GROOMING

GROOMING

  • Sexual Safety

GROOMING

This is from my friend.

“Please be aware: My kids told me about an app to search for good deals on toys. Today, I thought I would check it out and see what else there was. I pressed the ‘browse’ button and was appalled at the porn items that appeared. I told my kids I was deleting the app and asked them if they knew why. My eight and eleven-year-old both said yes. I asked them if they ever saw inappropriate stuff on it, and they said yes, that when searching for something else, the sex toys appeared, so they quickly closed out of it. Ugh!!! I don’t even know how they came up. So tired of porn everywhere!”

BINDING SEXUAL SPIRITS

Do you send your children to public school? If so, do you know your authority? Are you using it in the spiritual realm? Let me explain. For every school that has adopted the sex-ed curriculum that many of us oppose, that spirit has a LEGAL RIGHT to speak to your children. Why? Because those in authority have granted it permission on campus, and by sending your child there, you are, in essence, partnering with it. HOWEVER, you can take authority over it and exercise your God-given parental right over that spirit in regard to your child. This is a verb that must be exercised. Sexual issues are won in the spiritual realm long before they become issues in the natural, and the greatest way to protect your children in this area is to know your authority. This isn’t just a public school issue. It applies to sending your children anywhere in the world where those in authority have granted permission for this sexual spirit to influence. 

PARENTS, HEAR THIS!

I recently shared about a movie sexualizing children. I could not shake this feeling that came over me. It was slimy. I felt nervous and like I was in big trouble, but it wasn’t me. It was the spirit I was encountering. We do not fight actors, Netflix, predators, etc. We fight the SPIRIT behind it (Ephesians 6:12).

It was heavy and oppressive (oppression can feel like depression but is rooted in the spiritual realm). I kept praying against it and wondered why I was coming under it so much. I stood my ground all day, but it didn’t seem to break off me. I could discern that I was feeling scared, nervous, like I was in BIG trouble, that I was outnumbered, powerless, and defeated. I KNOW this isn’t the truth, but this is what I was encountering all day. I asked the Lord if I was taking on too much and feeling what children feel when being abused. Sometimes we can embrace something more than God has called us to and begin to pick up someone else’s hurt, offense, trauma, etc. I know this from my training in inner healing, but I couldn’t shake this. FINALLY, around dinner time, I heard God say, “Lisa, this is not how the victim feels. This is the spirit behind the predator and how they feel right now.” OH MY GOODNESS!! They are terrified of being exposed; this is the hour God is removing the covers of sin. This is not the season to make America great again. This is the season God is using to make America AWAKE AGAIN! So many people are beginning to see what God has seen all along, and there is only ONE way to fight the spirit behind what we see – in prayer with heaven’s tools, which includes OUR AUTHORITY OVER IT!

Not on my watch. NO to hell with the misuse of children. The feeling of being scared, nervous, like I was in BIG trouble, that I was outnumbered, powerless, and defeated is the truth about the enemy and how the people who have partnered with him are feeling. This belief is WRONG: We are losing the battle. Evil is winning. This is the TRUTH: God already won. The devil hates Light. God heals what He reveals. God has been, is, and always will be in control. God knows how to clean His house. People are scared because they are being exposed. Sin never wins. The enemy knows no peace (neither do those who partner with him). The church is opening its eyes. The church is opening her mouth. We have the power to destroy the works of the devil. Jesus has all authority. People are nervous, and it isn’t me!

PURITY RINGS

I love the concept of purity rings, where parents purchase a ring and give it to their daughter over a meaningful weekend, inviting her to guard her purity. I think all parents should take their child’s sexual purity seriously. However, I began to see over the years that the purity ring concept was actually setting the child up for greater failure. When a teen fails to resist temptation, they build a wall with their parents because it isn’t just about their choice but about profoundly disappointing their parents, who had created such high expectations. Purity shouldn’t be a pass/fail but rather a lifestyle of good choices. I think it is wise to keep the bar high (really high) when it comes to teaching, equipping, and empowering our children with their sexual health; however, we live in a culture that is so flamboyantly sexualized. When we teach purity, we also need to be taught HOW to take our mistakes, failure, and sin and bring it to God. Fear, shame, and pride keep us in our sin, while confession, humility, and honesty bring restoration. Moral failure is a top reason why teens fall away from God. They feel like they have committed a fatal sin and are now separated from God. While it is true sexual immorality does have profound ramifications that affect our mind, body, and spirit, it is only God who can heal and restore what was lost. We aren’t expecting our teens to crash the car once they get their license, but it is wise to give them instructions on what to do in case of an accident so that they are empowered should they find themselves in that mess.

I once asked a girl in her young 20s what contributed to her choice to remain pure despite continuous pressure. She told me how her parents laid the foundation by teaching her the power of sex, attraction, and moral health and then presented it in a way that empowered her that her daily choices were guarding herself FOR something and not just AGAINST something. One is empowering, and the other one is merely obeying a command through resistance. Ex. For the person dieting, they will be much more successful if they make a choice not to eat the cake BECAUSE they have their eyes fixed on a higher goal of denying themselves now SO THAT they can fit into their jeans down the road. The JOY of the future is what helped them to say NO to the cake today. They wanted their jeans more than the cake. Another person diets simply by denying themselves in a self-condemning, shameful way of managing resistance, which only stirs up the desire for cake even more. It is rooted in willpower, “I can’t,” and rules. This isn’t a recipe for success, longevity, or real transformation. I was inspired to keep the concept of the purity ring for my girls but to do it FOR their future husbands. I took them out, and we talked about purity (not sex ed, but the purity of their mind, body, dress, heart, emotions, and relationships), and then we each picked out a tie for their future husbands. They are placed where they can see them daily and are reminded that he is a living human being on earth today. They pray for him, think about him, and some are even keeping a journal about him (wondering, dreaming, and praying for him). This establishes that they are guarding their purity FOR HIM. My daughter came home one day, expressing an interest in a boy at school. I asked, “Is that the boy you have been praying for?” and instantly, she realized, “NO!”

TEACHING THE WORD “NO!”

Over the years, I have gone after making sure the kids know the following safety boundaries: 

How to say NO firmly – We would role-play a lot. Instead of role-playing traumatic situations, I told them I wanted them to walk to the other side of the room, and they each moved across the room. I had them race back and forth until joy broke out. I then grabbed a child’s arm playfully but firmly and moved them back and forth at a fast pace. I then stopped, and we sat and talked about how we manage our bodies and are in control. I asked the child whose arm I took how it felt to have someone else dictate their steps. They didn’t like it. I agreed with them and told them NO ONE has a right to control your body other than you. We then played again, but this time I had them look me in the eyes and say NO.  Three of the kids mastered it, while my soft, gentle daughter struggled to say it firmly because she felt mean. It took time for her to learn she is empowered to say NO!

CHILDREN & PORN

90% of 8-16-year-olds have viewed porn. 80% of 15-17-year-olds have been exposed to hardcore pornography (bestiality, group sex, same-sex intercourse, child porn, sexual bondage). The largest consumer of internet pornography are 12-17-year-olds. In addition, 47% of children receive pornographic spam every day. For 91% of youth, first-time exposure was not sought out. Instead, it was accessed during activities such as researching a school project or surfing the web. Porn sites intentionally create website names that are one character off of sites children visit. Many young girls say they are viewing porn to know how to satisfy a guy. The average age of exposure to internet porn is nine years old.

SEXUAL SAFETY

One of the most vulnerable households for child sexual assault is the house that is run by ‘because I said so,’ and a legalistic one because they operate out of a list of rules and total parental authority and often fail to listen to the child. Children cannot hold in such a horrendous lie and/or the worry that abuse causes. They might not come right out and say that XYZ happened, but they will let it leak out, and we need ears to LISTEN TO THEM!

Here is a sad but true example: A little 4th grader came home from his youth group in a foul mood. The mom repeatedly disciplined him for his attitude, but he would not shake it. Finally, she asked him how youth group went, and he said, “I hated it.” She replied that he must go anyway because it was expected of him. He yelled out that his teacher was gay, and the mother swooshed him to his bedroom for talking inappropriately about someone. Had the mother listened to the child, she would have seen that he used to love youth group, and the sudden change warranted investigation. When a young child talks about an adult being gay, it should warrant you to find out why the child thinks that way, how he knows that of the youth leader, etc. If she had only asked and inquired deeper, she would have learned that her son was molested that night, only to come home and be disciplined for not wanting to return. I call it ‘pulling on the rope.’ When a child makes a harsh comment, pull on the rope by asking WHY questions. Not all ill words are a character issue; sometimes, they are flags waving to get our attention.

HONORING (FUTURE) HUSBAND

My daughter made a mistake by getting lured into an app that began to get pretty unhealthy. When it was exposed, it was revealed that the girls on the app were not talking to other girls but grown men with ill intent. It was gross and so deceptive and shook her up pretty deep. We worked through that, but a week later, we were sitting at church, and I felt led to ask her if she wanted to go for prayer afterward. She did. It was a powerful time, but I could tell she was still holding onto something. I pulled her aside and asked her what was still agitating her heart, and she broke down in tears. A while back, I took each of the girls out to buy a tie for their future husbands. Their sexual purity isn’t just about them. It is about honoring their future husbands. The tie serves as a reminder to pray for him. They are not saying NO to something. They are saying YES to someone. Through her tears, she said, “Mom, I know I did not do anything wrong (app) and that it was not my fault, but I feel like I dishonored my husband.” Her heart was pierced that her choices affected him (long before they had ever met). I told her what she was experiencing was called conviction, and that is a good thing.

CAUGHT WITH YOUR HANDS IN THE COOKIE JAR

Caught with your hands in the cookie jar. This phrase means being unable to resist forbidden temptations. You are told not to take any more cookies from the jar, but you can’t resist and help yourself. Crawl into this story with me. Let’s say your brother was caught stealing, and your parents were dealing with it. Their response was firm and strong because this wasn’t his first time stealing. A first-time offense is always handled differently than someone who is a repeat offender. It is hard to witness someone being dealt with for their sin. When this happens in your house, you do not want to be found holding onto your sin of stealing. Imagine what it would feel like to hear your parents discipline your brother, knowing you were guilty of the same thing. The parent’s heart is not to PUNISH their son, but to help correct him as his sin will not go well with him, lead to a fruitful life or attract favor and blessings. No discipline seems pleasant at the time but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. Hebrews 12:11. 

GOD IS EXPOSING SEXUAL SIN. Not only is He exposing it, but He is also moving powerfully, and no one can hide behind their bank account, fame, popularity, or power. When God deals with sin, we want to make sure we are not caught with our hands in the cookie jar. There are many in the body of Christ struggling with sexual sin. This is for men, women, and children. I firmly believe these issues are rooted in a greater unmet need or unresolved heart splinter, and just like the woman caught in adultery, Jesus cares deeply about the root (the why), not just the behavior. However, this is a wake-up call for those in the body – do not be caught with your hand in the cookie jar of sexual sin. God is bringing into the light what has been kept in the dark about sexual sin. We see this on a global, corporate, and high-end level. While many of us are shocked at the stories coming out, God knew about them all along. Nothing has been hidden from Him. He is allowing the covers to be pulled back and for the nakedness of sin to be revealed. Not because He is an angry Father on the warpath to punish, but because sin will not profit you, allow you to become the full expression of who you were meant to be, and enjoy the relationships around you the way He designed. Sin steals, kills, and destroys; that is not His heart for you. When God decides it is time to respond to a certain sin, we do not want to be found on the side of unrighteousness. 

If this is you, I encourage you to repent and get the help you need to overcome this sin that entangles many believers. If you have participated in or are engaging in any of the following: **emotional affair, **pornography, **adultery, **R-rated movies that are explicit, **allowing children to view sexual scenes in movies, **fantasizing, **sex outside of marriage, **unbroken soul ties from previous sexual sin, **repeat images on your mind from sexual sin, it is time to make this right and confess this to the Lord. You do not need to be beaten down by this sin anymore. Christ gave His life with you in mind, and there is nothing that isn’t covered by His blood. 

Confess – tell Him what you did wrong. 

Repent – turn from it and move in the opposite direction. 

Restore – ask Him to restore what was lost, stolen, or broken because of sin. 

For adults, we want to make sure we SHUT THE DOOR to sexual sin, but for children, we want to teach them how NOT TO OPEN THE DOOR in the first place. We do this by: teaching them about their body – including proper names, revealing the truth about God-designed sex and relationships (in layers and stages based on age appropriateness), not allowing R-rated movies to ‘educate’ them, putting boundaries around their sexuality (no man, woman, or child is allowed to look, touch, or take pictures – nor are they to look, touch, or take pictures of others), empowering them with the word NO when it comes to sexual safety, teaching them that secrets are not acceptable (surprises are, secrets are not), having connection be a core value of your home. 

The power of pornography is removed in intentional healthy relationships and is often a root of a vacancy in relationships. For those entangled, I want you to know there IS freedom and hope. I have seen men get free from addiction. I have seen God reveal demonic sexual spirits behind the addiction stemming from sexual abuse in the family. I have seen women get free from the inability to engage in sexual relations with their husbands stemming from sexual legalism. I have seen secrets kept from entire generations come into the light. I have seen affairs end. I have seen countless people living twisted sexual lifestyles become sons and daughters. I have seen people in such sexual bondage they thought suicide was their only ticket to freedom become unchained. I have seen it all and give testimony that whatever you are battling, there is freedom waiting for YOU! It is time to clean the house of sexual sin. 

BODYGUARD

Over the years, I have gone after making sure the kids know the following safety boundaries:

Going after empowering my children to ask Jesus questions and how to discern His reply has been KEY and not only protected them in situations but prevented things ahead of time.