MISTAKES WITHOUT SHAME

MISTAKES WITHOUT SHAME

  • Heart Splinters, Playing in the Kingdom

MISTAKES WITHOUT SHAME

I remember the day I made a big parenting mess. My reaction was strong, and the child’s crime did not justify the response. I was triggered and knew it. Normally situations like that would take me days to overcome all of the shame and profound guilt. My mind would spin about being a terrible mom and how sorry I felt for my children. I felt so inadequate raising them, knowing I was on my own journey. Nothing cripples a mama more than feeling like she is negatively affecting her own babies. But I remember the day well. I made a mess, and this time I could give myself compassion and grace. Yes, I needed to confess my behavior to God and ask my child for forgiveness, but this time I did not go down the rapid river of shame. Instead, I stood my ground in being repentant – admitting wrongdoing – but not condemning myself. I was able to speak to my heart gently and not full of accusations. I could be humble that I was wrong without beating myself up. It was glorious. It was the day I experienced making a mistake without shame.

WHITE BUCKET DREAM

I had a dream in 2018 that altered something deep within me. I woke up one morning hearing I was to share it. 

My dream – We were sitting in a large church, getting ready to worship. The pastor called his leadership team up to the front, and they all stood spaced evenly apart on the platform standing at the congregation. They stood tall, were powerful and anointed, and stood tall way above the crowd. They were deeply honored, respected, and loved. The music came on that queued everyone we would begin offering time. As everyone went to grab their money, the ushers came and put white buckets in front of each leader. Something seemed out of place about that because we do not tithe our offering to a person but to Him. Suddenly the father of the house got up and said, “If any of my children (leadership team) have hurt, offended, or caused you harm, I want you to write that on a piece of paper and place it in the bucket in front of them.” There was a corporate mindset that honoring leaders meant being silent, and everyone froze. Fear came into the room. No one dared move. I sat there conflicted. There was no way I was going to get up and put my hurt in the bucket, yet to not get up meant I would be lying to myself. I felt this empowering boldness come over me – the courage you know is not from within yourself – and I stood to my feet. Everyone in the room stared at me, and it was painful to walk alone to the front of the room and put my piece of paper in the bucket of the immature leader who did not know how to lead from the Father’s heart. As I sat back down, I had a tangible peace fall over me. Soon someone else wrestled with being the only one standing and putting their paper in the bucket, and soon another, and then another person got up. It took 45 minutes for everyone to be honest with themselves and give their heart a voice. It was painful for the leaders on the stage to see their buckets overflowing with hurts, offenses, and mistakes. They went from being strong and confident to having eyes to see the very people they wanted to serve and love ended up being the people they had caused deep hardship. We, the people, had spoken, and it closed the gap between ‘us and them.’ The elite and the crowd. The powerful and the disempowered. The old and young. The mature and immature. The most amazing thing happened next. The father of the house got back up and released his children (the leadership team) off the stage to gather WITH the people, who immediately began to embrace, hug, and weep with them. The hurts melted away in love as they connected again, just like siblings. There was a real sense of missing each other and being reunited again. This went on for hours in my dream as we were restored to FAMILY! I woke up, and this has been the position of prayer ever since. God, realign Your family back to Your original design. Remove the stage, platform, idol worship, and ‘us and them’ from Your family. Restore us to a circle – all needing each other to move on earth powerfully – together!

I want to encourage you that there is a great invitation to give your heart a voice. Honoring someone does not mean ignoring or being silent. Write down your hurt and hand it over to God. Let Him heal, restore, and align your heart to His. God is dealing with His family right now, and your heartfelt prayers are essential, powerful, and pivotal. 

ANGRY OUTBURSTS – SAD, SCARED, LONELY

Has your child had increased outbursts of anger? This can be a very challenging thing to parent because of the mess anger can make emotionally and with connection. However, I encourage you to ask Holy Spirit to give you eyes to see what is UNDER the anger. Typically, under anger are the emotions of being sad, scared, or lonely. If you can ask Holy Spirit to show you, you will be able to minister to their real heart instead of just managing their behavior. 

P.S. This isn’t just for kids!

LOVE IN AISLE 8

Ellie (8) walked into the store and immediately grabbed this huge Valentine’s box of candy and declared, “We have to buy this!” to which I replied, “Oh, no, we don’t.” She said it wasn’t for her but for someone else. Her persistence caught me off guard, and she was clearly on assignment. I wasn’t sure what God was up to, but I was excited to see it unfold. She spotted a worker and knew immediately it was for her, but she was busy. We kept walking around, and Ellie had this ‘Christmas morning’ type of excitement about giving this girl a gift. We made our way to the seasonal section, and I tried to get her to pick out a less expensive one, but she said, “No, Mom, it can’t be small, but something that lavishes on her.” Finally, the worker was available, and Ellie explained to her that God told her to buy a gift for someone and that she was highlighted to her. She was so taken off guard and unsure how to respond. Ellie went on to say that God wanted her to know that she was loved and so special to Him and then handed her the (BIG) box of chocolates. 

Children have the ability to access people’s hearts in ways adults can’t reach. They are such sharp arrows in the Kingdom!

LYING LIES

My daughter was in a funk for a few days and finally asked if we could talk. I took her to my room, and she had my full attention. She told me that she had been struggling and began to tell me with tears that she didn’t think I loved her. I asked her when this started, and she said Saturday. HELLO! Saturday was the day I took her out to get three pairs of new shoes and five new outfits; we talked and connected ALL day. In all honesty, my heart was feeling a little bit defensive, and the offense was creeping up. I kept asking her questions, and she would respond by saying, “I know this isn’t true, but…” Finally, I asked her, “If you KNOW it isn’t true, then why are you giving it room to speak to you?” She believed a LIE, and it needed to be exposed, dealt with, and replaced with HIS truth, which we did. But I began to see something. #1. When our kids are partnering with a lie, it is so easy for us, as parents, to come UNDER it too. My heart was hurt and offended she would even entertain the thought I didn’t love her, which made me feel bad about myself. “I am not doing it good enough,” “I am harming my daughter,” “I am not enough.” These thoughts are shame-based from the pit of hell that sidelines us as powerful, loving, intentional parents. #2. When parents feel guilty, they go overboard to ‘prove’ the truth to make everyone feel better about themselves. I wanted to make a grand gesture to prove my love for her, but then I got the revelation that if I did that, I would be teaching her she could only believe the truth if she saw, heard, felt it (obviously, children need our love to be tangible, but that wasn’t the case here). She needed to reject the lie and embrace the truth that she already knew, not have me PROVE the truth so that she could believe it. We don’t respond to lies; we remove them. She was deceived in her thinking and needed help coming back into TRUTH.

LET’S ASK JESUS

Not everything you hear is God – in fact, some of it is pure trash from the enemy.

Ask, “Jesus, what is something I have spoken about myself recently that needs to be taken out to the trash?”

Write it down and then prophetically trash it.

Then ask, “Jesus, what is Your truth?”

Gather as a family in the living room, in the car, at the dinner table, or bedtime, and ask Jesus together. This is so empowering for children because they get to witness how God communicates with you, which increases their faith, and together you get to encounter Him. Spiritual hearing is a muscle that is strengthened by worshiping and praying. The more you do it, the stronger you become at it.

LIFE WITH LITTLES

I often hear moms of little ones lamenting that all they do is change diapers, feed, clean, do laundry, and repeat. They feel insignificant as their world revolves around caring for their demanding and helpless child. To which I reply, “YOU ARE KIDDING YOURSELF. You are in the biggest season of your life. You get to be the gateway between the generations deciding what you do and do not want to pass on to the next generation who will carry the baton of your family line. You are deciding what parenting style is best for raising healthy whole children. You are deciding what holiday traditions are worthy of introducing your children to. You are discerning what triggers you and what needs to be brought into wholeness. You are building a foundation with their Father that will be the foundation in which they are raised. You are the one who gets to gaze in their eyes and communicate love to their souls. You are teaching them that they are safe and wanted. Oh, Mama, you are in the most incredible season of your life as you take the helm and sail the next generation into the Father’s arms.”

LEAST OF THESE

There is a move of God through the younger ones. 

A mom shares: “Our sweet little man jumped into the car the other day and declared he wanted to be ‘bathtized.’ When I asked him why he wanted to be baptized, he said because he was called to do it and wanted to be washed clean. He was not going to wait and had an urgency to be baptized. I love his heart to obey. Jesus, help me to be obedient to Your call like that. I am so proud of the young man he is. He is a truth-teller and proclaims it for all to hear!! Keep it up, preacher man!! ‘Therefore, go and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit.’ – Matthew‬ ‭28:19‬.”

FOR MY GRANDCHILDREN

I have said for years, “Parents, do the heart work so that your children don’t have to clean up the mess.” This mom is willing to do the hard work for the benefit of her grandchildren. Breathtaking.

“Jesus’ flashlight (tool) was a breakthrough moment for us. The concept of heart splinters helped my children to see what was going on. Their delight in knowing Jesus wants to take it out so they could be healed was tangible and beautiful. I do feel like it is quite the growth curve for me based on the parenting that was passed on to me, but I am committed to doing the work. I envision what their lives as adults will look like as we address these things in childhood, and should they become parents themselves someday, the jump start they will have to navigate this with their children.”