PARENT REPORT CARD

PARENT REPORT CARD

  • Connection, Kingdom Parenting

PARENT REPORT CARD

Do you want to get closer to your child? Spend some alone time with them by taking them out for ice cream or dinner and ask them what is something that you are doing really well in your parenting. Then ask them what is one thing you could improve upon in your parenting. Their answers may just bless and surprise you!

Here’s the deal – you are going to learn one way or another. I would rather hear about ways I could improve while they are still children instead of hurting adults.

TOO BUSY

Years ago, in preparation for one of our classes, I asked Ellie how it made her feel when we weren’t connected, and her immediate response was, “Why did God have to make computers?” I was in awe of her answer. Do you see who got the blame when I didn’t connect with her? She blamed God for creating something that took her mom’s time and attention from her. It was so convicting that I immediately set up better boundaries. It also made me realize how important it is to remind her of my weakness and imperfection. Father God is never too busy or distracted to connect with her.

YES LORD

I have been trying to put my finger on what I am sensing and seeing in families. I read this line from a book, and my spirit screamed, “That is what is happening NOW.” The author described a powerful vision of standing under a waterfall of love, peace, joy, and strength. He heard the Lord say that the generational blessings would empower the last generation to complete the race. Then he saw another portal access that was thick tar oozing out. He heard the Lord tell him that the generational iniquity would empower the last generation of wickedness.

So many of you are digging deep and refusing to settle for the ongoing battle over what is yours. You are declaring enough is enough. You are on your face repenting. You are aligning so much from your family line, closing the open doors, and standing bare before the Lord. It is costing you something, but the oil is beautiful. Trust Him that He knows what He is doing in this hour. Your job isn’t to understand it all. Your job is to have your palms up and say, “Yes, Lord.”

BABY MOSES

Baby Moses was the answer to the Israelites’ plea for help from their bondage that lasted for generations. So, what is God birthing through your child? Time will tell. How you steward the calling on their life is the difference between slavery and freedom for others.

WITH THEM, NOT FOR THEM

Stewarding a child’s heart with God needs some sensitivity. When we lived in California, scores of parents would come to me confused why they sold everything to move halfway around the world only to find their child resisting the things of God. Over time, it became apparent that many of them did it FOR their children, the hope of deeper and greater things, but they failed to do it WITH them, which would have allowed them to walk out their journey and taste and see the Lord’s goodness. Ultimately the children were mad at God for taking away their grandparents, friends, favorite stores, and all things familiar. Knowing this, I have been very careful with my child’s heart when I feel God asking us to obey in a BIG way. The moment I started to realize we might not be staying in Colorado (about a month after arriving), I mentioned it to the kids in question form, “What would you think if God was telling us not to stay in Colorado?” and I was allowing them to get used to the idea. We learned how to steward the question together, often talking and processing different options. It allowed us to dream together (Ellie was convinced God was going to send us to Australia). Lauren and Emma were excited and open from the get-go. They have seen God be faithful, and while they love their friends here, they were ready for God’s adventure, their faith was already built that God is good. Ellie does not like not knowing what to expect. She is empowered with information, so her part of the process was learning to trust God in the dark and when her mind can’t see it for herself. She did a great job of working it out, yet once she went to North Carolina with me and saw it for herself, her sail of faith went up, and she was on board. However, my son was different. He hates change and is super loyal, so he doesn’t like leaving people; it is harder for him. He didn’t want to move to California and then didn’t want to leave. He didn’t want to go to Colorado and then didn’t want to leave. I know this about him and attempted to help him process it in stages. We were on day two of our scouting trip, and I could feel a wall in the spirit. It was frustrating. I called a FaceTime family meeting, and it was revealed that Hudson was speaking against the trip. While the girls had their sails of faith up, Hudson had an anchor. We are so connected as a family I could FEEL it 1,000 miles away. I was a little frustrated but knew it was better that I wait to move forward and do it together rather than do it FOR him, or he would blame God for leading me where he didn’t want to go. I finally told him this, “Hudson, I am not asking you to get your heart right to move to North Carolina. I am asking you to process whatever is in the way of being fully surrendered to God so that you are willing to go wherever He leads us.” There is such a difference. He took the time to surrender the things that he was holding onto ABOVE wanting God’s will, and by the time I came home, he met me in the driveway with tears and his blessing to go wherever God was leading us. Doing things FOR our children is kind. Doing things WITH our children allows them to build their faith and trust in God’s goodness.

COURAGEOUS

Cannot encourage people to see the movie Courageous strong enough. It’s a call to men of all shapes, sizes, walks of life, and beliefs to step up and be the hero your family needs you to be! In a male bashing world, it’s nice to see a movie that goes to the heart of just how deeply needed and wanted the men in our lives really are. Do your family a favor and go see it!

GET THOSE EMOTIONS OUT!

My heart is heavy for the parents facing hard things with their children. I want to encourage you with the following: #1. ANGER – Be mad, let it out, and process those emotions. Scream in a pillow, journal, beat the sandbag, go for a hike, vent to a friend – whatever you have to do to GET THOSE EMOTIONS OUT! You cannot afford to carry the weight of those emotions with you. Get them out so you can let them go. #2. GRIEF – Many of you are grieving. Grieving for your family, your child’s heart, the plans for the year, and your ability to juggle it all. This is real and must be acknowledged. Grab your journal and begin, “God, I am so sad that…” #3. HOPE – It is hard to be anchored in hope if you carry around a lump in your throat, are ready to explode, or feel like a victim. Processing your emotions and heart will help you move into HOPE. Hope is anchored in THE truth, not the facts our circumstances scream at us. Declare the TRUTH! God has not left you. You have what it takes to not only survive but thrive. You will know what to do (because He lives inside of you). 

God has keys and strategies for your situation. He works all things out for good, He sees your world, and He cares. He has a solution – ask Him! It is going to be okay. Your child is going to be okay. YOU are going to be okay! 

DO NOT ABDICATE YOUR THRONE

 In January 1936, the King of England died. Following royal protocol, his eldest son assumed the throne, becoming King Edward the Eighth. But in December of that same year, only months into his reign, King Edward stunned the nation when he formally abdicated the country’s throne and the many benefits of royalty. What is especially alarming is the phrasing of the official decree, which ended in these haunting words: “I, Edward the Eighth … renounce the Throne for Myself and for My descendants.” Imagine. With one stroke of the pen, this man sealed his fate and the fate of his children and grandchildren for generations into the future.

As parents, we, too, occupy a throne in the sense that God has given us a position of authority in our kids’ lives. We mustn’t renounce that influence. Children don’t need us to be their friends – someone telling them what they want to hear. They need a parent – an authority figure willing to speak the truth into their lives. Of course, we should listen to our children and consider their views carefully, but our kids should not be allowed to run the home. That’s our God-given responsibility. So, take the lesson of King Edward to heart. Abdicating your authority could risk your kids’ future for generations to come. 

PRAY OVER YOUR CHILDREN

Prayerlessness becomes an invitation to the enemy. Prayer puts a layer of protection, changes outcomes, and ushers in the warrior angels to fight on our behalf. 

“Jesus, I ask that You cover (insert name) with Your blood. That no man, woman, or child would be able to harm them physically, mentally, spiritually, sexually, or emotionally. Lead them to Your heart and fill them today with Your presence. In Jesus’ name.”

I MISS MY DAD

Years ago, Hudson was playing with his Legos in his room, and one by one, his sisters joined in the fun. There was so much joy breaking out in his room that I stopped doing my work to join them. I laid on his bed while they all played together, and it was heaven. All of a sudden, out of nowhere, Hudson began kicking everyone out of his room. I called him up on the bed and asked what was going on. He wasn’t sure but felt overwhelmed that he had had a sudden flip-of-the-switch in his emotions. I asked if he wanted Jesus to shine His flashlight in his heart to show him what was going on, and he did. The tears began to flow, and he said, “I miss my dad.” All of the fun with Legos with not just one but four other girls triggered that he missed his dad. We were able to walk through forgiving his dad for not being there and asked Jesus how He felt about him. The saddest part of the story is that in the past, I would have normally disciplined him for his outburst against his sisters because he WAS rude, mean, and disrespectful! But his outward outburst was NOT the real issue. His heart was hurting. Do we really want to shut down, spank, time out, and discipline our children when they are grieving their dad? Do they need to grow in maturity with how to handle the hurt? YES! That is called growing up. But we are missing the mark when we place obeying perfectly over connecting with their hearts!

I am asked often with this testimony if I went back and disciplined him for being so rude. NO, not at all. His flesh was immature in getting his hurt out, but once the real issue was resolved, there was no need for discipline. AS discipline isn’t punishment (an eye for an eye) but TO GET to the heart, which God so clearly did. I did ask him to go back and apologize to his sisters for being rude, and it was easy for him to do as he KNEW he was wrong and could do it with ease since his heart was fully seen and heard. Then as a family, we talked about what just happened. Everyone was filled with compassion and kindness for him, and connection was deepened. There is a time for discipline, of course, but the goal should always be to get their heart (otherwise, it is nothing more than legalism, which focuses on outward performance). 

EMBRACE JOY

The Kingdom is righteousness, peace, and joy, yet one of the biggest reasons why Sunday school leaders have a hard time finding volunteers is because adults are uncomfortable with JOY. Teach parents how to be restored to joy, and they will be drawn to those who carry child-like joy!