LEGALISM DOESN’T WORK

RESTORING CONNECTION

 A mom messaged me, saying that her daughter believed lies and had shut down. She wanted my help with how to handle it. This is an excellent example of being led by the all-knowing Holy Spirit and not just checking off a religious formula to fix your child. I first asked her WHAT the lie was. She replied that the daughter believed her parents were abusive and did not love her. While that was obviously a lie, it was the daughter’s truth. I asked the mom to ask Jesus what He thought of the daughter’s words. The mom humbly returned to me, reporting that Jesus showed her that she was using a tone and responding in a way that was hurting her daughter. Can you see how a religious mindset would have disciplined the child for being so ‘un-Christ-like’ when the reality was that the mom needed to hear something? The daughter doesn’t have the language yet to explain her heart, but the words ‘don’t love’ and ‘abusive’ were the best things she had to describe her heart. The mom repented to God, and then her daughter and their heart connection grew. Can you guess what the daughter’s love language is? Children who hear love through words are very sensitive to yelling, harshly spoken words, and overreacting parents.

THE GIFT OF A FATHER

As we have ministered to dads over the years, we have discovered a common theme. Dads who have shrunk back from their role in the family. Why? Because there is a strong lack of respect from the children. Fathers are like football coaches, and they need their team to follow in order to be successful. When there is ongoing pushback, it makes it super hard to coach a team.

KINGDOM PARENTING

Three big things were lost in the Garden: our sense of BELONGING, our WORTH, and our SECURITY. Whatever our household rules, boundaries, limits, or ‘no’s are with the children, it must be done in a loving way that still intentionally communicates that they have a place where they belong, that they are incredibly valuable and important, and that they are secure and safe. Disunity, arguments between parents, ongoing sibling conflict, atmospheres of worry and stress, anger, belittling, disrespect, and lack of intentional family time can all inflict the Orphan Spirit. I am not talking about a one-time deal like you had a bad day and yelled once. I am talking about lifestyles and norms. Our goal in parenting should be to model heaven.

HEALING HUGS

My friend shared: “Our oldest was having a hard time tonight. Overtired, over being quarantined, whatever the reason, he was really struggling. My husband swooped in and gave him a hug that lasted probably 5 minutes. And all was well in the world again. As parents, knowing when a timeout or other discipline is needed is a skill. Or when it’s time for a long, wordless, healing hug, I’m thankful to witness my husband parent our kids this way – and I’m grateful that the Father of heaven also parents us with such kindness.”

SICK AND TIRED!

I hosted a parenting class and asked the parents why they were there. Seriously, there was a motivating factor that drove them to sign up. They wanted something. I encouraged them to dig deep and discover why they said yes to joining me. Around the room, the answers were the same, and my spirit was soaring with each response. Friends, we are entering a tipping point. One by one, parents stated they were SICK AND TIRED! Sick and tired of the fighting in their home, the disunity amongst siblings, the lack of respect, the lukewarm temperature of their hearts, the complacency, the addiction to screens, the fear of man – the pressure to perform, the weight of the atmosphere, the feeling like a victim to circumstances, and the lack of joy. Oh, my friends, it is good to be sick and tired of this in your homes. One by one, there is a tipping point of families joining the ranks of I WANT TO FOLLOW HIM WITH EVERYTHING I’VE GOT! It will cost you something, but you will gain everything He has to offer.

TIPPING POINT

There has been an ongoing issue we talk about in our family. The kids want one thing, and I want another. I have prayed, processed, and pondered, and my heart has not changed much on the subject. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to. It was just that I didn’t feel led. Finally, my daughter made a statement about it one more time, and I could physically feel a grace lifting off of me. Since then, we have been moving in that direction as a family. Her last comment was the TIPPING POINT. Tipping point – the point at which a series of small changes or incidents become significant enough to cause a larger, more important change. The Bible talks about a woman who asked, asked, and re-asked without much avail. But she went to ask one more time and finally got her answer. She is known as the Persistent Widow in Luke 18:1-8. 

DO NOT GET COMFORTABLE in this season. Many of us will find a new groove, embrace the new pace and rise to the occasion, but we cannot let that shrink our passionate prayers and crying out for God to reveal His glory in this hour. Your prayer – the one you have prayed 101 times – could be the tipping point that creates action and change. Keep praying!

SHE NEEDS CONNECTION

“It’s been a crazier kind of day. I didn’t play with my daughter 1:1 for very long before I had to get to an apt. After I returned, my son needed my full attention. Then my husband came home for lunch, and I was finally able to leave to pick up my car from the shop. So much happened, and I didn’t realize that my daughter was upset with me when I got home – and trying to get my attention. But I could see it was nap time, and physically she was beyond tired. I gave her a verbal heads up that nap time was happening, and she had a full-blown toddler tantrum for the first time ever. She’s had many, but never running into the room screaming NOO so gutturally. It was so loud and all of a sudden I was shocked! It could have sounded like defiance. But I heard so clearly, she needs more connection. And even though she resisted for a good 5 mins, I got her back, calmed, and apologized. I was able to play with her before she went to sleep, reassuring her I’d be here when she woke up and that we’d play together. She went from screaming “NO, MOMMA GO!” when I tried to get ready for the nap to sound asleep as I left her room. I could feel how easily I could have missed her needs cause it was a busy day. To encourage you mamas in the thick of tantrums. Just sitting here so thankful for Holy Spirit, your mentoring, Lisa, and our babies that help teach us and make us better.”

PEACEFUL HOMES

I want to encourage you to make a small yet significant shift in your parenting. First, switch your focus from trying to rid them of conflict to growing them to avoid the conflict. There is a radical difference between the two. Move from being a constant referee to being their teacher to set them up for success. Second, we cannot help someone if we first do not know what the issue is. The next time they are in conflict, instead of reacting, stop for a moment and watch what is going on. It is not about who has what toy, but rather issues of selfishness, impatience, lack of self-control, rudeness, etc. – pinpointing where your child needs to grow and mature is vital to helping them. Third, teach them what you want in times of peace. The Kingdom is righteousness, peace, and joy (Romans 14:17), and it is okay to teach and equip our children with the tools of JOY. Make it fun, be creative, and partner with joy in your parenting. Training in the times of peace will give you tools to use in the moments of conflict. Teaching during conflict has proven to be far less effective. Fourth, children are creative. You could tell them ‘NO’ all day long, and they will still come up with another creative way to do something. Focus 90% of your parenting on teaching and training in the times of peace what you DO want. Role-play what selfishness looks like at the table, in the car, with toys, and then model for them what you DO want from them during those situations. This empowers them with how to succeed. 

RIVER OF LIFE FOR PARENTING

I KNOW Let the Children Fly is successful and will transform families! This is not arrogance. This is confidence in the revelations God has shown us and how we have been able to share it with others. The fruit is immeasurable on this side of heaven, all that God has done in families through Let the Children Fly. I get scores of testimonies daily, and it is glorious watching parents apply the things learned, witness God’s hand, and have it increase their hunger for Him.

Years ago, someone suggested I write a book on how you can release the Kingdom through the children. Days later, that comment agitated me, and I asked the Lord why. He said, “If you write a book that says A+B=C, people will attempt to do it without Me. Not only will it fail to produce fruit, but they will conclude I do not work. It will be a form of legalism.” Nauseated by that thought, I asked Him what I should do then because releasing the Kingdom through the children IS what I do. He said, “Lisa, you have found a river of heaven for parenting. Do not lead people to follow after you. Lead them to the river so they too can create their own story with Me.” And that is exactly what we have done. He wants to do a new thing in your family (not a repeat of what He has done in mine).

What are you waiting for? Join our online Kingdom parenting class and gain the tools for yourself. Each day I will give you a reading assignment (many use it as a morning devotion), and then you will have the day to ponder and process. We do not strive for information but rather REVELATION. It is about your journey with Him, not an event. Join us today! Journey – ONLINE CLASS – Let the Children Fly

SUMMER

Words are important. God said let there be light and there was light.

Stop for a moment and dream about your ideal summer. What does it look like with connection and activities? How do you want to feel at the end of every day?

This is not a “name it -claim it” teaching, but a model of following our Father and speaking into existence that which is already available into the spirit realm.

Have a family meeting and together make declarations about what you want your summer to be about. Such as, “We will release joy everywhere we go.” “Our summer will be filled with joy.” “We will connect deeply as a family.” “We will love ourselves and others well.” “We will laugh daily.” “We will take responsibility for what is ours.” “We will grow as a family this summer.”

What we are declaring over our families becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. When our children hear us communicating that we are dreading the summer or we are so glad school is starting again, it communicates to them the wrong worth and value. Ask Holy Spirit to highlight any false declarations that you have been declaring over yourself, your parenting or your children for the summer months. Ask for forgiveness, if needed.

Flipping Mindsets – Summer is when you get to regroup and get a new vision for your family. You get to shake off all of the events of last year, re-calibrate as a family, go after character growth, learn new skills for life, grow deeper in your connections, and build memories.

Family Rules – 3 big things were lost in the Garden; our sense of BELONGING, our WORTH and our SECURITY. Whatever our household rules, boundaries, limits, or ‘no’s are with children, it must be done in a loving way that still intentionally communicates that they have a place where they belong, that they are incredibly valuable and important and that they are secure and safe. Things like disunity, arguments between parents, ongoing sibling conflict, atmosphere of worry and stress, anger, belittling, disrespect, and lack of intentional family time can all inflict the orphan spirit. I am not talking about a one-time deal like you had a bad day and yelled once. I am talking about lifestyles and norms. Our goal in parenting should be to model heaven.

Rules – Review your household core values and rules as a family. If your children cannot tell you what the rules are, then it will be hard to expect them to govern themselves by them. Play a round of charades acting out what honor, respect, kindness, etc. looks like.

Vision – What is the vision you have for your family? If you do not know what you are aiming for then you will parent inconsistently, which will produce inconsistent and frustrating results for the whole family.