MATURING MOTHERS

MATURING MOTHERS

  • Kingdom Parenting, Testimonies

MATURING MOTHERS

Such a sweet testimony from my friend taking our Moms & Dads class on being seen, heard, and valued. 

“While spending my time in prayer doing my homework assignment, He showed me that my daughter was doing something behind my back IN THAT MOMENT. This has never happened before. So, I rushed to her, and instead of coming down hard on her or shaming her (ways I have parented before), I asked Jesus to help me, and we walked through getting to her heart. It wasn’t anything huge, but it was dishonest. At the end of the conversation, I told her I wanted her to be honest so she could feel heard. I was given a great opportunity to try and use these gifts, and I feel like it went well! Thank you so much!!” 

What I LOVE about this testimony is that she did not see her daughter as a liar but as robbing herself of using her voice to be heard. EMPOWERMENT!!!!

WITH THEM, NOT FOR THEM

The thing I value the most about being in ministry is that I am doing it WITH my children, not for them. Years ago, I struggled with balancing full-time ministry, young children, and flying solo. I always felt like something had to give, yet I didn’t want to choose between my passion and my children. Then, I was at church one morning when a gal who did not know my story began to prophesy. She said I was struggling with not being the one to play the instrument, but that God wants me to become the conductor of the orchestra, and I knew immediately that meant don’t do it FOR my children but learn how to do it WITH them. Years later, I am so so so blessed by the way our ministry has operated as a family. It is so fun to see the kids step out more and more and use their voices. I love ministering, traveling, and speaking together. 

PARENT REPORT CARD

Do you want to get closer to your child? Spend some alone time with them by taking them out for ice cream or dinner and ask them what is something that you are doing really well in your parenting. Then ask them what is one thing you could improve upon in your parenting. Their answers may just bless and surprise you!

Here’s the deal – you are going to learn one way or another. I would rather hear about ways I could improve while they are still children instead of hurting adults.

CONNECTION

On the second day of our online Kingdom parenting class, we talk about CONNECTION. I asked if their parents saw the value in them. There are always two camps. Those who were raised in dysfunctional homes and those whose parents tucked them in at night, took them to Disney, showered them with love and attention, provided for them, and enjoyed them. But there was always a BUT… Since I was in the first camp, this bothered me. Whenever day two would come around, I KNEW what the answers would be, and I would brace myself. Seriously, how can you have a “BUT…” when your parents were there for you, loved you, and were involved in your world? That is until Jesus spoke. He told me that I was becoming judgmental of those who claimed to have a great childhood and still confessed something was missing. Because it was HIM who put that void there. NO child is wired to be 100% filled by their mom and dad. There are some places in our hearts that are reserved for Him. This is great news. If Jesus is ultimately who our children need to be connected with in order to be whole, then maybe 18 years of parenting is less about us and should be more about Him! Even if you were perfect, it would not be enough, so let’s stop trying (and feeling guilty about it when we are not) and usher our children to the only perfect Parent.

PEACEFUL HOMES

I want to encourage you to make a small yet significant shift in your parenting. First, switch your focus from trying to rid them of conflict to growing them to avoid the conflict. There is a radical difference between the two. Move from being a constant referee to being their teacher to set them up for success. Second, we cannot help someone if we first do not know what the issue is. The next time they are in conflict, instead of reacting, stop for a moment and watch what is going on. It is not about who has what toy, but rather issues of selfishness, impatience, lack of self-control, rudeness, etc. – pinpointing where your child needs to grow and mature is vital to helping them. Third, teach them what you want in times of peace. The Kingdom is righteousness, peace, and joy (Romans 14:17), and it is okay to teach and equip our children with the tools of JOY. Make it fun, be creative, and partner with joy in your parenting. Training in the times of peace will give you tools to use in the moments of conflict. Teaching during conflict has proven to be far less effective. Fourth, children are creative. You could tell them ‘NO’ all day long, and they will still come up with another creative way to do something. Focus 90% of your parenting on teaching and training in the times of peace what you DO want. Role-play what selfishness looks like at the table, in the car, with toys, and then model for them what you DO want from them during those situations. This empowers them with how to succeed. 

I WANT THAT

Do you ever hear of a great testimony and say, “I want that?” While the heart of sharing testimonies is the confidence God wants to do it again in your life, the focus has to be on HIM, not the fruit. We can’t just say, “I want that fruit”; it has to be, “I want HIM.” So, when you see God move mountains in someone’s life, let it encourage you that He is able, but ask Him for the keys in your own life and follow whatever He tells you in your situation.

PRODIGALS REVIVED

I see prodigals coming home. I see boys becoming sons. I see anger leaving. I see women becoming daughters. I see those in isolation being embraced. I see the Father with a tear in His eye over His babies. I see JOY. I see people staying up all night long having encounters with Him… again. I see homecoming parties in heaven. I see love. I see FAMILY! I see people being REVIVED.

FAMILY TIME

Kingdom training in your home was never supposed to be a once-a-week event. It is about a lifestyle of little drips. When children start asking parents, “Has Lisa sent another lesson yet?” you know we are doing something right. Kids LOVE the connection time as a family and learning about Jesus in a way that promotes connections, not legalism.

HIS KINGDOM

The Kingdom is righteousness, peace, and joy, yet one of the biggest reasons why Sunday school leaders have a hard time finding volunteers is because adults are uncomfortable with JOY. Teach parents how to be restored to joy, and they will be drawn to those who carry child-like joy!

SUMMER

Words are important. God said let there be light and there was light.

Stop for a moment and dream about your ideal summer. What does it look like with connection and activities? How do you want to feel at the end of every day?

This is not a “name it -claim it” teaching, but a model of following our Father and speaking into existence that which is already available into the spirit realm.

Have a family meeting and together make declarations about what you want your summer to be about. Such as, “We will release joy everywhere we go.” “Our summer will be filled with joy.” “We will connect deeply as a family.” “We will love ourselves and others well.” “We will laugh daily.” “We will take responsibility for what is ours.” “We will grow as a family this summer.”

What we are declaring over our families becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. When our children hear us communicating that we are dreading the summer or we are so glad school is starting again, it communicates to them the wrong worth and value. Ask Holy Spirit to highlight any false declarations that you have been declaring over yourself, your parenting or your children for the summer months. Ask for forgiveness, if needed.

Flipping Mindsets – Summer is when you get to regroup and get a new vision for your family. You get to shake off all of the events of last year, re-calibrate as a family, go after character growth, learn new skills for life, grow deeper in your connections, and build memories.

Family Rules – 3 big things were lost in the Garden; our sense of BELONGING, our WORTH and our SECURITY. Whatever our household rules, boundaries, limits, or ‘no’s are with children, it must be done in a loving way that still intentionally communicates that they have a place where they belong, that they are incredibly valuable and important and that they are secure and safe. Things like disunity, arguments between parents, ongoing sibling conflict, atmosphere of worry and stress, anger, belittling, disrespect, and lack of intentional family time can all inflict the orphan spirit. I am not talking about a one-time deal like you had a bad day and yelled once. I am talking about lifestyles and norms. Our goal in parenting should be to model heaven.

Rules – Review your household core values and rules as a family. If your children cannot tell you what the rules are, then it will be hard to expect them to govern themselves by them. Play a round of charades acting out what honor, respect, kindness, etc. looks like.

Vision – What is the vision you have for your family? If you do not know what you are aiming for then you will parent inconsistently, which will produce inconsistent and frustrating results for the whole family.