JOY RETURNS

JOY RETURNS

  • Single Parenting

JOY RETURNS

I promise you this is true, but more so He promises it.

Psalms 30:1-5 (MSG) – “I give you all the credit, God – you got me out of that mess, you didn’t let my foes gloat. God, my God, I yelled for help and you put me together. God, you pulled me out of the grave, gave me another chance at life when I was down-and-out. All you saints! Sing your hearts out to God! Thank him to his face! He gets angry once in a while, but across a lifetime there is only love. The nights of crying your eyes out give way to days of laughter.”

WHAT EVERY MAN NEEDS TO KNOW

For Christmas one year, I gave Hudson a little book called “What Every Man Needs to Know” that listed things like how to build a fire, ask a girl out, how to fart, etc. It was supposed to be a joke, and I thought he would laugh. Instead, he read it cover to cover and earmarked all of the things listed in the book that he didn’t yet know how to do. My heart was gripped by the way he saw the need to be instructed in the areas of becoming a man. I knew I needed to respond, but I didn’t feel comfortable asking a single man to take on that role. I asked Hudson to make a list of the top 20 things he wanted to learn, and I asked God for a solution. I knew I couldn’t just step in and teach him as it was something that needed to come from a man, not his mother. My mind began to flip through the countless incredible men in our lives who I, as a mother, honor, respect, and trust. I began to reach out to each of them and told them the story of the book and Hudson’s list. I asked them if they would be willing to pick one thing on the list and teach and empower Hudson in that area. Oh, let me tell you how these men have risen to the occasion. Hudson has learned how to tie a tie, build a fire, change a tie, drive a car (yes, he took him out and let him drive his car!), cut down trees, burn a massive bonfire, drive a tractor, build things, change the oil in a car, replace wipers, roast hot dogs (without burning them), run a business, make money, throw knives, shoot a gun, sail a boat, go fishing, fix a bike tire, dress like a man (I loved this lesson), one man even gave him a talk about how to treat girls with respect. I am in awe over the rich men in our community who are willing to take time out of their busy lives and families to help a boy become a man.

STAY IN THE FRYING PAN

Staying in the frying pan. This is probably one of the most challenging things for a person walking through the ache and pain of a divorce, but one of the most essential. God meets us in these places like no other seasons. It is where the bitter becomes sweet, the pain turns into joy and mourning turns into the morning.

LYING TO YOURSELF

One of my daughters was working through some stuff with her father and made the decision not to connect with him when the opportunity presented itself. It is a hard dance to know how to parent a child with heart splinters, when to push, and when to take your hands off. I asked God for help, and it came to me while worshiping in church. I embraced her and shared with her what He told me. God commands you to honor your father but wants you to know that part of honoring your father is staying true to your heart and not lying about your process. While I cannot encourage her to keep this wall between her and him, she has come a long way from being the girl with a smile on her face and tears in her eyes. She has fought hard to be honest with herself about how she feels, and the fact she was setting a boundary for her heart was a good thing. It is a sign that she is no longer willing to lie to herself for someone else’s profit. God is proud of her for the hard heart work she has done over the years to be fully alive. She sat down with tears streaming down her face. In all honesty, the parts that hurt her the most about her relationship with him are the parts of him that are so shut down and unable to engage. She realized at that moment that God healed her of the very thing in him. Part of honoring our mother and father is becoming the fullest expression of who God made us to be! 

MEANING OF A DANDELION

Surely Dandelion is an odd name for a class, I know, but the meaning was too rich. Let’s take a peek at what it means.

The white fuzz is attached to the seed and acts as a parachute. A parachute allows a heavy object to land gently.

The wind catches the seeds and carry it great distances.

Dandelion translates to dent-de-lion in French, and means “the lion’s tooth”. This symbolic meaning of a lion, which deals with courage, pride, family.

The symbolic meaning of a tooth is wisdom.

Interestingly enough the dandelion is also a sun (son) symbol.

A bare dandelion stalk is known as a ‘puff,’ and it symbolizes letting go of the past.

It can also represent resilience and rebirth.

Dandelions have one of the longest flowering seasons of any plant.

Seeds travel a great distance and can be carried as many as 5 miles from their origin.

While it may be considered a useless weed, I find a dandelion to be full of life, resilience, and power. You may find yourself on a path you never dreamed of, but only God can take that and turn into something so beautiful. You and your children may be walking through some barren seasons, but God can carry you further than you imagined and cause amazing things to bloom in the midst of it. Just watch and see what happens when He blows on the seeds planted.

ON GOD’S SIDE

I am not one to run from God; in fact, I run to Him in my times of trouble and distress. He has always been my safety pole, and I hold on for dear life.

When my husband first left, I had a gross picture in my mind of Jesus sitting on a rock holding both of us on each knee. He had this perma grin smile on His face looking back and forth and us. It was gross. I began to feel this deep disgust coming over my heart toward God, and it scared me because I usually do run TO HIM, not from Him.

I called a mentor and confessed that I was worried my heart was growing hardened with God. If God loved him, I am not sure God was safe and that I wanted to trust my heart to Him anymore. She said, “Oh no, Lisa. God loves him deeply as He created him. He is passionate about him, but God is not on either of your sides. He is ONLY on the side of righteousness.” And with that something slapped back into alignment deep in my heart and I craved whatever was righteous. It shaped the outcome of my divorce and every decision I made (I didn’t turn into a doormat, but I filtered everything through ‘what does righteousness look like in this situation?’).

I WILL KNOW WHAT TO DO

Our city was once attacked by a raging wildfire that in the end destroyed over 1,200 homes and killed eight people. I was at a friend’s house when the message came that we were being evacuated. I raced back home to grab our animals and papers and from my back window, I could see the fire tornado coming our way. My knees began to give way as the magnitude of the stress was more than my body could carry. I remember thinking there was no way I could go out because then my four kids would be left alone in the house with the fire coming. I heard in my spirit so loud and clear, “You will always know what to do,” and at that moment my knees strengthened, and I was able to get the children out and to safety.

If Christ lives inside of you, then you will always know what to do.

I found declaring this over me has been a lifeline during many very challenging decisions.

Write out, put it on a sticky note, set a reminder on your phone, but declare with faith that Christ in you will always lead you.

I WILL KNOW WHAT TO DO!

HAND HIM THE BROOM

I am pretty good at processing my heart. Messy emotions don’t make me uncomfortable, and I know how to press into them for growth and freedom. But divorce kicked my bum in this area. I felt stuck and unable to know how even to process my emotions, much less do something about them. I have always had older female mentors speaking into my life, and I leaned on them heavily this season, but I had this insane desire to find a non-Christian male counselor. I wanted to get feedback outside of my usual circle. I only went once because I got what I needed in my first meeting. I was lamenting about all of the issues between my ex-husband and how I just wanted to put a pretty bow on it and THEN divorce. I hated the unresolved conflict because I didn’t want to leave things so messy. He said to me, “Lisa, the meaning of divorce is unfinished business. If it were resolved, you wouldn’t be getting a divorce. You need to learn to be okay with not having it cleaned up.” Whoa… It freed me from the broom in my hand that so desperately wanted to clean up every area of the mess and make it neat again. My heart couldn’t partner with throwing the broom on the floor and walking away. Instead, I decided to give my broom to Jesus to deal with the mess as He chose best. It was one of the most challenging aspects of my divorce, yet one of the most freeing. 

“Jesus, I hand You the broom to clean up my mess and to turn my mistakes, immaturity, and weakness into something beautiful. I hand over all the files and ask that You deal with them according to Your power and grace. I no longer hold myself captive to a mess that is too big for me to clean up.” 

Romans 8:28 – “And we know that in all things, God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

Perhaps you are not going through a painful divorce, but maybe you have an ending relationship, were let go from a job you loved, or are strained with your adult children. If there are issues that are undealt with, and it is causing you added pain, hear this: Your job is to LOVE Him. His job is to pick up the broom.

FINDING MY HUSBAND

We became a solo family two weeks before Christmas. I went to bed Christmas Eve but woke around 2am thirsty. I don’t need much sleep but getting out of bed for a glass of water was out of the question. The thirst persisted. I finally got up and stumbled to the kitchen, where my feet hit the standing water from the dishwasher that had leaked. I was so thankful to have found it then, as it would have ruined our hardwood flooring and seeped into the basement had it been left for Christmas morning. I cleaned it up in the dark, sat on the kitchen floor, and wept. There was no way I had an ounce of energy left in me to wash dishes three times a day for five people. I felt so alone and overwhelmed. I told God I wasn’t stupid but honestly didn’t know who to call to repair it. An electrician? A plumber? Another wave of tears came as I embraced my hopelessness. I wasn’t even sure I knew where to buy a new one. Home Depot? Did Sears carry them? My husband would have known with ease how to handle this situation, but he wasn’t there, and my cluelessness was reducing me to another wet pile of tears on the kitchen floor. I suddenly remembered the verse that talked about God being my Husband. I dried my tears and said, “Okay, YOU are now my Husband. We have a problem with our dishwasher. What are You going to do about it?” Three days later, I ran the dishwasher, and it never leaked again. A place in my heart was created that Christmas for God to become my Husband, my faithful, know-it-all, can-fix-it Husband. I no longer operated in spiritual singleness. FAITH is the wedding band that activates His power, peace, and solutions in my life.

ENCOURAGEMENT

While you may be going through a change, it is a lie that you are alone. On this day, God calls you His. Anchor yourself daily in this truth.

Declare this out loud, “I am not alone. God is with me.” Say it again and again and again until the eyes of your heart get it.

Hosea 2:16 (NIV) – “In that day,” declares the LORD, “you will call me ‘my husband’ you will no longer call me ‘my master.'”

Hosea 2:16 (MSG) – “At that time” – this is God’s Message still – “you’ll address me, ‘Dear husband!’ Never again will you address me, ‘My slave-master!’ I’ll wash your mouth out with soap, get rid of all the dirty false-god names, not so much as a whisper of those names again.”

NOVOCAIN

Novocain – drug used to decrease pain.

We all know what pain killers are and we gladly volunteer for it at the doctor’s office. It makes sense why someone would not want to endure a dental procedure without it. Why would you?

It also makes sense why people would want Novocain to dull the pain when going through a divorce, but I strongly encourage you to forgo the pain management and let it hurt.

Such unusual counsel, I know! Let me explain.

Novocain during a divorce looks like: sex, alcohol, shopping sprees, dressing revealing, chat rooms, porn sites, casual sex, social media addiction, endless eating, gambling, dressing like a teen, buying a sports car and on and on.

So why do I strongly encourage you to forgo the pain management and let it hurt? While those things may numb or dull your pain for the moment, when they wear off, the pain will only INCREASE! Some discomfort is meant to be felt SO THAT true healing can occur. If we walked around drugged all the time, we wouldn’t be able to discern when our fingers are touching a hot stove, or our stomach is producing pangs out of hunger.

Whatever pain you are feeling from your situation, it is there for a reason and God wants room and time to HEAL the pain, not just make it go away. Failure to do so means you will only carry the covered over pain into the next relationship and God bless the man or woman that touches that scab. It is why second marriages have such a low success rate.

The best thing you can do for yourself is let it hurt and get that pain all out. God will meet you as you seek Him. I promise you; it will not last forever. You are not trapped in pain forever. The enemy wants you to think that you are dying of emotional distress and therefore need to medicate your soul, but the truth is, the only way to lessen the pain is to FEEL IT.

I want to give testimony that the peace, joy, and wholeness on the other side is full of lush fruit one cannot birth through painkillers and numbing agents. I think one of the hardest things is to see your life partner moving on so quickly but trust me (oh, please trust me) when I say there is nothing to be jealous of when someone has to clean up another person’s mess. You are doing your heart, children, and future a massive favor by allowing the healing process to occur.

I am sorry for the pain you are feeling.

It is not okay that someone didn’t treat your heart the way God intended.

It makes me angry that you and your children are having to walk this out right now.

You deserve to be loved, honored and cherished.