I WANT TO BE YOUR BEST FRIEND

I WANT TO BE YOUR BEST FRIEND

  • Children & Salvation

I WANT TO BE YOUR BEST FRIEND

Jeremy Riddle was leading worship when Ellie got so lost in worship and then got really quiet and sat down for the rest of the time. Afterward, I asked her what was going on, and she asked if we could go on a 1:1 date so she could tell me. She began to tell me that during worship, Jesus said, “You and I are friends, but I want to be your best friend.” She knew Jesus was telling her there was more, and in the middle of the Winco parking lot, she accepted Jesus. Jeremy, to me, you will never be just a great worship leader. You were the man who ushered Jesus into the room and came specifically for my daughter!

PUSHING OR PULLING?

I want to share the idea of ‘getting kids saved.’ I know of parents who push this ahead of God’s timing, and children generally respond out of a desire to please their parents. One can’t save someone else; that is the work of the Holy Spirit. We must be in sync with what He is doing in their lives, not force it. Forced intimacy is not Kingdom. I have seen countless examples where children know how to talk the talk but don’t know how to walk it out because they don’t have Holy Spirit inside them. I honestly believe this is one of the most dangerous people groups because they appear to carry Christ, but their actions and words rarely line up. It confuses those around them, hinders the witness of Jesus, and deceives the person into thinking they have a relationship with Jesus when they only have head knowledge. This is deception, and deception is darkness, yet they walk around as if they are in the light. When my kids were little, I would share the Gospel, Bible stories, or part of my journey with them and end it with, “Someday, maybe you will choose to accept Jesus in your heart.” I was planting a seed without forcing or leading the timing. I wanted them to know it was their choice and not an expectation coming from me (even though it was my deepest desire that they all come to know and serve Him).

SWEET TREAT

Next time you are at the store buy a sweet treat that you know would be a big deal to your child. Sit them down and tell them you bought something just for them. Let them savor every bite and ooh and ahh over how good it tastes. When they have smacked their lips with the last morsel, lovingly joke with them, “Hey, give me back my chocolate.” Keep asking for it back until they say, “I can’t!” Validate them that they are right. The sweet treat has now gone into their body and became a part of them. There is no way to give it back. Tell them that God gave us a very sweet treat – JESUS! And that when we invite Jesus inside of us, He can never ever get out. He becomes a part of us, like the chocolate treat. Explain that when they do bad things, feel all alone, or like no one cares, Jesus is still there. Children who are taught that Jesus is always there are children who go to Jesus when no one else is there.

GOOD NEWS

God has been highlighting my son to me for months now. Something just wasn’t quite right. I didn’t know if it was hormone issues, a heart splinter, or something else. I would cry out to God to reveal what was going on, and slowly the picture came into focus over a period of about six months – He isn’t a believer! There was a noticeable difference between him and the girls with attitude, interest in spiritual things, and even joy. God began to show me that when they were little, and we were going after hearing God’s voice, I would say to them, “Where does God live? In heaven? Out in the field? No, He lives in your heart,” but that isn’t actually 100% true. It is true that Jesus passionately loves us, and we can hear His voice and even play in His Kingdom, but each person must choose to receive Him and invite Him into their hearts. I believe the Lord allows children/us to play in the Kingdom so that we will enter the Kingdom, but playing in the Kingdom isn’t always the fruit of salvation. Matthew 7:22. I was keenly aware I could not go to my son directly and tell him, “Hey, I don’t think you are really a believer,” as that would have crushed him. I waited. I prayed. I cried out, and I waited some more. I knew God was after His heart and needed to let Him do the work. I continued being alert to His leading. It isn’t that my son didn’t know God, he did. It was that deep inside, he knew something was missing. He lives in a culture where kids are powerful, heal the sick, and hear God well. While my son was able to still participate in these things, he was keenly aware there was a space between his relationship with God. Others were modeling what he didn’t have. While it should have created hunger, instead, it created a wall of separation, and he felt exposed. It is hard to stand up against a culture and say, “Hey, I am not experiencing this!” We came home from church, and chaos broke out. I gave everyone the opportunity to enjoy some alone time. I sat in the living room asking God what was going on, and He told me to invite Hudson to sit with me. We sat face to face, and I could see the anguish in his eyes. I began to ask him about the space between him and God. A large teardrop fell, and I knew this was the moment I had prayed for. I asked for forgiveness for not clarifying when he was younger that someday he would need to make his own choice if he wanted Jesus in his heart. Such a sigh of relief validated his confusion over the months, perhaps years. I explained fully what salvation means; he was a sinner and has fallen short, Jesus died on the Cross for HIM, and Jesus longed not just to talk to him but actually reside and live inside of him. I passionately believe salvation isn’t just for the soul to enter heaven someday, but that salvation is for our mind, body, and spirit. We began to pray and ask Holy Spirit what parts of his mind, body, and soul needed healing. God had me ask if it was hard for him that his earthly father is very kind, even provides well for him, but doesn’t touch and interact with him. The tears began to pour out, and I asked, “And do you feel that way with Father God? That He is good, loves you, and provides for you, but that your heart longs for Him to touch, encounter, and embrace you?” With tears and the sweetest tenderness, Hudson became a Son!

THANK YOU JESUS!

Dear friend, we celebrate with you!

“We cried tears of joy tonight as we watched our precious baby girl give her heart and her life to Jesus!! This is the most important decision she will ever make in her whole life, and our hearts are overwhelmed with the deepest joy and gratitude that she belongs to Jesus! The angels are rejoicing, and so are we!! We praise You, Lord!! She said, ‘I feel so so so so soooooo happy and wonderful! Jesus lives inside my heart, and I live inside His heart, and He will never leave me! I can talk to Jesus! I want to listen to Jesus music and praise Him! I love Jesus soooo much! And I want to get baptized!’ She danced and sang and smiled so big the rest of the night, so full of joy and wonder! What a precious gift! THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, JESUS!!! He is so worthy and so beautiful and so wonderful!! ‘Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these’ (Matthew 19:14).”

USHERING CHILDREN INTO ENCOUNTERS

Do children need to be believers to play in the Kingdom or do they play in the Kingdom to choose Him? I think it is both. When did God speak the loudest to Saul (Paul)?  When He was Jesus’ enemy #1. When did Jesus invite Matthew?  When he was full of greed. When did Jesus welcome the man on the cross?  When he was destined to hell. God’s most profound act of love was a free gift to those who didn’t know Him. Oh, yes, He cares for those who do not yet know Him. God speaks and interacts with unbelievers. And in doing so, it provides an encounter with the One who is worthy of it all. Encounters become the gateway in which many realize He is the One and make the choice to follow Him. This is a glorious, beautiful event because it becomes their testimony which no man can argue or deny. Our goal as parents should be to seek to provide our children with encounters with Him and the joy of playing in His Kingdom so that they experience Him. Head knowledge is religion where encounters are relationship.

Some ways to usher our children into an encounter could include: showing them a Scripture of how much Jesus cares about them (not just to correct their behavior), asking Jesus questions that pertain to their world, heart and cares, inviting Jesus into their pain, taking them to church, allowing them to stay with you during worship, sharing with them what He showed you during your quiet time, telling your own God stories, letting them dance at home with worship music, soaking (simply sitting/lying quietly generally with music on to feel His peace), asking God to help them with something (and then helping them see how He responded).

When my children were little, I had a sign on the wall that said, “Dear Jesus, thank You for ______. Would You please help me with ______”. Each day they would pray filling in the blanks. I was modeling for them how to be thankful and come to Jesus with what was important to their heart. At the end of the day, we would play the High/Low game where they would share what was the high and low of their day. Their highs would almost always reflect the very thing they asked Jesus for. One day my daughter asked Jesus to help her get a sweet treat. It felt rather insignificant to me, but hours later we were at a store, and a clerk said she made one too many ice cream cones and offered it to my daughter. I immediately reminded her of her prayer that morning. I saw my role as a dot connector. Teaching them to pray, then helping them see the way God was responding and speaking to them. Their faith grew each time leaving them hungry for more. We were building their stories with Him long before any of them made a personal decision to follow Him.

CHILDREN & SALVATION

I personally do not believe in rushing out to get your child ‘saved’ as it is an organic move of the Holy Spirit. I personally wanted it to be real and authentic, not just out of obeying or pleasing me. However, I do strongly believe that children need to be taught what salvation looks like.

There are four aspects to Christian salvation: 1. We are all sinners – we all fall short of being good enough on our own. 2. Everyone is born a spiritual orphan. 3. Jesus died for our sins – He took our spanking for our wrongdoings. We must receive and believe in that gift – just knowing it in our mind is not the same as receiving the gift. 4. If we receive Jesus in our hearts, we will live with Him FOREVER as His Son or Daughter.

I would say to the children, “Someday, you will make a choice if you want Jesus to live in your heart or not. Only you get to decide that.” When we would see people acting in ways that were not kind or honoring, I would use it as a teachable moment through the lens of salvation, such as, “That person is acting that way because they haven’t been introduced to Jesus yet.”  I also filtered p*rnography through this lens by saying things like, “That is someone’s daughter, and we want to cover and protect her. She is doing that because she doesn’t know who she is.” It isn’t an s*x issue. It is an identity issue.

HUDSON’S STORY

Hudson’s salvation story is very different than his sisters. A guest speaker came to their school to speak at chapel. God showed up and touched the children so deeply that he was invited back the next week to speak to the older kids. Since I had three kids in that group, I was eager to go. I began to witness something odd happening. There were two groups of kids in that room that day. One group was hungry and clinging to every word and move of the speaker. My daughters were in that group. But there was another group of kids which my son was in, and something was different. While there is always grace with the things of God, their response, or therefore lack of, seemed off to me. Days later I couldn’t shake what I saw with the group my son was in. I would cry out for Jesus to show me what it was and over the course of a few days He showed me that those were the kids who haven’t yet made a choice for Jesus. They are playing hard in the Kingdom, know how to hear Him, prophesy, and heal the sick but when they watch others encounter Him, they feel like something is wrong with them because they know they aren’t encountering Him the same way. WOW! When we see that there is more it should produce hunger in us, but because these kids are surrounded in a culture where there is an assumption they are already believers, it creates shame in them that something is wrong. This broke my heart. Hear me when I tell you what this produces in a child. They are angry and frustrated and often sabotage the things of God in your home. Not because they don’t want Him but because they don’t know how to say, “Hey, I am scared to tell you that I am not experiencing what you think I am”. I have since counseled scored of parents with kids who are acting out negatively only to find out that they feel spiritual pressure to behave, act and feel a certain way with God. They get tired of pretending and grow sick of managing the feelings that something is wrong with them. I knew I couldn’t go to my son and say, “Hey, I don’t think you are saved,” as he already had a deep connection with Jesus, and I didn’t want to do anything to plant doubt or tear that down. It was one of those moments where I honestly didn’t know how to respond. We were at church one day and I left so filled with His love, yet the moment we got home all hell broke loose mainly with Hudson (don’t you just love those moments. Ugh). I was so frustrated that going to church was producing so much chaos that I sent all of the kids to their rooms for a break from each other. I sat in the living room and cried tears of pure frustration. I heard God say, “It is time. Bring Hudson out,” and I KNEW God was telling me it was time to close the gap. I called him to the living room and held him. I asked, “Hey buddy. Are there times you see other kids at school and know that you don’t feel what you see them experiencing?” His eyes got really big, and he had this look of complete shock that I knew. He began to cry and said, “Yes.” I reminded remind him that Jesus loves him and so enjoys playing with Him, but that Jesus wants to be IN him and not just come and go like a friend. Hudson accepted Jesus that day.

EMMA’S STORY

Emma came bursting through my bedroom door when she was five and announced, “Mommy, I have to have Jesus in my heart right now!” She said her Sunday school told her all about Jesus, and she needed to do this. I said, “Oh, sweetie, that is the most amazing thing. How about you come to me first thing in the morning if this is something you really want to do?” I wanted to be sure this was her heart or something she felt like she was ‘supposed’ to do. She said, “Mom, NO. I can’t wait that long,” and so we prayed, accepting Jesus in her heart. I told her that Jesus tells us once we have accepted Him to go tell others and asked who she wanted to tell. She jumped off my lap in a flash, and about five minutes later, her twin sister, Lauren, came into my room, asking to accept Jesus. We celebrate their spiritual birthday each year, thanking God for adopting both of them.

BELIEVERS VS. SEEKERS

If I could wave a magic wand and change one thing about Christian parenting, it would be this mindset. Walk with me for a moment as I explain. People become believers out of their journey with God and want to raise their children in a godly home. All is good, except their children aren’t believers… yet. When someone accepts Christ, the Holy Spirit moves inside of them and begins this incredible transformation process that will continue until death. It is gorgeous, glorious and a force to be reckoned with. God LOVES all of His Creation, God SPEAKS to all of His Creation, God CARES about all of His creation. But there is a difference between a spiritual orphan and those who are called Sons and Daughters. Let’s put it this way. Anyone can enter God’s house, open the fridge and eat whatever they want, they have access to God and can talk to Him, but at the end of the day, non-believers go back to being an orphan fending for themselves. Sons and Daughters remain in the palace because it is their home. Not all children are Sons & Daughters… yet. I honestly believe we work against God when we treat our children as if they are believers when in fact, they are still seekers. 

DO YOU KNOW THE GOOD NEWS?

Share this with your children and let them know it is okay to be brave and bold.

“My son Preston was at school today, and a girl his age (10) asked him if she could share with him the Gospel (good news of Jesus Christ). He responded, ‘I already know the Gospel, but yes, tell me…’ She told him how Jesus died on the cross for his sins… How cool is that?”