LEAD LIKE A MOTHER

LEAD LIKE A MOTHER

  • Hurt In The Church

LEAD LIKE A MOTHER

I invited a gal to join me for the classes I was leading and knew she was hungry to serve and minister, so I looked for ways she could take steps and grow. She has a fierce prophetic anointing mixed with a breaker anointing. When she would give people words, she was so direct it was offensive. Thank goodness the people received from her okay, but I saw this and realized she could really hurt someone if she didn’t see how it was coming across. The following week we met for dinner before class. I thanked her for joining my classes and blessed the gift God has given her. I gave her positive affirmations, as there was much to point out that she was going great at. I said, “Would you be open to some feedback?” At that point, she was like a wet noodle having someone see and believe in her. I said, “I really love the way you hear God and have the confidence to share it. You see it so clearly and aren’t afraid to call it as you see it. When you said _____, it could have come across like you were exposing them and making them feel vulnerable in front of others. I would love to help you come up with ways you could say it to make sure the person can receive from you.” She got emotional and said that her whole life, she has encountered speaking the truth and people turning on her. 

Look, as a leader, either you love them enough as God’s sheep to help them grow mighty in their gifting, or you don’t. If there are parts of you operating in fear of man, fear of rejection, fear of conflict, or simply do not know how to give the gifts of a mother or father, then you need additional encounters with the Father so that you can increase your capacity in leading well. But to remain in a leadership position and refuse to help His sheep is like a parent who fails to train a child in an area they are struggling in. You can either do it in a proactive, loving way that communicates care about their growth, or you can clean up the mess later when they have hurt others because you failed to address it. This isn’t about doing it wrong. It is about helping them to do it right. I tell parents not to wait until their child sees porn to teach them about it. Help empower them so that the door is never opened. Help people in their gifts, weaknesses, and blind spots in the time of peace so that it doesn’t turn into a time of strife or conflict with others down the road.

OPERATING SYSTEM

Every family has an operating system. Some allow sugar all hours of the day, while others limit it to special occasions. Some let children make most of the decisions, others very few. Some have strong core values or connections, while others barely talk. Some discipline with actions, others with words. I dare say that many differences are okay because no two families are alike, and God is doing something unique in every generation. Each child has their own destiny and must be parented according to what He is doing. However, the church is not plural – it is singular – HIS! It is not your pastor’s house, his stage, or his ministry. It is the Father’s house. There is only ONE operating system of the church, and the manual, if you will, is found in His Word. He outlines who should lead, how one should lead, what to do when someone sins, and how to respond to people when they make a mess and when they are unrepentant. He gives us the tools of correction, discipline, and removal. He tells us how to respond and how not to respond. If we are called into His house, then we must follow His ways, not create our own. Why? WITCHCRAFT DOES NOT BELONG IN HIS HOUSE. Leaders who create their own house rules invite the demonic in His house. Let’s say Sarah is a new believer eager to serve the Lord. She is in a church where the leaders have their own system of doing things. Sarah doesn’t have the manual, according to Mr. Pastor, so she doesn’t really know what the rules are or what she is following. The only way she knows she has done it wrong in their eyes is when she does it wrong and gets in trouble for it. Pastors who have their own rules often lead with shame-based responses. Instead of being hungry to serve, Sarah is now scared to mess up but can’t for the life of her figure out what is right or wrong. All she knows is that she does not want to get in trouble again. Let’s say Johnny sins. He is a believer and therefore has the Holy Spirit deep at work within him to convict him of his choices that will not go well for him or bear the fruit he is designed to bear. We rob God’s children of Holy Spirit conviction when we create our own operating systems in the church because the Holy Spirit does not follow man’s ways. He only convicts when someone is violating God. When we do things God’s way, we invite the Holy Spirit to help shepherd His people.

LEADERS ON A JOURNEY

I messed up big time, and it wasn’t the first. And it probably won’t be the last. Sigh! The older I get, the more I see people, especially leaders, hurting people not because of their wounds but because they fail to have the revelation of who they are. It isn’t their wounds that hurt others. Their lack of walking in their identity, their power, and the fullness of who God created them to be has hurt others. I call this orphan leadership. Years ago, I was starting to lead people on my team, which was a new experience for me. As much as I wish God would perfect us before letting us put our toes in the water, He often puts us in situations, knowing full well they will stretch us, allowing us to GROW in our capacity. I roared when I should have remained silent. I disconnected when I should have fought for them. I assumed when I should have listened. I jumped when I should have waited. I blew it, and I hurt them. On one hand, I was justified as a leader for dealing with the issue that needed to be addressed, but it would take me nearly two years before I could see my contribution and where I needed to become more like Jesus in my leadership. OUCH! The process was painful. I wanted to reach out to this person but had a million reasons why it was too late and would just be weird. I kept hearing God say, “There is no expiration on forgiveness.” I sent them a message of ownership for my part and asked for their forgiveness. I could barely get through their response with the tears in my eyes. They wondered if I had missed them as much as they had missed me. The presence of God is strong when there is unity amongst His children. 

Friends, is there someone you have hurt and need to make it right with? You WILL be reconciled with your spiritual family one way or another, as there is no strife, pain, and disunity in heaven. But here’s the deal – you give God glory and honor by reconciling with someone ON EARTH that you can’t give to Him in heaven. Ask Jesus, “Jesus, will You please show me if there is anyone I need to make something right with and ask forgiveness?”

THE BRIDE

I had a vision that took my breath away. I saw a BRIDE who was so stunning. At first, I thought it was a mannequin, but I realized she was a living being that was frozen in place. Her dress was the most eloquent thing I ever saw. No lace or accessories, just a solid satin dress. The purity in her simplicity was captivating. The color was so white it was iridescent. As I looked closer, I saw tiny chunks of her dress were missing. It looked like Swiss cheese. How odd. I knew it wasn’t a style of fashion, but that something was really wrong. I heard the Lord say, “Those missing parts are my children who were pushed out, removed, or banned from my Body.” 

We spend so much effort climbing mountains to be influencers, yet if we would only spend half as much time going after the ones who are already believers but have been sent away, we would see a resurrection of His Body on earth like never before. While salvation should always be on our hearts, we also need to burn for those who never got a chance to live in the Body on the other side of salvation. 

Pray and ask God to show you if there is anyone in your circle who represents the missing pieces of the Bride. Pray them back into the Body.

WHAT’S THE POINT?

The kids and I were praying for a friend walking through some deep hurts from their church. It was painful to see them hurting over what feels so unjust. We were reminded of some of our own experiences with imperfect leaders. Interactions with those in authority shape our spiritual development. One of the kids said, “Mom, really, what’s the point of church? People can just go to Jesus on their own.” It was a real and honest statement from a child who has seen the ‘ugly’ side of the church. I was moved to tears and said, “No, no, no, child. The church is Jesus, and we come to worship Him, not man. Just because man has been imperfect in leading like Jesus doesn’t mean we turn on the church. We love, honor, and respect the church, AND we walk through hurts, disappointments, and being misunderstood.” I realized in that moment how many children grow up resenting the church, not just from their own experience but from witnessing the church bring pain to their parents.

If being hurt by the church is something you have experienced, it is imperative that you walk through it with your children so that they do not gain a warped view of the church. I explained that the church is Jesus’ Body, just like we have a liver, spleen, nose, eyes, hair, arms, etc. The church is made up of all sorts of different people. Just because the liver is weak doesn’t mean we give up on the whole body. We pray for the liver to be healed and whole, but we don’t give up on it. The church is family, and we do not discard family just because they are imperfect.

We owe it to the next generation to invite, bridge, and restore them to the church!

DO NOT PLAY THE GAME

As a parent, how does this story make you feel? Johnny walks up to his younger sister, minding her own business, punches her, and then tells her she doesn’t belong in the family. OUCH! What if mom walked in and got all the other siblings against Johnny, making him feel like the outsider, as if his bad attitude meant he no longer belonged? This is the recipe for some serious family dysfunction and pain. Johnny’s behavior clearly needs to be addressed because it is not in alignment with God’s heart, but he is operating out of being an orphan and needs the love of a Father, not rejection. This would not be okay in our family and should not be okay in God’s family. Can’t you see? It is not a gay/straight, John/Beth, He said/She said, Kanye/Church, Pastor/Flock issue. This is a dividing issue from the enemy bent on destroying God’s family. DO NOT PLAY THE GAME. Do not pick sides. Do not pick a winner because if there is a winner, there must be a loser, and we do not treat family that way. 

There are only two camps of people – those who are Sons/Daughters and those who are still operating as orphans (even Christians can be orphans). If Johnny does not have eyes to see his sister’s worth, then he needs a revelation from God. The Bible says people cannot see because they have scales on their eyes. Isaiah 44:18 reads, “They know nothing, they understand nothing; their eyes are plastered over so they cannot see, and their minds closed so they cannot understand.” Your prayers that the scales from a brother’s eyes be removed will be more effective than your social media posts against him. If you are taking sides and have not prayed for the scales to be removed from his eyes, then you could very well be just as guilty of participating in dividing God’s family. We are ONE family. ONE Body. If a brother and sister argue, they need love, not sides. I ache over the words spoken against family members, but I want to be an agent of restoration (through prayer), not further division. Which side are you on? Neither! We are on the same side, serving the same God as ONE Body.

FEELING DISPLACED?

So many are in this odd, unfamiliar place, questioning if they are backslidden or have lost their faith. It feels awkward, confusing, and a tad scary. They feel like they are wandering around and unsure of which direction to go. As a watchman for families, I wanted to take 5 minutes to explain what I see happening. You will be able to partner with God so much easier when you flip your mindset from “What is wrong?” to “What is God wanting to make right?” Count it pure joy, my friend, that you are being called to transition.

Do you feel displaced? by Lisa Max – Let the Children Fly! (anchor.fm)

I BLESS THIS MESS!

God knit your child in HIS image but with YOU in mind. He knows what you did and didn’t get in childhood and continues to parent you through your children. Parenting seems to be just fine until you have that one child who challenges you to the core. Is something wrong with the child? More times than not, no! God knit that child together in a way that aligns, restores, and heals things in you. This child is not a ‘black sheep’. This child is being used by God to change something in YOU. You can either spend the next 18 years shutting them down and disciplining them, OR you can heal what God is revealing through them.

The church is about to enter its messiest season ever. God does not make black sheep and knows what He is doing when He brings people together in the church. We have become masters at looking good, but underneath, people are bleeding. The amount of hurt in the church, youth who walk away, and spiritual abortions performed are staggering, and God is dealing with His family. Our wakeup call has already been sounded! We have endured the ‘time out’! Now that we are coming back together, we will see messes in the church like never before BY GOD’S DESIGN! He is exposing operating systems that need to be aligned with His Kingdom. He is revealing where leaders are leading from orphan places. He is highlighting areas where impurities have been allowed in. He is giving eyes to see patterns and cycles that are not bearing fruit. It is time to put away our spanking sticks in the church and discipline those GOD IS USING to create the change. 

Nothing brings more chaos to a home than siblings. Nothing brings more training and character development than siblings (by God’s design). Nothing brings more chaos to a church than sibling conflict. Nothing brings more training and character development than taking those messes and allowing God to reveal, heal, restore, and deliver. 

God is purifying His church and getting us ready, but we will miss it if we fail to see the areas He is cleaning up.

UNWANTED BABIES UNITE

 I remember the story of a mom who adopted a girl from China, where the abortion rate of girls is high. These precious human babies were unwanted and were expected to be aborted, but for different reasons, they were born full-term and adopted by American families. These girls grew up and united in their efforts to change their homeland. They were tossed aside as invaluable, but their deep resilience has caused them to unite together and be part of the change. Do not underestimate those who have been dismissed and tossed aside. They were never lost to God. I see those dismissed in the church coming back with a vengeance but not to pay back. To bring back what was lost and missing in His House.

TURNING HEARTS

If the church is supposed to be run by mature believers who operate as spiritual mothers and fathers (not rockstars, not celebrities, not high and mighty religious leaders, not business managers, not spiritual orphans), then doesn’t this verse apply to churches too? Malachi 4:6 – “He will turn the hearts of the parents to their children, and the hearts of the children to their parents; or else I will come and strike the land with total destruction” (NLT). “He will convince parents to look after their children and children to look up to their parents. If they refuse, I’ll come and put the land under a curse” (MSG).

What if part of the last days includes the hearts of those in the church being restored to the ‘parents’ of the church who have turned the children away? Or those in the church family who have judged and walked away in offense? Could you imagine the POWER in the Body coming back together to be united as His Bride to defeat the works of the enemy? Could you imagine the scores of people hurt in the church having moments of forgiveness and healing? Could you imagine the power of the blood when spiritual sons and fathers, daughters and mothers are restored? Could you imagine the joy on the Father’s face to see His children working things out? IF NOT… the Lord gives a promise of what will happen.