My friend said it beautifully: “God showed me that the purpose of my parenting is not to turn my children into models (in whichever field), but for me to model His love to them. After that, the rest will fall into place automatically.”
I get so much joy when parents send me messages like this while taking our parenting JOURNEY class.
“This morning, I was in a hurry to get to a meeting at work. Everyone was doing well with the before-school jobs except my eldest son. I yelled at him down the hall to hurry up, or he had to walk. Then as I was packing lunches, I remembered yesterday’s lesson and that I was supposed to listen and not dismiss. So, I packed his bag and let him get ready without getting on his case. We made it to school, and I had just enough time to make it to work on time… but my son stayed in the car. I thought, ‘OK, breathe and listen.’ I asked him what was up, and he explained what was upsetting him but didn’t understand why he was so upset about it. I felt God remind me he is ten and starting to go through changes. So, I said, ‘You are growing up and getting more hormones, and sometimes those make you feel things bigger than normal. You may not understand everything you feel.’ He looked at me wide-eyed and said, ‘That makes so much sense.’ We prayed, and he went off feeling better. I went to work, and we ended up starting the meeting late anyway.”
Can you imagine how this son felt leaving the car that morning?
I want more families to be intentional about their children! I want YOU to embrace all God has for you and your family. I burn for more. I yearn that we, the Bride, all of us, would know that there is NO weapon formed against us that shall prosper but that WE will march forth and walk in victory because God Himself is leading us. I want your connection with your children to remain intact so that they are spared from the countless years of agony we endured. I want them to know how amazing and powerful they are because you speak it over them daily. I want them to know, like second nature, how to go to Papa God and discuss the burdens of their heart with Him directly. Ah, that the children would be trained and equipped by intentional parents who do not partner with feelings of inadequacy but know who they are themselves. Oh, I burn for this.
Join our JOURNEY online class to get the tools you need. Journey – ONLINE CLASS – Let the Children Fly
Mom guilt is the feeling of guilt, doubt, anxiousness, or uncertainty experienced by mothers when they worry they are failing or falling short of expectations in some way. Mom guilt is the tool of the enemy to render you hopeless. Faith is God’s tool to render you HOPEFUL because of His power! How would you fill in the blank? “I am guilty of feeling guilt about _____?”
Declare out loud: “I choose to break agreement with the guilt and hand it over to God because I trust in who He says He is.”
I am sharing a dialogue between myself and a mom in our JOURNEY class.
A mom shared: “I definitely desire to have a deeper relationship with the Lord; however, I sense fear as a barrier. Fear of losing my children. I almost lost my daughter when she was an infant. I remember standing in that hospital room telling Him I’m ok with what He decides to do (heal or take her). He healed her, and she was considered a miracle! But ever since, I have had a fear of losing her again.”
My response: Thank you for your real and vulnerable post. I am so sorry you had to walk through that as a mom. I want to expose the fear in operation and then help you resolve it. When you walked through that experience with your daughter, it happened to you physically, emotionally, and spiritually (mind, body, spirit). God healed her, and she lived so that the immediate trauma was physically over. I am sure there is a vast amount of emotions that you had to process and are still processing ongoing due to her needs. However, I want you to see that experience also happened to you spiritually. It WAS a scary event for you, as it would be for any mother. There was a real threat of loss, and that was horrifying. Your fear of losing your children is a lingering spirit of fear from that event. The event is over, and your daughter lived, but the spirit of fear has remained. We could say it this way – that event opened the door to the spirit of fear, and the door is still open. We need to close the door and renounce partnering with it. We want to resolve it because in the spiritual realm, we welcome and invite in what we fear, and fear has no hold on you as a Daughter. It is there specifically to steal, kill, and destroy your peace and trust in God. I encourage you to spend some intentional time walking through this.
Here are some steps to coach you, but let Holy Spirit guide you. Pray out loud, “Fear, I see you. You are exposed. I no longer partner with you over the fear of losing a child. You are a liar and not my friend, companion, or guide. I break agreement with the lie that torments my mama’s heart. I break the agreement that God is not in control. I break the agreement that I need to live in worry and fear over their physical well-being. Fear, I command you to leave now in Jesus’ name. You may not speak to my mind, the things I see, the things I hear, my nervous system, or my memories. Holy Spirit, I invite You to come and fill my mind, eyes, body, and memories with Your presence and Your peace, in Jesus’ name.”
I also encourage you to picture taking each child in your hands and handing them over to God. He is their Father and needs to be the head of their lives as any other way will put pressure and worry on you as their mom that you are not wired to carry. Surrender their well-being, number of days, and safety to Him. As you do this with each child, then ask, “Father God, if keeping them alive and safe is Your job responsibility, then what is my responsibility?” Let Him teach you how to parent your children together, each knowing what you are responsible for and what you aren’t responsible for.
I often remind my children that I am NOT their maid, butler, driver, waitress, bank, etc. It may be what I chose to do because I love them, but it is not my sole purpose on earth.
When the demands on me overwhelm my sense of peace, it is MY flag that I need to #1. Take care of me #2. Solicit ways to empower my children to help out more #3. Remind them that while they are important, so am I. I encourage you to grab a cup of coffee and your journal and write out 15 things that you could do for 5-10 minutes that would recharge YOU (quiet time, a good book, bubble bath, finishing a cup of coffee while it is still hot, chat on the phone with a friend). Then make sure you are proactively scheduling those things in your day (yes, your day, not once a month). The greatest way to bring peace into your home is by making sure you are not just pouring out but getting filled back up too!
It was never about you striving to be perfect but about showing them the One who is. Look at the revelation this mom had while taking our online JOURNEY class.
“I love that I can use my blunders to point my kids toward Jesus!!”
During our online JOURNEY class, we spend a few days talking about teaching our children to not only see but love those around them. It never ceases to amaze me how many parents say, “Oh, I can’t do that.” And their reasons always include some sort of fear. Fear of man, fear of rejection, fear of getting it wrong, fear of looking foolish, etc. Instead of empowering our children to love others, we let fear lead and indirectly pass that fear down to our children. God doesn’t push us to the point of it hurting us, but there is always an invitation to go deeper.
What if we dealt with the fear in our lives? The fear that we were introduced to and taught, and allowed God to parent us through our children by stepping out of our comfort zone to see and love others? The world around you needs what you carry. Do not let the fear of _____ hinder you from teaching and empowering your children to love others.
I was talking to a friend about an area in my life that is causing a lot of stress and worry. She brought me to John 15’s story about the vine and the branch, which gives us the key to bearing fruit (which I was not having in this area). Together, we asked Jesus to show us the separation, and I heard “tourniquet,” a device that cuts off the blood flow. Hmmm. That is kind of what it felt like. I asked Jesus what the key to removing the tourniquet was, and I kept hearing “turn, turn, turn, turn,” but it sounded like the word tourniquet was stuck on a broken record, and it didn’t make sense to me at first. I asked Jesus to clarify, and He said, “You keep turning and turning and turning, and the more you move, the more it is cutting off the life-giving flow between us. Stop moving and REMAIN in me.”
The Vine and the Branches – John 15:1-8 – “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. If you do not remain in me, you are like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.”
Sometimes the best thing to do is to do nothing and hand over the reins back to Him.
Some comments from the parents taking our online class leave me breathless.
“Hearing my children’s hearts connect to the Holy Spirit and share His truth has been such an incredible blessing. I love the leading questions like, ‘What does Jesus want us to know about this person?’ This moves our world from the seen to the unseen, the outward actions to the heart movements… this is where real living is.”
I am UNDONE by the way God is aligning, healing, and setting the youth free. Years of heartbreak and pain are being resolved NOW. There are many 50-year-olds who haven’t tasted the level of breakthrough and freedom God is releasing on this generation. I am seeing it with my very own eyes.
