JESUS IS OUR PEACE

JESUS IS OUR PEACE

  • Connection, Sibling Connection

JESUS IS OUR PEACE

Ephesians 2:14 – “For he himself is our peace, who has made the two groups one and has destroyed the barrier, the dividing wall of hostility.”

This word is in reference to the Jews and Gentiles and the relationships of the five-fold ministry, all working together, not divided. If this verse is for nations and opposing people groups, SURELY, it is applicable to our families as well. Next time you have two sibling groups that are walking in disunity and conflict, show them this verse and remind them that Jesus is their peace and He has destroyed the inability to work together!!!!!

15-MINUTE DATES

A mom from our online Kingdom parenting class shares this powerful strategy to connect with her children. I wish parents could see that God uses our children to align, heal, and restore what was stolen, lost, or hurt in our own childhood. This is His design for family restoration. 

She shares: “I hinder my connection with my children at times by making myself distant or unavailable. I do this because I become overwhelmed and stressed and just want to disconnect from ‘parenting.’ My folks were this way to an extreme when I was growing up. In the last month or so, I have begun to dedicate 15 minutes per day with each kiddo just to connect with them. I knew this would be good for my kids, but I have been astounded by how much that has helped me feel at ease, more confident, intentional, and joyful again. I went through a season where I literally forgot how to have FUN with them! All I could see was all the work, and I was sorely burned out. He is restoring my heart.”

CELEBRATION TIME

Why not grab a balloon, pack a picnic lunch, or pick up some cupcakes and tell the kids it is time to CELEBRATE just how much they have not only endured but overcame this season.

PEACE IS MY GUIDE

I have a rule in my house – if I cannot participate in something and remain in peace, then I will not do it. As a result, I have had to say no, or decline many good things. I have made the choice not to allow even some good things to rob me of my peace or connection with my children.

HELPING KIDS LOVE

I often buy fun treats or trinket toys and give them to one of my children to give to their siblings, adding their own ‘creative flair’ to communicate love. For example, my oldest made some lovely notes for her siblings and put some sweet treats on their beds for them to come home to after school. I believe that by assisting them with ideas that communicate love to one another, they are strengthening their sibling relationships and learning how to communicate love to their friends, future spouse, and their children someday. I want them to be people who know how to love well!

MAKING MEMORIES

How many of you have memories of your childhood? Is it super powerful and amazing to think that TODAY you have the power to create a memory that will stay with your children for the rest of their lives?  The best memories rarely have to do with how much money was spent, how Pinteresty it looked, or how big it was. Instead, they generally circle around how deep they feel seen, heard, and valued.

WATERING A WILTED HEART

Have you ever seen a plant that just desperately needs a drink? My daughter looked that way to me, so I told the others to find something to do for 30 minutes while I had an in-home date with her. I told her to meet me in the rec room in 5 minutes. She had no idea what was happening but was waiting for me. I walked in, handed her a drink, and told her I just wanted her all to myself for a few moments. Then, I asked her about her heart, life, friends, and school. When we were done 15 minutes later, her comment was, “I feel so alive.”

Just because we are with our kids ALL the time doesn’t mean we have their hearts. Ask Holy Spirit how you can creatively water their heart today in a unique and meaningful way.

LOOKING BACK

I want you to look back for a moment. Do you have siblings? How was your connection with them as a child? Were you taught to respect and love each other? Were strife, conflict, and physical violence tolerated? Did you feel like you belonged? Were you accepted? What things did your parents do that cultivated your relationship with them? Looking back, what things do you wish your parents would have done to help with your relationships with your siblings? This is important because you are deciding what things you want to keep in your generational line and what things you want to change. Siblings matter because they are part of God’s plan for family. God, Jesus, and Holy Spirit are ONE, yet they all have different characteristics to them. Such as, my son is one human, but he is a son, brother, and friend. He relates differently as a son than he does as a friend. Family is so dear to God because the earthly family mimics the nature of Himself, Jesus, and Holy Spirit. Our earthly father is where we get our sense of identity (who we are), being provided for, and protection, which is a reflection of the character of God, our Provider, and Father. Our earthly mother is whom we get our comfort, nurture, and learn about life from, which is a reflection of the character of Holy Spirit, our Helper, Teacher, and Comforter. It is through siblings that we get our sense of BELONGING, which is a reflection of the character of Jesus, our Companion, and Friend. When siblings are not taught, trained, and expected to get along, it affects their deep sense of belonging in the world. There is great insecurity inside of them when those closest to them are allowed to reject them. The fact that there is conflict isn’t the issue (and is not a reflection of you being a bad parent). The conflict in itself is actually quite normal. Children have flesh that is selfish and self-seeking. Part of parenting is equipping our children with the tools to GROW. The conflict isn’t a reflection of anything ‘wrong’ but rather highlighting areas in which you, the parent, have some work to do to teach and equip them.

I WASN’T LISTENING

I love, love, love when moms write to me with their excitement over partnering with Holy Spirit in their parenting. 

A mom shares: “I want to thank you for all of your posts about letting the Holy Spirit guide you in parenting. My son was having a serious meltdown this morning because of a change in plans for the weekend. As he was screaming at me, I thought I needed to pray and listen to what he was really trying to say. I asked him again what he was really upset about, and he told me, ‘Their dogs.’ He was afraid to stay at his cousin’s house because of their dogs. But I wasn’t listening. I was just trying to make plans and move on. I have yet to take any of your classes, but the Lord is using you through your posts to work on my heart and how I parent. Thank you.”

RUNNING ON FUMES

What happens when the tanks run low? While everyone will experience an ebb and flow with their love tank when a person, especially a child, runs on a low love tank as the norm, it can open them up to greater issues and wreak havoc on the growth of their mind, body, and spirit. A low tank makes them susceptible to the following: Isolation – physical, mental, or emotional; Negative words that stick; Unhealthy choices; Orphan behavior – begging and striving; Acting out (negative attention is better than none at all); Aggression; Anger; Building walls to protect their heart; Disconnection; Miss the healthy training ground with siblings; Feeling unsafe; Taught to conform to someone else’s expectations. 

When the tanks are filled on a regular basis, it creates an environment where: They are safe and protected; Can try new things without the fear of failure; Negative words roll off their back; Are free to be careful and joyful (a child’s nature); They are seen and heard; Trust you; It is safe to be themselves; Deep sense of belonging; Have the courage to do brave things; Increase the will to overcome and endure.

The Word says if you have EVERYTHING (money, fame, status, awards, a big house, a perfect-looking family, IG followers, Pinterest-worthy snacks, A+ students, fancy cars, leadership titles, etc.), but have no love, you have NOTHING! Love matters because God designed our heart, mind, and soul to need it. May your parenting be defined by what matters the most – L-O-V-E!

LOVE COVERS YOUR SINS

1 Peter 4:8 tells us, “Above all, love each other deeply because love covers over a multitude of sins.” I also took that to mean that we should love those who are in sin because of the transformation that love can bring. But in parenting, I am seeing another dimension of God’s Word, which has messed me up on more than one occasion. Like many of you, I am walking out my own redemption story, and God is still doing a deep work in me. I don’t always do the things I desire to do with my children. I still have triggers, get upset and make messes. When I go back and make things right with my kids, I am blown away over and over and over again by how they respond. They are filled with so much grace and compassion for me that it makes no sense when you look at some of the messes I have made over the years. I had a season where I became concerned about their “Oh, it’s okay, Mom” responses and worried that maybe they were, to be honest, fearing me with their real heart. God showed me that because I go after love, connection, seeing them, giving them a voice, and communicating their importance regularly when I blow it, the love in their bank account covers it, and it is a bummer of a moment, but not a wound.

Parents, going after connection in times of peace stores up and covers you in those moments when you are walking out your own journey. This is obviously not a message about permission to make messes, but in reality, we all make them. This is a message that what you deposit into their hearts creates a currency that covers when you make a withdrawal.

I cannot encourage you strongly enough to get a copy of our HEART SPLINTERS book so that you can continue to work through your own journey. Order yours here! Heart Splinters BOOK – Let the Children Fly