I just spent some time walking with a father who is dealing with the trauma (and horror) of his pre-teen daughter being groomed and seduced by an online predator. Seeing him take every step with Jesus in the process has been breathtaking. Jesus is not afraid to do the messy and hard things with you. He wants to carry the burden, the grief, and the fear and has so much to say and give you in exchange.
Isn’t this a beautiful testimony from a father?
“Our family went on a family hike, and our eldest daughter was having fun running around. We got to the falls and took some pictures, but on the way back, she started whining about wanting to be carried and kept her whining and crying all the way back to the car. I told her if she kept it up, I would give her a spanking, and I could see the fear come into her eyes. She started trying to force herself to stop crying, and it was like something had switched inside me. I asked if she needed to be held, and she gave a huge nod with obvious relief, so I took her out of the car and held her on a nearby rock. I felt prompted by Holy Spirit to ask if she liked the waterfall, and she said no, that it was too loud. I asked if the noise and force of the waterfall scared her, and she said yes. I told her I was sorry for not realizing she was scared and asked if she would forgive me. She did, and I walked around holding her a little longer, and we ended up having a nice time again. This wouldn’t have happened before taking the mentoring class. When we were at the critical moment right when we got back to the car, I felt God cut in and remind me (gently, but in a way that couldn’t be ignored) that my connection to her heart was more important than her outward behavior, and it just froze me. I just wanted to share how the things you shared with us continue to bear fruit in our lives.”
The goal is not to be airlifted and dropped in the middle of the ocean just to say you have arrived in the depths. The goal is to do the journey with Him every step of the way. He is much more interested in your JOURNEY with Him than He is with your destination. So, what do you have going on today? Do it WITH Him.
How many have been raised with the belief that family looks like this: God, Jesus, Holy Spirit, Dad, Mom, eldest sibling, middle child, baby of the family, and the dog. While it is certainly true that a parent has more authority, experience, wisdom, and money than a child and that a child has more authority than the family pet, this is not God’s design for the family. Family flows in a CIRCLE. Often, the littlest of these bring about the most change in others. God uses the entire family to transform each other. Siblings give us the training ground to become healthy adults. Parents learn childlike joy from their toddlers. The dog teaches us responsibility (caring for them). The goldfish teaches us discipline (feeding them). Dads teach us to be sacrificial. Moms teach us to be kind. Special needs siblings teach us to be patient. And on and on. In God’s family, no one has ‘arrived,’ and all are on a journey learning from each other.
Of all the things I have endured in life, the hardest part has been the healing process of receiving the good. More often than not, things like joy, play, silliness, trust, lavishing, loyalty, and laughter have been taught to me through my children. They are made in His image, not mine, and God knit them with gifts, talents, and personalities to redeem and restore what was lost in my childhood. God continues to parent us through our children. It’s like He first gives us one set of parents to raise and train us. Then He addresses the neglected or shut down areas by using our children to parent us (our kids don’t parent us, but He parents us through them). This is why family is so important to Him. He is building something in us, and the generations are interconnected.
Over the years, I have gone after making sure the kids know the following safety boundaries:
Our family rule was: No man, woman, or child had a right to touch, look or photograph their private parts, and they were not allowed to look, touch or photograph anyone else. We called it keeping ‘sexually safe’ just like I would say, “Wear your helmet to keep your head safe,” “Look both ways to keep your body safe,” or “Don’t touch the stove to keep your hands safe.”
There was a time when I wasn’t fully engaged with my daughter, grossly misunderstood something, and reacted strongly. Later, when it all came out, I realized how hurt she was that she didn’t feel validated or heard. When I asked her for forgiveness, I sensed the Holy Spirit saying to add, “Father God is never too busy; He always hears your heart and knows everything about you.”
Oftentimes for children, it isn’t the event that causes lasting wounds but the lies about the godhead attached to their experiences. It is okay that my children know I am human. Still, they need to know Father God is rock solid, never loses His cool, is always available, always alert, never sleeps, and never makes a mistake. He isn’t overwhelmed, unsure of what to do, isn’t mad/upset, and is never too busy. As a parent, I can take my weakest moments with my children and use them as opportunities to teach them about their Perfect Father!
We teach our kids bike safety. We teach them not to answer the door for stranger safety. We teach them “Stop, Drop and Roll” for fire safety. We teach them to wear a life jacket for water safety. But do we teach them sexual safety? Predators are looking for one thing – a child who has no grid for what is happening and has never been taught about sexual safety. When a child encounters things that are sexually unsafe, their spirit knows something is wrong, but they freeze because they do not know how to handle what is happening. They have been taught to obey adults, not to talk back, to never hit, etc.
#1. Children need to know the proper names for body parts – all of them.
#2. Children need to know what to do should they ever feel unsafe.
#3. Children need to know that they are never alone and can ask Jesus for help in ALL circumstances.
Do you ever hear of a great testimony and say, “I want that?” While the heart of sharing testimonies is the confidence God wants to do it again in your life, the focus has to be on HIM, not the fruit. We can’t just say, “I want that fruit”; it has to be, “I want HIM.” So, when you see God move mountains in someone’s life, let it encourage you that He is able, but ask Him for the keys in your own life and follow whatever He tells you in your situation.
Are you longing for a spiritual mother or father? Someone to champion you? This message will bring your heart so much freedom.
One of the biggest reasons why people don’t care for the things of Holy Spirit (Charismatic movement) isn’t that they don’t want the Spirit of God, but they had mothers who didn’t manage their emotions well and were afraid Holy Spirit would make them feel out of control and unsafe as they did with their moms growing up. Moms, it is okay to be on a journey of becoming who you are as a Daughter. One of the greatest things you can say to your child when you make an emotional mess is, “I am sorry that Mom reacted/yelled/got impatient/didn’t listen to your heart. Do you know Holy Spirit would never ______?” Restore them to the TRUTH about who Holy Spirit is, despite your weakness, so they don’t transfer their earthly experiences onto the godhead. The goal is not to become perfect parents but to bridge our children to the One who always will be perfect.
