INSTRUCTING VS. TEACHING

INSTRUCTING VS. TEACHING

  • Activities/Teachings, Kingdom Parenting

INSTRUCTING VS. TEACHING

Proverbs 22:6 – “Teach a child to choose the right path, and when he is older, he will remain upon it.”

Teach – verb 1. show or explain to (someone) how to do something. There is a difference between dictating laws and teaching them. Instructions can turn into rules/laws, which is legalism. Teaching is the verb of Jesus! Ex. A child steals something from the store. We can instruct our children that we don’t steal, or we can teach them WHY a loving Father doesn’t desire for His children to steal from others. Ex. A child hits his sister. We can discipline and reprimand the child for his behavior, or we can teach them HOW hitting affects others. Ex. A child doesn’t listen to you. We can pull out parenting tools of control and fear, or we can teach them WHAT obedience looks like. Are you instructing or teaching your children?

RISE ABOVE

Gather the family in the family room and share this story with them.

The only bird that dares to peck at an eagle is the crow. He sits on his back and bites his neck. However, the eagle does not respond or fight with the crow; it doesn’t waste time or energy on it! It simply opens its wings and begins to rise higher in the heavens. The higher the flight, the harder it is for the crow to breathe, and then the crow falls due to lack of oxygen. Stop wasting your time with the crows. Just take them to your heights, and they’ll fade. The enemy will sit behind your back and bite your neck… “but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint” (Isaiah 40:31).

Discuss ways they have encountered a pestering crow. It may be through siblings, friends, a hurtful situation, or a lie they believe. Ask, “Why is going higher so important?” Talk through specific ways they can rise above and hold their head up high like an eagle.

In the days ahead, when they are dealing with pesky crows, remind them of this teaching and together ask Jesus how they can SOAR higher in that situation. In a world full of crows… be an eagle.

FUNNEL PARENTING

Picture a funnel. Do you give your child so much freedom at an early age and then, as the year’s progress, begin to take away their freedom? Or do you start with smaller freedoms and gradually increase it as they display self-control to be able to use freedom wisely? Oftentimes, parents have this mentality that if they put restrictions on their small child, they are breaking their spirit, harnessing them, and controlling them. I beg to differ. When we allow our children to do whatever they want whenever they want, we are teaching them that the world is open and free. While that may be a perfect world, it is not the reality in which they live. The truth is if they steal, they will go to jail. If they speed, they will pay a fine. If they do not pay taxes, the IRS will knock on their door. The world is full of consequences and models God’s principle of reaping and sowing. There will be a time when you will have to say NO to your child, yet the more you teach them they can have whatever they want whenever they want it, the harder the battle will be for them when reality hits. Let’s flip the funnel upside down and limit their freedom as they have the self-control to manage themselves. We do not allow a one-year-old to climb the stairs because their little legs are not strong enough to carry them. We do not allow a ten-year-old to drive a car because it will create greater harm. The same applies to our parenting. You are not stifling them; you are building them up for success for the long haul.

P.S. Teenagers do not like their freedoms taken away! You will have fewer battles down the road if you start out small and build upon them. Entitlement is a tricky thing to break.

WHOLE FATHERS

A dad came to me for parent coaching because they were having issues with their son. While the son was indeed behaving in a way that brought great chaos, as we partnered with Holy Spirit, it revealed a significant trauma the dad went through as a young boy. I watched as this adult man walked through the very hard and painful healing process. My heart swelled with pride for his yes to do the hard heart work and fight for his freedom. Months later, they returned, still having issues with their son. Again, after partnering with Holy Spirit, it was revealed that a family secret was affecting not one but three generations. I watched as this dad continued to press into the hard and uncomfortable emotions to fight for freedom, not just for himself but for his own father. I was undone with emotion when I heard of the events that unfolded once he was willing to expose secrets and bring healing. So much breakthrough. I respect this father so much for his willingness to engage and be wildly uncomfortable as God was doing a good work in their family. I asked what his motivation was for pressing and showing up over and over. With tears in his eyes, he said, “For my children. If my father had fought half this hard, I wouldn’t have had the life I did. I do it for my children.”

Dads, may you do whatever it takes to fight for freedom for your family. Not sure how? Don’t know what that looks like? Sign up for PAPA’S POCKET. PAPA’S POCKET Tool Kit for Dads – Let the Children Fly

FULLY AND COMPLETELY

When I would tell the four kids to do something, they would obey right away, but only partially. So, I would call them back, and they would obey right away again, but still not finish. I was asking them FOUR times to complete the dishwasher, FIVE times to clean the bathroom all the way, THREE times for the floor, and I was about to go mad! I realized it was an issue of taking responsibility, so I asked Holy Spirit for a creative teaching tool. Ha! Do you know one of the names of Holy Spirit? TEACHER! He rocks at teaching the kids and loves to do it in a fun way. I called all the kids back and gave them a piece of paper to wad up. I then told them they had to put the paper in the bathroom (the furthest room from the living room). They were all like, “Okay, easy peasy.” Then I said, “But… you can only drop it, stoop down to get it, stand up, drop it again, stoop down to get it, stand up, drop it…” It was super funny about four times, but after that, they wanted to cry. They were clueless about why they were doing this; it was NOT fun. I called them all back into the living room and explained that that is how I feel when I ask them to do something and then have to call them back again and again to finish it. When they are instructed to do something, they must stick with it until it is done fully and completely.

SWEET CANDY

A young boy stole some candy from his mom’s closet. She knew it, but he denied it. It is hard for a parent to know they are being lied to, but she trusted God would work it out. A while later, she went to him and expressed that she was disappointed and called out that he was a truth teller, but he continued to deny it. She remained in SHALOM despite the chaos. Finally, before bed, he came to her and confessed. He explained how candy tastes so good, and he wanted it so bad. She asked him, “Really? How good is that candy tasting knowing that you had to lie to get it and break connection?” He acknowledged it wasn’t very sweet after all. 

This is an outstanding example of partnering with the Holy Spirit in our parenting and giving Him room to work on our children. 

The other thing I want to point out is that the above interaction is how to train boys in purity. There is an emotional element to it for girls, but for boys, there is a self-control element. He is learning just because he wants something, or it feels good doesn’t mean it is worth the cost or right.

PHYSICAL TOUCH

We all need touch, but for those who have the language of touch, it is super easy to fill their tank! 

Here are some creative ways to speak their language: **Put your hand on their shoulder when speaking to them. **Give them a two-minute back rub when putting them to bed. **Start their day with a long embrace. **Hug them every time you leave/return home. **Hold their hand while walking. **Hold them when they are upset. **High-five those successes. **Create a special handshake. **Cuddle with them before bedtime. **Let them snuggle with you while watching a movie. **When driving reach back and hold their hand. **Sit next to them when eating out. **Hold their head when you hug them. **Give them random kisses on the forehead. **Hold them while reading a book. **Tickle their knee. **Play with their hair. 

Just because you have teens does not mean they have outgrown their language. Teens need physical touch, too.

MAKE JOY A PRIORITY

Joy is more than an emotion. It releases a chemical in our brain that increases hope. Studies show children with higher levels of this chemical are more resilient when faced with difficulty. Make JOY a priority today!

Break out the dance music

Declare a nerf gun war

Play indoor beach ball volleyball

Tickle attacks

Wrestling matches. 

Do something out of the norm to usher in JOY.

SHIFTING OUR GAZE

It is hard to know who you are when you spend the majority of the time staring at a lens with your own reflection. We only truly discover who we are when we gaze into the One who created us in His image. Selfies only reflect what you want to see. God’s image reflects who we were made to become.

ISOLATION

As someone who endured profound emotional and mental isolation in childhood, being alone long term is not healthy for me. I know my capacity and take active steps to make sure I am in community. When I feel the most weary, I realize it is because I have come under LIES of isolation. I have to actually reset my mind and heart back to His TRUTH. Let me share them with you in hopes they will align you with His heart and break off discouragement. 

**I break agreement with the lie I am alone. 

**I break agreement with the lie that I can’t be in community right now. 

**I break agreement with the lie that isolation is my duty. 

**I break agreement with the lie that says interaction is wrong. 

**I break agreement with the lie that people are a danger. 

**I break agreement with the lie that I have to fear others. 

**I break agreement with the lie that others are a threat. 

**I DECLARE that God designed me to interact with others. 

**I DECLARE that I am called to impact others. 

**I DECLARE that my need to be heard and seen is a part of my wiring. 

**I DECLARE that longing for people is healthy. 

**I DECLARE that I have the mind of Christ in the midst of the storm. 

**I DECLARE that my Father leads me in all situations. 

**I DECLARE that my emotional needs are valued and valid. 

**I DECLARE that I am not in an emotional or relational time-out. 

Ask Jesus, “Jesus, will You please show me the strategy to connect with people today?”