ORPHAN PARENTING

ORPHAN PARENTING

God created us to be fully alive, deeply accepted, and truly belong. The aftermath of the fall is that man became a spiritual orphan separated from God and wandered around life, feeling profound feelings of abandonment, loneliness, and isolation. The Good News is that Jesus came to restore us to that place of deep security with the Father. We can accept Christ yet still wander like an orphan, striving, begging, and doing life on our own. Imagine a child digging through the dump, fending for themselves, and meeting their needs for food and clothing all on their own. Now picture a palace where the table is always set and a room with your name on it. When we become Christians, we get the honor of living in the palace, yet some enjoy the view and go back to the dump laboring daily to meet their needs. It is impossible to raise a child as a Son/Daughter in the palace when you occupy the dump yourself. Orphan parenting is when we parent our children from a place of isolation, abandonment, self-protection, striving, loneliness, self-sufficiency, and lack. We are teaching them orphan living, not Kingdom reality.

THEIR CREATOR

I have some GOOD NEWS for you. This is NOT another parenting group. I am not going to tell you how to parent or if you should: breastfeed or bottle feed, vaccinate or hibernate, circumcise or exercise. I am not going to tell you what you could, would or should do. Not going to tell you what a Christian home does or doesn’t look like, sound like, or smell like, if your home should have iPhones or no phones, or if you should spank, time out, or ground for a year. If you should homeschool, do public school. I am not going to tell you if your children should be gluten-free, sugar-free, dairy-free, or dirt free!!! But I AM going to remind you often that there is ONLY ONE PERSON who knows what is best for you and your family… So, let’s ask Him!

TIPPING POINT

There has been an ongoing issue we talk about in our family. The kids want one thing, and I want another. I have prayed, processed, and pondered, and my heart has not changed much on the subject. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to. It was just that I didn’t feel led. Finally, my daughter made a statement about it one more time, and I could physically feel a grace lifting off of me. Since then, we have been moving in that direction as a family. Her last comment was the TIPPING POINT. Tipping point – the point at which a series of small changes or incidents become significant enough to cause a larger, more important change. The Bible talks about a woman who asked, asked, and re-asked without much avail. But she went to ask one more time and finally got her answer. She is known as the Persistent Widow in Luke 18:1-8. 

DO NOT GET COMFORTABLE in this season. Many of us will find a new groove, embrace the new pace and rise to the occasion, but we cannot let that shrink our passionate prayers and crying out for God to reveal His glory in this hour. Your prayer – the one you have prayed 101 times – could be the tipping point that creates action and change. Keep praying!

SEEN, HEARD & VALUED

Every resource I have created came out of the fruit God first birthed in our lives. I am passionate about seeing moms and dads walk in greater freedom because you will parent out of that place. I hear all the time that parents long for someone to stand over them and champion them. While spiritual mothers and fathers are profound, you do not need to wait to find this person to meet your needs. In fact, God not only sees your need but wired you to have your need to be seen, heard, and valued met TODAY!! It is crucial for parents to be watered deeply so that they can parent out of a heart that is full and secure.

Give me ten days (10 minutes a day), and I will walk you through not only how to get those needs met but how to water your children so that they don’t have to live a life of lack and emotional wandering. Moms & Dads – ONLINE CLASS – Let the Children Fly

PARENT REPORT CARD

Do you want to get closer to your child? Spend some alone time with them by taking them out for ice cream or dinner and ask them what is something that you are doing really well in your parenting. Then ask them what is one thing you could improve upon in your parenting. Their answers may just bless and surprise you!

Here’s the deal – you are going to learn one way or another. I would rather hear about ways I could improve while they are still children instead of hurting adults.

AFFIRMATION

The opposite of judgment is not acceptance; it is affirmation. Affirm – af·firm – Verb. 1. state as a fact; assert strongly and publicly. 2. offer (someone) emotional support or encouragement. “There are five common ways parents fail to affirm their children.”

When was the last time you intentionally affirmed those around you in their identity, value, or destiny? It is Kingdom to do so.

ARRESTING FEAR

This wasn’t a moment for my friend, Kelsi, this is her lifestyle. She shares: “Tonight, after I had put the boys to bed, this sweet boy came upstairs with tears in his eyes and shared he was having scary thoughts and couldn’t sleep. I pulled him into my arms and told him I was so sorry. I asked him if he wanted to ask Jesus for the truth and for Jesus to show him where He was in that moment. In a matter of minutes, my sweet boy encountered Jesus, his scary thoughts were replaced with the truth, and Jesus showed him where He was. I had him speak the truth of what God spoke to him out loud. The enemy can’t hear our thoughts, so it’s so important we speak out loud His truth. His demeanor changed, and he was ready to go back to bed. There is no junior Holy Spirit. God is a perfect Father. My prayer is that as my boys get older, they will turn to HIM in all things and that they wouldn’t lose their child-like faith!” 

Let’s raise children that know that their identity comes from Jesus and know who their Heavenly Father is! Imagine how their generation could change the world!

UNITY IN THE FAMILY UNIT

The whole job of a parent is to teach! I know some of you are saying “duh,” but some of you might be like me and have not realized just how early it starts and what all needs to be taught! Holy Spirit-led parenting is rocking my world. He is flooding us with the tools of heaven that not only makes sense to the kids but also hits me right where I need it! There is not a one-and-done answer or one magic class that can teach us as parents. It is all hands-on, and in the moment, and THAT is why we NEED Him!!

Hear what this mom had to share: One day, I brought the kids out to the trampoline. We talked about Jesus being the light and how light casts out darkness. I was using examples and reading the Scripture when my son said something along the lines of, ‘So you’re saying when there’s a gap between us, more darkness comes in?’ YES!!!! So the image below popped into my mind. I thought of the game ‘Red rover, red rover, bring _____ right over.’ We had two big guys in our class growing up. As we played this game in the gym, they sent over a smaller guy! This guy came running as hard and fast as he could, and he got LAID OUT! I’m pretty sure he got a concussion! It is the perfect imagery of just how strong we are as a family UNIT when we are UNITED!!!!! The enemy doesn’t have a chance! So I told the story as the kids held hands and then asked them to separate. How easy was it for the enemy to get into their circle and cause a big fuss when they were not a unit?”

I’m telling you. If you are ready to throw in the towel, DON’T DO IT. Get desperate. Desperate people get stuff done! Seek first His kingdom, and HE WILL ANSWER. Our families hold the answer, not the problem. 

PEACEKEEPER

Do you have a child who is a PEACEKEEPER? Those that avoid conflict at all costs and run into the other room when tensions mount? While peacekeepers are made in His image, it is super important to help them learn how to process the conflict other than just dislike it and pretend it is not there. Ignoring is not the tool of Heaven. Many kiddos are having a hard time in this season of so much chaos in the atmosphere. They have felt the conflict and yet don’t fully understand it. I encourage you to praise them for their desire for peace and validate that the presence of God is PEACE, but that sometimes we feel the opposite and can be used as agents of peace. Give them some additional tools: they can talk about their feelings, draw them out, act them out, release peace, dance, write a letter, journal, and go do sports. We want to empower their natural bent for peace without forcing them to bury their heads in the sand and walk in fake peace. 

INSTRUCTING VS. TEACHING

Proverbs 22:6 – “Teach a child to choose the right path, and when he is older, he will remain upon it.”

Teach – verb 1. show or explain to (someone) how to do something. There is a difference between dictating laws and teaching them. Instructions can turn into rules/laws, which is legalism. Teaching is the verb of Jesus! Ex. A child steals something from the store. We can instruct our children that we don’t steal, or we can teach them WHY a loving Father doesn’t desire for His children to steal from others. Ex. A child hits his sister. We can discipline and reprimand the child for his behavior, or we can teach them HOW hitting affects others. Ex. A child doesn’t listen to you. We can pull out parenting tools of control and fear, or we can teach them WHAT obedience looks like. Are you instructing or teaching your children?