HEART SPLINTERS

HEART SPLINTERS

  • Single Parenting

HEART SPLINTERS

Have you ever taken a splinter out of a child’s finger? You surely do not want to do it in public! They yell and scream and act like you are cutting off their finger. But once it is out, they run off and play like nothing happened.

Have you ever tried to remove a heart splinter that has been stuck for years and years from an adult? While they may have a smile on their face, they will protect that wounded site at all costs. Even attempting to touch it will cause pain, as the tiny splinter now has a blanket of inflammation and infection around it. Can you see the difference between how a child deals with the pain versus a grown adult?

Childhood hurts can turn into adult-sized wounds. Childhood lies can turn into adult strongholds. Childhood offenses can turn into adult bitterness.

The goal is to remove the owie before it becomes a life-threatening spiritual wound! This deserves a loud, “AMEN!”

What does a child with a splinter in their heart look like? They act out, scream, yell, disobey, pinch, hit, kick, cause trouble with siblings, have nightmares, cry, are rude, are mean and are disrespectful! This is why it is so vital to raise up parents who can discern what is going on beneath the surface of their child’s outbursts. You are the one who knows what is normal for your child. You are the one who knows when they are acting out from being hungry, tired, or when it appears “out of the blue”. You have known their cry since they were first ushered into your arms. You are the one God entrusted to listen to them. You are their mama/daddy, their advocate, their teacher and helper!

Not all of their ‘bad’ behavior deserves discipline. Sometimes it is their heart screaming in pain and they need compassion and tenderness.

I WILL KNOW WHAT TO DO

Our city was once attacked by a raging wildfire that in the end destroyed over 1,200 homes and killed eight people. I was at a friend’s house when the message came that we were being evacuated. I raced back home to grab our animals and papers and from my back window, I could see the fire tornado coming our way. My knees began to give way as the magnitude of the stress was more than my body could carry. I remember thinking there was no way I could go out because then my four kids would be left alone in the house with the fire coming. I heard in my spirit so loud and clear, “You will always know what to do,” and at that moment my knees strengthened, and I was able to get the children out and to safety.

If Christ lives inside of you, then you will always know what to do.

I found declaring this over me has been a lifeline during many very challenging decisions.

Write out, put it on a sticky note, set a reminder on your phone, but declare with faith that Christ in you will always lead you.

I WILL KNOW WHAT TO DO!

LIES, LIES, LIES

This is going to be one of the simplest, yet most profound tools I give you.

The LIES we believe because of an event is what brings lasting pain and heartbreak, not the event itself.

Rape is a horrible, horrible event that deeply affects a person. But long after the actual event is over, the LIE they believe about the event is what triggers the event over and over and over again as if it is happening to them again and again. In that moment their system is shocked (reasonably so), and the enemy comes and whispers, “You are powerless”, “No one cares”, “You are all alone” and because the events serve as evidence that the lie FEELS true, we grab a hold of them and embrace them. It is the lie that is tormenting us, not the event.

So this very simple, yet profound exercise is to ask, “Jesus, what lies am I believing about my situation?” and allow Him to show you.

When you are ready and if you are willing pray this out loud:

Confess – “Jesus, I confess I have been partnering with the lie that _____. Will You please forgive me?”

Break Agreement – “I break agreement with the lie that _____.”

Declare the Truth – “Jesus, what is Your truth about this situation?”

Just watch and listen to whatever He wants to show you and then take a moment and RECEIVE it.

This exercise should be used anytime your heart is losing peace and you are feeling unsettled. There is one thing the enemy cannot counterfeit and that is PEACE, because peace is His presence, and the enemy isn’t God.

TENDER HEART

I want to talk about compassion – for yourself. Compassion simply means having tenderness towards the areas that cause our hearts concern. Compassion is a balm to our hurting hearts. While it would be fabulous if everyone around us ministered this ingredient to our hearts daily, it doesn’t often work that way. In reality, when we aren’t able to be compassionate to our own heart, it makes it even harder to receive it from others.

When was the last time you sat and intentionally championed your own heart?

Many of us feel traces (or bucket fulls) of shame during the day – shame over our looks, belonging, parenting or relationships. The only antidote to shame is compassion. Shame can’t be rebuked, ignored or fixed. It only leaves when compassion is smeared all over it.

I encourage you to print the following list out or write a few of them on a sticky note and place them on your mirror. Speak them over yourself at LEAST once a day but allow them to be your go-to when your own heart needs tenderness.

It feels silly, I know. But trust me when I say that applying compassion to your own heart is a key to connecting with His heart because we can’t receive (from Him and others) what we don’t give ourselves. This is quite simple, yet deeply profound.

  • I see you trying so hard
  • I am proud of you
  • I am sorry you feel sad
  • I am sorry you feel alone
  • I am sorry you feel scared
  • I can tell you care so much
  • Take all the time you need
  • You are going to be ok
  • I will sit with you until you feel safe
  • I accept you
  • I value you
  • I am sorry you feel trapped
  • I think you’re brave
  • I don’t want to get rid of you
  • I don’t see you as broken
  • I see you
  • I enjoy you

How does this make you feel?

What was it like reading the list?

What kind of parent/person would you be if you were a pro at being tender to your own heart?

MEANING OF A DANDELION

Surely Dandelion is an odd name for a class, I know, but the meaning was too rich. Let’s take a peek at what it means.

The white fuzz is attached to the seed and acts as a parachute. A parachute allows a heavy object to land gently.

The wind catches the seeds and carry it great distances.

Dandelion translates to dent-de-lion in French, and means “the lion’s tooth”. This symbolic meaning of a lion, which deals with courage, pride, family.

The symbolic meaning of a tooth is wisdom.

Interestingly enough the dandelion is also a sun (son) symbol.

A bare dandelion stalk is known as a ‘puff,’ and it symbolizes letting go of the past.

It can also represent resilience and rebirth.

Dandelions have one of the longest flowering seasons of any plant.

Seeds travel a great distance and can be carried as many as 5 miles from their origin.

While it may be considered a useless weed, I find a dandelion to be full of life, resilience, and power. You may find yourself on a path you never dreamed of, but only God can take that and turn into something so beautiful. You and your children may be walking through some barren seasons, but God can carry you further than you imagined and cause amazing things to bloom in the midst of it. Just watch and see what happens when He blows on the seeds planted.

LYING TO YOURSELF

One of my daughters was working through some stuff with her father and made the decision not to connect with him when the opportunity presented itself. It is a hard dance to know how to parent a child with heart splinters, when to push, and when to take your hands off. I asked God for help, and it came to me while worshiping in church. I embraced her and shared with her what He told me. God commands you to honor your father but wants you to know that part of honoring your father is staying true to your heart and not lying about your process. While I cannot encourage her to keep this wall between her and him, she has come a long way from being the girl with a smile on her face and tears in her eyes. She has fought hard to be honest with herself about how she feels, and the fact she was setting a boundary for her heart was a good thing. It is a sign that she is no longer willing to lie to herself for someone else’s profit. God is proud of her for the hard heart work she has done over the years to be fully alive. She sat down with tears streaming down her face. In all honesty, the parts that hurt her the most about her relationship with him are the parts of him that are so shut down and unable to engage. She realized at that moment that God healed her of the very thing in him. Part of honoring our mother and father is becoming the fullest expression of who God made us to be! 

WHAT EVERY MAN NEEDS TO KNOW

For Christmas one year, I gave Hudson a little book called “What Every Man Needs to Know” that listed things like how to build a fire, ask a girl out, how to fart, etc. It was supposed to be a joke, and I thought he would laugh. Instead, he read it cover to cover and earmarked all of the things listed in the book that he didn’t yet know how to do. My heart was gripped by the way he saw the need to be instructed in the areas of becoming a man. I knew I needed to respond, but I didn’t feel comfortable asking a single man to take on that role. I asked Hudson to make a list of the top 20 things he wanted to learn, and I asked God for a solution. I knew I couldn’t just step in and teach him as it was something that needed to come from a man, not his mother. My mind began to flip through the countless incredible men in our lives who I, as a mother, honor, respect, and trust. I began to reach out to each of them and told them the story of the book and Hudson’s list. I asked them if they would be willing to pick one thing on the list and teach and empower Hudson in that area. Oh, let me tell you how these men have risen to the occasion. Hudson has learned how to tie a tie, build a fire, change a tie, drive a car (yes, he took him out and let him drive his car!), cut down trees, burn a massive bonfire, drive a tractor, build things, change the oil in a car, replace wipers, roast hot dogs (without burning them), run a business, make money, throw knives, shoot a gun, sail a boat, go fishing, fix a bike tire, dress like a man (I loved this lesson), one man even gave him a talk about how to treat girls with respect. I am in awe over the rich men in our community who are willing to take time out of their busy lives and families to help a boy become a man.

LOOKING THROUGH GOD’S EYES

“You can’t. You are a single mom.” I will honor those involved by not sharing details, but I have been told this on more than one occasion over the years. The first time was when God called me to go on a mission trip. I had no desire to go, yet He began to speak to me so clearly that I gave Him my ‘yes,’ and within a week, all the funds came in. I was told, “There is no way God would call a single mom to go.” Those words stung! I beg to differ. Jesus always went after the weak, the sick, the broken, the least of these, and those overlooked. It isn’t the ‘less than’ part that qualifies a person. It is what Jesus does IN the weakness. Our weakness simply becomes the ground in which we are aware of our need for Him. No one needs to convince a solo parent (or their children) that God’s best is a family with both a mother and father, but it is incorrect to disqualify someone based on weakness alone. Judge them based on what God does through the weakness. Man may need a perfectly polished resume to qualify you, but God does not.

NOT ALONE

When I first began life as a single mom, I would wake in the middle of the night, totally paralyzed by anxiety. The best way to describe how I felt is to recall the scene from the movie Titanic when they were in the bottom cabin, and water began filling the room. They only had a tiny pocket of air left and were gasping for that last bit of air before they were fully submerged. That is how I felt, except I had four kids holding onto me, and none of them could swim. It was horrifying to consider which one I had to let go of because I couldn’t carry them all. Talk about horrible! One day, I couldn’t take the stress of being stressed any longer and faced my fear head-on. I realized that the verse in Jeremiah about His plans for a future and hope was my life verse (Jeremiah 29:11), but it also applied to the kids. At that moment, I realized I got five doses of that promise because my kids were minors and under my watch. I finally surrendered all of the panic, worry, and anxiety. I declared, “Father, if it is Your best will and plan for us to be homeless, then we will be the cutest homeless family standing on the corner with our signs.” I was quite serious at the time, and all I can say is that you would not believe the financial testimonies God has produced through our family. They are nothing short of miracles. Supernatural living was birthed through striving to rest in His goodness.

ENCOURAGEMENT

While you may be going through a change, it is a lie that you are alone. On this day, God calls you His. Anchor yourself daily in this truth.

Declare this out loud, “I am not alone. God is with me.” Say it again and again and again until the eyes of your heart get it.

Hosea 2:16 (NIV) – “In that day,” declares the LORD, “you will call me ‘my husband’ you will no longer call me ‘my master.'”

Hosea 2:16 (MSG) – “At that time” – this is God’s Message still – “you’ll address me, ‘Dear husband!’ Never again will you address me, ‘My slave-master!’ I’ll wash your mouth out with soap, get rid of all the dirty false-god names, not so much as a whisper of those names again.”

ABBA FATHER

Teaching our children how to communicate with their Father is a lifeline in today’s world, especially for children going through trauma and heartbreak. WHY? Because the enemy loves to whisper lies to them.

“Daddy left because you didn’t clean your room.” “Mommy is mad because you are too much.” “No one loves you.” “Daddy doesn’t love you.” “Something is wrong with you.”

Children who believe these LIES will act them out in behaviors that will be perplexing to you. It is pain coming out sideways, which usually frustrates a parent who only pushes the pain in further by their reaction. There are some owies that only Jesus can reveal.

We want our children to know His truth.

You are loved all the time. You are worthy. You are enough. You are important. You are wanted.

When we usher our children to their Father’s voice and His truth, we are throwing them a life raft.

I have a resource called Conversations with Our Creator that I want to gift to you. Click here to order and use coupon code: Hear4you. In this eBooklet I will equip you how to hear your Father and how to teach your children how to hear Him, too.

This is not a one-time teaching but a lifetime of going after strengthening your child’s spiritual hearing!