ON GOD’S SIDE

ON GOD’S SIDE

  • Single Parenting

ON GOD’S SIDE

I am not one to run from God; in fact, I run to Him in my times of trouble and distress. He has always been my safety pole, and I hold on for dear life.

When my husband first left, I had a gross picture in my mind of Jesus sitting on a rock holding both of us on each knee. He had this perma grin smile on His face looking back and forth and us. It was gross. I began to feel this deep disgust coming over my heart toward God, and it scared me because I usually do run TO HIM, not from Him.

I called a mentor and confessed that I was worried my heart was growing hardened with God. If God loved him, I am not sure God was safe and that I wanted to trust my heart to Him anymore. She said, “Oh no, Lisa. God loves him deeply as He created him. He is passionate about him, but God is not on either of your sides. He is ONLY on the side of righteousness.” And with that something slapped back into alignment deep in my heart and I craved whatever was righteous. It shaped the outcome of my divorce and every decision I made (I didn’t turn into a doormat, but I filtered everything through ‘what does righteousness look like in this situation?’).

STAY IN THE FRYING PAN

Staying in the frying pan. This is probably one of the most challenging things for a person walking through the ache and pain of a divorce, but one of the most essential. God meets us in these places like no other seasons. It is where the bitter becomes sweet, the pain turns into joy and mourning turns into the morning.

FINDING MY HUSBAND

We became a solo family two weeks before Christmas. I went to bed Christmas Eve but woke around 2am thirsty. I don’t need much sleep but getting out of bed for a glass of water was out of the question. The thirst persisted. I finally got up and stumbled to the kitchen, where my feet hit the standing water from the dishwasher that had leaked. I was so thankful to have found it then, as it would have ruined our hardwood flooring and seeped into the basement had it been left for Christmas morning. I cleaned it up in the dark, sat on the kitchen floor, and wept. There was no way I had an ounce of energy left in me to wash dishes three times a day for five people. I felt so alone and overwhelmed. I told God I wasn’t stupid but honestly didn’t know who to call to repair it. An electrician? A plumber? Another wave of tears came as I embraced my hopelessness. I wasn’t even sure I knew where to buy a new one. Home Depot? Did Sears carry them? My husband would have known with ease how to handle this situation, but he wasn’t there, and my cluelessness was reducing me to another wet pile of tears on the kitchen floor. I suddenly remembered the verse that talked about God being my Husband. I dried my tears and said, “Okay, YOU are now my Husband. We have a problem with our dishwasher. What are You going to do about it?” Three days later, I ran the dishwasher, and it never leaked again. A place in my heart was created that Christmas for God to become my Husband, my faithful, know-it-all, can-fix-it Husband. I no longer operated in spiritual singleness. FAITH is the wedding band that activates His power, peace, and solutions in my life.

FAITH IN MEN

When we first became a solo family, I asked God to show me how to restore my children’s faith and trust in males. I was concerned that they would project their hurts onto God, and that concerned me. At church one Sunday, I was mesmerized by a senior man being so affectionate with his bride of 60 years. It was like my eyes turned, and I was then drawn to the father who was tickling his giggling son. Then my eyes locked onto a man who faithfully came to church week after week to serve. I suddenly realized God was showing me examples of healthy males all around us. After church, I sat the kids down, and we began to talk about all of the men in our world and how each of them reveals a part of God’s design. We called these examples the Purple Heart Dad. Each one of them made up the whole picture of what God has designed for men. For years whenever the kids saw a male doing something that was a reflection of a good father, they would say, “That guy just _____. He has a purple heart.” God was building their view of a godly man. I want to thank ALL of you men who are loving your wife, protecting and shepherding your children, walking in your calling, leading people and walking in integrity. Others are watching more than you realize, and God is using your life in ways you cannot see.

TRIGGERS ARE YOUR FRIENDS

Your spouse was only half of the problem. Your response to their unloving ways is what God wants to reveal and heal so that you do not take it with you in your future. Please read that sentence again.

You might not like hearing this; neither did I. But it ended up being one of the greatest GIFTS and I want to give that gift to you.

Your triggers are your friends!

I knew my husband was dead wrong (I could even prove it in the Bible). But my responses to him were over the top (“above average,” as my pastor liked to say). I soon realized that if Jesus were married to my husband, HE would be able to respond in love and peace no matter what He was doing. This revelation didn’t make me feel condemned for not being perfect. Instead, it made me realize how UN-like Jesus I really was, and I hungered to be more like Him.

A mentor friend so graciously told me, “Lisa, every time he sends you to the moon (in anger), use that to go after healing in your heart.” I did just that. He would trigger me, and I would sit with Jesus to find the root of why that was a sore spot for me. I would pull the root, if so to speak, and my reaction was less and less the next time he did the same behavior. Soon I began to see myself unaffected by his less-than-kind choices. There is such power in becoming healed, and we can use those trigger points in our favor to help usher us in greater healing and wholeness.

MEANING OF A DANDELION

Surely Dandelion is an odd name for a class, I know, but the meaning was too rich. Let’s take a peek at what it means.

The white fuzz is attached to the seed and acts as a parachute. A parachute allows a heavy object to land gently.

The wind catches the seeds and carry it great distances.

Dandelion translates to dent-de-lion in French, and means “the lion’s tooth”. This symbolic meaning of a lion, which deals with courage, pride, family.

The symbolic meaning of a tooth is wisdom.

Interestingly enough the dandelion is also a sun (son) symbol.

A bare dandelion stalk is known as a ‘puff,’ and it symbolizes letting go of the past.

It can also represent resilience and rebirth.

Dandelions have one of the longest flowering seasons of any plant.

Seeds travel a great distance and can be carried as many as 5 miles from their origin.

While it may be considered a useless weed, I find a dandelion to be full of life, resilience, and power. You may find yourself on a path you never dreamed of, but only God can take that and turn into something so beautiful. You and your children may be walking through some barren seasons, but God can carry you further than you imagined and cause amazing things to bloom in the midst of it. Just watch and see what happens when He blows on the seeds planted.

TENDER HEART

I want to talk about compassion – for yourself. Compassion simply means having tenderness towards the areas that cause our hearts concern. Compassion is a balm to our hurting hearts. While it would be fabulous if everyone around us ministered this ingredient to our hearts daily, it doesn’t often work that way. In reality, when we aren’t able to be compassionate to our own heart, it makes it even harder to receive it from others.

When was the last time you sat and intentionally championed your own heart?

Many of us feel traces (or bucket fulls) of shame during the day – shame over our looks, belonging, parenting or relationships. The only antidote to shame is compassion. Shame can’t be rebuked, ignored or fixed. It only leaves when compassion is smeared all over it.

I encourage you to print the following list out or write a few of them on a sticky note and place them on your mirror. Speak them over yourself at LEAST once a day but allow them to be your go-to when your own heart needs tenderness.

It feels silly, I know. But trust me when I say that applying compassion to your own heart is a key to connecting with His heart because we can’t receive (from Him and others) what we don’t give ourselves. This is quite simple, yet deeply profound.

  • I see you trying so hard
  • I am proud of you
  • I am sorry you feel sad
  • I am sorry you feel alone
  • I am sorry you feel scared
  • I can tell you care so much
  • Take all the time you need
  • You are going to be ok
  • I will sit with you until you feel safe
  • I accept you
  • I value you
  • I am sorry you feel trapped
  • I think you’re brave
  • I don’t want to get rid of you
  • I don’t see you as broken
  • I see you
  • I enjoy you

How does this make you feel?

What was it like reading the list?

What kind of parent/person would you be if you were a pro at being tender to your own heart?

I WILL KNOW WHAT TO DO

Our city was once attacked by a raging wildfire that in the end destroyed over 1,200 homes and killed eight people. I was at a friend’s house when the message came that we were being evacuated. I raced back home to grab our animals and papers and from my back window, I could see the fire tornado coming our way. My knees began to give way as the magnitude of the stress was more than my body could carry. I remember thinking there was no way I could go out because then my four kids would be left alone in the house with the fire coming. I heard in my spirit so loud and clear, “You will always know what to do,” and at that moment my knees strengthened, and I was able to get the children out and to safety.

If Christ lives inside of you, then you will always know what to do.

I found declaring this over me has been a lifeline during many very challenging decisions.

Write out, put it on a sticky note, set a reminder on your phone, but declare with faith that Christ in you will always lead you.

I WILL KNOW WHAT TO DO!

LYING TO YOURSELF

One of my daughters was working through some stuff with her father and made the decision not to connect with him when the opportunity presented itself. It is a hard dance to know how to parent a child with heart splinters, when to push, and when to take your hands off. I asked God for help, and it came to me while worshiping in church. I embraced her and shared with her what He told me. God commands you to honor your father but wants you to know that part of honoring your father is staying true to your heart and not lying about your process. While I cannot encourage her to keep this wall between her and him, she has come a long way from being the girl with a smile on her face and tears in her eyes. She has fought hard to be honest with herself about how she feels, and the fact she was setting a boundary for her heart was a good thing. It is a sign that she is no longer willing to lie to herself for someone else’s profit. God is proud of her for the hard heart work she has done over the years to be fully alive. She sat down with tears streaming down her face. In all honesty, the parts that hurt her the most about her relationship with him are the parts of him that are so shut down and unable to engage. She realized at that moment that God healed her of the very thing in him. Part of honoring our mother and father is becoming the fullest expression of who God made us to be!