OVER/UNDER PARENTING

OVER/UNDER PARENTING

  • Authority, Kingdom Parenting

OVER/UNDER PARENTING

We can parent our children by standing OVER them and using our authority in a way that dominates and uses fear (of your disapproval, punishment or lack) as a motivator to control. We do this through scolding, yelling, harsh punishments, disconnection, ill words, anger, and withholding. OR we can use our authority to get UNDER our children and see their weakness as an area we get to empower them and help them grow and learn. We do this through teaching in the time of peace, connection, kindness, encouraging words, tangible skills and solutions, believing in them, cheering them on and expecting more of them.

PRINCIPLES VS. RULES

My definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and over without any fruit. I am motivated by cause and effect. I like to know what I am sowing into it, actually creating or changing something. Is anyone else like me? Parenting is no different. If you want to spend the next 18 years on ‘repeat’ saying the same thing over and over and over and over again, then parent a child’s behavior. If you want lasting fruit that will carry on and spill over into other situations, then parent the principle behind their behavior. Ex. If a child hits their brother, do not just parent the incident, but parent the principles behind it, which could be a lack of self-control, kindness, or impatience. If a child fails to complete a task you have asked of them, the principle behind it could be a lack of self-control, irresponsibility, or disrespect to authority. Parenting based on principles will create a lifestyle vs. rule-based living.

NOT MY THOUGHTS

I melted into my bed and was asleep within moments. About 20 moments later, I woke up with a gross X-rated picture racing through my mind. I quickly took the thought captive as I knew it wasn’t me (all I wanted was sleep!). It came back again and again. But a sense of genuine danger came with it. In my mind, I could tell this woman was overpowering a man with demonic seduction. The same image repeatedly played in my mind, no matter how hard I tried to take it captive. Finally, I realized God was allowing me to see something so that I could pray. My spirit was gripped with the realization someone was in trouble and needed help, but I couldn’t figure out who. Who is it, Lord? Who is in danger right now? He never did allow me to see or know, but my spirit felt so protective of this person. I sat up in bed and went into warfare prayers against the spirit behind the woman and to release the man from this trap of the enemy. I have revisited this event countless times, so in awe over the way God alerts our spirits to become a part of His movement on earth. It is an honor to be woken and given an assignment from God to stand with someone in need. We don’t need a platform, stage, or microphone to change the world. We need to be willing to obey at all costs when He gives us an assignment. Being faithful in the ‘little’ assignments is what proves us faithful for bigger ones. Look for the God assignments being released to you TODAY!

FEELING SCARED

A friend messaged me this: “Last night, our son (age 6), who can feel things in the atmosphere, said he felt scared and didn’t know why. His father explained that other people are afraid of something he doesn’t need to be afraid of. This would normally result in many discussions. But last night, he said, ‘Oh, okay. Can I talk to Jesus about it?’ To which the answer was, ‘Of course, bud!’ He got quiet, the room shifted, and he fell asleep! Yay, Jesus!”

IF A SIX-YEAR-OLD IS LED BY THE HOLY SPIRIT TO TALK TO JESUS ABOUT FEELING SCARED, WHAT’S OUR EXCUSE? There is a KEY in this testimony. He felt it, talked to Jesus about it, and rested. It’s okay to feel, but we must bring it to Jesus for the rest to come.

IT’S SO FUN PARTNERING WITH HOLY SPIRIT

Way to partner with Holy Spirit, Jessica!!! 

“My six-year-old son just had a birthday and scored big time in the Lego department. Then the new catalog came in the mail, and I felt a check in my spirit about letting him have it as he just started talking about what new sets he wanted. I felt led to take the catalog away and instead focus on gratitude. He was pretty upset, and one morning was acting out. I asked him what was going on, and he said he didn’t understand why he couldn’t have the catalog. On the spot, I just asked Holy Spirit, ‘How do I explain all the dynamics of greed to my son right now?!’ (I naturally, in my own strength, want to lecture on everything, and I’m sure he stops listening not long after I start talking). After asking for help, I just started into a spontaneous parable where the main characters were named ‘Greed’ and ‘Thankfulness.’ Both my boys had their eyes riveted on me the whole time I told the story. They interacted with it, related to it, and were captivated! I never explained the parable… just left it as it was (later realizing that Jesus did this as His main form of teaching all the time!). Since that moment, he hasn’t asked me for the catalog again. It was so fun partnering with Holy Spirit’s ideas!”

OLD TOOLS

Testimony from a parent taking our online JOURNEY class: “I see an improvement with my son already since starting this class. We went to a nearby park, and a random kid came to me and said my son slapped him for no reason. When I asked my son what happened, he said that was true, and the reason was that he wanted to be playful. I couldn’t comprehend, and I knew I couldn’t just discipline him or try to make him think differently. So we went on a walk and asked Holy Spirit what was going on in his heart. He felt Holy Spirit was saying the same thing that he intended to be playful and then later said that he thought that was a good way to start playing with kids – by hurting them and apologizing and then they would be talking to each other. This was the key! My old tool was to have him apologize and sit out for a while and promise to be kind. That wouldn’t have worked. When we stepped away to talk to Holy Spirit, we saw that on the fence of the park were pictures drawn by kids of dragons, monsters, and a scary clown. I felt right away that there was a presence invited onto the playground through the art displayed. I asked my son what he thought about those pictures, and then we asked Holy Spirit what presence was here that needed to go. We took authority over the presence my son felt was on the playground and commanded it to go, and we invited Holy Spirit to come and be in charge of us and the kids. I love how God gives me opportunities to practice what I am learning here!”

DO NOT SPEAK TO ME

How would you feel if you walked into a room and saw your child talking to a demon? It would be most upsetting. Say you asked your child why they were talking to them, and they said, “Oh, they came into my room and wanted to chat.” Mama bear would rise up within me to teach them they do not need to enter conversation but can walk away! And yet God watches His children dialogue with shame, fear, and condemnation all the time. These are three voices that we should never entertain, reason with, or enter a discussion with. Ask God to give you increased discernment when you are engaging with the wrong voices.

ARRESTING FEAR

This wasn’t a moment for my friend, Kelsi, this is her lifestyle. She shares: “Tonight, after I had put the boys to bed, this sweet boy came upstairs with tears in his eyes and shared he was having scary thoughts and couldn’t sleep. I pulled him into my arms and told him I was so sorry. I asked him if he wanted to ask Jesus for the truth and for Jesus to show him where He was in that moment. In a matter of minutes, my sweet boy encountered Jesus, his scary thoughts were replaced with the truth, and Jesus showed him where He was. I had him speak the truth of what God spoke to him out loud. The enemy can’t hear our thoughts, so it’s so important we speak out loud His truth. His demeanor changed, and he was ready to go back to bed. There is no junior Holy Spirit. God is a perfect Father. My prayer is that as my boys get older, they will turn to HIM in all things and that they wouldn’t lose their child-like faith!” 

Let’s raise children that know that their identity comes from Jesus and know who their Heavenly Father is! Imagine how their generation could change the world!

IT’S A RELATIONSHIP, NOT A FORMULA

Years ago, someone told me I should write a book about all of the ways you could release the Kingdom through children. Something didn’t sit right with me, and days later, the comment was grinding in my heart. I had to ask God why because if that is what I do, why then writing a book about it was so upsetting to me? I heard Him so clearly when He said that if I were to write a 1, 2, 3 step parenting book about the fruit in MY family, people would attempt to do the steps in their family, hoping for the same fruit, but it wouldn’t work — #1. Their family is different than mine and #2. You can’t bear Kingdom fruit by accomplishing steps. It is a relationship, not a formula. It is a lifestyle, not an event. And so, with that, God gave me a strategy with Let the Children Fly. Instead of attempting to get parents to model their family after MINE. My heart, goal, and passion are to connect YOU to HIM so that you can begin living a lifestyle of Kingdom fruit. I am convinced of one thing – I have found a river of heaven in parenting, and from it has sprung a massive river of life in multiple families across the globe. Families are awakening. My online class, JOURNEY, is designed to lead you to the same river we have found so that your family can bear the fruit it was intended to do as a lifestyle with Him. When you are ready, we are here to help you! Your family is worth investing in.

Journey – ONLINE CLASS – Let the Children Fly

PROCESSING YOUR HEART IN A HEALTHY WAY

Our children have been walking through so much, and I want to share this in confidence that it will help someone else reach their own child. 

While sitting at dinner, I noticed a mark on my child’s hand. It was unusual, and I asked about it. They immediately started telling me how no one had done it to them. I have a strong core value about siblings not using their strength to communicate, and they were trying to protect their siblings from getting in trouble, but something felt off. We were laughing on my bed the following day, and I noticed it again. I asked, and their response was almost pleading with me that it was nothing. I let it go, but about ten minutes later, I sensed God highlighting it again. I asked them to show me how it happened as their story didn’t line up. They acted out how the mark happened, and it was almost comical how impossible it would have been to create a mark like that. I knew something deeper was going on. I could discern two things: #1. They were covering up something, and #2. They were worried they would be in trouble. I told them I was not mad and that it wasn’t about getting in trouble but being free from whatever it was. I asked them to get their journal and process the story with Jesus (because they know they can tell Him anything and that He is their safe advocate). I was in my room praying that Holy Spirit would lead them and convict their heart (because we partner together to raise my children). They returned, holding back tears, and told me they made the mark themselves. Since cutting is a serious issue, I was most alarmed. They began to tell me that the other day they felt alone and wanted someone to SEE them (yes, kids can feel unseen when you are together 24/7 in a household of 7). This is a child in pain and not having the maturity yet to fully walk it out. 

Children often make messes in their pain. When we only focus on the ‘mark’ or mess, we will miss the pain that is underneath. If we are not alert, we will push the pain further, causing them to want to self-protect, which only traps the pain. I knew they had just experienced adult-sized rejection and radical injustice and asked how they felt about it, and they burst into tears sobbing. The injustice done to them would cripple most adults, and their pain was valid. My heart bled for them, but it allowed me to help them process the pain and bring it to Jesus. They needed to know that Jesus saw their heart (not just their immature way of communicating). Here is the sad part of the story. They got what they wanted – for someone to see them, but with it came shame and embarrassment for what they did. It gave me a priceless opportunity to sit all of the kids down and talk about healthy ways to process our hearts without the price tag of shame. Things like porn, alcohol, shopping, swearing, lying, self-harming, etc., are just flags being waved, saying, “I am in pain and need help.” Our children are also learning how to deal with their pain as sons and daughters.