LYING LIES

LYING LIES

  • Heart Splinters, Testimonies

LYING LIES

My daughter was in a funk for a few days and finally asked if we could talk. I took her to my room, and she had my full attention. She told me that she had been struggling and began to tell me with tears that she didn’t think I loved her. I asked her when this started, and she said Saturday. HELLO! Saturday was the day I took her out to get three pairs of new shoes and five new outfits; we talked and connected ALL day. In all honesty, my heart was feeling a little bit defensive, and the offense was creeping up. I kept asking her questions, and she would respond by saying, “I know this isn’t true, but…” Finally, I asked her, “If you KNOW it isn’t true, then why are you giving it room to speak to you?” She believed a LIE, and it needed to be exposed, dealt with, and replaced with HIS truth, which we did. But I began to see something. #1. When our kids are partnering with a lie, it is so easy for us, as parents, to come UNDER it too. My heart was hurt and offended she would even entertain the thought I didn’t love her, which made me feel bad about myself. “I am not doing it good enough,” “I am harming my daughter,” “I am not enough.” These thoughts are shame-based from the pit of hell that sidelines us as powerful, loving, intentional parents. #2. When parents feel guilty, they go overboard to ‘prove’ the truth to make everyone feel better about themselves. I wanted to make a grand gesture to prove my love for her, but then I got the revelation that if I did that, I would be teaching her she could only believe the truth if she saw, heard, felt it (obviously, children need our love to be tangible, but that wasn’t the case here). She needed to reject the lie and embrace the truth that she already knew, not have me PROVE the truth so that she could believe it. We don’t respond to lies; we remove them. She was deceived in her thinking and needed help coming back into TRUTH.

HUDSON’S STORY

Hudson’s salvation story is very different than his sisters. A guest speaker came to their school to speak at chapel. God showed up and touched the children so deeply that he was invited back the next week to speak to the older kids. Since I had three kids in that group, I was eager to go. I began to witness something odd happening. There were two groups of kids in that room that day. One group was hungry and clinging to every word and move of the speaker. My daughters were in that group. But there was another group of kids which my son was in, and something was different. While there is always grace with the things of God, their response, or therefore lack of, seemed off to me. Days later I couldn’t shake what I saw with the group my son was in. I would cry out for Jesus to show me what it was and over the course of a few days He showed me that those were the kids who haven’t yet made a choice for Jesus. They are playing hard in the Kingdom, know how to hear Him, prophesy, and heal the sick but when they watch others encounter Him, they feel like something is wrong with them because they know they aren’t encountering Him the same way. WOW! When we see that there is more it should produce hunger in us, but because these kids are surrounded in a culture where there is an assumption they are already believers, it creates shame in them that something is wrong. This broke my heart. Hear me when I tell you what this produces in a child. They are angry and frustrated and often sabotage the things of God in your home. Not because they don’t want Him but because they don’t know how to say, “Hey, I am scared to tell you that I am not experiencing what you think I am”. I have since counseled scored of parents with kids who are acting out negatively only to find out that they feel spiritual pressure to behave, act and feel a certain way with God. They get tired of pretending and grow sick of managing the feelings that something is wrong with them. I knew I couldn’t go to my son and say, “Hey, I don’t think you are saved,” as he already had a deep connection with Jesus, and I didn’t want to do anything to plant doubt or tear that down. It was one of those moments where I honestly didn’t know how to respond. We were at church one day and I left so filled with His love, yet the moment we got home all hell broke loose mainly with Hudson (don’t you just love those moments. Ugh). I was so frustrated that going to church was producing so much chaos that I sent all of the kids to their rooms for a break from each other. I sat in the living room and cried tears of pure frustration. I heard God say, “It is time. Bring Hudson out,” and I KNEW God was telling me it was time to close the gap. I called him to the living room and held him. I asked, “Hey buddy. Are there times you see other kids at school and know that you don’t feel what you see them experiencing?” His eyes got really big, and he had this look of complete shock that I knew. He began to cry and said, “Yes.” I reminded remind him that Jesus loves him and so enjoys playing with Him, but that Jesus wants to be IN him and not just come and go like a friend. Hudson accepted Jesus that day.

CRAZY CYCLE

This is going to be a HUGE key for many parents! From a very early age, I could feel resistance with one of my daughters. I figured it was a generational thing and have intentionally gone after her heart. I would find myself saying YES to the others with ease, but my heart was hesitant, and I always wanted to say NO to her. It made no sense to me, but I could feel it. She agitated me in a way the others didn’t, yet she wasn’t really doing anything in the natural to warrant it. It was awful to admit because it felt like maybe I even liked her less than the others. I didn’t, but the resistance always made me feel like I was subtly rejecting my own child. God later revealed this to me through someone else, and I rushed home to share it with my daughter. She cried and began to tell me that she felt it, too, and even when we would go on dates, she felt like she couldn’t get close to me. We walked through what this looked like between us and have had such breakthrough.

It looks like this: When there is control-based parenting, the child responds in one of two ways. #1. They feel resistance, anger, and/or have hate or murder in their heart (which doesn’t mean death but can ‘kill’ you with their words). These children then partner with the spirit of REBELLION in their hearts. This can be outward or inward rebellion. #2. The other child feels hurt, isolated, withdrawn, unworthy, like a victim, and helpless when faced with a controlling parent, and they partner with a spirit of REJECTION. The problem is that when the parent feels the spirit of rebellion or rejection coming from the child, it makes them increase their control. A crazy cycle begins in which neither the parent nor the child is really seeing/responding to the other person, but rather the two spirits of control and rebellion/rejection are having a hay day! Connection, love, and unity go right out the window.

My daughter was partnering with a spirit of rejection, and I CAN’T STAND the spirit of rejection. My daughter wasn’t agitating me; the spirit was. Once she began to partner with that spirit, no matter what I would say, she would feel hurt and rejected, which drove me up a wall (in all honesty). I did use more control-based parenting until she was around five years old when I discovered Holy Spirit. But I think it has more to do with how opposite we are. She is my dancing, joyful, giddy, silly, talk a mile a minute, always wanting to create things, bake things, make a mess with paints, glitter and glue kid. I am busy, serious, don’t like messes, and have little appreciation for creative arts. Neither of us are wrong, but because I am the adult, she was feeling controlled by my repetitive ‘no’ answers and not giving her more freedom to be herself. The cycle had gone on for so long that it began to feel normal. It is easier to partner with control when they are younger, but once the spirit of rebellion and rejection are in motion, it is the tween and teen years where the ‘fruit’ of that parenting really begins to reveal itself in the child. Since the spirit of rebellion and rejection have a legal right to be there, they influence the child to behave and make choices that only further the parents’ drive for control. Obviously, rebellion and rejection are not what we want to introduce our children to. We are the ones to break the cycle!

Praise God for this incredible revelation and tool so that we can break free from the enemy’s tools of control, rebellion, and rejection, and we can walk in freedom and connection. If this sounds like something that you are experiencing with one of your children, I encourage you to spend time with Holy Spirit talking to Him about it. If you need to repent, do that first. Set a date with your child (mine was out on the driveway while the other kids were inside). Fill their love tank for a few minutes first, as a filled tank always lowers the walls and makes hard conversations easier. Explain to them that God loves them so much and has shown you an area that you need to change (this makes them feel secure that God has their back, too). I drew a figure 8 and showed her how the crazy cycle went around and around and how we both played our roles. I asked her to please forgive me for making her feel controlled. I also helped her walk through asking Jesus for forgiveness for partnering with the lie and spirit of rejection. We hugged and cried and allowed for Holy Spirit to heal without words for a while. We then tasted the new fruit in the days to come. I also called a family meeting and made sure everyone was aware of the cycle. We agreed that when they were feeling controlled, or I was seeing the rebellion/rejection, we could call out a special code to signal we were partnering with it again. I also want to add that children can control their parents, causing parents to partner with rebellion and rejection, too. This can also be a dynamic with siblings where one is controlling another. If you had a controlling parent, ask Holy Spirit if you are still allowing the spirit of rebellion or rejection to influence you today. Spirits don’t leave us just because we move out of the house. This is NOT a reflection of you being a bad parent, but rather a reflection of the enemy and what he does best – kill, steal and destroy – in this case, the connection with our children. Don’t allow him to put the blame back on you. It is okay to get mad that many of us come under this but use the anger to rise up in your authority and break the cycle. Ask Holy Spirit what keys He wants you to use with your child to repair the connection. Thank You, Father, for being a perfect parent and helping us along the way!

Crazy cycle between parent and child: Crazy Cycle Between Parent & Child – YouTube

HOLY SPIRIT SHOWED UP

This was the first time I experienced partnering with God to remove the heart splinters in my children. It was glorious and left me hungry to live this as a family lifestyle.

I finally ordered my son to his room to give us all a break from the constant strife. Moments later, as I walked down to his room, I vividly remember saying, “Holy Spirit, I have no idea if I am going to yell at him, spank him, hug him or play with him when I get there, but You do!” And then I remember adding a little, “… And you better show up quick!” The moment I entered his room, it was like I could ‘see’ pain in him. I got this impression to grab a stack of paper. I sat on the floor with my (then) 5-year-old son and had him wad up a piece of paper and throw it, but while he was throwing it, he had to call out how he felt about his dad leaving. “I am mad he can’t play ball with me” (throws the paper ball and makes a new one), “I am mad I am the only boy in the family” (throws the ball and makes a new one), “I am sad he can’t tuck me in at night.” This hurting child threw nearly 50 paper balls, and by the end, he was weeping. It was one of the most painful moments for me as a mom to watch this pain seep out of him, but it had to get out. In the end, I scooped him in my arms and just held him. I called forth his worth and value and that he was fiercely loved and wanted. From that moment on, the ‘sting’ was gone from being fatherless (not that there wasn’t more to process, but the splinter was gone). There are adult men and women all over the world who are dealing with the trauma of being fatherless, but as parents, we CAN partner with Holy Spirit to give us creative ways to deal with the hurt, lies, and offenses of childhood IN childhood!

GOD REDEEMS

God woke me early and revealed something deep within my heart. By the time I was done, I was in complete awe over the revelations and His love that redeems every part of my story. Hours later, a couple came to me for parent coaching. When I asked what they hoped to get out of our time together, the dad began to explain the EXACT same situation with his daughter that God had spoken to me about hours earlier.

I want you to see this – God is sufficient to redeem all things. It is who He is, but how GLORIOUS is it that we get to partner with Him in our parenting so that we can help our children deal with owies IN childhood, so that hurts don’t become adult-sized woundedness, lies don’t become adult-sized strongholds, and offenses don’t become adult-sized bitterness. KUDOS to this dad for doing the hard things so that his daughter doesn’t need to reap the fruit of it for years.

ACT LIKE IT!

When we first arrived in Redding, a friend came over for dinner. He said, “Lisa, you are in an open heaven,” to which I smiled big and said, “I know. That is why we moved here” (for the supernatural and presence of God). His response put chills in my spine, and I have never forgotten this reply. He said, “Act like it.”

Don’t just declare it, LIVE in it. Don’t just say it, BE it. Don’t just smile, DIGEST it. Don’t just acknowledge it, EMBRACE it. Don’t withhold it, SHARE it. Don’t just receive it, TEACH it to your children.

Friends, if you declare Jesus is your Lord and Savior, YOU live in an open heaven… Act like it!

FREEDOM FIGHTER

My favorite day of the week was going to the rescue mission and mentoring the moms. I drove away with tears streaming down my face out of pure compassion and love for them. When you see someone – really see THEM – not their choices, messes, or failures – you can’t help but love them. They visibly look different every week I show up. They are becoming Daughters and fighting hard with the tools of heaven for their families. I got permission to take them to see the movie Harriet Tubman with me one week. We all have a FREEDOM FIGHTER inside of us, and these moms are giving it everything they got. There is a calling on their lives to help others find the freedom they are experiencing. I am so proud of each of them.

GIFT OF LOVE

“My son turned five last week. His primary love language is words of affirmation. So, I had an idea to make a little ‘guest’ book for everyone coming to his birthday party. I had everyone write something to him – one thing they love about him. After his party, we sat and read everyone’s words to him – he loved it! No birthday meltdowns. Just told me at the end of the night, ‘My love tank is overflowing!'”

FUTURE PREACHER GIRL

Want to hear something cute? When Ellie’s fish died, we bought something to remind her of her beloved fish. She picked out a nice journal and felt like she was supposed to start writing down the things in her heart. She asked if we could have a date and wanted to talk about how I learned how to create a message. She said that as she was writing in her journal, she felt like God was telling her she needed to grow in learning how to share the message in her heart. So precious. The following day a popular preacher came out with a free webinar on the exact subject. I told Ellie about it, and she asked if she could sign up. I assumed it would be way too mature for her, but I decided to roll with it. This girl sat glued to the computer taking fierce notes and listening to the speaker equip her with how to create a message.

Come on – when a child asks to learn because they are obeying the voice of God in their life, you listen and empower them! 

EYES THAT SEE

My daughter was complaining about her eyesight, and something didn’t feel right about it (not sure why or what, but it didn’t sit right in my spirit). She came to me one day wearing my glasses, telling me how cool she looked in them. Hmmm. I asked her if any part of her wanted her eyes to be bad enough to need glasses, and she admitted she did because some of her friends have them, and they look ‘cool.’ I explained to her that when we WANT our bodies to be broken, we are actually inviting it in. We renounced the lie that she needed glasses to be cool and then prayed for her eyes to work the way they were created. It is one thing to need glasses to assist a physical condition. It is another thing to invite brokenness to feed a lie.