Three big things were lost in the Garden: our sense of BELONGING, our WORTH, and our SECURITY. Whatever our household rules, boundaries, limits, or ‘no’s are with the children, it must be done in a loving way that still intentionally communicates that they have a place where they belong, that they are incredibly valuable and important, and that they are secure and safe. Disunity, arguments between parents, ongoing sibling conflict, atmospheres of worry and stress, anger, belittling, disrespect, and lack of intentional family time can all inflict the Orphan Spirit. I am not talking about a one-time deal like you had a bad day and yelled once. I am talking about lifestyles and norms. Our goal in parenting should be to model heaven.
I have often been encouraged to write a book about all the ways one could release the Kingdom through children. While I love the idea, I believe that it has the potential to feed many people’s religious spirit. If they just go through a book and do 1, 2,3, they might bear some fruit but will miss the connection with God that our heart desires. I believe the greater calling is simply to help parents flip some of their old mindsets that may be super religious but are not of the Father’s heart. Once their mindsets are in alignment with heaven, the flow becomes endless of how we can play in the Kingdom based on our own specific calling, destiny, and unique family design. There is *never* going to be a perfect month for you to put your family first as there will always be busyness and distractions, but I strongly believe that NOW is the time to widen your journey with Him in your parenting.
I had the privilege of ministering to a group of moms in an 18-month rehab program for drugs and alcohol. I wasn’t sure exactly how it would go when I said yes, but I have to say these mamas have stolen my heart, and I have fallen in love with them. They are so hungry for change and transformation. One precious mom sobbed the week before telling me of her daughter’s outbursts and anger. She would get so triggered by her daughter she would have to leave the room. I gave her tools and taught her how to partner with Holy Spirit in her parenting. The next week, she was so excited to tell me that her daughter had another meltdown, and while she was leaving the room, she could see her daughter NEEDING her (before all she could see was the anger), so she went back to her and just held her. She said out loud, “Spirit of rejection, I command you to leave my daughter,” and her daughter went limp and said, “Mommy, what did you just do to me?” OH my goodness! She walked in her God-given authority over the spirit tormenting her daughter and got free. Jesus!
We can parent our children by standing OVER them and using our authority in a way that dominates and uses fear (of your disapproval, punishment or lack) as a motivator to control. We do this through scolding, yelling, harsh punishments, disconnection, ill words, anger, and withholding. OR we can use our authority to get UNDER our children and see their weakness as an area we get to empower them and help them grow and learn. We do this through teaching in the time of peace, connection, kindness, encouraging words, tangible skills and solutions, believing in them, cheering them on and expecting more of them.
In January 1936, the King of England died. Following royal protocol, his eldest son assumed the throne, becoming King Edward the Eighth. But in December of that same year, only months into his reign, King Edward stunned the nation when he formally abdicated the country’s throne and the many benefits of royalty. What is especially alarming is the phrasing of the official decree, which ended in these haunting words: “I, Edward the Eighth … renounce the Throne for Myself and for My descendants.” Imagine. With one stroke of the pen, this man sealed his fate and the fate of his children and grandchildren for generations into the future.
As parents, we, too, occupy a throne in the sense that God has given us a position of authority in our kids’ lives. We mustn’t renounce that influence. Children don’t need us to be their friends – someone telling them what they want to hear. They need a parent – an authority figure willing to speak the truth into their lives. Of course, we should listen to our children and consider their views carefully, but our kids should not be allowed to run the home. That’s our God-given responsibility. So, take the lesson of King Edward to heart. Abdicating your authority could risk your kids’ future for generations to come.
Testimony from a parent taking our online JOURNEY class: “I see an improvement with my son already since starting this class. We went to a nearby park, and a random kid came to me and said my son slapped him for no reason. When I asked my son what happened, he said that was true, and the reason was that he wanted to be playful. I couldn’t comprehend, and I knew I couldn’t just discipline him or try to make him think differently. So we went on a walk and asked Holy Spirit what was going on in his heart. He felt Holy Spirit was saying the same thing that he intended to be playful and then later said that he thought that was a good way to start playing with kids – by hurting them and apologizing and then they would be talking to each other. This was the key! My old tool was to have him apologize and sit out for a while and promise to be kind. That wouldn’t have worked. When we stepped away to talk to Holy Spirit, we saw that on the fence of the park were pictures drawn by kids of dragons, monsters, and a scary clown. I felt right away that there was a presence invited onto the playground through the art displayed. I asked my son what he thought about those pictures, and then we asked Holy Spirit what presence was here that needed to go. We took authority over the presence my son felt was on the playground and commanded it to go, and we invited Holy Spirit to come and be in charge of us and the kids. I love how God gives me opportunities to practice what I am learning here!”
Many of you are aware that the heartbeat of Let the Children Fly is to better equip parents for their parenting journey. We are mind, body, and spirit. While all matter, we go after parenting in the spiritual realm and empower parents to partner with their child’s Creator. We do not want you to simply get some additional information. We want you transformed! We do not want you to come once. We want to partner with you for the next 18 years! We do not want you to model your family after others. We want you to find the unique rhythm and call on your family. We do not want to tell you all the answers. We want to usher you to the One who knows it all.
Words are important. God said let there be light and there was light.
Stop for a moment and dream about your ideal summer. What does it look like with connection and activities? How do you want to feel at the end of every day?
This is not a “name it -claim it” teaching, but a model of following our Father and speaking into existence that which is already available into the spirit realm.
Have a family meeting and together make declarations about what you want your summer to be about. Such as, “We will release joy everywhere we go.” “Our summer will be filled with joy.” “We will connect deeply as a family.” “We will love ourselves and others well.” “We will laugh daily.” “We will take responsibility for what is ours.” “We will grow as a family this summer.”
What we are declaring over our families becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. When our children hear us communicating that we are dreading the summer or we are so glad school is starting again, it communicates to them the wrong worth and value. Ask Holy Spirit to highlight any false declarations that you have been declaring over yourself, your parenting or your children for the summer months. Ask for forgiveness, if needed.
Flipping Mindsets – Summer is when you get to regroup and get a new vision for your family. You get to shake off all of the events of last year, re-calibrate as a family, go after character growth, learn new skills for life, grow deeper in your connections, and build memories.
Family Rules – 3 big things were lost in the Garden; our sense of BELONGING, our WORTH and our SECURITY. Whatever our household rules, boundaries, limits, or ‘no’s are with children, it must be done in a loving way that still intentionally communicates that they have a place where they belong, that they are incredibly valuable and important and that they are secure and safe. Things like disunity, arguments between parents, ongoing sibling conflict, atmosphere of worry and stress, anger, belittling, disrespect, and lack of intentional family time can all inflict the orphan spirit. I am not talking about a one-time deal like you had a bad day and yelled once. I am talking about lifestyles and norms. Our goal in parenting should be to model heaven.
Rules – Review your household core values and rules as a family. If your children cannot tell you what the rules are, then it will be hard to expect them to govern themselves by them. Play a round of charades acting out what honor, respect, kindness, etc. looks like.
Vision – What is the vision you have for your family? If you do not know what you are aiming for then you will parent inconsistently, which will produce inconsistent and frustrating results for the whole family.
A young boy stole some candy from his mom’s closet. She knew it, but he denied it. It is hard for a parent to know they are being lied to, but she trusted God would work it out. A while later, she went to him and expressed that she was disappointed and called out that he was a truth teller, but he continued to deny it. She remained in SHALOM despite the chaos. Finally, before bed, he came to her and confessed. He explained how candy tastes so good, and he wanted it so bad. She asked him, “Really? How good is that candy tasting knowing that you had to lie to get it and break connection?” He acknowledged it wasn’t very sweet after all.
This is an outstanding example of partnering with the Holy Spirit in our parenting and giving Him room to work on our children.
The other thing I want to point out is that the above interaction is how to train boys in purity. There is an emotional element to it for girls, but for boys, there is a self-control element. He is learning just because he wants something, or it feels good doesn’t mean it is worth the cost or right.
Want to give your children a gift today? Read through Psalms 139: 1-18 with them at the breakfast table. This is a powerful revelation of the goodness of God and rebukes the lie that we are alone. Anchor them today in His Word.
The goal is not to use spiritual tools to ‘fix’ our children. The goal is to lead our children to an encounter with their Father!