HURT IN THE CHURCH

HURT IN THE CHURCH

Have you been hurt in the church? Of course, you have. Why? Because we are FAMILY, and family is made up of human beings on a journey to becoming more like Him. Hurts, mistakes, and choices make messes, sometimes big ones. The point is not that you got hurt. The issue is: #1. Understanding the PURPOSE of the hurt.  #2. What do you DO with the hurt? Why are we talking about this? Because nothing affects the next generation more than having parents who endured hurt in the church and are nursing wounds, confusion and pain and who have AMPUTATED themselves from the Body. We are talking about this because that is what HEALTHY families do. They talk, they get real, and they address what is attacking the family SO THAT they can deal with it, mature, and overcome it. Honor has been interpreted as silence, which is the enemy’s tool to keep pain trapped. You don’t need to take your hurts to social media, but if you want to heal, you have to be honest with yourself and God about your pain. 

I created this video teaching to address this issue. As you walk through this, I realize there will be things to process, so I have taken the time to cut this hour-long teaching into bite-sized segments, which can be found on our YouTube channel. You can simply listen to it if you do not have time to watch this. Either way, honor your own heart by giving it a voice. 

Click here to find the segments: Lisa Max – YouTube

PRAY FOR MY DAD

I have been camping out in these testimonies of God’s goodness with the next generation and am undone by His power and goodness to them. Two younger ladies came to me asking for prayer. They shared how their relationship with their father was strained, and wanted prayers. I thought they meant for reconciliation and began to pray accordingly, but they interrupted me to say, “No, we want prayer for Jesus to give us the keys to our father’s heart.” Another gal who has battled self-harm for years due to her father’s alcohol consumption and believing the lie she is rejected asks Jesus why he needed alcohol. She heard, “Because he feels rejected by his parents.” She wept as she realized he was battling the same lie she was plagued with and wanted Jesus to give her the keys to his heart. Another gal asked to meet with me and shared some of her dad’s choices over the years that brought the family a lot of pain. When we asked Jesus what her dad’s heart needed, she began to cry as Jesus showed her he felt like a failure and ashamed. She realized she had punished him and how it was causing him further hurt. She asked for forgiveness, and Jesus began to give her the keys to mending that relationship. We ministered to a boy who said, “All these years, I thought my dad was just mean, but Jesus showed me today that he has a heart splinter from his own journey.” This is so powerful as kids move from victim to empowered. Hurt to authority. Walls of self-protection to love. Jesus loves restoring the family and does not look down on a child due to age. They have the same size Holy Spirit as their parents and can be powerful weapons against the plans of the enemy to destroy the family.

CATCH AND RELEASE

Lauren greeted me one Sunday morning in her brand new (adorable) outfit, along with a scowling face. When I asked her what was wrong, she said, “I feel UGLY!” It was intense, and she was really feeling it. I simply hugged her and said, “Catch and release, sweetheart.” I have taught them they can catch those sneaky little lies that wreak havoc on our emotions and release them. I didn’t have to tell her it was a lie as her agitated heart was proof enough that it wasn’t of God. I have empowered her to RELEASE those pesky lies and not massage, embrace or feast on them. By the time we walked out the door, she was at peace again. I asked her later how she was doing, and she said, “Man, that lie hit me hard out of nowhere.”

Let’s face it – as adults, we don’t always catch and release this fast, but this is what the next generation looks like when they are intentionally taught from an early age that they can catch the lie and release it. Teach your child how to catch and release!

DESTROYING THE WORKS OF THE DEVIL

Parents, you can’t afford NOT to do this. Watch this 7-minute video to understand how children hold onto hurts, lies, and offenses on the playground. We, as parents, want to help our children RESOLVE these heart splinters in their hearts NOW so that it doesn’t affect them going into the next school year. Help them enter summer with a clean mind and heart so that they can look forward to next year and not carry unresolved pain and shame with them. After watching this short video, I suggest calling a family meeting and talking about how we can get heart splinters in our hearts. As a family, ask, “Jesus, is there anyone at school that I need to forgive?” Don’t rush. Take your time and allow them to hear what Jesus wants to show them. Go around the family and share what you heard/saw. I then lead them into a corporate response by repeating after me, “Jesus, I choose to forgive _______ for _________.” This is NO small thing because how your child ENDS a year is how they will ENTER the following year.

Destroying the Works of the Devil – YouTube

DO YOU TRUST HIM EVEN IF…?

Excerpt from my book:

I was sandwiched between my pursuit of trying to help the kids with their deep owies and yet still trying to keep the bridge from burning fully with their father. I was struggling with letting them go to his house for the weekend, knowing it would only reap more trauma. Part of the problem was that we did not fully yet know what kind of trauma was happening, just that the kids were having strong reactions and saying things that were pointing to some very upsetting possibilities. My friend asked me, “Do you trust God even if something happens?” My immediate answer was, “NO! No, I do not.” I mean, I loved Him, and He was my Savior, but trust Him with my children? Oh my. That stretched a level of faith in me I had not yet tapped into. Her reply was both upsetting and convicting. She said, “That is the problem, Lisa. Unless and until you resolve that God is big enough, even if things happen to your children that bring pain, you will spend the next 18 years wearing yourself out trying to play God in their life. Resolve this issue first and then make a decision in their best interest.” This was perhaps one of the most painful yet defining moments in my parenting and one I have to ask myself repeatedly. Do I trust Him even if _____?

FAILURE TO SEE

This story broke my heart when I heard it, and I haven’t been able to shake it. A young man was raised with legalistic parents. He went into the homosexual lifestyle and was cut off from every family member for not renouncing his ungodly lifestyle. He is in the midst of writing a book about his journey, which includes being raped as a small boy but never telling anyone. This I know for sure. After the rape, he acted out the splinters in his heart, as our bodies are not wired to hold onto that type of trauma. He was most likely angry, defiant, aggressive, rude, and/or withdrawn, yet was met with parents who had a high value for outward behavior. Could you imagine for a moment what it is like for a child to endure such brutal agony and then be spanked, isolated, or rejected while trying to process it? My heart screams out for children to be HEARD and for parents to understand what is happening inside their hearts. Our online class is not a product I am selling. It is a lifeline to HELP parents see and help their children. You cannot afford NOT to be empowered and equipped. Your children need to know you have the answers and tools to help them.

KEEPING OUR HEARTS OFFENSE FREE

FORGIVE – fərˈɡiv/, verb. To stop feeling angry or resentful toward (someone) for an offense, flaw, or mistake. It is okay to have to forgive your children in your heart. In fact, keeping our hearts offense free is key to healthy lifelong connections. 

LYING TO YOURSELF

One of my daughters was working through some stuff with her father and made the decision not to connect with him when the opportunity presented itself. It is a hard dance to know how to parent a child with heart splinters, when to push, and when to take your hands off. I asked God for help, and it came to me while worshiping in church. I embraced her and shared with her what He told me. God commands you to honor your father but wants you to know that part of honoring your father is staying true to your heart and not lying about your process. While I cannot encourage her to keep this wall between her and him, she has come a long way from being the girl with a smile on her face and tears in her eyes. She has fought hard to be honest with herself about how she feels, and the fact she was setting a boundary for her heart was a good thing. It is a sign that she is no longer willing to lie to herself for someone else’s profit. God is proud of her for the hard heart work she has done over the years to be fully alive. She sat down with tears streaming down her face. In all honesty, the parts that hurt her the most about her relationship with him are the parts of him that are so shut down and unable to engage. She realized at that moment that God healed her of the very thing in him. Part of honoring our mother and father is becoming the fullest expression of who God made us to be! 

HEALING THE ROOT

HEALING THE SICK

God made our mind, body, and spirit in perfect harmony, working together. When parts of our body are out of alignment, it will affect other areas. If the foot is broken, the opposite leg has to work harder. God designed them to work together. When we are not processing our emotions fully for whatever reason, it can affect our physical bodies. Disease is a breakdown of our physical bodies, but long before there is a disease, there is a lack of EASE (harmony). The medical community states that 80-85% of all medical issues (tooth issues, back pain, heart failure, cancers, asthma, etc.) are rooted in something emotional or spiritual. Meaning you can ‘cure’ the symptoms, but if the ROOT is not addressed, it will just come out again somewhere else. 

Unprocessed emotions can generally stem from three areas: #1. Their experience was not validated or was downplayed as no big deal when it was a big deal, and their heart needed a voice. #2. They do not feel like they have permission to STOP and process because the demands on them keep going. #3. There is a pre-existing condition of the heart not being at ease and new experiences are touching on unprocessed or trapped emotions. All of these scenarios can make the body out of harmony and not at ease. Many are reporting brand new physical symptoms since the virus broke out, and I want to provide you with an opportunity to process some of your emotions that may be a contributing factor. Not everyone will fit into this category, but I believe this will be a lifeline for many. What a blessing you are being given an opportunity to experience greater breakthrough and freedom in this hour. While it may be uncomfortable to process the emotional aspect of this storm, it is necessary for our bodies to be in harmony and at ease. 

Other things that help in the process are: Searching the Word to see what it has to say about that subject, praying, playing worship music, crying, talking to God, journaling, going for a walk, putting your hand on your heart and speaking kindly to yourself, calling a friend, searching online for resources, declaring truth statements, laughing and finding pockets of joy, intentional deep breathing, repenting. Let the Children Fly has many tools to help you resolve the inner conflict. Be at peace. Be healed. Be whole. Be free.

IF YOU ARE EXPERIENCING LOWER BACK PAIN:

Is there anger that has not been dealt with? Either from the current situation or a previous situation where you are holding onto anger that needs to be validated and released? Please note that anger is a secondary emotion that serves to self-protect when we are generally feeling scared, lonely, or sad about something. The goal is not to treat the back pain but to deal with the underlying emotions that you have had to carry.

IF YOU ARE EXPERIENCING STOMACH ISSUES:

Is there fear that has not been dealt with? Either from the current events or a previous event that left you battling fear? If the door to fear was already opened, any new fearful encounter would only magnify the existing fear. The goal is not just to treat the stomach issues but to close the door to fear using authority. 2 Timothy 1:7.

IF YOU ARE EXPERIENCING HEART/CHEST PAIN:

Is there emotional pain that has not been fully addressed that has hurt your heart? God wants you to experience healing in this area to free you from the ongoing hurt.

IF YOU ARE EXPERIENCING HEADACHES:

Is there a sense of losing control? God never designed us to be out of control. He designed us to be anchored to Him and His ability to provide, protect and cover us in the midst of a storm. If you feel powerless and out of control in this hour, press into the Scriptures on what He has to say about His ability to provide, protect and shelter His children. Release the need to control and hand the job back to Him.

IF YOU ARE EXPERIENCING NECK/SHOULDER PAIN:

Similar to a headache, are you feeling intense feelings of being burdened and having more responsibility than you can bear and carry? While God designed us to be highly functioning and fruitful, there are some things He has not called us to take responsibility for. Spend some time asking Him if you have taken on the responsibility that needs to be put back on Him. The aftermath of this shaking season is not on you to fix or carry.

IF YOU ARE EXPERIENCING FATIGUE:

If there are feelings of resentment, either from current events or something prior, it will suck the life out of you. Resentment acts like a heavy blanket on our souls, making us feel worn out and exhausted, even by doing nothing. Resentment is the deep-seated feeling that you have been treated poorly. While that may be the case, holding onto it will not create the justice you desire. Only God can use what the enemy meant for evil and turn it into something good. Release the events to Him and ask Him to vindicate and repay what was stolen from you.

IF YOU ARE EXPERIENCING BREATHING ISSUES (that are not life threatening):

Anxiety is a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome (Google). All of us feel anxious at some point but what we do with it is the difference between staying in anxiety or moving to faith and peace. Philippians 4:7. 

IF YOU ARE EXPERIENCING THROAT ISSUES:

Oppression and depression can look and feel the same. Depression is rooted in a chemical imbalance and is resolved with medication, while oppression is rooted in the spirit and goes away with authority. You use your authority by speaking and commanding the heaviness to go in Jesus’ name. I encourage you to spend time inviting the Presence of God, His peace, power, and love to invade your mind, body, spirit, family, home, and connections. Use your voice.

IF YOU ARE EXPERIENCING NUMBNESS:

If any of the above emotions have been carried around undealt with for some time, and then you add the trauma of the current events, it can cause our bodies to go on overload, which can cause numbness because our system simply can NOT carry it anymore. You may be surprised at your inability to cope, and perhaps it is not just from the current events but from the current situations being the tipping point to what you have already been carrying. Holding out your arm carrying four quarters is easy, but if you do that day in, day out, for years, your arm will get fatigued and eventually become numb. It isn’t often the size of the weight, but that you have been carrying it for the length of time.

JUDGEMENTS

Let’s talk about JUDGEMENTS. Judgments are when we jump in the judge’s seat and determine the verdict about someone. When we say, “They are controlling,” we are judging them. While being discerning and aware of how people’s choices affect us is good, we are never called to act as judges. Maybe that person is ‘controlling’ because they were orphaned as a child and have never learned to depend upon someone else. Perhaps they are controlling because they are rooted in fear and need to be delivered. God judges us based on our heart and story, not our outward appearance. Here is the issue with judgments. When we judge someone, we condemn them with our words (think of how prophecy unlocks and frees a person – judgments bind and lock a person up). The Bible says when we walk around as judges, we are binding OURSELVES to the very thing we are judging. That is why children who judge their father for being an alcoholic grow up to marry one. Or the girl who judges her grandma for being overweight and struggles with her issues. 

HeartWork – Get a piece of paper and write down your JUDGEMENTS against your dad, mom, siblings, and even your children and friends. Go deep and allow Jesus to show you where you are holding onto judgments against someone. Ask Jesus to forgive you for holding them in judgment. Break agreement with the judgment over that person. Rip up the paper and declare God’s truth over their lives. Children can do this with their parents and siblings, too. 

Hebrews 12:15 – “See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.”