LIKE JESUS

LIKE JESUS

  • Connection, Kingdom Parenting

LIKE JESUS

Learning to love your children well provides YOU with an opportunity to know and reflect a SIDE of Jesus. Example: If your child has a love language of quality time and values playing together, but you do not value childlike play, God is using the way He wired your child to teach YOU about joy and play. Example: If your child has a love language of words of affirmation and you do not value speaking mushy words, God is using the way He wired your child to teach YOU about using your words, building others up, and bringing praise to your lips. Example: If your child has a love language of touch, but you do not value affection, God is using the way He wired your child to teach YOU about receiving healthy and appropriate touch. Example: If your child has a love language of acts of service, but you do not value having to do things for them, God is using the way He wired your child to teach YOU about joy and play. Pressing in and learning how to speak THEIR language allows US to grow in being more like HIM.

HELPING EACH OTHER FIGHT – SLANDER

“When someone slanders another to us, we must remember that we are not mainly fighting flesh and blood, but spiritual forces of evil” (Ephesians 6:12). Satan knows that slander deadens and splits churches, poisons friendships, and fractures families. He knows slander quenches the Holy Spirit, kills love, short-circuits spiritual renewal, undermines trust, and sucks the courage out of the saints. So our goal, particularly in the context of the church, is to help each other shed demonic weights and avoid satanic stumbling blocks. 

So how do we do this? The best way is to become people who are not safe to slander around. We must ask each other questions like: “Have you shared your concern with this person directly? I’d be willing to go with you to talk to him. Just to be clear, is this information I should know? Do you want me to help you pursue reconciliation? Are you doing everything you possibly can to put away ‘all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander’ (Ephesians 4:31)? How can I help you guard this person’s reputation like a treasure (Proverbs 22:1)?” In other words, friends don’t let friends slander. Friends don’t let friends act like God-haters (Romans 1:30). 

“The more we love people, the more we hate slander, because a slanderer hates his victims” (Proverbs 26:28). Let us remember that we are stewards of the treasure of each other’s good names. Let us resolve to avoid sharing information that is unnecessarily damaging to another person’s reputation and to repent to everyone affected if we do. Let us seek to silence the sin nature slanderer within and graciously give and receive others’ help when one of us slips, perhaps unaware, into slander. Let us do damage to Satan’s forces by speaking the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15). Let us lay aside the destructive sin-weight of slander. In an age of social media, that lacks the functional information-spreading restraints of past eras, let us be all the more slow to post (‘slow to speak’ – James 1:19) analysis, speculation, and commentary on information about another person or group, even if it has become public in our slander-saturated culture, that might eventually prove slanderous. 

“All the serious biblical warnings about slander still apply, which should make us all, especially those of us with ‘platforms,’ tremble.” – Jon Bloom. 

ORPHAN PARENTING

God created us to be fully alive, deeply accepted, and truly belong. The aftermath of the fall is that man became a spiritual orphan separated from God and wandered around life, feeling profound feelings of abandonment, loneliness, and isolation. The Good News is that Jesus came to restore us to that place of deep security with the Father. We can accept Christ yet still wander like an orphan, striving, begging, and doing life on our own. Imagine a child digging through the dump, fending for themselves, and meeting their needs for food and clothing all on their own. Now picture a palace where the table is always set and a room with your name on it. When we become Christians, we get the honor of living in the palace, yet some enjoy the view and go back to the dump laboring daily to meet their needs. It is impossible to raise a child as a Son/Daughter in the palace when you occupy the dump yourself. Orphan parenting is when we parent our children from a place of isolation, abandonment, self-protection, striving, loneliness, self-sufficiency, and lack. We are teaching them orphan living, not Kingdom reality.

SPEAK LIFE OVER YOUR CHILD

My friend says it best: “I love being a mom, and I LOVE that I get to speak life and destiny over my sweet ones every day.”

Children absorb every word spoken over them like a sponge, and it takes hold in their beautiful little hearts! Asking the Father what He sees over them and then getting that opportunity to call out what God is already calling them to be is such a blessing. Children are so precious and whether you have children or not, take time to encourage and speak life over them at every chance you get. Encourage them in boldness, love, and joy to run after Him and His beautiful plan for their lives.

LET HIM SHOW YOU

A mom messaged me, saying that her daughter was believing lies and had shut down. She wanted my help with how to handle it. This is a great example of being led by the all-knowing Holy Spirit and not just checking off a religious formula. I first asked her WHAT the lie was. She replied that the daughter believes the parents are abusive and do not love her. While that is obviously a lie, it is the daughter’s truth. I then asked the mom to ask Jesus what He thought of the daughter’s words. The mom humbly came back to me and reported that Jesus showed her that she was using a tone and responding in a way that was hurting her daughter.

PUNISHMENT DOESN’T WORK

If punishment and isolation were effective leadership/parenting tools, prisons would produce the most successful people.

TEEN BOY BRAIN

Teen brain is a real thing. Teen boy brain is a very real thing. I asked Hudson to write down five things he wished everyone understood about boys his age. Here is his unedited reply.  

That most of the dumb things that I do aren’t on purpose. 

Just because I was involved in the conflict doesn’t mean that I am the one who started it. 

Be slow to anger. 

Just because I did something wrong, don’t push me away.

Guys have feelings, too, so don’t ignore them.

MAKING MEMORIES

How many of you have memories of your childhood? Is it super powerful and amazing to think that TODAY you have the power to create a memory that will stay with your children for the rest of their lives?  The best memories rarely have to do with how much money was spent, how Pinteresty it looked, or how big it was. Instead, they generally circle around how deep they feel seen, heard, and valued.

ME TIME

Children, like you, need downtime to recharge and regroup. Schedule daily time for each person to have time alone by themselves. Establish the rules ahead of time for what is and isn’t acceptable and the consequences for not honoring the time (perhaps double time the following day). I strongly encourage you to explain this during a family meeting, so everyone knows what to expect. Start with just 15 minutes and keep adding minutes each day until you have reached an hour. I suggest starting out with everyone on their beds. It helps establish a clear boundary. Once they have honored the time and can manage themselves, perhaps, you will allow them to play in their room. Make sure they all go to the bathroom ahead of time and have a water bottle, so there is no need to come out. They can use this time to take a nap, read a book, or play with Barbies or Legos quietly on their beds. Have them gather a bin or basket of items they can choose from. The key is not to make this feel like they are in a time-out or being disciplined. It is a time of relaxation and refreshment for everyone.

Trust me, some kids will be so grateful to have siblings to play with when the hour is over!

**If your child simply cannot comply with this activity, and there are no other obvious reasons, it could be that they sincerely need help growing in self-control. This is something that is taught and a life skill that transfers to all other areas. The worst thing you can do is give up and conclude, “My child just can’t spend 15 minutes alone in their room.” It is okay if you need to go after this and really work with them.

GUILTY CHILD

Do you ever have those situations where everything lines up perfectly, and you are convinced your child is guilty? I did the other week, and my son was adamant he was innocent. I took him at his word, but it still felt fishy to me. He carried this pressure and tension with him everywhere for a week. He was snippy, and I often felt like I just needed to not be in the same room with him for long. Sometimes you just need to let teenagers be teens, but I didn’t like it. He came into my room to drop off laundry, and his eyes were red. I asked if he was okay, and he said NO. Questioning who he had a conflict with, he says, “YOU,” and begins to tell me what it has been like all week, being falsely accused of something he didn’t do and then brought up numerous things I had said during the week that communicated to him that he is untrustworthy. The truth is nothing I said meant what he thought it did. He had the lens of being falsely accused, and anything after that felt like a judgment. Poor kid was really beaten up over the belief that I charged him with a crime he didn’t commit. I assured him that I knew he was innocent because nobody shows that much emotion and care when they are guilty. I apologized for not believing the best AND for failing to see his heart all week. He walked out of my room feeling better, and I was doing some major high-fives with the Lord. I am THRILLED he cares not only about his integrity but our connection that much. Sometimes moms blow it too! And that’s okay because our children are learning, even through our mistakes, how to use their voice and process their heart.

SHE NEEDS CONNECTION

“It’s been a crazier kind of day. I didn’t play with my daughter 1:1 for very long before I had to get to an apt. After I returned, my son needed my full attention. Then my husband came home for lunch, and I was finally able to leave to pick up my car from the shop. So much happened, and I didn’t realize that my daughter was upset with me when I got home – and trying to get my attention. But I could see it was nap time, and physically she was beyond tired. I gave her a verbal heads up that nap time was happening, and she had a full-blown toddler tantrum for the first time ever. She’s had many, but never running into the room screaming NOO so gutturally. It was so loud and all of a sudden I was shocked! It could have sounded like defiance. But I heard so clearly, she needs more connection. And even though she resisted for a good 5 mins, I got her back, calmed, and apologized. I was able to play with her before she went to sleep, reassuring her I’d be here when she woke up and that we’d play together. She went from screaming “NO, MOMMA GO!” when I tried to get ready for the nap to sound asleep as I left her room. I could feel how easily I could have missed her needs cause it was a busy day. To encourage you mamas in the thick of tantrums. Just sitting here so thankful for Holy Spirit, your mentoring, Lisa, and our babies that help teach us and make us better.”