PARENTS, HEAR THIS!

PARENTS, HEAR THIS!

  • Authority, Sexual Safety

PARENTS, HEAR THIS!

I recently shared about a movie sexualizing children. I could not shake this feeling that came over me. It was slimy. I felt nervous and like I was in big trouble, but it wasn’t me. It was the spirit I was encountering. We do not fight actors, Netflix, predators, etc. We fight the SPIRIT behind it (Ephesians 6:12).

It was heavy and oppressive (oppression can feel like depression but is rooted in the spiritual realm). I kept praying against it and wondered why I was coming under it so much. I stood my ground all day, but it didn’t seem to break off me. I could discern that I was feeling scared, nervous, like I was in BIG trouble, that I was outnumbered, powerless, and defeated. I KNOW this isn’t the truth, but this is what I was encountering all day. I asked the Lord if I was taking on too much and feeling what children feel when being abused. Sometimes we can embrace something more than God has called us to and begin to pick up someone else’s hurt, offense, trauma, etc. I know this from my training in inner healing, but I couldn’t shake this. FINALLY, around dinner time, I heard God say, “Lisa, this is not how the victim feels. This is the spirit behind the predator and how they feel right now.” OH MY GOODNESS!! They are terrified of being exposed; this is the hour God is removing the covers of sin. This is not the season to make America great again. This is the season God is using to make America AWAKE AGAIN! So many people are beginning to see what God has seen all along, and there is only ONE way to fight the spirit behind what we see – in prayer with heaven’s tools, which includes OUR AUTHORITY OVER IT!

Not on my watch. NO to hell with the misuse of children. The feeling of being scared, nervous, like I was in BIG trouble, that I was outnumbered, powerless, and defeated is the truth about the enemy and how the people who have partnered with him are feeling. This belief is WRONG: We are losing the battle. Evil is winning. This is the TRUTH: God already won. The devil hates Light. God heals what He reveals. God has been, is, and always will be in control. God knows how to clean His house. People are scared because they are being exposed. Sin never wins. The enemy knows no peace (neither do those who partner with him). The church is opening its eyes. The church is opening her mouth. We have the power to destroy the works of the devil. Jesus has all authority. People are nervous, and it isn’t me!

GIVING CHOICES

I am all about empowering children, as my ministry is based on equipping parents on how to empower their children. However, I do not believe in empowering them BEFORE the child has first learned to submit. If you are empowering your young child by offering them a choice with everything you are teaching them, they are the master of their own world, which ultimately is not entirely true. Yes, they alone control themselves, but that doesn’t mean they are not accountable to an authority greater than themselves. Some things need to be submitted to, such as our relationship with God, our desires, Holy Spirit’s leading, stop signs, not playing in the street, harming another human, moral compass, relationships, righteousness, and so forth. We may be free to do as we choose, but that does not mean we want to raise children who are only motivated to respond when they are in control. I see parents of little ones so eager to empower their children. Yet, they are missing out on the required seasons of laying the foundation of character training and intentionally teaching children to submit to their authority. This is raising children who are defiant and full of entitlement.

Let me share an example: My daughter, who is a naturally born confident leader, went to babysit for a family. She returned and declared she would never do that again because the kids never listened to her. I encouraged another attempt. She again came through the door and stated the same thing. Not so eager to let her miss this golden opportunity to grow in her capacity to lead, I made her do it one more time. But this time, she came through the door and was most upset. I honestly could not figure out what was happening because this was a wonderful family. Shortly after, the mom asked me for a playdate, and we met at the park. Her toddler made a mess, and she asked, “Do you want a spanking now or a time out when we get home?” Instantly, I knew the problem my daughter was facing. When we got home, I asked her if she gave the kids a choice of when to go to bed. I asked if she gave them a choice of PJs. If she empowered them to decide if they wanted to brush their teeth or read their book first. My daughter was frustrated and said, “No, I just did what the mom told me to do with them, and they wouldn’t listen to a single thing I said.”

The problem was that she didn’t offer them choices, and the only way the child knew how to respond to authority was if they were in complete control of the option. This only works if, everywhere they go, people offer them choices to feel powerful, but that is not how the world is set up. Ultimately this is not true empowerment; this is entitlement. It is overwhelming to a small child who doesn’t even have the total brain capacity to always be in the driver’s seat. They are not orphans, but children set in families with parents who make healthy choices on their behalf.

A child must endure some training at home that establishes authority and how to surrender their will by trusting those God has given to care for them. The toddler years are when this is established and skipping this season and jumping right to empowerment will reap the fruit that will give parents a run for their money down the road. The definition of empowering means to give (someone) the authority or power to do something. If you give children something they do not know how to use properly, it is like giving a baby food before they know how to chew or a car before they know how to drive. We set our children up for messy accidents when we empower them before they are ready.

Do I believe in giving children space to make choices? YES! Do I believe in doing it before they have been first taught to trust your leadership? Not at all. Perhaps we can move away from the ‘do as I say’ control-based parenting and yet not swing so far to the other side where we skip some of the crucial character development that comes with being able to carry the weight of being truly empowered.

PASS IT ON

This testimony touched me deeply because a mom in class took what she had learned in our class and taught her teen daughter, who then passed it on – three generations in ONE affected by Kingdom parenting. 

She writes: “I have to share. My 16-year-old was babysitting for the first time. The 16-month-old was really fussy the whole time, and she decided to pray for peace and calm over him to calm him down. Within minutes he was at rest.” 

Oh, the warriors that children are when they are taught the tools of the Kingdom!!!

COME ON IN

God seems to be highlighting a particular area, and I want to camp out and create some conversation on the topic of parents’ concern over keeping their children sexually safe. I have ministered to a handful of parents as God is setting them free from fear and moving them to rise up in their God-given authority. We welcome what we FEAR. It is like opening the front door and saying, “Oh, I see you. Come on in.” While that is not our heart, it is the nature of what fear does in the spiritual realm. Fear is not a tool of heaven and will not produce the Kingdom fruit you desire. YES! There are real dangers in today’s world, and there is a full-on demonic assault against our children’s identity and sexual purity. BUT God has answers and solutions to help us equip and protect them. You are on the front lines, and now is not the time to shrink back, surrender or admit defeat. It is time to rise up, get your armor on, and declare that your house will be passed over with the schemes of the enemy.

PURITY RINGS

I love the concept of purity rings, where parents purchase a ring and give it to their daughter over a meaningful weekend, inviting her to guard her purity. I think all parents should take their child’s sexual purity seriously. However, I began to see over the years that the purity ring concept was actually setting the child up for greater failure. When a teen fails to resist temptation, they build a wall with their parents because it isn’t just about their choice but about profoundly disappointing their parents, who had created such high expectations. Purity shouldn’t be a pass/fail but rather a lifestyle of good choices. I think it is wise to keep the bar high (really high) when it comes to teaching, equipping, and empowering our children with their sexual health; however, we live in a culture that is so flamboyantly sexualized. When we teach purity, we also need to be taught HOW to take our mistakes, failure, and sin and bring it to God. Fear, shame, and pride keep us in our sin, while confession, humility, and honesty bring restoration. Moral failure is a top reason why teens fall away from God. They feel like they have committed a fatal sin and are now separated from God. While it is true sexual immorality does have profound ramifications that affect our mind, body, and spirit, it is only God who can heal and restore what was lost. We aren’t expecting our teens to crash the car once they get their license, but it is wise to give them instructions on what to do in case of an accident so that they are empowered should they find themselves in that mess.

I once asked a girl in her young 20s what contributed to her choice to remain pure despite continuous pressure. She told me how her parents laid the foundation by teaching her the power of sex, attraction, and moral health and then presented it in a way that empowered her that her daily choices were guarding herself FOR something and not just AGAINST something. One is empowering, and the other one is merely obeying a command through resistance. Ex. For the person dieting, they will be much more successful if they make a choice not to eat the cake BECAUSE they have their eyes fixed on a higher goal of denying themselves now SO THAT they can fit into their jeans down the road. The JOY of the future is what helped them to say NO to the cake today. They wanted their jeans more than the cake. Another person diets simply by denying themselves in a self-condemning, shameful way of managing resistance, which only stirs up the desire for cake even more. It is rooted in willpower, “I can’t,” and rules. This isn’t a recipe for success, longevity, or real transformation. I was inspired to keep the concept of the purity ring for my girls but to do it FOR their future husbands. I took them out, and we talked about purity (not sex ed, but the purity of their mind, body, dress, heart, emotions, and relationships), and then we each picked out a tie for their future husbands. They are placed where they can see them daily and are reminded that he is a living human being on earth today. They pray for him, think about him, and some are even keeping a journal about him (wondering, dreaming, and praying for him). This establishes that they are guarding their purity FOR HIM. My daughter came home one day, expressing an interest in a boy at school. I asked, “Is that the boy you have been praying for?” and instantly, she realized, “NO!”

BODYGUARD

Over the years, I have gone after making sure the kids know the following safety boundaries:

Going after empowering my children to ask Jesus questions and how to discern His reply has been KEY and not only protected them in situations but prevented things ahead of time. 

PLAYING

American friends, the Dollar Store has some great costumes of armor, swords, police uniforms, and badges that go great with teaching children about Ephesians 6:10-18, using their authority, and being victorious over lies. They also have a plastic set of chains that are great for teaching them how hurts, lies, and offenses chain our hearts and how God wants us to be FREE!

PROPER AUTHORITY

We don’t want to use our parental authority to control our children to keep our childhood wounds comfortable. We want to use the way our children trigger us to get healed so that we can respond to them as a loving parent.

SPIRITUAL RAID

It was intense… I woke up one day and couldn’t figure out what was going on. It felt like the cartoon picture of a swarm of hornets attacking endlessly, and it lasted all day long. I felt pressure from all sides with no explanation or purpose. It was so intense I literally could not work or do much of anything. I tried to busy myself to manage and endure whatever was happening. I can honestly say I have never experienced anything like that in all my life. The only emotion that I could identify with it was profound discouragement. I knew if I quit, I would feel better. The next morning, I woke up, and all was blue skies again. I felt led to ask, “Jesus, yesterday was insanely intense. I have no grid for what any of that was. Is there anything You want me to know?” and I heard Him say this, “There was a full-on assault against You yesterday” (yeah, the swarming hornets = full-on assault). I asked about what and heard the word “RAID.” I looked it up: a raid is a military tactic with a specific mission. It is not to capture but about using shock and awe to get your enemy to retreat to their previous line. 

PARTNERS

Over the years, I have gone after making sure the kids know the following safety boundaries:

We move in partners – period. To this day, we have a rule that whenever they want to check out another aisle at the store, go to the bathroom or hang out at the mall, they have to have a partner. It is non-negotiable and one of the ways to safeguard vulnerability. It has been a bit of a challenge over the years with my son, especially with public bathrooms. I generally find the family bathroom and wait for him outside. If he has to use the bathroom alone, I would stand at the door and say something like, “I will wait for you here,” but loud enough for others to hear. I do not believe this is helicopter parenting; I believe it is standing on guard in an area where people have preyed on vulnerable children.