If you want God to move in your family, you have to give Him ROOM to do so. When our agenda, need for control, and schedules are wound up so tightly, it doesn’t give room to depend on Him for what only He can do. Busyness and control are two killers of the supernatural in our families.
Most of us have a child who challenges us greatly. I want to expand your thinking a wee bit about their behavior and how it affects you. God is a perfect Father and knows what YOU need. He didn’t create that child to annoy you; He created them perfectly to BLESS you. We often act like we are the wise old ones who know everything, and these little children are clueless and must be molded to OUR image, but the Word says the little ones were knit together in HIS image. I have a child who is extremely JOYFUL – like over-the-top joyful, bouncing off the walls, high-pitched voice JOYFUL. It took me a long time to figure this out, but the goal isn’t to calm her down to be ‘mature.’ God was sending her to me so that *I* could learn to walk in more joy! I have another one who is STRONG – like crazy strong and able to lead, make decisions, and determine right from wrong. She threatens me at times. But the goal isn’t to shut her down and win every argument; the goal is to partner with her to allow her leadership to blossom. Oftentimes God gives adults, who are high-strung, children who are super mellow so that they will learn patience through the child. Or a parent who is very relaxed and mellow, a child who is go, go, go so that they can learn about becoming more disciplined. Look at the child you clash with the most and ask Holy Spirit to highlight what it is that YOU are to be learning from THEM. We can still be adults while being students of our children.
Rest is not being inactive. Rest is the position of our heart after we have released something over to God and left it in His care. We cease taking matters into our own hands and operating in self-sufficiency. We hand over the transaction to Him, and at that moment, we are in restful confidence He can act on our behalf. We rest in the assurance that He is able, capable, mighty, willing, powerful, and active in our lives. Simply put, spiritual orphans can NOT find rest because the world’s weight is on them to self-provide, self-protect, self-defend, and self-secure. But as Sons and Daughters, we have a Father who is alive and well and wants to help us. Have you ever sat on an aircraft and watched people attempt to put their luggage in the overhead compartment? They struggle to lift the weight of their carry-on above their head while juggling their coffee, trying hard not to hit the person in front of them. Along comes a flight attendant in full confidence in their ability to help lighten the load and get them situated. Have you ever watched a child struggle to tie their shoes or fasten their pant button? They get frustrated easily with their lack of ability. A loving parent comes alongside them and, with ease, eagerly helps them. The Father is like the flight attendant wanting to carry your load. The Father is like a loving parent wanting to help in your time of need. Rest is not simply doing nothing. Rest is releasing your burdens for Him to do something.
HeartWork – “Jesus, I surrender and hand to You my burden of _____.”
Get out your journal and recall the last time you had an above-average reaction to something your child did. Ask Jesus some questions and allow Him to minister to your heart. Do not be introspective; instead, ask and listen to what He has to share.
Ask, “Jesus, was this their issue or mine?”. If it was your issue, ask, “Jesus, what was my heart feeling at the time? What made my heart so uncomfortable at that moment? When was the first time I felt that emotion? What did my heart need?”
Use these questions the next time your child triggers you and allow those uncomfortable moments to be the times you are molded to be more like Jesus. We don’t want our wounds or lack to parent our children. We want to parent from a place of wholeness and freedom. Understanding this is important because we often react to our children who aren’t doing anything wrong. Yet our reaction, out of a wounded or hurt place, teaches them that it is not okay to be who God made them to be. Allow Him to parent you through your child! I am proud of you for doing the hard things so that your child doesn’t reap the fruit of our wounds.
I am confident of God’s leading me as my Husband, and He has been so faithful over the years. We entered the home stretch of the election war and really wanted to hear His heart and strategy for our family. We spent time just being quiet and enjoying His presence while listening to a worship song. Then I asked the question, “Jesus, is there anything specifically You want us to do to prepare for the season we are in?” The children each heard similar things regarding strategy, and it was very confirming, but Emma said, “I heard Him say that we are to stock up in our hearts, especially with JOY, because joy gives us the will to fight hard things.”
It would be impossible to be fully prepared for whatever could come our way. But stocking up on the ingredients that will help us weather any storm is essential right now. Joy releases a chemical in our brain that gives us the will to fight and endure hard things. Joy is your weapon – stock up on an arsenal of it.
What is your number one parenting question right now? Ask Jesus and learn how to partner with Him in parenting your child – together! He alone knows what they need more than 100 earthly wise men. So give it a try, and then spend the next 18 years strengthening your partnership with their Creator.
In preparation for a speaking engagement I sensed Holy Spirit wanted me to ask the kids, “What would your life be like if you loved Jesus, but couldn’t hear His voice?” This list surprised me just as much as it will you. This is in their own words and behind every word is a testimony and story of them hearing His voice.
“Life would be… hard, hurts in my heart, stay offended, bitter, very fearful, unkind, unconnected, lonely, lack of favor, unforgiveness, anger, aggression, scared, broken relationships, pressure, controlled, orphan spirit, more sickness, less creativity, bored, less adventures, hopeless, discouraged, rejected, struggle in school, trapped, believing lies, embarrassed, ashamed, forget things, nightmares, no honor, bullied, lack of confidence, difficulties, no hidden treasures, sad, heartbroken, exposed to bad things, lack of protection, lack of wisdom, no encounters with His presence, unsafe, lack of provision, couldn’t be used, powerless believers, lack of peace…”
Have you ever declared, “I will never parent like my mother?” This is a dangerous declaration and must be broken. Why? Because we yoke ourselves to whatever we judge. If your parenting goal is not to become like your mother, then she is your standard, and we always end up being the thing we focus on. Jesus calls us to put our eyes on Him.
Pray – “I break agreement with the vow that I will never parent like my mother. I declare that my mom was on a journey, as I am on my own. I will put my eyes on Jesus, and He will make all crooked places straight as I seek Him to do better for my children.”
I had an encounter with Jesus, where He showed me a wall. I could not for the life of me discern whether this was a good or negative wall. Was it keeping things in or preventing something from going in? The lack of clarity perplexed me. I heard Jesus say the wall needed to come down, so I asked what tool I should use (because even in the natural, anytime you remove something, you use a specific tool based on the wall). I saw a hedge trimmer that was so logical and obvious, but it felt wrong. I asked again and saw the trimmers, yet this overwhelming feeling of ‘this isn’t right’ came over me.
The kids were all splashing in the pool when I got on my raft and asked them to give me a moment so I could continue to process this revelation with the Lord. I needed greater clarity, but I KNEW He was showing me something. Something caught my eye, and finally, I removed my sunglasses and sat on my raft to look. He was highlighting the shrub hedge on the other side of the pool when I heard Him say, “Lisa, if your job was to remove that hedge (wall), would you use a hedge trimmer?” No way, it would not only take forever, but every time I would trim it down, the branches would grow back as pruning is a form of growth. I would wrap a chain around the base and yank it out with my car roots and all. BINGO!
God was showing me that I was laboring (well, I might add) to trim the hedge (wall) when He was actually calling me to YANK IT OUT BY THE ROOT. Oh, the flood of fruit that came with this revelation. What if we REBUKED the spirit of strife behind it instead of just resolving conflict? What if instead of feeling drained, we sat in His PRESENCE to be refreshed? What if instead of battling fear, we used our AUTHORITY against it? What if instead of coming under intimidation, we DECLARED 2 Timothy 1:7 (and believed it)? What if instead of shadowboxing the enemy, we WORSHIPED the Lord? What if, instead of feeling dread every morning, we spoke to the spirit behind it and commanded it to FLEE? What if instead of taking aspirin daily for the pain, we HEALED the body? What if instead of managing attitudes, we ENCOUNTERED the Father’s love? What if instead of stewarding the lack of peace, we COMMANDED the chaos to flee? What if instead of continually disciplining a child, we TAUGHT them who they are in Christ?
You do not always have to deal with the ‘fruit’ of new branches. God has given us tools and power in Jesus’ name to deal with the root and have it removed. What about you? What negative cycle do you repeat over and over in your home? Are you continually trimming the branches? Is it time to YANK IT OUT once and for all?
Ask, “Jesus, if You were here in the flesh, how would You handle my children?” (You may be surprised by the answer).
I am being stretched in the area of patience, and for someone who is normally wired for fast-paced, productive movement, it hit me hard. I could feel myself sinking by the hour; it isn’t healthy to be in that place very long. I got the kids through dinner and took off by myself. I just stood soaking in the view and breathing in the air. I realized my MIND needed an adjustment similar to my back needing a chiropractor. I was aware I was out of alignment but could not pop it back in myself. I needed the GREAT PHYSICIAN to help align me. I confessed my attitude and weariness and cried out for help. I was tired, sad, and frustrated and needed the strength to endure more but from a place of rising above, not sinking lower. I needed Psalms 40:1-3 to be my reality: “I waited patiently for the LORD to help me, and he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the pit of despair, out of the mud and the mire. He set my feet on solid ground and steadied me as I walked along. He has given me a new song to sing, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see what he has done and be amazed. They will put their trust in the LORD.”
Sometimes God aligns us through revelation, correction, or inner healing, yet sometimes He does it in a way that is so gentle and light we can’t even pinpoint how or when He changed us. Like a Father who gently guides a child’s chin to look into His eyes, all becomes well again. God does not want us to endure hard things; He wants us to find HIM in the midst of it.
