PARENTING CHAOS 12/22

OFFENSE

Offense is an annoyance or resentment brought about by a perceived insult to or disregard for oneself or one’s standards or principles. John Bevere wrote an incredible book, The Bait of Satan, where he talks about how the enemy uses offense to bait you. Do not fall for it. When you encounter a post, person, or circumstances chomp away at your peace, it is worth exploring if the enemy is baiting you. Do not bite! Nothing gets you off track, out of peace, and listening to the wrong voice than OFFENSE! Matthew 24:10-13 (NKJV) – “And then many will be offended, will betray one another, and will hate one another. Then many false prophets will rise up and deceive many. And because lawlessness will abound, the love of many will grow cold. But he who endures to the end shall be saved.” No, thank you! 

Bait Of Satan – John Bevere – 11/29/15 – YouTube

CHARACTERISTICS

This is a three-for-one attack attempting to influence a child’s identity, parents’ authority and God’s goodness.

CHILD:

  • Rowing in the opposite direction
  • Fighting to be orphan
  • Chaos – tension – buzz
  • Mean spirited – no remorse
  • Feels intentional
  • Covert – doesn’t want to be exposed
  • Conflict, peace, conflict cycle
  • Defiant/obstinate
  • “Bad one”
  • All about me/selfishness
  • Pushes until you snap
  • When it finally comes to a head feels bad
  • Falls on one child – others aren’t like this
  • Child is naturally sensitive/tender hearted

PARENTS:

  • Handle it well – lost it 6th time
  • Bully spirit to taunt you
  • Rage/anger/sharp words
  • Dazes for days – deeper than condemnation
  • Shame – “What have I done to ruin my child?”
  • Battle weary
  • Trauma for battles
  • Walking on eggshells/afraid to say anything (reduced authority)
  • Peace feels so good – but wrapped in anxiety/fear of return
  • Enemy then lies – “If I had authority, this wouldn’t be happening”
  • Would prefer not to be with them
  • Sucking the life out of you
  • Soil your soul
  • Wreaking havoc on a mama’s heart

GOD:

  • Turn from spiritual things, not interested, wall, doubt against God
  • Mad at God – “Why did God make me this way?”
  • Parents’ biggest fear – reject God – (because that is the spirit behind it)

REJECT SELF-REJECTION

Self-rejection is lie-based thinking and often starts in childhood when life circumstances ‘prove’ the lie to be true. Children can partner with lies about themselves, such as, “I am fat.” “I am a loser.” “No one likes me.” “I am a mistake.” My face is ugly.” “I am too small to ever be good at sports.” “I am not acceptable.” “_____ disqualifies me from ever fully belonging.” “I will never measure up to my big brother.” “If I were a boy, my dad would accept me.”

These are lies that feel true because the circumstances around them serve as evidence. They then partner with the lie as if it were the truth, giving the lie a legal right to influence them. Lies are just thoughts, but what makes them so damaging is that our thoughts and beliefs dictate our behavior. Proverbs 23:7. All of the above statements are LIES. When a child believes a lie about themselves, it is like a splinter in their heart, and they begin to act it out because it is NOT supposed to be there. If all we see is their outward behavior and aren’t digging a little deeper into the WHY of the behavior, we can serve to push the heart splinter in further. We want the lie out, not for it to be masked with perfect behavior. The less-than-pleasant acting out is pointing to the splinter that needs attention. This is not a parenting formula or 1,2,3 step program; it is about PARTNERING WITH THEIR CREATOR, who knows exactly how to search their heart and reveal what is going on. Say Johnny comes home, slams down his backpack, and declares, “I hate math!”. Parents often rush to correct little Johnny that we don’t use the word ‘hate.’ Instead, perhaps we could pull on the rope a bit more and discover what is going on underneath his newfound passion for hating math. “Buddy, why do you hate math?” and he says, “Ms. Jones is mean.” Keep pulling on the rope with validation and questions, “Oh no, how is Ms. Jones mean?” “She called on me today and I got the answer wrong and the whole class laughed at me. I am so stupid.” BAM! There is the lie. Hating math wasn’t agitating his heart; the lie of “I am stupid” was. Again, this is where parents want to rush in and remind Johnny of his intelligence, but the lie is not in his mind; it is in his heart. This is where he needs an ENCOUNTER with His Father to remove the lie. While *I* know the truth that God didn’t make him stupid, that is *his* truth. So, I ask if we can ask Jesus for his truth (after, of course, we have walked through forgiving the teacher for putting him in a position that made him feel vulnerable and unsafe and his peers for laughing at him). Jesus always shows up with His PEACE and TRUTH, which is what sets us free!! This is where parenting becomes a partnership with their Creator and where God takes what the enemy meant to harm and uses it for GOOD! The world has yet to see a generation who grabs hold of the hurts, lies, and offenses in childhood and destroys them IN childhood. His heart SHOULD be agitated if the enemy is whispering lies about his identity. His behavior and less-than-ideal vocabulary about ‘hating’ math were simply signs pointing to the heart splinter that was speaking a lie about his identity. A child who has never been intentionally taught the TRUTH of who they are will have an easier time biting the bait of lies about their worth and value. As parents, we have the incredible honor of teaching our children who they are and building them up in His truth. Identity focuses on who God says they are – worthy, valuable, important, lovable, belong, etc. – and not just what they do, such as good grades, sports, or excellent outward behavior. 

So let’s review: A child who is partnering with turning on themselves is believing a LIE. A child who believes a LIE will act it out with less-than-ideal behaviors because the heart splinter is agitating their heart. You can pull on the rope with validations and questions to be on the lookout for a HURT, LIE, or OFFENSE. Once you identify the hurt, lie, or offense, you help your child walk through forgiveness and then ask Jesus for His truth. We can help children resolve childhood issues IN childhood so that childhood owies don’t become adult-sized woundedness, childhood lies don’t become adult-sized strongholds, and childhood offenses don’t become adult-sized bitterness. Look for ways to intentionally speak the truth over your children about who they are. “Do you know that God loves you even when you mess up?” “You are so important to God; He even knows the number of hairs on your head.” “God created you to look like Him.” “God wants you on His team.” “This family wouldn’t be the same without you.” “You are perfect just the way you are.” “Know what I love most about you? EVERYTHING!” I declare the lies revealed and TRUTH to reign in your homes!

Self Rejection – YouTube

GOD SEES YOU

Encounter as a family with fear: Resolving Fear – YouTube

God has been speaking to me a lot lately about Him being our help in our time of need. Psalm 46:1 – “God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in times of trouble.”

He reminded me of a situation that happened when we first moved to Redding. I fell asleep the moment my head hit the pillow only to be woken suddenly a few minutes later by the sound of talking outside my window. I was annoyed that people would carry on a conversation so loud at midnight. I rose to look out and found what appeared to be a girl in an intoxicated state trying to refuse the advances of a male inside a car. My spirit was now wide awake as I watched. I didn’t know if I should call the police, run out there and bang on the window or what. Suddenly I realized I was to pray. I began to pray for her like she was my own child in danger. She went with him into this condo across the street. I could tell she was trying to resist but was too drunk to be firm. My prayers only increased, and this fire came over me to defend and cover her in the spirit. About five minutes later she ran out of the house and safely got into her car.

I have thought about this countless times over the years. That girl never knew I was praying for her, but God woke me to stand with her in the spirit realm and be her covering. I wonder just how many times God has awoken others to pray and cover me over the years. We will never know this side of heaven just how much God is at work in our lives through others.

What would this generation look like if they were taught (by you) to stand on Psalms 46:1 with great faith? Read the verse, talk about it, unpack it, act it out, role-play, talk about real life situations, remind them as they walk out the door… just make sure you DO IT so that they can grab a hold of it.