NO SUCH THING

NO SUCH THING

  • Sexual Safety

NO SUCH THING

This is a hard truth to share but one that needs to be heard. There is no such thing as secret sexual sin. It may be kept hidden from their mind or eyes, but their spirits feel it. Pornography can be kept from children finding it, but it is impossible to open the door and not have the spirit behind it affect your children, especially your daughters. I have scores of adult women deeply affected by their dad’s porn addiction, even though they never saw a single image. Allowing pornography into your home is like opening the front door and inviting sexual spirits to come and influence your child’s identity. If you are entangled with this, know there is hope and help to get free.

TEACHING THE WORD “NO!”

Over the years, I have gone after making sure the kids know the following safety boundaries: 

How to say NO firmly – We would role-play a lot. Instead of role-playing traumatic situations, I told them I wanted them to walk to the other side of the room, and they each moved across the room. I had them race back and forth until joy broke out. I then grabbed a child’s arm playfully but firmly and moved them back and forth at a fast pace. I then stopped, and we sat and talked about how we manage our bodies and are in control. I asked the child whose arm I took how it felt to have someone else dictate their steps. They didn’t like it. I agreed with them and told them NO ONE has a right to control your body other than you. We then played again, but this time I had them look me in the eyes and say NO.  Three of the kids mastered it, while my soft, gentle daughter struggled to say it firmly because she felt mean. It took time for her to learn she is empowered to say NO!

KEEPING EYES PURE

A mom told me that she started the Mommy & Me journal, where you go back and forth sharing journal entry-type messages. Her daughter placed the journal on the mom’s bed, and as she flipped the pages, she learned that her fourth-grade daughter was introduced to porn earlier that day by two classmates. She wrote that it was upsetting, so she told her classmates, “This is inappropriate,” and they stopped. I love that this little girl had no grid for porn, but her spirit knew it wasn’t okay, and she honored and listened to the voice within. I believe by her standing against it, she protected the other kids who were exposed but didn’t know how to stand up against it. I also love that she told her mom right away so that she didn’t need to carry this weight around with her.

The Mommy & Me journal is a beautiful way to keep connected to your children. Get a notebook or journal and write notes back and forth to each other. It can take you a day, a week, or longer to respond, and you merely put it on their bed when you have something for them to read. It is a great way to ask questions, give them space to ask you things that may otherwise be hard for a child to do in person, and connect with their heart. I have been doing this for years with my girls, and we all love it. May I encourage you to share this testimony with your children? Use language such as, “Hey guys, I read the most amazing testimony of a fourth-grade girl. Want to hear?” And then use it as a teachable lesson. For the littlest of ones, I would not introduce them to the word porn but would say it was something inappropriate, or you can begin to have conversations about private parts being private. For older kids, perhaps you will ask them if their classmates have ever talked about or shared inappropriate pictures. Leave space for Holy Spirit to lead you in talking to your children.

A WAY OUT

Over the years, I have gone after making sure the kids know the following safety boundaries:

The kids were empowered that anytime they felt physically, emotionally, or sexually unsafe, they could tell a teacher, go to the principal’s office, call me, text me, ask to come home, kick, yell, run away. I told them if they ever got in trouble for keeping their bodies safe, I would back them up. I think we sometimes set our children up for failure when we tell them to respect elders and always be kind. Yes, that is true, but we also have to give them a way out and permission if someone violates that trust. While we all hope nothing ever happens, the reality is it does! So, what steps have you given your children to get safe if they find themself in this boat? Think of Stop, Drop, Roll. It’s 1, 2, 3. Fire = 3 quick action points to get you safe. Should they feel unsafe, what are the 1, 2, 3 action points they can take to be safe? 

IDENTITY STABILITY

 Let’s talk for a moment about the process of isolation and lies as it pertains to sexual instability.

When a child faces sexual abuse or emotional trauma it affects their mind, body, AND spirit. After the event is over the door remains open in the spirit realm, which is why many never fully recover despite therapy or counseling. It is common for childhood sexual abuse and emotional trauma to be confusing to their underdeveloped brain. Sometimes the child deeply admires the one doing harm, and it confuses their heart. They love the person but dislike what’s being done to them. Other times a child is confused by the way the abuse made them feel. I am not saying a child liked being abused as their spirit is aware it is not okay, but sometimes the child values the attention being given and it confuses their mind. They associate affection and attention, a God-given need, with something that is twisted and unpleasant. The confusion and lack of clarity bring isolation and shame (something is wrong with me). If someone of the same sex violated the child, a spirit begins to influence the child giving them ‘evidence’ (lies) that they were created differently. It is essential when helping children process molestation, abuse and emotional trauma that we close doors in the spirit realm, as well so that the enemy no longer has a legal right to influence, harass and mentally torment.

Often people who struggle with their sexual identity will say they knew since they were at a very young age of their preference, yet a human body is not sexually activated until puberty. I, however, fully believe people who give this account of their journey because the enemy isolates and then whispers lies to children ALL THE TIME and their sexuality is not exempt. I believe it is a primary target of the enemy simply because of the profound isolation and shame it brings to the core of one’s existence. Never before have we seen such an epidemic of people struggling with the way they were born.

I have ministered to men who grew up in homes where their mom was so abused by the men in her life, she had a bitter judgment against the entire male race. Her son’s sexual identity threatened her, and she would attack anything masculine. The isolation is paralyzing for a young boy who doesn’t understand why being a boy is wrong and unacceptable to his own mother. The enemy isolates and then whispers the lie, “You should be a girl,” “If you were a girl your mom would love you.”

There is a girl who grew up in extreme emotional trauma (isolation) and would have paralyzing nightmares. She would go to her mom in the middle of the night shaking. Her mom would allow her to come in her bed, but she had to rub her back to stay. The girl began to believe that being comforted meant touching/affection with someone of the same sex. A friend was raped by a teen girl when he was just four years old (isolation). It opened the door in the spiritual realm to be harassed and tormented. He grew up with an unhealthy interest in private parts which was the evidence (lie) that he was born gay. He grew up in a home where his dad was physically and emotionally abusive (isolation), and when he was in the 3rd grade, a teacher called out in front of the whole class, “You will grow up to be a gay,” and then proceeded to instruct the entire class on what that meant (shame). From that day on, peers changed his name to a girl’s name.

If children aren’t taught by parents who they are created to be, the world around them will. Countless times I hear the story of a child who is born with gifts and talents that are different than the expectation of the parent such as a boy with a music talent or a girl who doesn’t like dresses and they are taught something is wrong with them (isolation) for their likes and interests. In isolation, the enemy whispers lie about their true identity. Their ‘evidence’ (lies) is that they must be born that way because they can’t deny their love and passion for their gifts and talents. This is inferior parenting, not something wrong with the child.

Many of you know my story where my mom asked me my entire childhood if my dad ever did XYZ in the name of sexual abuse. She never told me he did but asked me, putting the burden of discovery on my shoulders. The isolation of those thoughts tormented me every day of my life for nearly twenty years. It gripped me so deep, death was my only relief (lie). As I have walked out this journey, God revealed nothing happened with my dad. It was a lie. I began to process with God how in the world could a mother do that to her own child. What He showed me is PROFOUND. I pray that you have eyes to see what God revealed to me.

My mom had unforgiveness in her heart towards my dad through their failed marriage which is always an open door for the enemy to influence, but my mom saw a sexual spirit ON me, and the enemy put 2 and 2 together, but his math was wrong. My mom honestly believed my dad did something, but what she was really seeing/feeling was that I was exposed to porn from a neighbor and a sexual spirit was attempting to influence me through the shame of what I had witnessed. I was a girl who needed to be protected from that spirit, but because of the unforgiveness in her heart, the enemy influenced her with a lie that nearly cost me my life – literally.

The above story about the young boy who was raped by a teen girl is another example. The teacher SAW the sexual spirit on him, and because of his own heart, the enemy helped him to put 2 and 2 together that he must be gay, but the truth was HE NEEDED HELP! That precious boy was being abused and was in profound emotional pain, shame and isolation. He needed to be protected in private, not exposed publicly. He needed love, not shame; community, not isolation.

When Christians demand behavior modification when someone is struggling it only brings more shame and isolation. At the same time, I think the greater pain is when Christians move into apathy claiming, “We just need to love like Jesus.” It is NOT loving to hear the stories above and leave someone in their confusion, isolation or pain. It is not loving to accept the band-aids of those who have endured mental torment at the hands of the enemy because of what others have done to them. It is not loving to reject, nor it is loving to tolerate. Love looks like embracing those in our community who have walked through isolation so profound that the enemy has lied to them about the core of their existence.

The reason why this is such a heated issue between Christians and the gay community is that it IS a spiritual issue. We have failed to equip the Body with tools to help CHILDREN who are being sexually abused and in emotional trauma (isolation) and have only pushed in the wounds deeper by ignoring their experience and demanding they change their behavior. This breeds children who grow up to judge and rebel against those who failed to help in their time of need. 

HeartWork – I want you to crawl back into the story of the young boy who was raped by a teen girl and how the teacher responded. Ask Jesus to show you a picture of His heart for that child. Let Him align your heart to His.

I DECLARE…

I DECLARE we WILL receive the KEYS of heaven to help this generation navigate the sexual perversion attacking their future marriage bed, gender, identity, and purity. Jesus was in hell for three days collecting the KEYS we need for TODAY, and I am determined to hold them in my hands. The battle feels heavy for many parents in this area, but I DECLARE the keys will prove that HIS yoke is light. I DECLARE that this generation will come out from under the burden of sexual attacks and EXPOSE the spirit behind it for what it is. I DECLARE not only will they be victorious in their personal life but will rise up and defeat the enemy in the lives of those around them. If God created sex and called it GOOD, then He has a PLAN to help this generation steward it well.

SEXUAL SAFETY

We teach our kids bike safety. We teach them not to answer the door for stranger safety. We teach them “Stop, Drop and Roll” for fire safety. We teach them to wear a life jacket for water safety. But do we teach them sexual safety? Predators are looking for one thing – a child who has no grid for what is happening and has never been taught about sexual safety. When a child encounters things that are sexually unsafe, their spirit knows something is wrong, but they freeze because they do not know how to handle what is happening. They have been taught to obey adults, not to talk back, to never hit, etc.

#1. Children need to know the proper names for body parts – all of them. 

#2. Children need to know what to do should they ever feel unsafe. 

#3. Children need to know that they are never alone and can ask Jesus for help in ALL circumstances.

SCREEN SAFETY

Protecting our children from online activity is an important part of raising kids today. There is a calculated and intentional mission to seduce and desensitize children. It is crafty in the way it entices a child. It can also happen by pure innocence. A child confesses to their mom that something really bad popped up on their screen. Mom checks it out and deals with the issue with the child. Mom knows it can’t be there unless something else was clicked on, and Mom discovers in the history that said child got really cold at night, so they typed in “how to be hot in bed”, seeking answers and solutions to her temperature issue. Well, let’s just say she got what she asked for in today’s world. It’s funny, but it’s also a sad and true testimony. Stay ALERT! Know what they are doing on their computers, check them often, keep connection strong and check in!

SWEET CANDY

A young boy stole some candy from his mom’s closet. She knew it, but he denied it. It is hard for a parent to know they are being lied to, but she trusted God would work it out. A while later, she went to him and expressed that she was disappointed and called out that he was a truth teller, but he continued to deny it. She remained in SHALOM despite the chaos. Finally, before bed, he came to her and confessed. He explained how candy tastes so good, and he wanted it so bad. She asked him, “Really? How good is that candy tasting knowing that you had to lie to get it and break connection?” He acknowledged it wasn’t very sweet after all. 

This is an outstanding example of partnering with the Holy Spirit in our parenting and giving Him room to work on our children. 

The other thing I want to point out is that the above interaction is how to train boys in purity. There is an emotional element to it for girls, but for boys, there is a self-control element. He is learning just because he wants something, or it feels good doesn’t mean it is worth the cost or right.