PERFECT FATHER

PERFECT FATHER

  • Godhead Parenting, Heart Splinters

PERFECT FATHER

There was a time when I wasn’t fully engaged with my daughter, grossly misunderstood something, and reacted strongly. Later, when it all came out, I realized how hurt she was that she didn’t feel validated or heard. When I asked her for forgiveness, I sensed the Holy Spirit saying to add, “Father God is never too busy; He always hears your heart and knows everything about you.”

Oftentimes for children, it isn’t the event that causes lasting wounds but the lies about the godhead attached to their experiences. It is okay that my children know I am human. Still, they need to know Father God is rock solid, never loses His cool, is always available, always alert, never sleeps, and never makes a mistake. He isn’t overwhelmed, unsure of what to do, isn’t mad/upset, and is never too busy. As a parent, I can take my weakest moments with my children and use them as opportunities to teach them about their Perfect Father!

GODHEAD PARENTING

We don’t want to shut down in our children what needs to be awakened in us. Oftentimes, God allows our children to carry something that rubs us the wrong way. It isn’t that they are doing something wrong. It is that something needs to be healed, aligned, or brought to life in us, and God is parenting us through them.

GODHEAD PARENTING

LET’S BREAK IT DOWN – Take a sheet of paper and write “Dad” on the left side. Under that write “Mom” and under that write “Siblings/Friends.” In the column next to each of these, write out three to five strong beliefs you have about them. We aren’t looking for obituary tributes; we are looking for YOUR truth. I am not asking what you know to be true as in, “Well, they did the best they could.” Use words that feel true to your little girl/boy heart. Maybe it will be things like, “They loved me, but were too busy,” or “kind”, “would yell a lot,” “unpredictable.”

THREE IN ONE – God provides all that we need. God is our Father. We have His Son Jesus and His Spirit. They are ONE – we serve ONE God, but they are all different. For example, my son is one person, but he is a son, brother, and friend all rolled into one person. There are different sides of him, but all parts of one whole. We need to have a relationship with each of the godhead to walk in the fullness of who God intended us to be. If we love Jesus but have no relationship with Father God, we are out of balance. If we are cool with Father God but have no room for Holy Spirit, we are missing out!

He provided us an earthy family that mimics the godhead. Now, write “God” in the third column on the first row, then “Holy Spirit”, then “Jesus”. The dad represents God the Father who provides and protects us. The mom represents Holy Spirit who comforts, educates, and nurtures us. And our siblings or friends represent Jesus, who is our friend and companion. At least that was God’s design.

If there is trouble, who would a child want to handle it? Probably Dad. But if the child hurts themselves, most often they would want Mom. As a child gets older, who do they want to tell all their secrets to and giggle with? Their friends, right? We learn about the godhead through the relationships that God gives us on earth.

It would be a safe guess that whatever you wrote down in the “Dad”, “Mom”, “Siblings/Friends” column is also how you view the godhead (unless you have already had significant healing). The goal is NOT to focus on how bad your parents were but to realign yourself with the truth of God the Father, Jesus, and Holy Spirit. See the difference?

All parents have a natural desire to shield their children from harm. I remember when the bubble was broken for my children. I was crushed that their innocence and know-no-pain world had come to a crashing halt. For some reason I couldn’t get over it, and it was paralyzing to me. Then a wise woman in my church told me about a family who had done everything right – they raised amazing godly children who were loving, honoring, respectful and happy – until the day a bully showed up on the playground and made their life a living hell. I asked her, “You mean that even if I did everything right, the bubble would have probably popped some other way?” She replied sadly but honestly, “Yep!” I realized then the meaning of a fallen world. While we do not expect the bad, we come to realize that our enemy is real, and he is good at his job. That is why we need to be better at ours!

For any area that you have a weak spot with the godhead due to your experience with your earthly relationships, walk through the following steps:

  • Forgive your earthly parent/sibling/friend for whatever you wrote down.
  • Renounce that God/Jesus/Holy Spirit are that way.
  • Ask Him for His truth.
  • Receive His truth!

THIS is why we need to stop and take a little inventory of our lives so that we can see how our childhood has shaped us and perhaps altered our view of the godhead. Often what happens is we are so determined to do things differently from our parents that we end up in extremes and still out of balance. At times my mom was so against sugar and treats that I coveted them any time I was around them. I didn’t want to be like that with my kids, but I realized I said yes to sugar too much. Another good example is abuse. A child is abused and swears they will never do such a thing to their child but goes so far to the other side that their child has never known a day of consequences or learned self-control. There has to be a balance – the balance is Jesus. And the only way to come into proper alignment is to have our eyes fixed on Him.

GODHEAD PARENTING – Once you learn the incredible ways earthly relationships can impact or distort a child’s view of the godhead, it changes the way you parent. I am constantly looking for ways to reveal to them the fullness of the godhead. For example, being part of a single parent family can make it easy for my children to feel like orphans, but I am constantly calling out the way their dad still provides for them financially. When I bless them with something and they say thanks, I am quick to say, “Bless your dad for providing the funds.” It is hard for them to feel like an orphan when they are thanking God for how their earthly father is providing for them. This is not an attempt to ignore reality, but I take seriously not letting earthly relationships define their view of God, Jesus or Holy Spirit. There have been times when I have responded to them harshly or with anger and when I go back to make it right, I will say, “Holy Spirit is never harsh or mean with you and I am sorry that I treated you that way.”

DIVORCE – Can you see a bit more clearly how a child becomes a spiritual orphan? When parents are bitter towards each other and slander one another in front of the kids, it destroys not only their worth and value but also their view of the godhead. One of the most powerful things you can say to a child going through a divorce is simply, “God would never leave you!” What is happening in the natural is unpleasant, but how a child transfers these lies to their beliefs about the godhead is how lasting wounds are created.

PARENT FIRST

You cannot take the parent out of parenting any more than you can take the child out of childhood. Your journey, heart, and needs matter and shape your parenting more than anything. If you want to love your child to the fullest, you are going to have to allow God to love you. If you want to empower your child to the fullest, you are going to have to allow God to empower you. If you want to train your child to the fullest, you are going to have to allow God to train you. If you want to see/hear/value your child to the fullest, you are going to have to allow God to see/hear/value you. If you want to embrace your child to the fullest, you are going to have to allow God to embrace you.

What is most important to you in your parenting? Fill in your own blank. “I want to _______ my child to the fullest.” Now ask yourself how you are doing with allowing God to do that with you.

HAND IT OVER TO JESUS

“Our son struggles with ‘word cursing’ himself, name calling, and labeling himself with lies. Through Lisa’s teachings, the Holy Spirit guided me to get ‘Hello, My Name Is’ tags. We met with our son and had a conversation about what it must feel like to carry those ‘labels’ on himself. We talked about the power of his words, and the things he’s telling his heart. We gathered our family, and we began writing down things that he has called himself or lies he has spoken over himself. The labels began to add up quickly. We then as a family got into a group and told him that we were his football team, and to come stand by us. We asked him how he felt standing near us with all of those lies written all over him and those things he was believing about himself. He replied, ‘I feel like I don’t belong,’ – it was a powerful moment for him. We told him that because of Jesus, there is no condemnation, and he doesn’t need to keep those lies and labels. He removed each label, asked Jesus for forgiveness, repented, and then spoke truth over himself as he tore them off. He took the pile of stickers and handed them to Jesus. Now, whenever my son speaks a lie, word curse, or anything negative about himself we keep the labels handy and write down what he spoke. He repeats the steps, and we celebrate victory over the enemy, cancel the word curse, and release truth and blessing over him.”

 

CAN I HOLD YOU?

My friend told me about a story with her son, and I think it is GLORIOUS. Her adopted son had a rough year with his dad moving out and his big sister moving away. He recently spent time at his dad’s house while his parents were in town. The young boy returned to his mom’s house and was OUT OF CONTROL! Yelling, kicking, hitting, screaming – unglued. She shared how she normally would have exercised some serious authority over his behavior and would have dealt firmly with him for his outburst. But she could see he was hurting and said, “Buddy, can Mommy hold you for a moment?” He was hesitant but eventually came to her, put his face in her neck, and just wept. He woke up the next morning back to himself again. There is a time and place to discipline a child for negative behavior, and there is a time and place to partner with Holy Spirit and move in the opposite spirit. This boy was simply trying to express the BIG emotions going on inside of his heart. He needed the security of a mother’s love, and whatever was causing his heart so much agitation was released through her affection.

REJECTING LIES

My daughter woke up early with me, so we went on a date to grab drive-thru coffee and ended up at the bookstore. I noticed a book about the lies young girls believe and handed it to her. She spent a great deal of time browsing the contents and finally put the book down. I asked her why, and she said, “Because I don’t believe lies.” There was such an anointing on what she said. She was not saying she has never believed a lie, nor was she saying she is 100% lie-free, but she was right to say she doesn’t believe lies. I have taught my kids what lies feel like, and they have begun to self-govern when lies are being entertained in their minds. Lies always remove your peace, make your mind spin like crazy, and create feelings of anxiety, worry, and stress in your heart. When my children are feeling this, they know how to ask, “Jesus, what lies am I believing?” and they know how to ask Him for His truth. Can you imagine what this generation would look like if they knew how to stomp on the lies that come to steal, kill and destroy?

YOU SHOULD BE TOO!

Be kind to the first child God gave you – yourself. You will be accountable for how you treat, accept, reject, love, scold, champion, deny, uphold, tear down, believe in, deny or embrace that child. God is fiercely protective and crazy in love with that child; you should be too!

PARENTING GOAL

Children who are full of fear, anxiety, and emotional hurt, who believe a lie or feel afraid, can act that out in mean, rude, and inappropriate ways. Just because a child does certain things doesn’t mean the solution is always discipline. Sometimes the solution is a hug, alone time with you, a special date, a positive word, or to be seen. God’s GOODNESS leads us to repentance because He looks beyond our messes and sees what our heart really needs. Perfect behavior should never be the goal in parenting – their heart should be!

CONTROL-BASED PARENTING

I received this message from a mom taking our class. I want you to see how each of these parts are interwoven and connected. God is so good to show her what was the root of her control-based parenting. 

“Wow, I had my late night turn out so different than planned. I have followed the LTCF Facebook page and have been trying to emulate the connection parenting versus my normal controlling/disciplining parenting. I have realized how much I operate under a religious spirit and definitely want freedom from that! That revelation in itself has been so eye-opening and humbling. After I went through some forgiveness with my parents for not emulating connection (something my father still doesn’t grasp), I asked Jesus what He wanted to give me in return. As I gave my jar to Jesus, I waited in expectation for a sweet, tangible picture to come about. And the waiting got a little long for my comfort zone, so I asked again what He was showing me! Immediately I heard COMPANIONSHIP as I looked at Jesus standing close, smiling at me. I heard, ‘You are not alone, Tiffany. Let’s play.’ Immediately my stomach filled with this gaping grief, and I began to wail as a deep pain I had not known was there surfaced. The more I allowed myself to cry, the more I got clarity of a deep sense of loneliness that I believe had been there all my life and I was totally unaware of! I sat in this place for a while and felt some revelation come. I have been struggling with a wall that comes up between my oldest son (6 years old) and me these last two years. I have not been able to pinpoint it, and it has grieved my heart so much. Its presence had gotten stronger over the past year with the birth of our second son, a definite ‘world changer’ personality. I have never known how to address ‘loneliness,’ and I am so encouraged that the Lord surfaced it in my heart because I believe He revealed to me that it is something that has burdened my oldest son’s heart and has driven a wedge between his and I’s attempts at connection. I am not fully certain what’s next, but I am hungry to seek that out.”

CROOKED GRIEF

Does your child have an increased issue using hurtful tones and snapping words? If so, it could be GRIEF! Children are grieving. They have lost the world known to them. They have lost what was important to them. They have lost what is familiar. They have lost connection. They have lost their sense of belonging (which comes from peers). Managing their behavior is only helpful if their behavior is rooted in their flesh or ill character. If their behavior is because of grief, we must help them process their pain. Pain is messy, and we must be willing to see what is really going on in their hearts if we want them to overcome this very challenging season. How? Children respond well to VERBS to help process their hearts. Ask them to draw a picture of how their heart feels. Set up daily phone calls with someone outside of the family. Create a zoom call with their favorite classmates. Let them email or text their teacher. Buy them a special stuffed animal to cuddle with when they are sad. Let them see their friends! Create a special party for someone they haven’t seen in a while. Buy them a journal to write how they feel. Set up a time for them to spend the night elsewhere. Ask Holy Spirit what their heart needs!!