MY MAMA JOURNEY

MY MAMA JOURNEY

  • Godhead Parenting, Testimonies

MY MAMA JOURNEY

I survived a near-death experience and was told I would never be able to have any biological children due to the surgeries. I married with that understanding, and we were approved and waiting for our first foster child when we discovered we were pregnant. Two months later, we lost our child, and it was devastating. I sat in our sunlit living room and cried for 8 hours, not only mourning the events that will never happen but wondering why God allowed me to get pregnant if we were content from the beginning not to have our own. That loss shifted something so deep within me to reject the words spoken over my body. While I never got to hold this child, their life taught me that it is okay to believe in God’s ability over reality. We got pregnant again the following month but lost that child too. The thing that brought my mama’s heart so much comfort was this mental picture of Jesus holding both of my babies in each of His arms, like twins. However, I could feel something was off inside of me, yet I couldn’t put my finger on it. I went to someone in the church trained in inner healing ministry, and while I no longer struggled with suicide as I did in my earlier years, we felt led to deal with the spirit of death. While I never got to hold this child either, I was set free from a spirit of death throughout their life.

A month later, we got pregnant with TWINS. God was aligning my heart with His and showing me the mighty redemption of things lost and stolen in the family. Through my full-term twin pregnancy, I was learning to experience the goodness of God’s love and joy on a whole new level. I was becoming a mom and had the power to change the life of another human being.

When Lauren and Emma were four months old, we got pregnant with Hudson (named after Hudson Taylor). My pregnancy was challenging, and I knew something wasn’t right. Due to random events, we scheduled my C-section earlier than his due date, and it ended up being a 2.5-hour procedure because the OB who delivered my twins failed to sew me back up inside, wreaking havoc inside my body. Had I not gotten pregnant again so soon and needed a C-section, I would have ruptured on the inside, leaving my twins without a mother. Hudson’s birth literally saved my life. This has been such a prophetic statement on how God uses our children to heal, redeem, and restore things in our lives. Where I was to give life and birth to my son, in reality, he gave it to me.

I was asked many times if we were done having kids knowing how full my hands were with three children under 14 months. While everything in me screamed YES, I didn’t have peace about it. Three years later, Ellie Rose entered this world and completed our family. Waiting for her taught me that whatever is ‘right,’ logical, or even considered wise, does not matter if it does not bring peace. I have been reminded of this many times over the years as I have chosen not to follow the norm, popular vote, or what I ‘should’ do, but rather be led by peace for my unique family. And so, my journey into motherhood began. 

STANDING ON TWO SOLID LEGS

Years ago, God gave me this picture of a spiritually healthy child with two solid legs to stand on. One leg represents the releasing of the Kingdom (identity, destiny, hearing His voice, healing the sick, Bible knowledge, prophesying, etc.). The other leg represents the tools needed to deal effectively with the things from the enemy that cut off the other leg! One without the other makes for an imbalanced and frustrating walk with Jesus. That vision is one of the founding motives for this and is in alignment with John 10:10 – “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life and have it to the full.”

EMMA’S OUTFIT

I have favorite stories of my children about how God encountered their hearts. This is my favorite one of Emma’s because we are still seeing the fruit of it a decade later.

When Emma was five, she came to me sobbing that she hated her outfit. I encouraged her to pick out something else. She did, and that, too, produced an ocean of tears. She set off to find something else, but the flood of tears continued. At this point, I was getting a little annoyed and frustrated. We were already super late for Thanksgiving dinner at a friend’s house, and clothes were simply a non-issue in my home up until that point. Why did they matter so much now? By the fifth outfit, I was about to give her a good lecture on, “naked you came, naked you will leave,” and I could feel my blood pressure rising. I heard her tears coming back up the stairs, and suddenly Holy Spirit whispered, “Ask her WHY.” I sat her down and asked why she hated her clothes. She stated immediately that it was because she wasn’t pretty enough (lie). But we had to keep asking questions. WHY did she believe she wasn’t pretty enough? She then revealed the painful splinter: “Because my daddy doesn’t love me.”

Satan had whispered to her that he didn’t like her because she wasn’t pretty enough and that if only she could find the right outfit, she would be pretty enough to be loved. Imagine if the splinter had not been dealt with that day. Fast forward several years to when she is fifteen. Her unresolved need for love drives her to dress for boys’ attention. What about when she is twenty-five and married and causes a great amount of debt due to her obsession with shopping in an attempt to feel good about herself?

The hurts, lies, and offenses are there to steal, kill, and destroy our relationships with God, ourselves, and others. I believe that the enemy was seeking to plant a lie deep in Emma that day that would reap a harvest for a lifetime through the pain with her father. I explained that the voice she heard was not Jesus but His enemy.

Because kids have free will, I always ask, “Would you like to tell that lie to leave?” It empowers rather than controls them. She said she wanted to get rid of the lie, so I led her through a prayer that looked like this: “Jesus, I confess I believed the lie that I am not pretty enough to be loved.” “Jesus, I forgive my dad for not making me feel like a princess.” “Jesus, where were You when I got my feelings hurt?” “Jesus, how do You feel about me?” She sat there with her eyes closed and her head bowed and suddenly got the biggest smile on her face. She looked up and said with excitement, “Mom! I wore this beautiful dress, and my hair was like a ballerina’s. I was dancing with Jesus, and He said I was HIS princess!” While that was indeed a sweet moment, what is so awesome about this story is that God used it all for good when the enemy came to harm and hurt.

To this day, years later, that girl KNOWS she is Jesus’ princess!

KINGDOM COME

There are scores and scores of testimonies building up of how GOD is using this season to strengthen the family. If you could peel back the rooftops and have a birds-eye view into many homes, you would see this. Dads are connecting with their children. Mothers are letting out the pain instead of carrying it around. Fathers are on the floor, laughing with their kids. Moms are teaching respect. Marriages are being healed and restored. The kids’ love tanks are overflowing. Connections are being restored with siblings. Children are being taught who they are. Parents are teaching their children about His goodness. There is laughter. Families are talking again. Offenses are being forgiven. Siblings are playing and releasing joy. Children feel like they belong. Moms are being seen and heard. Dads are relaxing. Pain is being addressed and resolved. Dads are laying down the idol of money. Pillars of peace are being contended for. Families are readjusting their focus. Families are seeking Him together. 

Keep going! You are doing an incredible job allowing Him to use this season for GOOD. I know you are tired, and there are still so many unknowns, but you are doing it one choice at a time. When the FAMILY is strengthened, there is an advancement of His Kingdom. Revival happens when the family is REVIVED! May Your Kingdom come into the FAMILY ROOM!

HE IS FOR YOU

I was reading a book and felt an invitation to ask Father God, “Are You mad at me?” My mind knows He is not, but my heart needed to hear it. I then asked Jesus and the Holy Spirit the same question. I was undone by their responses of love, grace, and tenderness to me. Oh, do we ever have a fortress around us in our time of need. It’s okay to need to ask Him to show you His truth.

FOREVER BABYSITTER

The kids wanted to go somewhere alone, and I had mixed feelings about it. As I processed my thoughts, I told them, “You can go, but only if you listen to your babysitter.” They looked at me like I had three heads. Surely they were too old for a babysitter. I told them Holy Spirit was their babysitter, and if they agreed to listen to whatever He instructed them to do, I was fine with them going. They agreed, and I was able to hand them over to their sitter just like I did when they were younger, leaving them for the first time. I love how I can actively give my children the freedom to grow up yet trust Him to guide and protect them. 

SPEAKING LIFE

I absolutely loved reading this comment from a mom taking our JOURNEY class. 

“After taking the online class, I am already seeing so much of the Kingdom being released in our house. Our mindsets have changed, and our language has changed. I was getting impatient about the kids getting their shoes on as we were trying to get out the door, and my youngest son (6 years) said to me, ‘Mom, are you speaking life right now?’ Be still my heart -THEY ARE GETTING IT! (And props to him for calling out ‘impatience’ and asking if I wanted to claim it. Now I have accountability too!)”

2020

Many gave prophetic words that 2020 was the year of vision, yet others gave words that it was the year of the MOUTH, highlighting the importance not just of what you SEE but what you DECLARE after you have eyes that see. I find it super interesting that one aspect of the coronavirus is that we are required to cover our mouths. The natural realm always mimics what is going on in the spiritual realm. While I see the importance of honoring our leaders who ask us to be wise in wearing masks, I see greater wisdom in making sure we are opening our mouths in our homes and declaring BOLDLY! Your mouth may be covered in the natural, but you are not on a gag order. In fact, now more than ever, it is time to teach your children how to declare God’s truth boldly. May I encourage you to sit as a family and create your declarations? Say them out loud, boldly, and with authority. This virus is defeated! As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord! No weapon formed against me shall prosper! God, have your way with me! I will know what to do because Jesus lives in me! God always leads me! God sits upon His throne! I am covered and protected! My mind is filled with hope and peace! The virus will bow to Jesus! God knows what He is doing! We will overcome! Jesus’ blood paid for it all! Peace is our strength! The tomb is EMPTY! Jesus is ALIVE – TODAY!

LED BY THE PRESENCE OF GOD

Reliving old testimonies are my memory stones of what God has done. This is from six years ago. 

Housing update for those of you who have been watching this journey unfold and want to know how to pray for us. Our house was rented from under us, and although it wasn’t right, I felt led to accept it and move on. I had great faith that God would provide as that is His testimony with us. However, weeks turned into months of looking for our next home, and yet nothing lined up. It wasn’t for the lack of finances, leads, references, or interest from the owners but rather a lack of peace with each place. Time was ticking as we were scheduled to be on the road for two months, speaking at over 17 engagements with Let the Children Fly in three different states. I was overwhelmed by the details of it all. Finding lodging for eight weeks was a full-time job in itself, let alone caring for the kids, securing storage, a home for our dog, launching a new product, teaching weekly, working daily, and all the year-end activities, PLUS finding a house! I just about signed an application for a one-bedroom apartment just to feel secure that we had SOMETHING to call home when I heard the Lord say, “You can do that if you wish, but I am not in it.” With an attitude the size of Mississippi, I said, “Do You mean You want me to go on the road with four kids bouncing from hotel to hotel for eight weeks straight with no home?” to which He so tenderly said, “YES!” In that moment, I surrendered the battle and stopped striving to find our housing. We threw everything in storage, found a home for our dog, packed our suitcases, and left. The deep joy and peace that we have endured on the first part of our travels have been indescribable. There is something about facing what we fear the most and allowing Him to take us to the other side. When you are led by the presence of God, peace becomes your pillar, and where there is no peace, the choice becomes clear. I can’t tell you just yet how this is all going to unfold.

PARENTING MANUAL

Picture someone baking a pie for their evening gathering with friends. Could you imagine someone else coming to take the pie out of the oven and running to the corner to consume the whole thing on their own? They would not only develop a stomachache but have robbed themselves of the joy of consuming the pie with friends and family as it was intended. Your child comes with a parenting manual, and His name is Emmanuel – God with us. I say this in love, but some of you need to repent for taking His creation and running away with it. He did not spend nine months knitting them together and ushering them into the world only to have you run away together. He desired all along that you would parent together with Him. God wants you to parent with Him, not for Him.