IDENTIFYING HEART SPLINTERS

IDENTIFYING HEART SPLINTERS

  • Heart Splinters, Testimonies

IDENTIFYING HEART SPLINTERS

A mom shares: “Even though I wish I had known this years ago, I’m so grateful and excited to have this awareness and understanding now of how to identify and go after heart splinters personally and help my kids understand how to address them on their own. In the short time of learning to identify a hurt, lie, or offense, our family has already begun to experience freedom! We will be practicing together and trusting Jesus to give us understanding and teach us even more as we grow!”

LET IT OUT

I woke to the sound of my daughter throwing up. I had to manage my nose carefully, or the mere smell would cause me to join her. I couldn’t bear the thought of her enduring getting sick alone, so I covered my nose and put my hand on her back, assuring her she would be okay. As I prayed over her, I began to think how incredibly nasty throw-up is. Yet I was praying that whatever was inside of her would come out. I began to think of poop and how utterly gross that is, yet without that daily function, we would die. God designed our bodies to get rid of whatever is making us sick. I thought of how our minds sometimes get filled with toxic things and need a good throw-up! I am more concerned with the lies my child may pick up after enduring an unpleasant situation than I am about the actual situation. It isn’t the event that causes lasting trauma; it is the lie and trapped pain that wreaks havoc on their systems. I often ask, “Are you willing to ask Jesus to show you if you are believing any lies because of (whatever the event).” It isn’t a matter of IF your children will ever believe lies; it is a matter of WHEN. We can arm them with creative ways to break agreement with the lie. I used to keep colored markers by the toilet. When Jesus revealed a lie they believed, we would write/draw it on a piece of toilet paper, and then they would toss it in the toilet and watch the colors swirl as we flushed the lie. We have burned them in the backyard fire pit. We have put them in the shredder. We have written them on the bathroom mirror and then used a spray bottle to wash away the lie. We have wadded them up in a paper ball and thrown them out. We have put them on the ground and stomped on them. Either way, help your child vomit the lies they believe.

BLACK & WHITE – PART TWO

Please read PART ONE first.

You Have Work To Do!

If you have a white lineage, I encourage you to go before the Lord today and ask for forgiveness on behalf of your family line, heritage, and ancestors for any way they participated in the dehumanizing, abuse, and control of black people in the name of slavery (through purchase or attitude). I encourage you to ask for forgiveness for any way your family line has partnered with the attitude and belief of supremacy and hierarchy based on race. 

Gather your children and talk about the issue of race. Talk about how it would feel to be excluded your whole life simply because of your hair color. We owe them their history, even if it isn’t always pretty. We owe them the truth so that they can be empowered to change their world. Have them write out an “I am sorry” card and offer it to Jesus. Have them write out declarations and speak into the atmosphere that we are all equally made in God’s image (Genesis 1:26-28). 

If you have a black lineage, I encourage you to get before the Lord today and ask for forgiveness on behalf of your family line, heritage, and ancestors for any way they have come under the spirit of control and partnered with rebellion or rejection (victim spirit) in defense. I encourage you to spend some intentional time today forgiving those who have caused you and your family line harm, hardship, and cruelty. This will not be won naturally because we are reaping the fruit of the strongholds created generations ago. Each person must do their own part to clean up the mess we were handed, put their stake in the ground, and declare we will not tolerate this any longer. 

FIGHTING FOR FREEDOM

A dad came to me for parent coaching because they were having issues with their son. While the son was indeed behaving in a way that brought great chaos, as we partnered with Holy Spirit, it revealed a significant trauma the dad went through as a young boy. I watched as this adult man walked through the very hard and painful healing process. My heart swelled with pride for his yes to do the hard heart work and fight for his freedom. Months later, they returned, still having issues with their son. Again, after partnering with Holy Spirit, it was revealed that a family secret was affecting not one but three generations. I watched as this dad continued to press into the hard and uncomfortable emotions to fight for freedom, not just for himself but for his own father. I was undone with emotion when I heard of the events that unfolded once he was willing to expose secrets and bring healing. So much breakthrough. I respect this father so much for his willingness to engage and be wildly uncomfortable as God was doing a good work in their family. I asked what his motivation was for pressing and showing up over and over. With tears in his eyes, he said, “For my children. If my father had fought half this hard, I wouldn’t have had the life I did. I do it for my children.”

Dads, may you do whatever it takes to fight for freedom for your family.

DOES GOD WANT TO SPEAK TO ME?

This question is crucial for your walk with Jesus. Now that we have established through Scripture that God DOES communicate, we have to settle this question, “Does God want to speak to ME?”

We can have all the right theology we want, but if we can’t receive it, then it becomes head knowledge and not our experience. I believe this is where many people are stuck. They believe He speaks and long to have deeper intimacy yet are frustrated by the lack of personal experience. I call this ‘Holy dissatisfaction’ when you KNOW there is more but aren’t there yet. It is a genuinely challenging season to steward as this is where many quit and conclude He isn’t real, powerful, or cares about them.

People have an easy time believing that God loves the whole wide world; the red, yellow, the black, and white as the childhood song goes, but don’t grasp the depth in which He loves THEM until they begin to hear what He has to say to them personally.

Our experiences on earth teach us that we aren’t good enough, special or worthy enough to have His attention or affection. We have experienced unloving situations with people who were supposed to love and engage with our hearts. It is easy to believe that God loves the people around you, but a harder thing to have the faith and confidence you are included in that group.

God knew when He knit our children together that they would project their early experiences onto Him. He hands His creation over to imperfect people because He trusts Himself to work out the kinks in our heart and view of Him. My dad was good at providing and was the life of the party yet liked to keep things simple. I longed to connect deeper. I transferred that belief to Father God. He was good, and provided for me, but didn’t want to embrace me, hold me or be too involved in my life. My mom was great at creating special touches around the home and celebrating others yet was irrational with her emotional responses at times. I transferred that to Holy Spirit, fearing that He would be out of control and unpredictable.

I think one of the reasons people fear the ‘charismatic’ movement isn’t because they are against the Spirit of God, but because they had moms who didn’t know how to manage their emotions and are afraid Holy Spirit will suddenly become unpredictable, too.

Stop for a moment and write out three words to describe your dad and then for your mom (warm, cold, loving, giving, removed, happy, giving, unavailable). Now ask yourself if that summarizes your experience with God, Jesus or Holy Spirit. We know it isn’t the truth about God’s heart or character but is that your belief about Him based on experience?

The goal is never to blame our parents but to make sure we aren’t operating out of unhealthy belief systems that were transferred to God, Jesus or Holy Spirit out of our experiences with them. Freedom never comes from blame; it comes from TRUTH. John 8:32 – “And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”

Let’s face it. I mess up at times as a mother. I blow it, miss it and flub it. When I go back to the kids and confess my sin, I add, “Do you know that Holy Spirit would never overreact like that? He never gets impatient with you or fails to understand your heart. Holy Spirit is so trustworthy and kind; He sees and knows every part about you.” I do this so that my humanness doesn’t become the view that they attach to Holy Spirit.

Why is this a big deal? Because when a child goes through a hard event at the hands of their parent or family, it hurts, but what creates lasting wounds is that they believe their Creator is the same way. It is hard to have hope, feel loved and secure when you have a belief that you are unlovable and unworthy even to the One who created you.

Ask:

“Jesus, what lie do I believe about Your Father’s heart toward me?”

“Father God, will You please show me a picture of how much You love me?”

PLAYING IN THE KINGDOM

When my kids were little, I would drive 45 minutes south to attend a church in Denver that believed children could play in the Kingdom. I was so undone by the power they carried. They needed some coaching in the ‘how,’ but when it mixed with their childlike faith, INCREDIBLE things began to happen. I never wanted my children to feel like God was a religious burden or that walking out our faith meant putting them in uncomfortable situations. I wanted to teach them that it was a JOY to love those around us and that the Kingdom truly is FUN. I called it ‘Playing in the Kingdom,’ and they came to life. They are older now, and we all still look for ways to play in the Kingdom and love those around us in everyday situations.

PRAY FOR GOD ENCOUNTERS

Years ago, I attended a church with a gal. She loved Jesus, but boy, was she messy. She had a lot of emotional issues that made it nearly impossible to have a connection with her. Years later, her name popped up on Facebook, and I immediately judged her as ‘that messy girl.’ The Lord stepped in and said, “Lisa, if you still hold her to that view, it is a judgment against Me and your lack of belief that I am capable of moving in someone’s life.” WHOA. Sure enough, I friended her, and God has done a brilliant work in her. She is a fabulous mother in a healthy marriage. I learned a lot that day about trusting God’s redemptive work in the messy places of others. Since then, when I encounter a messy person, I begin to pray for those God encounters and revelations knowing God is big enough to carry them into wholeness. I want to position myself on the life-giving side of the Cross in their life!

IF YOU PRAY FOR HIM

This story still brings tears to my eyes years later. In 2012 I felt led to take my then 8-year-old twins to the Voice of Apostles in Florida. It was a life-changing experience for us as a family. On the last night, I took them out to a lively pizza joint with lots of noise and activity, but I seemed to get lost in watching one particular family sitting across from us. I could see wealth and success all over the dad. He was a proud man of prestige as he had much to show for his life’s dedication. But I could also see intense shame. I could not shake it. While his kids bounced around, he remained unusually still. I heard the Lord say clear as a bell, “If you pray for him, I will heal him.” I was unclear about what he needed healing of, but I told the Lord, “Yes,” yet somehow knew that doing so in a public place wouldn’t be honoring, so I waited for the right time. I can’t explain it other than I had the gift of faith and knew that he would be healed. We ended up finishing at the same time, and when he attempted to stand up, I noticed the crutches that were used to drag his legs across the floor. My heart broke for him and the source of his shame. When we both got outside, I approached him and chatted briefly, and he seemed friendly. When I asked if I could pray for him, he said, “For what?” and immediately got defensive. Having to state the obvious, he became enraged and publicly humiliated the girls and me for wanting to pray for him. It was hard. He mocked me and gathered others to laugh at us. Ugh. As a family, we have prayed for scores of people and have had very few people decline, but this was different. When we got in the car, I started to cry. My sweet Lauren said, “Mom, I am sorry he wasn’t kind to you,” and my tears gave way to deep emotion. I told the girls I wasn’t crying because I got rejected and made fun of. I was crying because despite his extraordinary success, the man had a wound, and God wanted to heal him, but he built a wall around his weakest area and wouldn’t let anyone in. Years later, the story still brings a tear to my eye, not for the rejection I endured but because of his unwillingness to receive the love God had for him through us. Obedience isn’t about making us great, popular, or looking good. It is about the love God has for others.

HELPING EACH OTHER

This is a testimony I got from a young single mom.

“Lisa, I wanted to thank you for your obedience to your calling; the Kingdom parenting online course has tremendously helped my daughters hear the voice of God. We were in our prayer closet tonight, and my daughter (who used to have the hardest time hearing) said Holy Spirit told her that her older sister had something stuck in her heart. She invited her in and asked if she had something stuck in her heart, and she broke out in tears and openly received healing! We thank God for you, and I wanted you to know we love your family!”