our brain that gives us the will to fight and endure hard things. Joy is your weapon – stock up on an arsenal of it.
This is a wild season for us, yet God is in the midst of using it for our good. He is allowing things to be seen, healed, and aligned, which is breathtaking. Only God can use this profound season of lack, isolation, and stillness and use it for our greatest transformation. We don’t have to make anything happen; we need to let Him do what He does best – finish the good work He has already begun in each of us.
I have received so many messages from parents who are feeling Him highlight areas that need to come into alignment. If you would like additional help in this season with parent triggers, parenting your child well, or resolving conflict, you can either private message me or schedule an appointment here: Coaching – Let the Children Fly
We can’t cover our children enough. They are faced with so much, and often we aren’t even aware of what they are genuinely facing as parents. Prayer not only works but is also a lifeline. I encourage you to think of one other family you have a connection with and intentionally ask them if you could adopt each other’s kids by praying for them daily. Put a picture of them on your fridge, set a reminder in your phone, or place a sticky note on your mirror, but pray daily for your friend’s children. I see the rich value in doing this because it allows others to cover our children, and they can pray from a place without knowing all of the details of the child’s world, and it takes the pressure off of the parents that they are the only ones covering their children. Nothing like having some backup in the spirit and sending them a quick text that says, “Pray for a situation at school,” or “Having a hard night, please pray.” This gives new meaning to the role of GOD PARENT. I am doing this with my friends, and it is powerful. Prayer is your great weapon – steward it wisely!
Don’t refuse the message just because you don’t like the delivery of the messenger. So often, children botch the delivery of what they are trying to tell you. They do it with anger, attitudes, imperfection, and less-than-mature ways, but it doesn’t mean that WHAT they are trying to say is to be ignored. This is one of the reasons why we wrote our HEART SPLINTERS book. To give parents additional help in seeing and hearing what their children are trying to tell them.