I was connecting with a mom who said she was having some issues with her son and felt the pressure of figuring it out when the Lord said to her, “You don’t get to be the author of his breakthrough. This one is Mine and will be a part of his story.”
Revival in the land will start in the FAMILY room with Him as the head of our households.
The goal is not to use spiritual tools to ‘fix’ our children. The goal is to lead our children to an encounter with their Father!
Teach and practice in the time of peace so that they can use it in their time of need.
Kingdom training in your home was never supposed to be a once-a-week event. It is about a lifestyle of little drips. When children start asking parents, “Has Lisa sent another lesson yet?” you know we are doing something right. Kids LOVE the connection time as a family and learning about Jesus in a way that promotes connections, not legalism.
My inbox receives, on average, 25 testimonies a day of “Look what God did!” But there is a new level of breakthrough that I am seeing in our families. When a parent who used to partner with control, fear, and anger cries out and says, “Help me, Holy Spirit,” He is so faithful to show up in such an intimate, real and tangible way to help parent our children.
How many of you were parented in a way you do not wish to repeat with your children? If that is you, please hear this!!! When you vow not to parent like your parents, you fix your eyes on them and what they did/didn’t do. We yoke ourselves to whatever our eyes are set upon. Guess what? You will not be able to enter the fullness of what God has for you as a parent because your eyes are on man, not Him. Dad was intimidating – “I will never make my child feel intimidated”, Mom was emotional – “I will never show my child out-of-control emotions”, Dad was absent – “I will never leave my child alone”, Mom was angry – “I will never get angry with my child”, Dad was dominating -“I will never control my child”. While all of these may be true to some extent #1. You are seeing your parents through the eyes of a child. #2. You are replacing their less-than-ideal parenting with another faulty parenting plan. #3. You will rob yourself of parenting skills and tools and may look and feel like your parents, but it isn’t. The heart and motive behind parenting tools make all the difference in the world. You are using your parents’ choices to guide you, which will not lead you where you need to go. We can only parent fully when our eyes and heart are on HIM. We need to break the vow, “I will not parent like my mom/dad did,” and need to release to them their choices so that we are free to make our own.
I encourage you to spend some time today and walk through the following. Forgive your parents for the ways they parented you outside of the way God parents us. Repent of making a vow not to be like them. “Jesus, I confess I have yoked myself to my parent’s choices. I repent of putting my eyes on anyone other than You. Will You please forgive me?” Don’t just ask for forgiveness, but truly receive His reply. Ask Jesus, “Jesus, will You please show me what was going on inside my mom/dad to partner with that parenting style?” Allow Him to reveal to you what He sees in their heart and what is going on for them. The true fruit of forgiveness is the ability to have compassion for one’s ill choices, not because you like or accept them, but because you have a greater understanding. Ask Jesus, “Jesus, will You please show me what lies I have believed regarding my parenting?” Ask, “Father, will You please show me a picture of how I can model my parenting after You and Your heart?” Invite Holy Spirit to be your teacher. “Holy Spirit, I give You permission to show me how to parent after the Father’s heart. Please teach me what it looks like to parent as a Son/Daughter.” Thank Jesus for aligning you so that your children can reap the fruit of healthy parenting that reflects His heart.
Do you long to be the parent you dreamed of when you were younger? Do you desire a deeper connection with your children? Is peace in your home something you crave? I declare it is possible as I have seen it in the lives of parents across the globe!
I grew up having ‘family meetings,’ which meant we had to gather and listen to a very long lecture about something. I walked away feeling like I wanted to run away. They were not empowering or life-giving. When I began to have my own family, I, too, wanted to have family meetings but to create a time everyone had a voice, was able to share without fear, and could contribute to the process. I wanted my children to walk away feeling closer, connected, and empowered. We have done just that over the years. When I call out “family meeting,” they stop what they are doing and join me in the family room. They come expectant to be included and heard. We have intentionally gone on family meeting dates where we talk through a particular topic or issue.
Family means all people. Everyone gets a voice, each carrying something vital. Children have a perspective that is needed.
Hudson was asked to empty the trash in the bathroom and left the trash can in the middle of the room. I went to him and said, “Hudson, you are a man of great honor. Could you please go back in the bathroom and see how you could be more honoring?” Instantly, he saw the trash can and completed his task. When a mom acts like a child’s mind, she goes crazy, and the child gets lazy! We can use nearly all corrective situations to empower them (and stay sane!). It is interesting how much of our natural parental correction focuses on what they didn’t do or makes them feel like a failure, but when we learn to flip it to empower them, everyone wins.
As I have learned to partner with the Holy Spirit in my parenting, I have become more solution-focused and less problem-focused. I have empowered my children to discover the answers for themselves rather than me thinking for them and telling them what to do and constantly feeling frustrated by their behavior.
