I MISS MY DAD

I MISS MY DAD

  • Heart Splinters, Kingdom Parenting

I MISS MY DAD

Years ago, Hudson was playing with his Legos in his room, and one by one, his sisters joined in the fun. There was so much joy breaking out in his room that I stopped doing my work to join them. I laid on his bed while they all played together, and it was heaven. All of a sudden, out of nowhere, Hudson began kicking everyone out of his room. I called him up on the bed and asked what was going on. He wasn’t sure but felt overwhelmed that he had had a sudden flip-of-the-switch in his emotions. I asked if he wanted Jesus to shine His flashlight in his heart to show him what was going on, and he did. The tears began to flow, and he said, “I miss my dad.” All of the fun with Legos with not just one but four other girls triggered that he missed his dad. We were able to walk through forgiving his dad for not being there and asked Jesus how He felt about him. The saddest part of the story is that in the past, I would have normally disciplined him for his outburst against his sisters because he WAS rude, mean, and disrespectful! But his outward outburst was NOT the real issue. His heart was hurting. Do we really want to shut down, spank, time out, and discipline our children when they are grieving their dad? Do they need to grow in maturity with how to handle the hurt? YES! That is called growing up. But we are missing the mark when we place obeying perfectly over connecting with their hearts!

I am asked often with this testimony if I went back and disciplined him for being so rude. NO, not at all. His flesh was immature in getting his hurt out, but once the real issue was resolved, there was no need for discipline. AS discipline isn’t punishment (an eye for an eye) but TO GET to the heart, which God so clearly did. I did ask him to go back and apologize to his sisters for being rude, and it was easy for him to do as he KNEW he was wrong and could do it with ease since his heart was fully seen and heard. Then as a family, we talked about what just happened. Everyone was filled with compassion and kindness for him, and connection was deepened. There is a time for discipline, of course, but the goal should always be to get their heart (otherwise, it is nothing more than legalism, which focuses on outward performance). 

CELEBRATING YOU

I know this post is going to speak to a lot of you! Do you look at other people’s posts about their birthdays and long to feel that way on your special day? Yet when your day comes around, you still feel empty and sad at the end of the day? I felt that way for years and finally gave up on hope. I noticed I began to ignore it and intentionally not make a big deal out of it anymore. I hid my date on social media and pretended like it was no big deal. It wasn’t that it wasn’t important to me. It was that I didn’t want to set myself up for feeling disappointed again. BUT GOD… He took me on this incredible journey, and I experienced breakthrough on such a foundational level. Soon my birthday was approaching, and I found myself responding differently. I was giddy with excitement, had childlike joy over celebrating the day I was created and wanted to pull close those I love the most to celebrate with me. I want to walk you through what God showed me and ultimately brought one of my biggest breakthroughs in being seen, heard, and valued. Join me as we take a 10-day online adventure!  YOU are so worth celebrating!!! 

Moms & Dads – ONLINE CLASS – Let the Children Fly

BUNDLES OF JOY

One day, I was super-duper stressed and couldn’t get the kids in their rooms fast enough so that I could have a date with Jesus. I saw the kids as a hindrance to my very serious issues that needed to be resolved. The first thing I heard God say to me was this, “Lisa, what you need now is JOY, and I have given you four bundles of it. You push them away when you are stressed, but what you really need is MORE of what they carry.” Gulp! Out of pure obedience, I called them all up and announced that we would be playing a family game. My heart was so heavy, and finally, my daughter said that she could tell I didn’t really want to be there. I apologized and just told her that I needed “Heaven’s joy to come down on me.” My son (then 6) stood up on his chair, motioned his arms outstretched towards heaven, and said, “Joy, come NOW,” and then threw his hands towards me. He did this in a child-like chanting manner over and over. I was about to scold him for standing on that chair, which is against our house rules! Right before my mouth opened, my daughter, Ellie (then 4), got up on her chair and joined him. Argh! This was not how I wanted to deal with my heavy burden. Then my other daughter got up. I was about to come unglued. My religious spirit was highly offended, and this was way too much child-like foolishness for my serious state; PLUS, they were breaking the rules by standing on the furniture!!! When my last daughter arose to join them, I heard the Spirit say, “Join them!” Oh, come on! There was no way this heavy-hearted mama was going to get up and partner with such foolishness. A millisecond later, I was on my chair with my hands outstretched for heaven, and before I could pull it down, such JOY splashed all over me like a tsunami. I was overcome with peaceful joy and laughter. It went on for nearly fifteen minutes. I was so tuckered out after that, and my belly ached from laughter.

Oh, sweet Jesus, thank You for teaching me that worry and fret do not add an ounce of victory to what YOU have already done for me. Thank You for teaching me that Your Kingdom is righteous, full of PEACE and JOY, and if I truly want Your will to be done, I get to go play and rest while You take care of all the details.

IDENTITY CHANGES EVERYTHING!

Three of my four kids were having a blast, but one was left out. I felt something was going on and found her sitting in the other room feeling bad and partnering with feelings of loneliness, isolation, and unworthiness. What bothered me about this wasn’t that the others weren’t sharing (though I dealt with that, too), but that my child was not walking in the confidence of who she was. I talked to her about being assertive, bold, and confident that she had every right to be included (especially in her own family). I also asked if she was ready to come in and ‘confront the situation,’ not in anger, but in the confident boldness of her true identity. She meekly walked in, and I told her to go back and do it confidentially. Of course, it began as a game with lots of laughter, but she did it nearly ten times before she could walk into the room and confidently ask to be included. 

In a world that constantly teaches our children who they are not, we must look for ways to intentionally teach and train them in the truth of who they are! Identity changes everything!

PARENTING GOAL

Children who are full of fear, anxiety, and emotional hurt, who believe a lie or feel afraid, can act that out in mean, rude, and inappropriate ways. Just because a child does certain things doesn’t mean the solution is always discipline. Sometimes the solution is a hug, alone time with you, a special date, a positive word, or to be seen. God’s GOODNESS leads us to repentance because He looks beyond our messes and sees what our heart really needs. Perfect behavior should never be the goal in parenting – their heart should be!

THEIR ISSUE OR MINE?

How many of you have anxiety about sending the kids to school? Ask Him, “Jesus, is this anxiety about their journey or mine?” We do not want to pass on our fears, anxiety, and worry to our children based on our own undealt with experiences. Your journey matters because you will automatically parent out of that place. 

WHICH ONE DO YOU WANT TO PARTNER WITH?

Ellie had a school fundraiser where she had to run a long course, and along the way, they throw colored powder on the runners. Super fun! The morning of the run, she said she was worried about running. I asked her why since she usually is quite fast and does well. She said, “I am so afraid I will come in last.” Together we asked Jesus to show her what she was so afraid of with coming in last, and she said, “People will think I am not good enough.” We talked about the truth that SOMEONE has to arrive first, and there is always someone at the end. That’s life. But we want to make sure that we aren’t carrying LIES about our worth and value if we come in first OR last. Jesus showed her that when she carries the weight of worry and anxiety, she is slowing herself down and not doing her best. I had her confess to Jesus that she was partnering with worry, and she asked Him to help her run HER best. Jesus is building her life story and had a lesson that she can choose to partner with worry and anxiety or trust Him to help her. A lesson that she will need to choose for the rest of her life.

LIES, LIES, LIES

This is going to be one of the simplest, yet most profound tools I give you.

The LIES we believe because of an event is what brings lasting pain and heartbreak, not the event itself.

Rape is a horrible, horrible event that deeply affects a person. But long after the actual event is over, the LIE they believe about the event is what triggers the event over and over and over again as if it is happening to them again and again. In that moment their system is shocked (reasonably so), and the enemy comes and whispers, “You are powerless”, “No one cares”, “You are all alone” and because the events serve as evidence that the lie FEELS true, we grab a hold of them and embrace them. It is the lie that is tormenting us, not the event.

So this very simple, yet profound exercise is to ask, “Jesus, what lies am I believing about my situation?” and allow Him to show you.

When you are ready and if you are willing pray this out loud:

Confess – “Jesus, I confess I have been partnering with the lie that _____. Will You please forgive me?”

Break Agreement – “I break agreement with the lie that _____.”

Declare the Truth – “Jesus, what is Your truth about this situation?”

Just watch and listen to whatever He wants to show you and then take a moment and RECEIVE it.

This exercise should be used anytime your heart is losing peace and you are feeling unsettled. There is one thing the enemy cannot counterfeit and that is PEACE, because peace is His presence, and the enemy isn’t God.

HUMILITY INCREASES RESPECT

When God says be HUMBLE, He means for us to be humble, always, and that includes in our parenting. Often parents fear that if they are humble with their children, they will somehow lose their parental authority. That is not accurate. You will gain their respect because you are modeling for them the Kingdom and connecting with their hearts. It is okay to learn from your children and hear what may need to be improved upon. I often check in with my kids and ask them, “What is something Mom has done well?” “What is something you wish Mom would improve upon to make your heart feel loved and seen?” The answers always surprise me and motivate me to become more like Jesus in my parenting. The truth is, either way, you are going to hear it – either now or when they are older and dealing with the fruit. I would much rather listen to their hearts while they are still children and deal with it in childhood, where I can grow and make a positive difference in their lives. Don’t be afraid of feedback. Allow God to parent you in your parenting journey.

RESERVED SEATING

Your child has a role in the Kingdom that YOU can’t fulfill. YOU have a role in the Kingdom that no one else can fulfill.

IT’S SO FUN PARTNERING WITH HOLY SPIRIT

Way to partner with Holy Spirit, Jessica!!! 

“My six-year-old son just had a birthday and scored big time in the Lego department. Then the new catalog came in the mail, and I felt a check in my spirit about letting him have it as he just started talking about what new sets he wanted. I felt led to take the catalog away and instead focus on gratitude. He was pretty upset, and one morning was acting out. I asked him what was going on, and he said he didn’t understand why he couldn’t have the catalog. On the spot, I just asked Holy Spirit, ‘How do I explain all the dynamics of greed to my son right now?!’ (I naturally, in my own strength, want to lecture on everything, and I’m sure he stops listening not long after I start talking). After asking for help, I just started into a spontaneous parable where the main characters were named ‘Greed’ and ‘Thankfulness.’ Both my boys had their eyes riveted on me the whole time I told the story. They interacted with it, related to it, and were captivated! I never explained the parable… just left it as it was (later realizing that Jesus did this as His main form of teaching all the time!). Since that moment, he hasn’t asked me for the catalog again. It was so fun partnering with Holy Spirit’s ideas!”