A mom shares: “This teaching has definitely been a huge game-changer for me the last couple of years with my oldest especially. It’s also been huge for me with my healing. I endured some hurt in friendships at ages ten and fourteen, where I was abandoned in favor of other friends. I realized that when I saw friends together without me (photos, at church, neighbors hanging out), I felt left out and threatened that there wouldn’t be enough friendship to go around, and they would start liking me less. The Lord walked me through the heart splinter and how it still affected me. He has completely removed that gut-wrenching anxiety, and when I see those similar situations now, I can go to Him so fast and have Him remove that desire to compete for affection. It has made my relationships so much healthier too. I feel so sad that I had to deal with that for so many years, but I am definitely spurred on to help my kids have their heart splinters identified and removed much sooner. There’s a lot that the Lord has done with my parenting of my oldest, too, in this area. Your teaching has allowed me to go from behavior modification to really seeing how his heart is doing. It’s so good!!”
HE STILL PARENTS ME
When a mom has an encounter like this in class, her household is bound to shift. Guess who gets the overflow? Her children!
“So much of this lesson was just geared right for my heart today. My eyes filled with tears as I laughed out loud over and over at the story of calling down joy from heaven over yourselves. Yes! How backward I get this sometimes. Running faster does not get me there more quickly; I only wear myself out. Jesus, take the wheel today. I will go where You take me. I will listen to You. I will walk the path You have set for me. Your ways are greater than mine.”
THIS IS WHAT REVIVAL WILL LOOK LIKE. Children often ACT OUT what they see and hear in the spiritual realm. Well-meaning adults discipline the BEHAVIOR without taking the time to discern the WHY. If more parents understood this, our homes, cities, and countries would be freer.
Testimony from a parent taking our online JOURNEY class.
“I see an improvement with my son already since starting this class. We went to a nearby park, and a random kid came to me and said my son slapped him for no reason. When I asked my son what happened, he said that was true, and the reason was that he wanted to be playful. I couldn’t comprehend, and I knew I couldn’t just discipline him or try to make him think differently. So we went on a walk and asked Holy Spirit what was going on in his heart. He felt Holy Spirit was saying the same thing that he intended to be playful and then later said that he thought that was a good way to start playing with kids – by hurting them and apologizing and then they would be talking to each other. This was the key! My old tool was to have him apologize and sit out for a while and promise to be kind. That wouldn’t have worked. When we stepped away to talk to Holy Spirit, we saw that on the fence of the park were pictures drawn by kids of dragons, monsters, and a scary clown. I felt right away that there was a presence invited onto the playground through the art displayed. I asked my son what he thought about those pictures, and then we asked Holy Spirit what presence was here that needed to go. We took authority over the presence my son felt was on the playground and commanded it to go, and we invited Holy Spirit to come and be in charge of us and the kids. I love how God gives me opportunities to practice what I am learning here!”
Teaching your child to confess their sin robs the enemy of his desire to wrap them in shame. Humility is taught, not to condemn but to FREE us from the sins of our flesh. It looks like this: There is conflict, and you ask, “Sweetie, what did you do wrong?” They tell you their part (confession), and then you help them ask for forgiveness. “Jesus, I hurt my brother. Would You please forgive me?” If they honestly can’t tell you what they did wrong, then YOU haven’t done your part as a parent to teach them what right living (righteousness) looks like in that situation. Teach and empower them in times of peace what right living looks like. Forgiveness isn’t a blank credit card for our sins. It is a GIFT that needs to be acknowledged, honored, and intentionally received. When children mess up, they carry the guilt, which can easily become shameful if not dealt with. Helping them confess brings peace to their heart.
This is perhaps one of the most fascinating things about God and mankind. He knows what parents/leaders need and lack, so He sends children/people who carry it better than they do. Yet often times parents/leaders use their authority to protect that part of them that needs to come into alignment instead of allowing God to yield their heart through that person. They build walls, shut doors and disempower the very person God sent to BLESS them. The nature of conflict does not disqualify a person. Often times the conflict is just revealing something isn’t in alignment, and God wants to parent the area the conflict is revealing. It is what you do with the conflict that is God’s desire and plan for your life. Your areas of greatest conflict with a child/person could very well be the area God sent that person to touch in you so that it can come into alignment. Disempowerment and control kill the process for all parties.
Has your child had increased outbursts of anger? This can be a very challenging thing to parent because of the mess anger can make emotionally and with connection. However, I encourage you to ask Holy Spirit to give you eyes to see what is UNDER the anger. Typically, under anger are the emotions of being sad, scared, or lonely. If you can ask Holy Spirit to show you, you will be able to minister to their real heart instead of just managing their behavior.
P.S. This isn’t just for kids!
Have you been hurt in the church (or elsewhere) and feel like you are on a repeat cycle of forgiving them repeatedly, and you can’t quite seem to be free from it? I keep seeing this pattern and believe this will bring FREEDOM to many of you. When people get hurt in the church because of orphan leadership, the person on the receiving end knows they need to forgive. They walk that out intimately with the Lord but then see the person again, hear of someone else’s pain from them, or are reminded of their experience, and it kicks it back up again for them. They leave determined to forgive… again. For some, this pattern can go on for years. It becomes a tormenting experience of “What is wrong with me?” and “Why can’t I let this go?” When we are hurt, offended, or wronged, we have a responsibility as believers to take it to the Cross and to walk in forgiving the debt they owe us (and turning it over to Jesus’ courtroom to be judged accordingly). Leaders are human, and each person is on their own journey; however, when a leader has a pattern of hurting people, it stems from their own orphanhood and leading from that place. It is no different than a parent parenting from a place of brokenness or woundedness. This is what I want you to hear. If you have actively forgiven them and the issue still seems to rile you up, it may be because it is NOT a heart/soul issue anymore. It is a spiritual issue. You encountered the spirit in which they are operating out of, which caused the original hurt/pain/offense. We need to forgive for the ‘fruit’ of that spirit, but we do not resolve spirit issues with forgiveness; we use our authority over it. You are not a victim to that spirit (or the leader partnering with it). You are a child of God who has been set apart to discern the spirit in operation and destroy the devil’s works, even in the church.
HeartWork – If this describes your cycle of forgiveness and not being fully free, #1. Ask God to show you the spirit that is in operation. #2. Break agreement with that spirit. “Spirit of _____, I see you and no longer partner with you. I command you to go in Jesus’ name. Holy Spirit, I welcome Your power, love, and clear mind.” #3. Ask God to show you what He wants you to do about it.
**While you cannot resolve someone else’s spiritual conflict or partnership with the wrong kingdom, you can bind that spirit from influencing you in their presence.
A mom wrote to share this: “I was having an epic bedtime battle tonight that ended in soaking and peace.”
How did she go from chaos to peace? She applied the tools I share in JOURNEY, our online Kingdom parenting class. If your home reflects more chaos than peace, consider joining our class and learning the tools for yourself.
You can register here: Journey – ONLINE CLASS – Let the Children Fly
My children get along with each other most of the time. Yes/No
Honor and respect are evident in our home. Yes/No
I can hear what God is saying to me. Yes/No
I can discern what is going on with my child when they behave poorly. Yes/No
I am excited about the future and all that it holds for us. Yes/No
I live a life that is full of joy and peace. Yes/No
My family brings me an abundance of joy. Yes/No
I enjoy being a parent. Yes/No
If you answered NO to any of the above, then it is time to join our online adventure of going deeper in your parenting journey.