HIS BRAIN WORKS JUST FINE!

HIS BRAIN WORKS JUST FINE!

  • Kingdom Parenting, Teens

HIS BRAIN WORKS JUST FINE!

Hudson was asked to empty the trash in the bathroom and left the trash can in the middle of the room. I went to him and said, “Hudson, you are a man of great honor. Could you please go back in the bathroom and see how you could be more honoring?” Instantly, he saw the trash can and completed his task. When a mom acts like a child’s mind, she goes crazy, and the child gets lazy! We can use nearly all corrective situations to empower them (and stay sane!). It is interesting how much of our natural parental correction focuses on what they didn’t do or makes them feel like a failure, but when we learn to flip it to empower them, everyone wins.

As I have learned to partner with the Holy Spirit in my parenting, I have become more solution-focused and less problem-focused. I have empowered my children to discover the answers for themselves rather than me thinking for them and telling them what to do and constantly feeling frustrated by their behavior.

KINGDOM PARENTING

Three big things were lost in the Garden: our sense of BELONGING, our WORTH, and our SECURITY. Whatever our household rules, boundaries, limits, or ‘no’s are with the children, it must be done in a loving way that still intentionally communicates that they have a place where they belong, that they are incredibly valuable and important, and that they are secure and safe. Disunity, arguments between parents, ongoing sibling conflict, atmospheres of worry and stress, anger, belittling, disrespect, and lack of intentional family time can all inflict the Orphan Spirit. I am not talking about a one-time deal like you had a bad day and yelled once. I am talking about lifestyles and norms. Our goal in parenting should be to model heaven.

BRING JESUS

Sometimes we bring our children to Jesus, and other times we bring Jesus to our children.

CAN I HOLD YOU?

My friend told me about a story with her son, and I think it is GLORIOUS. Her adopted son had a rough year with his dad moving out and his big sister moving away. He recently spent time at his dad’s house while his parents were in town. The young boy returned to his mom’s house and was OUT OF CONTROL! Yelling, kicking, hitting, screaming – unglued. She shared how she normally would have exercised some serious authority over his behavior and would have dealt firmly with him for his outburst. But she could see he was hurting and said, “Buddy, can Mommy hold you for a moment?” He was hesitant but eventually came to her, put his face in her neck, and just wept. He woke up the next morning back to himself again. There is a time and place to discipline a child for negative behavior, and there is a time and place to partner with Holy Spirit and move in the opposite spirit. This boy was simply trying to express the BIG emotions going on inside of his heart. He needed the security of a mother’s love, and whatever was causing his heart so much agitation was released through her affection.

SWEET CANDY

A young boy stole some candy from his mom’s closet. She knew it, but he denied it. It is hard for a parent to know they are being lied to, but she trusted God would work it out. A while later, she went to him and expressed that she was disappointed and called out that he was a truth teller, but he continued to deny it. She remained in SHALOM despite the chaos. Finally, before bed, he came to her and confessed. He explained how candy tastes so good, and he wanted it so bad. She asked him, “Really? How good is that candy tasting knowing that you had to lie to get it and break connection?” He acknowledged it wasn’t very sweet after all. 

This is an outstanding example of partnering with the Holy Spirit in our parenting and giving Him room to work on our children. 

The other thing I want to point out is that the above interaction is how to train boys in purity. There is an emotional element to it for girls, but for boys, there is a self-control element. He is learning just because he wants something, or it feels good doesn’t mean it is worth the cost or right.

WHO ARE THEY?

Mary and Joseph were the human vessels God worked THROUGH to accomplish HIS purpose and plan for HIS Kingdom! What if Joseph decided *HE* wanted Jesus to be a football player or a doctor? Just think of how the world would have missed what God was doing. God is smart. God is good and knows what He is doing with the world. He needs parents who will lay down their own agenda and partner with what He is doing SO THAT our children can do all that He has created them to do for His purpose and His plan. I encourage you to spend some quiet time before the Lord today and ask Him, “Father, will You please show me what YOU have put inside my child” or “Holy Spirit, will You please show me the destiny (purpose on earth) You have placed deep inside of them?”

NO JUNIOR AUTHORITY

Children so desperately need to be taught their authority. If they do not get a junior Holy Spirit, they do not get junior authority either. How many of us were taught that when we were afraid at night to say, “In the name of Jesus, Satan flee?” While few of us deeply understand our authority, the enemy still had to obey and flee when we used the authority paid for us by the blood of Jesus. Imagine how powerful this next generation would be if children would see the enemy’s tricks for what they were and step over it!? How will they know unless we teach them? Isaiah 11:8.

“My son told my husband there was a ‘bumblebee’ in the corner of his bed, and it was so scary that he couldn’t sleep. My husband first prayed over it and then taught our son to say, ‘Go away in Jesus’ name.’ He fell right asleep after that. Praise God!!”

Kids have a limited vocabulary and range of understanding, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t seeing/hearing things in the spiritual realm. It takes a wise parent to really ‘hear’ what the child is saying. It had nothing to do with bumblebees and everything to do with fear of being in the room. Kudos to this father for ‘hearing’ his son.

FAMILY MEETINGS

I grew up having ‘family meetings,’ which meant we had to gather and listen to a very long lecture about something. I walked away feeling like I wanted to run away. They were not empowering or life-giving. When I began to have my own family, I, too, wanted to have family meetings but to create a time everyone had a voice, was able to share without fear, and could contribute to the process. I wanted my children to walk away feeling closer, connected, and empowered. We have done just that over the years. When I call out “family meeting,” they stop what they are doing and join me in the family room. They come expectant to be included and heard. We have intentionally gone on family meeting dates where we talk through a particular topic or issue.

Family means all people. Everyone gets a voice, each carrying something vital. Children have a perspective that is needed.

PEACEFUL HOMES

I want to encourage you to make a small yet significant shift in your parenting. First, switch your focus from trying to rid them of conflict to growing them to avoid the conflict. There is a radical difference between the two. Move from being a constant referee to being their teacher to set them up for success. Second, we cannot help someone if we first do not know what the issue is. The next time they are in conflict, instead of reacting, stop for a moment and watch what is going on. It is not about who has what toy, but rather issues of selfishness, impatience, lack of self-control, rudeness, etc. – pinpointing where your child needs to grow and mature is vital to helping them. Third, teach them what you want in times of peace. The Kingdom is righteousness, peace, and joy (Romans 14:17), and it is okay to teach and equip our children with the tools of JOY. Make it fun, be creative, and partner with joy in your parenting. Training in the times of peace will give you tools to use in the moments of conflict. Teaching during conflict has proven to be far less effective. Fourth, children are creative. You could tell them ‘NO’ all day long, and they will still come up with another creative way to do something. Focus 90% of your parenting on teaching and training in the times of peace what you DO want. Role-play what selfishness looks like at the table, in the car, with toys, and then model for them what you DO want from them during those situations. This empowers them with how to succeed. 

AFFIRMATION

The opposite of judgment is not acceptance; it is affirmation. Affirm – af·firm – Verb. 1. state as a fact; assert strongly and publicly. 2. offer (someone) emotional support or encouragement. “There are five common ways parents fail to affirm their children.”

When was the last time you intentionally affirmed those around you in their identity, value, or destiny? It is Kingdom to do so.